Day 55: Last Day of Paradise

I always get a little melancholy when I know we are about to leave here.

We have been lucky enough to have a home away from home in sunny Florida for over 10 years.  It’s an amazing excuse to see my dad AND soak up some rays after brutal Wisconsin winters.  And even though we butt heads on many subjects (both of us know evvv-errr-yeee-thing…just ask us) it’s always hard to say goodbye. 

I did think that most things would be easier if I wasn’t drinking.  Like, everything.  It turns out I am the same person I was two months ago and will be two months from now. My days may look different, but I still struggle with the same insecurities, albeit somewhat easier to care less about now.

Things that used to take the strength of a 10-ton elephant come with little to no effort now.  A small decision, such as taking a walk for instance, is exactly that; a decision.  I don’t spend minutes, or what could have been hours, debating on whether or not I “want” to or if I “feel” like it.  My health, mainly mental, but physical too, depends on it.  It’s become my top priority and ever since putting that at the top of ALL my lists, I haven’t regretted one single decision. 

I am convinced that those small decisions compounded over time will get me all the results I need. It might take a little longer, especially since the decision to have Haagen Dasz ice cream five nights this week was also made, but it’s okay, the time is going to pass anyway.

And damn that ice cream is good for the soul.

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Woman embracing seasonal living and managing seasonal affective disorder through self-awareness and seasonal routines.

Living with seasonal affective disorder taught me to stop fighting winter and start planning for it instead. A personal essay on seasonal living and self-trust.

I used to think that if I could just stop drinking, everything would magically fall into place. In many ways, I think that’s how we talk about transformation. We tell ourselves that once we lose the weight, quit drinking, leave the relationship, start therapy, get the diagnosis, or buy the house, we’ll somehow arrive. We’ll […]

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