I just had to have the “you do you” conversation with my 9-year-old.

I’ll spare you the long story, but turns out he’s being teased about something that he has little to no control over at this point in time. It concerns a certain skill set on a certain electronic box that a certain mom said she would never get for him. (We are striving for grace here people, not perfection. I also made a separate ramekin of tater tot casserole sans green beans for my 6 year old last night. Sue me. “I’ll never be a short order cook for my kids.” Said every mother before she became a mother.)

While the source of the teasing is not really that important, it could have been anything he doesn’t have control over, it presented a great teaching moment. And an opportune lesson for yours truly.

In the car with both my kids I tried to make them understand that a. if a friend is teasing you to purposely hurt your feelings, they aren’t real friends and maybe you need a little break b. if something you thought would be cool and it turns out it makes you feel icky, it’s okay to take a break and decide later if you want to go back to it and c. this is your life, not anyone else’s, so if you want something, cool, if you don’t that’s cool too. There’s no reason to live your life for other people. It’s your life. You do you.

Um. Hello?! McFly! How long have I been doing this? For.ev.er.

A similar, albeit less dramatic, situation arose today. I tend to bite off more than most people think I can chew. I often get the “how do you do all that?” or “why would you take on one more thing?” I have been accused of being a “yes girl” (get your head out of the gutter) and also strike fear in to some employers eyes’ when I take on yet one more task. And I’ll be the first to admit that I have dropped the ball on occasion. I am human after all.

But here’s the thing…I usually drop the ball when I don’t have enough going on or I don’t feel challenged. It’s most likely why I ended up with a C- minus average upon high school graduation…that I barely made it to.

I don’t claim to be smarter or a better multi-tasker than other people. (By the way, I think multi-tasking is just another way of doing a whole lot of shit half-assed…my unsolicited 2 cents. You’re welcome.) And I don’t love that “busy” has become the new “fine” either. But this is who I am, for better or worse. And I like it.

I am a worker. And I married a worker. I like to be busy and challenged and learn new things. I like to take risks and I am more afraid of the regret of never trying than of failing. What’s the worst that could happen?

When I don’t have enough to do, I get in to trouble…not the good, cute kind of trouble we used to get in to as early 20-somethings either. More like the laying-in-bed-all-day-not-able-to-do-anything-productive kind of trouble. Or let’s call a spade a spade here, gettin’ cozy with a box of vino.

There was a time someone questioning my sanity about projects, either to my face or behind my back, was an attack on my character. I took it personally and wondered if something was wrong with me.

Well, there’s not. I’m not broken. This is not a flaw. This is me. Finally, I am starting to believe in myself rather than looking for outside approval for every little thing we do. And this is what I was trying to explain to my kids tonight.

How about you be you and I’ll be me? Sounds like good, simple advice.