Alanna 00:00:00  People don’t like to talk about death. They actually do a lot of the time, if they are approached about it in the right way and people will tell you kind of their deepest feelings, their deepest loss, their most recent interaction with death, a funeral, someone they know died, and people really appreciate the willingness to have that conversation in a way that’s not shame based or uncomfortable. That frankly, just comes down to listening. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:00:31  Hey there, fellow rebels, welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defying what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way. Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self.

Katy Ripp 00:01:10  Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place. We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go. Okay. Welcome, Alanna from Good Mourning.

Alanna 00:01:33  Thank you.

Katy Ripp 00:01:34  I’m so happy to have you here.

Alanna 00:01:35  Happy to be here.

Katy Ripp 00:01:37  I am fascinated with death. Great. I lost my father in law early on. He was only 59 when he died. And it was super unexpected. But I’ve also been to, I don’t know, maybe 50 Catholic funerals. Wow. Right. Like just a lot of people in my life have died. I mean, we all die.

Alanna 00:01:57  That’s true. Yes, I can confirm we all will die.

Katy Ripp 00:02:02  Yes, yes. But I think that it’s just one of those topics that people don’t really love to talk about. It’s scary and I don’t know what the like, just uncomfortable for people to talk about, even, like around money and inheritance and what we’re doing after we’re gone.

Katy Ripp 00:02:18  But mostly like, I had to, like, pull teeth to get my parents to tell me what they wanted to do as, like a celebration of life, like, you know, of course, we’re Catholic, non-practicing, all of us. But, like, the idea is, is that we would always have, like, a traditional Catholic funeral. My father in law had, like, the most traditional Catholic funeral, right. Like we had a wake that we stood in line, you know, like people stood in line for, for hours. You know, we had a visitation before the actual funeral. Then we had the funeral, then we went to the burial site. Then we had a full on church basement lunch. But things in my lifetime even have shifted. So much and from the pandemic, like a totally different industry altogether, it feels like I have always sort of wanted to own a funeral home. What? Fascinated by it? Not only funeral home, but you. Actually.

Alanna 00:03:10  We’re in the mix. We’re in the mix.

Katy Ripp 00:03:12  You’re in the biz, right? Yeah. Okay, so because I’m fascinated by this, I wanted to have you on, and I’ve been following you for a long time. Since you. Well, since shortly after you started, which I would love to just hear. What? Good Mourning is how you got it started, why you started it. I’m fascinated by the business of it, but also like, how are you having conversations around death? Who’s reaching out to you? Give it to me.

Alanna 00:03:38  Yeah. So the shortest version of how we got started. Because there is no one moment in time where the stars aligned and there was lightning from the sky. And all of a sudden we had a business. But myself and my two other co-founders, Helen and Lydia, all worked together, became fast friends. This was kind of at the tail end of the pandemic, the height of it at least, and we were just talking, as friends do, started talking about our experience with death, with funerals, kind of how that experience was a little bit different during the pandemic, when people couldn’t gather or chose not to in a lot of places, and then talked about how we thought maybe we could do it better and we could help people do it better.

Alanna 00:04:22  And, you know, after that took a deep dive, as one does into the internet, try to figure out who else is doing this, you know, where is the industry now? What are the things that are changing? You know, where do we feel like we could fit, you know, are there people doing this in our area which, you know, there weren’t at the time. And so we really just thought we could take our event skills, our compassion or empathy and help people plan individual, unique, custom, personal celebrations of life memorials, living wakes. You know, anything in that space. So, you know, we’re really pride ourselves in not coming to people with a you should do this or this is what’s done. It’s really what do you want? How can we help you create this event, this gathering, the ceremony, whatever it might be, to match really what you think it should be and you feel like it’s right for yourself or for your family member. And that can mean a lot of different things.

Katy Ripp 00:05:24  Yeah. You said living wake. Yeah, I need to know about that. But also, are you one of the questions that comes to my head immediately is, are you working with people after the death of a loved one or before, like pre-planning? I’m assuming both. Yeah, both. Like if I want to plan my own celebration of life, can I do that with you? Get that planned up and go forward. And then I guess in the funeral, the funeral industry, I mean, is that what the death care.

Alanna 00:05:54  End of life.

Katy Ripp 00:05:55  Care.

Alanna 00:05:56  Okay, there’s some new lingo floating around.

Katy Ripp 00:05:59  But before, was it called funeral? Yeah, biz. So that industry is like an immediate, urgent industry, right? Like somebody dies and then the funeral home is like the next call, right? What does that process look like for you guys? Yeah.

Alanna 00:06:16  I mean, the beauty of our style of events and of gathering is it doesn’t have to be right away. And, you know, part of what I always want to make clear, as people have been doing this for a long time, we’re not the ones to think of any of these things.

Alanna 00:06:31  Right? People have just been shoe stringing it. Right. Or oh, I have a friend who, you know, does this type of thing, they can help out or oh, my tech savvy, you know, niece or nephew is going to help with this piece of it. And, you know, you just find your family and you figure it out, right? So none of this is necessarily new, but we’re hoping to kind of empower people to say, hey, you can do this whenever. However, wherever you want. so it doesn’t have to be within, you know, two weeks it can be on, you know, the one year anniversary of someone’s death. It could be on their favorite holiday, it could be on their birthday, it could be any of those things, and it could be anywhere. So the way that you think about a wedding or a birthday party, you know, it’s basically the same level of attention and of personal choice that we want people to have in these end of life events.

Alanna 00:07:22  So that could be somewhere really meaningful to you, you know, somewhere that you volunteered your loved one really love to go a special place. And we’re there to provide that support, to help make it happen in a way that doesn’t make it challenging, because everyone is not an event planner, right? That’s fine to ask for help for this.

Katy Ripp 00:07:40  Yeah, it’s okay to not have this as a second job or a side hustle, right?

Alanna 00:07:45  It’s totally normal and understandable that you would want someone to check the catering order to make sure the tents big enough to go through the timeline to coordinate with the vendors, you know, do all of that stuff because you don’t have to do it by yourself. Yeah. And I think, you know, the more we just open up this conversation about it, the more people get comfortable talking about it. And people, you know, probably have preferences, whether they’ve put them in writing, whether they’ve told anyone who’s to say, right, you know, once you start talking people.

Alanna 00:08:14  Well, no, actually, I don’t want, you know, this big party or, you know, I’d feel more comfortable if people did X and Y. And I think just letting people have those conversations in a way that’s open and not starting from a place of, well, here are the seven things you do. What song do you want? You know, like.

Katy Ripp 00:08:32  What flowers do you want.

Alanna 00:08:35  For hymns or your favorite? And there’s a place for all of that to there’s a place for tradition. We’re not necessarily a either or. We’re an and that’s how we talk about it. So yeah, I just think the more we talk about it, better off we all are. Because as we’ve established, everyone is going to die.

Katy Ripp 00:08:52  Yes. Can you give me an example of, like, something that you’ve done that would have been like necessarily either out of the box or somebody that, like, actually had the conversation that maybe wasn’t interested in having the conversation before they met you.

Alanna 00:09:08  Yeah.

Alanna 00:09:09  I think the best example we have is an event that we’re actually working on that’s coming up in a few days, which is a living wake. So here you go. Yes.

Katy Ripp 00:09:17  Tell me about this. I’ve never heard of this and I’m fascinated.

Alanna 00:09:21  Yeah. So it’s you know, I want to call it a trend because that feels trivial, but it’s something that a lot of people are looking into doing and figuring out how to do. And that’s generally people who know that they have a shortened amount of time before they are going to die, whether that’s, you know, a life limiting illness, terminal diagnosis, you know, someone just up there in age and they kind of know, you know, you don’t have an unlimited amount of time. None of us do but have a sense that they’re going to die. And then in the nearest future and want to do something that brings their family, friends, everyone together while they’re still here. And people say that all the time. Just as an aside, when you’re at a funeral, well, you know, when’s the last time we all got together? Oh, I wish they were here, you know, to hear all of these lovely things.

Alanna 00:10:06  Oh, I wish I could have told them. Blah. So it’s really acting on that instinct to do that while someone’s still here and this particular person has ALS. So that’s really unfortunately one of those diseases that you do kind of know what’s coming. You know, you might not know the exact timeline, but you know that it gets progressively more difficult to participate in activities to do these types of things. And the family hired us because, you know, they had talked about wanting to do something and thought, oh my God, that’s, you know, exactly what we want to do, but we don’t have the time. And this is the truly the perfect scenario for us to be able to be helpful in that space is someone who is caretaking for a spouse who has children, who has all of these other things going on? How are they going to find the time to plan something? Right. And they would have figured it out. But yeah, not with the amount of attention to detail and the help and the thoroughness that we can provide.

Alanna 00:11:04  And so what we’re working on now and I smile as I say it is a royal roast. So he just like is the life of the party hysterical person just so funny and wants everyone to get up and tell, like their best jokes about him, their funniest stories like antics, the whole nine yards. So we’re going to have that. We’re going to have a friend of theirs doing the mic work. And you know, we have little takeaway Christmas ornaments with his photo and they’re in little casket gift boxes. Oh my god. Like it’s it’s really like the best of all of what we do which is he’s going to die either way. His family is going to have this horrible time. Either way, we can help and we can give some light to it, and we can be the fun people that he looks forward to, something that it’s not, you know, just drudgery to the end. It’s something fun and exciting that he can look forward to, that we can be helpful to make it all smooth and get people together.

Alanna 00:12:08  And it’s just I joke with Helen and Lydia all the time of like, every time I look at the photos, I start to cry. And that’s I mean, that’s just how we are, right? It doesn’t desensitize you. Like the more you talk about it. It doesn’t take away any of that emotion. It doesn’t make you any less sensitive to it, but you’re able to at least process it in the way of I’m part of the helpers, right? I’m part of the people making it easier, making it more fun, making it better. Yeah, because it’s going to happen. It’s going to happen.

Katy Ripp 00:12:36  Like totally have tears in my eyes. I’m thinking about that particular celebration of what I mean, I don’t like I’m really emotional right now. Like I just what an amazing service to provide but also like for him and I’m assuming that nobody will miss it. It won’t be like an RSVP to a wedding like, oh, I don’t want to go because it’s this or whatever. Like, we all want to be there for the end.

Katy Ripp 00:13:01  And I, I’ve had conversations with people around like going to funerals. Right. Like nobody really knows if you I mean, the people that are there now know, you know, that’s who it’s for. Not necessarily the person that’s passed. Right. But like you say, all these wonderful, amazing things and have all of these memories and they’re not there to enjoy them. So what a service that you’re providing. Yeah. I had never heard of a living week. Is that like a you said I mean I don’t I also don’t want to trivialize it by saying it’s a trend, but I’m guessing that’s like a newer yeah thing.

Alanna 00:13:37  It’s something we’re just hearing more and more about people wanting to do it, especially people with a terminal or life limiting diagnosis. And it’s just really I think a lot of factors. I think, you know, I don’t know if people would necessarily process it this way, but I do. But things that Covid taught us about death and dying and the want to gather to be with people, to be physically present with people when you can, to connect in that way.

Alanna 00:14:05  I think was one thing that certainly people didn’t realize had that much impact until it was gone. And I think there’s still reflections of that and echoes of that in so many ways. You know that collectively we have a lot of stuff to get through still, even though people don’t like, can you believe it’s going.

Katy Ripp 00:14:25  To be five.

Alanna 00:14:26  Years? Oh, it’s just wild.

Katy Ripp 00:14:28  I just can’t believe five years has gone as fast as it did. Yeah, even though that year felt like the slowest year on Earth. Right?

Alanna 00:14:35  Right. Yeah. We’re still, I think, collectively processing and feeling a lot of those things. And I think some of this might be a reaction to that. I think younger people also really prize, you know, having those experiences. It’s very experiential generation, you know, as people get younger and I think people are starting to fall away from kind of tradition for tradition sake. Yeah, yeah. So that’s not to say that it’s not still there.

Katy Ripp 00:15:00  I can do it however I want.

Katy Ripp 00:15:01  I’m going to do it this way, and this is the way we’re going to do it.

Alanna 00:15:05  I think people just understanding, you know, like I said, there’s a place for tradition, for some people that feels comfortable and that feels like exactly the right thing. And that’s wonderful. And for some people, they’ve kind of lost that connection to it, and they want something different and they want to have and we can change our mind.

Katy Ripp 00:15:21  Right? Right. Like just because at 35 years old, you thought it was going to be one way. At 60, it might be totally different for you. Yeah. I mean, my parents are a perfect example. Like, I don’t think that they have plots. I hope they do. You can check into it. Yeah. I hope we’ll make.

Alanna 00:15:37  You a to do list.

Katy Ripp 00:15:37  Maybe I should know that if they do, I don’t think they do. But, you know, probably 25 years ago when they were married. That was going to be the thing.

Katy Ripp 00:15:46  They were going to have a traditional Catholic, you know, ceremony. And then we’ve talked about it and it’s not what they want now. So things can change and it’s okay to be that way. And again, there’s a place for tradition too. And if that is your thing and you still want to do all of the things that, you know, traditional religious ceremony does great. Just like I mean, my big platform right now is just like, know what you want to do and just do it right, because like, nobody else is going to do it for you. Yeah. So if this is something you want, then do it.

Alanna 00:16:22  Yeah. And we talk about I feel like I should trademark this phrase social permission. Yeah. we’re here to help give you that permission that says, oh, I kind of had this thought. And, you know, I wasn’t sure, you know, is that something people do? Yes. People do. It will help you do it. And you can do that.

Alanna 00:16:39  Yeah. And that’s fine. Yeah. And that’s okay.

Katy Ripp 00:16:41  Even if people have never done it, that also means it’s fine. Yeah, you do it right. Like the first person that did a living wake was probably like, what are you doing? Right? But now it’s going to catch on and it’s going to be amazing.

Alanna 00:16:54  Yep. Yeah. And I think it’s just it is the kind of the privilege of being an outside party. Right? Sometimes people don’t feel comfortable saying certain things to a family member. There’s all sorts of relationships and background and messiness. You know, some people have that urge to protect their loved one. Well, I don’t want to burden them with talking about my death, and that feels scary in this way. But they might say it to someone that they haven’t met before who’s asking them the right questions. And that’s a great place for us to be, which is, you know, we’re not we just want you to get what you want. Like we’re here to help that happen.

Alanna 00:17:29  We’re not worried about, you know, the internal politics of family, friends, you know, all that messy, lovely stuff.

Katy Ripp 00:17:36  We all know we all have that.

Alanna 00:17:38  So everyone has it. So we’re just here to kind of be that, you know, open book and open ears and be helpful.

Katy Ripp 00:17:46  Yeah. Tell me about your tell me about the business part of it. So there’s three of you, which is always, like I said, I work alone better than I work alone. So I love that there’s three of you. And I’m assuming you all have different skill sets that come together to make this beautiful. Good Mourning. Tell me about, like, how this came to be and how’s it going and anything you’ve learned and the business side.

Alanna 00:18:09  Yeah, it’s funny, I get that question semi-regularly because three is is a large number to be running a small business. But yeah, it really starts from a place of trust. We worked together at previous work for all of us, but became friends through that and realized that we could disagree.

Alanna 00:18:29  We could have different opinions, but always come back to the place of trusting that we, even if it’s not the same viewpoint, it’s for a reason. And, you know, just being very open to that because we certainly don’t agree on everything. Yeah, because we’re human.

Katy Ripp 00:18:45  Beings and we shouldn’t.

Alanna 00:18:46  Right, right. So and we have just very different skill sets. That certainly helps a lot. You know, we’re not always clamoring after the same things. Certainly I am the one willing to go on a podcast and excited to.

Katy Ripp 00:19:00  Appreciate.

Alanna 00:19:00  Which is great.

Katy Ripp 00:19:01  I would love to have Lydia going on to.

Alanna 00:19:03  And they would. One of them would not love to do that, but.

Katy Ripp 00:19:08  It works.

Alanna 00:19:09  Because of that, right? We have different skill sets, different, you know, different work. And I think, you know, a lot of it is just figuring it out as we go. We’ve been very intentional about kind of how we’ve launched. You know, we did tons of conversations and research and meetings and things before we even started to think about maybe actually forming a business.

Alanna 00:19:32  And we don’t take it lightly. You know, we take it very seriously and we just keep those lines of communication open Constantly in text, in slack and email. You know, we’re just always, always, always talking. And I think that just makes all the difference in the world of, you know, the more you can communicate, you get the good bad, the ugly out. You don’t let things faster. And you know, that’s how we make it work. And we all just are really in it for the right reasons. Which sounds very cheesy, but not.

Katy Ripp 00:20:00  To this girl, I love.

Alanna 00:20:01  It. Yeah, we just want to do good things. Yeah, together. And you know, it just helps to have that clarity of vision of there’s no question of, you know, someone’s in it just because they’re want to be along for the ride. We all take great pride in our work. We all want things to go very well in every scenario. We always overprepare. We always do things 110%.

Alanna 00:20:28  And I mean, it’s how we just keep like.

Katy Ripp 00:20:31  Observing value based heart lead business.

Alanna 00:20:35  Which.

Katy Ripp 00:20:36  Of all the businesses in all the world, those are the ones I want to make it right. Like I want you to thrive and I want it to be like the best. As far as like business goes, the trajectory of people has it, like, just snowballed into, like, I’m assuming you’re referral based, right? I mean, of course we have marketing and advertising and all of those things, but I’m guessing that this is going to be word of mouth forever. Yep.

Alanna 00:20:59  For sure. Yeah. Referral based certainly kind of. Our main business is the event planning side. But we’re also working really hard to connect people in this space, in this industry, in death care, in the end of life ecosystem, whatever phrase you want to call it. We recently held a networking event just for people in that space. So getting people together, hospice workers, death doulas. I know I was going to say, I always say that and I pause.

Alanna 00:21:27  I wait for the reaction.

Katy Ripp 00:21:28  No, I will.

Alanna 00:21:29  Come back. I actually.

Katy Ripp 00:21:30  Heard that. I mean, I certainly know what a birth doula is, and I had one. I need a doula conversation.

Alanna 00:21:37  There’s all sorts of like, fascinating stuff going on in this space. And for the most part, people are super open and welcoming. And, you know, we talked to a state planners and attorneys and financial advisors because, you know, if you are someone if you’re any, you know, they say any adult should have an advanced care plan, should have a will, should make their wishes known. And that requires more than one person. Usually, you know, an attorney or someone who could advise you legally. A lot of times there’s a financial planning aspect because you’re thinking about do you have the funds for what you want your end of life to be? And then, you know, there’s hospice care, which, you know, is probably the way that most people kind of can tangibly understand the connection there.

Alanna 00:22:22  And then there’s death doulas and other providers. And so really bringing that community together so that we all know each other. Yeah. And when you’re talking with someone who’s looking for XYZ service, we oh, I know someone who works in that area. You know, I can refer you out. So I think also just starting that conversation in the community of who all is out there. How are these people connecting? Can we help connect people again, as the gatherers? We’re just excited to see where that leads to, because it feels like a gap in this space. And some other states have, you know, formal entities, collectives, nonprofits that help kind of connect everyone. But we’re hoping to make that happen here in a way that benefits the people who need the care in whatever way they need the care.

Katy Ripp 00:23:08  We all need the care, right? Like eventually we’re all going to need the care, right?

Alanna 00:23:13  It’s the kind of thing. And you say people don’t like to talk about death. They actually do a lot of the time if they’re approached about it in the right way.

Alanna 00:23:21  Yeah. And I mean, it has been so interesting and so wonderful and meaningful to talk about. Good Mourning. Just to whoever, because people will tell you kind of their deepest feelings, their deepest loss, their most recent interaction with death, a funeral, someone they know died, and people really appreciate the willingness to have that conversation in a way that’s not, you know, shame based or uncomfortable. That’s I mean, frankly, just comes down to listening. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:23:54  In my coaching career so far, I have discovered that people just like, we just need space. We need safe, brave space to be able to share our deepest, darkest fears without judgment. One of the things you said before was, you know, collecting all of these, sort of or curating all of these basically like heart led business owners that will help with estate planning, that will help with financial planning, that will help with, you know, death care and after life care and, you know, leaving things, you know, leaving a legacy and that sort of thing.

Katy Ripp 00:24:32  I’m fascinated by that. Outside of the podcast. However, I can help with that. I want to be involved. Like of course, tell me how to do that. I love that so much. Well, first of all, how do you come up with Good Mourning? I love it, I’m fat.

Alanna 00:24:44  Thank you.

Katy Ripp 00:24:44  I mean, it’s so good.

Alanna 00:24:45  It was definitely, I think from what I recall, we’ve been playing with a bunch of different names, trying to get the right tone. It’s tricky. It’s tricky for any business. But in the death space, you know, throwing parties, kind of a confusing brand identity. So I think it was just kind of through those iterations. And I was in my basement playing with my son, and I just, I remember sitting up and going, oh, we’ve got it, we’ve got it, I’ve got it, let’s do it. And yeah, so that’s I mean, and that really does encapsulate what we want to provide. You know it can be good.

Alanna 00:25:20  Yeah. We talk about and you know in the industry in the space of death care a good death. What does that mean. Right. You know, what does that mean. One with comfort one with care. I look back kind of at my formative experience with death, and that was growing up with parents and who worked in hospice and palliative care. My mom also worked in the E.R., so just a lot of real life stuff that I was being exposed to. And my grandpa actually lived with us for the last several years of his life and had a home care person come in and help him with everything. But, you know, we were around two and he died peacefully in his bed being cared for. And, you know, I look back and he was 94. So like, he lived a good life. It wasn’t traumatic, you know, and it was something that didn’t register at the time. I was a teenager, so I wasn’t necessarily thinking huge thoughts. Yeah. But I look back and think about, well, that feels like that was done right.

Alanna 00:26:22  You know, that feels like he lived his life. He was cared for to the end. He wasn’t alone. He was comfortable and then for him, it was a traditional funeral. But, you know, back in his hometown and at the church that he helped build and, you know, these wonderful things and with family. And that’s, I think, what we would all hope for given the option, not that we get, you know, choices the option.

Katy Ripp 00:26:50  Right.

Alanna 00:26:50  But sometimes we do. And I think that’s just important to think through. And anyone who works in this space, I mean, my parents, you know, anyone else I’ve talked to, they understand what that means and they understand kind of the alternative. Right? That’s the thing we’re trying to avoid is the traumatic or not cared for or lonely death that again, when asked, I don’t think anyone would choose that. Right, right. You don’t always get a choice, but being more mindful about the things we do have a choice about.

Katy Ripp 00:27:20  Yeah. What? Who’s right? This sounds so weird. Who’s your ideal client?

Alanna 00:27:26  I think the ideal client is just someone with a mix of I know what I want and I’m kind of along for the ride.

Katy Ripp 00:27:34  Okay.

Alanna 00:27:35  So having some basis of maybe they know they want it to be in this special place, maybe they want a backyard party, let’s say. Right. But they’re also open to us coming up with some ideas and saying, well, what if you did this? Would you be interested in, you know, this type of ceremony or a way to tie things together or, you know, for the living? Like we’re doing a little photo opportunity with a custom little tombstone that has his name on it because he thinks it’s hilarious. So, like, things like that where we can build together is kind of the most fun for us. And I think for the client, because we’re able to elevate, right. Take that idea and add something or take it in a new direction, or find a way to do it in a way that feels, you know, like what they’re kind of starting to think about.

Alanna 00:28:25  But we’re adding to it in a way that feels collaborative. And I think, again, it helps to have some starting point, right? Yeah. Gotta start somewhere. But I think being able to build that together and kind of have that creative collaboration is where the most fun and the most magic can happen for people.

Katy Ripp 00:28:44  Tell me about like your services. Like what does that look like? Because I don’t well, I know because I looked. But tell our listeners about your services. Like what is the process look like? Are there different processes for someone who wants to plan their own versus somebody who’s planning a celebration of life for somebody else? Yeah.

Alanna 00:29:04  So we can kind of in terms of scope of service, we can do anything from full service planning. So that’s from beginning to end helping. You know, I have a design background, so I’ll help design programs and signs and get things printed and do all the vendor management, find catering options, get everything quoted, help with the budget RFPs.

Alanna 00:29:25  We can do it all, all the way down to. If you just need a couple of people to attend that event and help make sure things go smoothly. We’re happy to just do that too. So it kind of depends on where the need is. But we first, you know, have an intake call, figure out where is the need, what do you have covered, where do you want coverage. And then kind of build custom from there. You know we say we have packages, but it really is all just a starting point to give people an idea of, well, how much could they do versus how much do I want or need? Because there is I mean, people find joy and a sense of meaning from being part of it, and we don’t want to take that from anyone. Obviously, if they’re, you know, son or brother is I want to do the slideshow because that would be really meaningful to me and I would love it then. That’s fantastic. Right? But for someone that’s like, well, I just simply can’t care about the catering.

Alanna 00:30:20  Great. We will care about it for you.

Katy Ripp 00:30:22  Yeah, yeah.

Alanna 00:30:23  So I think there’s just a lot of that back and forth of there’s no kind of set plan or process from that perspective of it really is just where are those gaps that we can help kind of fill, and then how can we guide you through? And that truly just depends the size of the event, the timing. Because, you know, sometimes people do want to have something kind of closer to that person’s death if. Sure, if it’s kind of that you’re thinking of that traditional scenario, right? Someone has died. They’re making arrangements for, you know, the body, and then they’re thinking through a celebration and they want to have it kind of within a month. That’s going to change what we can do, right. And we try to be up front about that. Versus my parent died during Covid, and we need to still kind of do a ceremony and have an event to commemorate that. Well, we can be a little more flexible and, you know, guide that with more time and intention.

Alanna 00:31:13  But yeah, that is kind of the beauty of it is we’re just very adaptable and can plug in where needed and hands off where wanted. And again, just really listening. I mean, that is just the number one thing of trying to leave that door open to people and then help them walk through it and figure it out. And it’s, you know, family dynamics can be complicated, right? We try to figure out, you know, who’s kind of the money person, right? Like someone, someone even if they won’t say it, someone has an opinion on the budget, right. For sure. So like that’s a huge question.

Katy Ripp 00:31:46  And we’re going to talk about death. We also need to talk about money. Yeah. Like not necessarily in that order. Right.

Alanna 00:31:52  But it’s there. It’s an important thing right? I mean none of this is free as much as I wish it was. I mean, you know, we talk about that too. It’s a privilege, right? Not everyone has these options.

Alanna 00:32:03  Not everyone can throw a big party. Not everyone can pay for all the things that they want. But we also encourage people to find those little ways to find ceremony which costs nothing to, you know, hold a moment of silence to plant a tree to, you know, go to a special place and read a poem. There’s all sorts of these ways that people can honor someone that don’t cost anything or cost very little.

Katy Ripp 00:32:25  So yeah. Pre-planning stages. Like I want to plan my own celebration of life. I’m 46. I have no plans of dying anytime soon, but I want to take care of it so my kids don’t have to take care of it eventually. Is that something I can pre-plan? Prepay. Done. Hey, you call Alana, Helen and Lydia when the day comes. Here’s their information.

Alanna 00:32:50  Yeah. It’s complicated.

Katy Ripp 00:32:52  Right? Right. Because we don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, hopefully it’s 40 years now. Exactly. Yeah.

Alanna 00:32:59  But we’re happy to kind of come up with the outline.

Alanna 00:33:02  And we’ve talked a lot about how do we make this work for people because it is tricky to prepay preplan for things. Right. So we don’t necessarily want to have any prepay for our services or contracts with vendors or things that might not make sense in the future, but we are happy to sit down and go through and detail out what that looks like and give your family, your friends, whoever that more specific roadmap of what exactly you were trying to create for them. And I think that does so much for people beyond having a burial plan or cremation plan or whatever that looks like. You know, we’ve talked with plenty of estate attorneys, and one said to us, which was so fitting of people will say cremation, no funeral, big party. But that’s a lot of question marks, right? So many. Right.

Katy Ripp 00:33:55  So we like.

Alanna 00:33:56  Absolutely help narrow down what is big party mean. Right. And that might look like, you know, having 2 or 3 options for a venue. Yeah.

Alanna 00:34:08  Or you know, what’s really important is that we get all of these people that will list out, here’s kind of an invite list to work off of, but it doesn’t matter to me what you guys eat. Yeah, like choose something you want, I don’t care. Yeah, right. So I think filling in.

Katy Ripp 00:34:23  I definitely want a taco truck at my right. Exactly.

Alanna 00:34:27  Because some people care about foods and people don’t. Some people care about the music, some people don’t.

Katy Ripp 00:34:31  Kind of like, I mean, it’s not that different from a wedding. Yeah.

Alanna 00:34:35  It’s really not. Really not. It really isn’t.

Katy Ripp 00:34:37  Yeah. I care about flowers.

Alanna 00:34:39  People cry at both. So. Yeah, we have tissues. That is something we we keep on hand so you don’t have to worry about it. Yeah. But yeah I think just filling in the gaps of feeling like you have participated in a way that makes your family feel comfortable taking it the rest of the way.

Katy Ripp 00:34:57  Yeah. And there are other I mean, I’m not an attorney, but there are other services.

Katy Ripp 00:35:02  There are other products out there for saving for funerals. Right. There’s your revocable funeral trusts and there’s like, you know, the estate planning that would give you an option to save this amount of money for this, you know, with the intention of this is in your trust. But we have to have those conversations too, right? Like, it’s not just about the, you know, cremation party, right? It’s the like we need to also talk about like what happens the day you die, right? Like what happens with the accounts? Where are all the passwords? Where like who’s getting what. You know, what’s the next step? So my dad is a financial planner. And over the years of, you know, my childhood and all the way beyond, he sold life insurance for a long time and so has seen sort of the ugly side of what happens when people die and either do have a plan or don’t have a plan. Yeah, with their money. But it’s not usually the money.

Katy Ripp 00:36:00  It’s not usually the big amounts of money. It’s the freaking dining room tables, right? That nobody talked about that we didn’t know that that was going to be like the thing that broke an entire family apart. So having those conversations beforehand is extremely important.

Alanna 00:36:15  And there’s a whole I mean, and I talk about the industry changing and growing. There’s a whole new service that, you know, we’ve met with people who do this called after loss, professional service. You know, it’s basically admins for someone going through finding all of the accounts, sending the death certificate off to ten different places to prove that this person has died, going all to the banks and figuring out where were the accounts, how do we close them? What social media do they need? Shut down? It’s a lot of just stuff.

Katy Ripp 00:36:45  Yeah, and I mean, I’m not organized enough as like living human to be able to like, put that all together now to have somebody prepared when I go right, like it’s a big job.

Katy Ripp 00:36:58  Yeah. But also you have to make sure that you know somebody and trust them because somebody that will like that sort of after loss coach after loss admin, whatever they’re called, that could be a really vulnerable state to be in and then hire somebody you don’t know. Right. Or hire somebody that like doesn’t have great intentions. Right. Because, you know, there’s a whole bunch of vultures out there too, right?

Alanna 00:37:20  So yeah. And that’s where just I mean, we talk about this of like the best gift you can give your family is preparing for these things. It will happen whether it’s, you know, I feel like I should knock on wood. You know, in five years or 50, it’s going to happen.

Katy Ripp 00:37:34  Gonna happen.

Alanna 00:37:34  Like, that’s the one thing we know. And that’s I mean, that’s part of why people get so uncomfortable about it, right? You don’t want to think about their own mortality. And I get that. Yeah, I’m sure everyone has some level of denial.

Alanna 00:37:44  But if you think about the family, the friends, the people who will be left to take care of those things, you want them to be cared for in that way, that they have a plan that they know that, you know, don’t have to guess. Well, what would she have wanted? I don’t know. And then there’s an argument between people, right?

Katy Ripp 00:38:03  One sibling thinks she wanted it this way, and the other one thinks she wanted it that way. And then the in-law is like, no, no, no. She told me over pizza one night that she wanted it this way.

Alanna 00:38:12  Right, exactly. The more guidance you can give, the better. And, you know, I think again, that’s just part of what we want to get people talking and thinking about to their comfort level and happy to meet people where they are. But just, you know, knowing that, again, the difference between having a plan and not having a plan is huge. And even if you’re not there to see it, just knowing they’re okay, they have a plan.

Alanna 00:38:36  I did my work. It makes a huge difference.

Katy Ripp 00:38:39  Best resources for people right now.

Alanna 00:38:42  Yeah, there’s a lot online. And like a Grace obviously is a big hospice provider. They also help with advanced care planning. They do free seminars on that which I’ve gotten just to give you like the starting point of what does A will look like? What does an advanced care plan look like, but really find professionals that you trust. And that again goes back to the word of mouth, right? I’m positive most people, if you ask someone in your life that you trust you, have you worked with a lawyer? Is there an estate planner you trust is their financial advisor? What you know, someone will have a reference for you. It’s truly pretty easy to find good providers that you’re comfortable with.

Katy Ripp 00:39:23  You guys have a like a resource list, like a preferred professionals list?

Alanna 00:39:27  No, it’s something we need to work on for sure, because it is like kind of a where do I start? I guess I’ll go to Google.

Alanna 00:39:32  Yeah. But there’s I mean, that’s part of where we’re hoping that kind of collective network can come into play, where we all build trust with each other and then understand kind of here the people that we trust that we work with and that we feel comfortable referring people out to.

Katy Ripp 00:39:47  Right. It can start with cremation and a party, but then let’s get all the other. Right.

Alanna 00:39:52  Exactly. What’s all the other stuff that we can figure out because it’s a lot. And it is not like exciting to be doing that stuff. Most people are.

Katy Ripp 00:39:59  Excited about it. I’m like, great. Now I will say I am the person that needs a will, right? Like we need an estate plan, we need a will. We need to trust. We’ve got like ten businesses that are just like floundering out here and we’re just hoping we never die, right. But that is not the case. So you have motivated me to could get your resource list and tell me who to go to. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:40:21  Which brings me to how do people find you? What’s the first step? Where can they follow along? Get some resources, get some help from you guys particularly.

Alanna 00:40:31  Yeah, we’re on Instagram. We’re on LinkedIn. We’re on Facebook. Instagram is probably where we’re most active. That’s at good morn. Don’t forget the you. Yes. I always have to say that on our website. Good mourning. Com has our email addresses obviously reach out to me. Happy to you know chat about anything our services, what we can be helpful with, what we refer people out to other services and happy to just be that starting point for folks who are curious and want to talk more about it and need a listening ear.

Katy Ripp 00:41:06  Yeah, I love that. Big plans for Good Mourning. Yeah. The what are the big hairy audacious goals for you guys?

Alanna 00:41:12  I mean, we would love to be I don’t know if I want to say national, but we’ll say it.

Katy Ripp 00:41:16  You say.

Alanna 00:41:16  It. We’ll say it. We’d love to be a national resource for event planning and work with people all over the country.

Alanna 00:41:23  I think in an ideal world, we find a way to work with funeral homes as an extension, as a referral from them. You know, that’s complicated landscape. But again, in that we truly mean we are an and service. We’re not an Oar service. So being able to build that connectivity between service providers is really important to us, where families and people feel like they can go to someone and, you know, we’ll hear the four other places that you should contact to get a full scope of what you want.

Katy Ripp 00:41:56  I am a firm believer in collaboration over competition. Right? Like there’s just enough to go around and you cannot emphasize enough of the abundance of this particular space because everybody is going to die, right?

Alanna 00:42:12  Like you look at the baby boomer generation, it’s that’s what is kind of happening now. And it’s not going to stop. So ever.

Katy Ripp 00:42:22  Like ever.

Alanna 00:42:23  The better.

Katy Ripp 00:42:24  Like people are never ever going to run out of this part of it. It’s just, can we get people more prepared to really leave a legacy of care for their family members? Right.

Katy Ripp 00:42:37  Because really, it is the people that are left behind that have to do the admin, the death certificates, the and I’ve said this on a couple of different podcasts, but the biggest gift my father in law left and he had no idea he was going to die. It was just a fluke, right? Like he went in for heart surgery and it was just a fluke that he died. He just had a complication and he was gone the next day. But he had everything prepared. Everything. Passwords. You know, his cell phone with a passcode, set out all the keys, all the like. He they had just bought his plot like he had everything laid out, and the only thing she had to do was go out and get a bunch of death certificates and send it out. I mean, everything was done. Goosebumps. Like, what a gift. And something that could have taken six months or a year, right?

Alanna 00:43:29  Because you’re also mourning and grieving on top of.

Katy Ripp 00:43:31  All of that.

Alanna 00:43:32  You’re.

Katy Ripp 00:43:32  And it was super unexpected. So it was like nobody could really wrap their heads around anyway. But the fact that it was done, it took like three weeks.

Alanna 00:43:42  Yeah. That’s huge.

Katy Ripp 00:43:42  And aside from waiting for the taxes, there was just nothing left to do. And I know other people that have been, you know, fighting with institutions for years over that. So, you know, not to blame anybody that’s not prepared. Right. But at the same time, get prepared. Right.

Alanna 00:44:05  Exactly. Try to make choices when you can. Yeah. When you have the bandwidth. You know, I’m not here to lecture anyone. Yeah. Do what you can when you can. Just know that the party. Yeah, right. Like that. Maybe like a fun, tangible thing. Like, great.

Katy Ripp 00:44:20  It might open up the door for the stuff that, like, we’ve been avoiding for a while. So. And literally, you’ve motivated me to a plan my own celebration of life and maybe living awake, which means I have to probably do my estate planning, right?

Alanna 00:44:36  Great.

Alanna 00:44:37  This is good. Great. Yeah. All kind of leads, one to the other. And I think that’s part of the ripping the Band-Aid off. Right. Once you do one thing that’s related to this, you know what feels like big, messy, complicated thing decision is it just gets easier from there. When you’ve had one conversation about it, the next one is easier. Yeah. And we find that two of, you know, and when we talk to hospice care providers or estate planners after that first conversation, it’s just so much easier if you can just start talking about it.

Katy Ripp 00:45:08  I mean, really with any taboo subject. Yeah, it’s like if and it’s almost like you just like take the shame off of it. There’s like a weird, like, layer of shame or guilt or fear or whatever it is. And if you can just take that layer off, it just opens the door for the rest of it to be like, oh, this makes sense to talk about actually.

Alanna 00:45:25  Right.

Alanna 00:45:26  You realize that, oh, oh, I’m supposed to be doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:45:30  Like we actually are all going to do need.

Alanna 00:45:33  To take care of these decisions and this work. So I mean, yeah, the sooner you start the conversation and whether that’s just looking around online, you know, it doesn’t even have to be a conversation. Right. It can just be researching, you know, do I know funeral homes in my area or where do people get cremated in this area? Because you don’t have to go through a funeral home. There’s a cremation society, there’s a tip for you or there’s natural burial, which there’s a plenty of options there too. Yes.

Katy Ripp 00:46:01  My first podcast ever was with my friend Lynn, who’s got stage four breast cancer, metastatic breast cancer. She came on and like talked all about death, her life and everything. She’s already got her plan. And we were laughing that they’re just gonna, like, wrap up her body and put it in the back of her Prius and send it over to the plate.

Katy Ripp 00:46:19  What is the place? Is it outside.

Alanna 00:46:22  Verona, the Farley Center? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:46:24  So she’s just like her dog picked out her spot and she’s like, just wrap me up, put me in there and take me over there, and we’re gonna just, like, they’re just going to drop me off. It’s going to be fine. Great. Cool. Yeah.

Alanna 00:46:35  Amazing plan. Right?

Katy Ripp 00:46:38  Yeah. It’s I mean, the plan is the key, right?

Alanna 00:46:41  And it is, you know, we can’t get can’t control all of it. Yeah, but there are pieces you can. Yeah. So let’s focus on control freaks out there.

Katy Ripp 00:46:49  Let’s do it. Yeah.

Alanna 00:46:51  Exactly. Do it while you can.

Katy Ripp 00:46:52  Yeah. Anything else you want to say to the listeners out here about this or.

Alanna 00:46:56  I think really I would just reiterate that this is a space and an industry and a community that is changing, that is growing, that is collaborative and open. So Truly, anyone who just wants to know what’s out there wants to start a conversation.

Alanna 00:47:17  We are part of that conversation and we are not the beginning, middle and end of it. We are just part of it. There are so many people who have been doing this work for a long time who continue to do this work, and we’re just honored to be a part of that community and excited to see where we can make a difference and help people feel good about the way that they celebrate their life. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:47:38  I’m just so excited to watch where this goes. I can just see you like having to hold a copy.

Alanna 00:47:43  I’m here for it. Let’s do it. Do you have her on the line? Is that Hoda? Oh, wait.

Katy Ripp 00:47:48  Hold up.

Alanna 00:47:48  Let me get her quick. Surprise! Guest.

Katy Ripp 00:47:50  Surprise! Oh, my God, I love it so much.

Alanna 00:47:54  Yeah. We’re excited.

Katy Ripp 00:47:55  Yeah. Thank you for coming on. Yeah.

Alanna 00:47:57  Thanks for having me.

Katy Ripp 00:48:00  And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me.

Katy Ripp 00:48:07  Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message at Katy Ripp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at katyripp.com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing. Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life. And remember #ActuallyICan.