A few years ago I was on the precipice of a major burnout. Not only was I drinking myself in to a precarious physical state, but mentally I was in trouble. I was up to my eyeballs in anxiety and the overwhelming feeling that I was doing it wrong, on every front, was eating me alive. It wasn’t until I took a good, long, hard look at my behaviors that I realized that I needed to “flip my magnet” from grinding to surrendering.

In a world that glorifies hustle culture and the grind mentality, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that success only comes to those who relentlessly push themselves to the limit. However, what if I told you that you can still achieve your goals without burning yourself out? What if there’s a way to invite more ease and flow into your life while still pursuing your dreams with passion and dedication?

The concept of “less grind, more shine” embodies this idea perfectly. It’s about finding a balance between putting in the necessary effort and allowing things to unfold naturally. It’s about recognizing that while hard work is important, so is surrendering to the universe and trusting that it has your best interests at heart.

Loosen Your Grip.

You can still want it – whatever “it” may be for you – and be willing to put in the hours and the energy to make it happen. There’s nothing wrong with having goals and aspirations, but it’s equally important to loosen your grip and allow room for magic to happen. The universe responds to openness and faith, rewarding those who trust in its infinite wisdom.

So, how do we embrace this mindset of less grind and more receiving?

Shift Perspective.

First and foremost, it requires a shift in perspective. Instead of constantly striving and pushing against resistance, try approaching your goals with a sense of ease and flow. Trust that the universe is conspiring in your favor and that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.

This doesn’t mean sitting back and waiting for success to magically appear. It means taking inspired action – following your intuition and doing what feels right in the moment, rather than forcing things to happen according to your timeline.

Let Go.

It also involves letting go of the need to control every outcome. Understand that there may be detours and setbacks along the way, but each of these is an opportunity for growth and learning. By releasing attachment to specific outcomes, you open yourself up to a world of infinite possibilities.

Practice Gratitude + Mindfulness.

Moreover, practicing gratitude and mindfulness can help cultivate a sense of abundance and receptivity. Take time each day to acknowledge the blessings in your life and to tune into the present moment. When you approach life with a grateful heart, you attract more things to be grateful for.

Ultimately, embracing the concept of less grind and more receiving is about finding harmony between action and surrender. It’s about working smart rather than just working hard, and trusting that the universe has your back every step of the way.

So, the next time you find yourself caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, take a moment to pause and remind yourself that it’s okay to ease up and let things unfold naturally. Remember that the universe responds to openness and faith, and that by loosening your grip, you invite abundance and blessings into your life.

To make it not suck.

1. Set Intentions

Start the year by setting clear and achievable intentions for yourself. This is one of the ways that’s helped me achieve some goals rather than give up at the first failure. I “intend” to drink a gallon of water every day for the month of January. Yesterday I got to 90 oz. I still feel real good about that and I’m not throwing in the towel today. It’s a hell of a lot more water than I drank last year.

Reflect on what you want to accomplish in various aspects of your life, such as health, career, relationships, and personal development and set an intention for improvement every day.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Above all else: self-care. And HONEST self-care. Eating Doritos chased by a bottle of wine in a bubble bath screams self-sabotage not self-care. January is an excellent time to establish or revisit self-care routines that contribute to your physical, mental, and emotional health. This could look like regular exercise, proper sleep, healthy eating, mindfulness practices, and spending time doing activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of yourself sets a positive tone for the rest of the year.

3. Organize and Declutter

I Marie Kondoed my house in December (I wonder if she knows her name is now used as a verb?) and it feels so good to have less clutter piling up. Use the cold, dark evenings of January as an opportunity to declutter and organize your living and working spaces. A tidy environment will have a positive impact on your mental well-being and productivity. Donate or discard items you no longer need, organize your belongings by finding a place for everything, and create systems that help you maintain order throughout the year. This process can provide a fresh start and a sense of control.

4. Invest in Yourself or Your Business

Stimulate your mind by learning a new skill or joining a group of like-minded people. Whether it’s a language, a musical instrument, a form of art, or a practical skill related to your profession, acquiring new knowledge can be fulfilling and empowering. Consider enrolling in a course, attending workshops, or finding online resources to expand your skill set. Learning something new can bring a sense of accomplishment and excitement to your life.

Remember that the key is to set realistic goals and incorporate activities that bring you joy and fulfillment; why else are we here? January is a great time to establish positive habits that can set the tone for the rest of the year.

I did it. I posted the S word to my social media accounts. SOBER.

I’ll be honest, I waffled with this one for days; riddled with anxiety. I spent days from Thanksgiving morning drafting, saving, drafting, saving, drafting and saving posts until finally on Sunday I was like, “OMG Fuck This Shit. This is ridiculous. Beth Dutton your ass.” SHARE.

And so I did. I posted a before and after photo of myself and a collection of sobriety hashtags that had even me cringing a little.

My anxiety was not totally unfounded. It’s a big deal “coming out” to a world of drinkers; especially since for so long (so long) drinking has just been part of my identity. And, shall we recognize the elephant here? We do own a wine bar, which ironically was dreamed up and put in to motion during my first 90 days of sobriety a few years ago.

I waffled because I was scared. There I said it.

But in the end it was more important to me to be authentic and honest than it was to keep this clean little secret. (Ha)

Here’s a list of some of the fears I had about first, getting sober and staying that way (and by that I mean not just doing a “time-sensitive” challenge, i.e. Sober October, NO-vember, 90 days, one year, etc) and secondly, sharing it publicly:

1. What will people think?

2. What if I fail?

3. What will I do?

4. What will I drink when I’m stressed, sad, depressed, frustrated, happy, celebrating?

5. What about the glass of champagne I won’t be able to have at my kids’ weddings?

6. What about my friends?

7. What about Dale (my husband)?

8. What about my job?

9. What will people say to my face? Behind my back?

10. Who will be supportive?

11. Who will I lose?

12. Who will be weird around me?

13. Who will want to hang out with me?

14. Who will be my friend?

In the end it was clear that the majority of my fears were rooted in other people and ultimately, their opinion of me. And it’s just none of my business what other people think of me.

This isn’t about anyone else. It isn’t about my family or my friends or customers or acquaintances. It’s about me and my health and the way I want to live my life.

And alcohol-free it is.

I shared this publicly for a couple of reasons: I mean, let’s be honest here, I am an oversharer AND I wanted to help if someone was out there feeling alone.

‘Cause this shit can be lonely.

I so badly WANT to share all the amazing things sobriety has given me in the past 3 months however, while definitely never intended, these things can be perceived as righteous or somehow “judgey” to the drinker. So, please, keep in mind, if you’re a drinker (and by all means DRINK AWAY) I really, really, really, really don’t care about your drinking habits. I’m not counting how many you’ve had, what time you start or end, or whatever rule you’ve set for yourself.

You do you. I’ll do me.

There are some of you out there that have asked me how. And if there’s the six that reached out, I’m guessing there’s a few more out there that didn’t but still want to know.

The short answer, that no one wants to hear, I definitely did NOT for years, is that I just decided. I stopped depending on willpower, counting the days, white-knuckling it through events and embraced that my life is just “better’ without it. Everything is better…and I mean everything.

The other question I have gotten is how much I was drinking. Again, short answer was too much…for me. And also, one was just never enough. Ever. I sort of don’t see the point in just one. (Maybe I’ll get further in to detail going forward with this blog but for now I’ll leave it at that. There’s really no reason to compare.)

And I was honest when I said in my post I just couldn’t “do” my life anymore hungover with an ulcer. My life is busy and packed with goals and tasks and people that depend on me. For years I have thought there’s something bigger for me just waiting out there and the only thing holding my back was my drinking.

I’m pretty sure I’m right.

Update: On March 28th, 2024, I am currently 941 days sober including these 90 days posted in November 2021. It’s so refreshing to look back on these posts. I had 1000 day 1s before it stuck.

I’ve been trying to get the courage up to share this blog with the world again. In the meantime, I’ve been reading through some “drafts”, past articles/journal entries that were written but never published; likely out of the same fear I’m feeling today.

This one in particular resonated with me today. I’ve been thinking a lot about why “this time” feels so different…again. I’ve stopped and started so many times. And it’s clear by the title of this one that I thought “this time was different” too.

But the truth I see now is that I had always set a date, either to start or to finish, and still always had that niggling feeling I would somehow change my relationship with alcohol so that I could come back to it as a more mature, better version of myself.

The difference today is I’m able to say forever. Soon, I will put it out to the world this way (by world, I mean my tiny Facebook circle); the people closest to me know, but I just haven’t needed the accountability like I have in the past.

My whole story is coming soon but for now, if you’re reading this, I am alcohol-free as of August 30TH, 2021. I’ve drank pretty much concurrently, with the expecption of pregnancies and the bouts of sobriety you’ll read on here, since I was 13. It was fun, then it was O.K. then it was just plain destructive. I had a physical health scare, on top of the decades of mental health scares, in late August and I decided enough was enough.

I’ve never felt better. Every day literally gets better than the last one. I’m still looking for some sober friends/connections but I’m leaving that, and whole lot of other things, up to the Universe.

I think you’ll find the following interesting…I sure did.

July 16, 2020

It’s hard to describe what a third (serious) attempt at quitting drinking actually feels like.

For so long, especially when I was still drinking, failure is the only thing I could use to define that feeling:

• Why can’t I stop when I know what it’s doing to me?

• I swear off alcohol every morning, then look, squirrel, 3:00pm hits; how, when and where I am going to get my first and last glass of wine? (It used to be 5:00pm, but as my habit worsened, it started getting earlier in the day)

• I’m such a loser.

• Why can’t I “moderate” like the rest of the free world?

• What did I say or do last night…let’s spend the next 3 hours piecing together the night, shall we?

And, unfortunately, because these feelings got to be so bad the next day, I started to alienate myself so I didn’t have to worry about my actions with/to others. It was so much easier to drink alone without the judgement, numb out completely and pour myself in to bed.

But, it was also so. fucking. exhausting.

• I’d wake up most everyday hungover, but determined to push thrugh the day because I’m nothing if not dependable.

• I’d muscle through the first few hours of the morning doing the things expected of me, all while a big black cloud of shame hung overhead.

• By noon, I’d eat something horrible and then crawl in to bed for a mid-afternoon nap to sleep off the exhaustion only to wake up a couple hours later more sick and tired.

• Alas, all of this was nothing a glass or two of wine couldn’t handle and by early evening cycle from detox to retox would begin again.

As I type and re-read this, it’s painful to know that I allowed this kind of behavior to go on for YEARS. YEEEAAAARRS.

So I made a decision.

I sang my 90 day sobriety decision from the rooftops on January 1st of 2019 documenting all 90 days in an online journal. Six months later, after falling back in to some familiar habits and not liking the result, I committed to a whole year of sobriety on my 41st birthday, made it to the week before Thanksgiving and suffered through the next 8 months until I got to my very own Independence Day.

And here I am, 13 days in to what will likely be my last attempt at ditching the wine. I have a slough of reasons why, but for today I am just going to share with a few things that I’ve been able to accomplish over the past two weeks.

While they may seem trivial these are massive improvements:

• I’ve walked or ran every single day. This is huge. I would love to be the person that could get their ass out of bed the day after a bender and have the energy to even go for a walk…and I did when I was younger, all the time, but I just couldn’t anymore.
  Also here, on top of just merely doing it, yesterday I had been on my computer all day, my eyes were wonky and I had a little headache. There was a break in the rain and as I stood in my kitchen contemplating my next move, I found myself moving to the closet to get my running shoes, simply walked out the door and did my C25K workout. I’ll make this very simple:
  14 Days ago = Feeling Crappy at 4:30pm? = Big Glass of Wine
  Now = Feeling Crappy at 4:30pm on a rainy, drizzly day? = Go out and complete C25K workout.
  These things are so polar opposite in my life I can’t help but document it.

• The sleep is orgasmic. I say this a lot in my 90 Day posts, but it’s so, so true. No more getting up soaked in my own sweat at 3:00am. No cotton mouth. No chasing the squirrels around in my head. Just blissful, full, orgasmic sleep.
  Yes, it’s that good.

• The junkiest food I’ve eaten is Chipotle. Minus one bowl of ice cream. On a regular hangover-induced day, I would likely start my day with leftover pizza (because ya’ know, I just couldn’t cook anything the night before) out of the fridge, maybe some Ghetto Nachos for lunch, 4 string cheeses (I am from Wisconsin after all), copius cups of coffee, a Coke and then top it off with a bottle of wine…all before dinner.
  These days it’s avocado and tomatoes with egg for breakfast, salad for lunch, one string cheese tucked in here or there and a Hello Fresh meal for dinner. Maybe a few handfuls of Pirate’s Booty…I am human after all.

• Cleaned out my seed starting space to make room for my yoga/meditation sanctuary. I’ve been staring at this disaster of a mess for months. Since my goal is to begin a daily yoga and meditation practice, there’s no reason I shouldn’t clean up this beautiful space. And I had the energy to actually do it…not just stare at it. A little lipstick on this baby and I’ll be golden.

This attempt sadly did not work however, with every try I learned something new. And I kept learning and trying and rinsing and repeating until it finally clicked in August 2021.

“Hello?”

“Is this Katy Ripp? Yes, hello. This is your wake up call.”

This is the call where we tell you that you cannot continue this way or you will die. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but slowly and painfully, you will die…without ever actually living.

You’ll continue down this path, which inevitably leads to no where great, slogging along until one day you can no longer walk. Then, you’ll crawl on your hands and knees the final distance to your end.

So, we’re here, as your friends, the Universe, your physical body, spirit and mind, to wake you up. We’re sorry we’ve had to do that in dramatic form but the decades of weight gain, insomnia, headaches and hangovers didn’t seem to be working.

We’re glad you picked up.”

I wrote this back on September 6th, 2021. It’s hard to go back and read it now, I was only a week in to sobriety then, but the truth often stings a little.

As I sit here on Day 56, I have so many thoughts running through my head. The most intense one at the moment is about this blog.

I want to stand in my truth. I want to be proud of where I am and where I am going and I want other people to know it. I want the accountability. I want my mess to be my message and I truly believe that the obstacle is the way and in my case the obstacle is alcohol.

Period.

I’m SURE I’ve written this before (that’s what happens with the truth, it gets repeated because it’s the only story you actually know and remember) but drinking has been my only roadblock and it’s blocked everything; my physical appearance, productivity, spirituality, health, wealth, everything. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to go in to details about all of that soon.

If you’ve followed along here at all you’ll know I took a 90 day hiatus from drinking back in 2019 but the truth is I’ve had many, many more Day 1s, 2s, 5s, 10s, even 50s since then and well before. I’ve tried a THOUSAND times to quit drinking and I just can’t unknow what I know. I’ve googled and read and researched and listened and read some more. And after years of Day 1s and self-loathing and hangovers and fights and crying, I’m just done.

And it’s going to be fucking awesome.

I want to write again. It fuels me; helps me process my thoughts. I didn’t know I loved to write, or that I was any good at it, until I started this blog in 2018. (I mean, that’s one of the coolest things about sobriety…this list is endless of the things you learn you never knew you loved) Unfortunately, when I started drinking again two things happened:

1. I felt like a failure.
2. I didn’t feel like I had anything worth writing about.

After all the reading and research and listening and googling I’ve come to realize that “failure”, and the thousand before that, is exactly how I got here: sober.

I wouldn’t be here without the decades of Day 1s…yes, decades. I have felt like shit after EVERY drinking episode (not all of them horrific) since I was in my early 20s. Every. Single. One. Not just hungover, sure, the headaches and fatigue sucked and definitely got worse as I got older, I mean the self-flagellation.

The knowing.

I knew I shouldn’t be drinking. I knew it wasn’t good for me, the people around me, my life. It just didn’t make anything better. So, it just had to go.

Ba-bye.

Someone asked me the other day, “How do you do all of this? Aren’t you scared?” with a sweeping arm motion. I’ve been asked it before but the answer that came out that particular day almost knocked me on my ass: “I just trust myself. I know that I will do whatever it takes to make it work.”

I have never even had that thought before and there I was saying it out loud.

I spent the rest of the day struck by it. I think because it’s the first time in my adult life I have trusted myself and the reason I’m starting up the engine on here again.

I had fears that I would “fail” again. I would claim sobriety only to fall off again. And then where would I be? Stuck with a blog about sobriety where I would go radio-silent (see absent blog posts from April 2019 – now).

But I trust myself.
This time it’s different.

And I don’t really care if someone doesn’t believe me.
I believe me..for the first time ever.