I better not be getting sick.

I went to yoga this morning and could hardly stand to be in child’s pose my body hurt so bad. I just couldn’t explain it, I didn’t overdo it physically this week, ate pretty good and I was most certainly not hungover.

I felt fine otherwise, except that I was (and am) super tired. I could have crawled in to bed at about 4:30 this afternoon and slept like a babe. Which is why I am writing this early…I plan to be in bed pretty darn soon.

I did want to just quickly talk about how touched and absolutely so grateful for someone who reached out to me privately in the past couple of days.

I go back and forth with this whole thing, like: is this too much information? Should I be writing to an audience? Does anyone even care? Do I even care if anyone cares? Yada yada yada.

After I have one of these episodes, I always come back to my original intention; this is a personal blog. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. I actually have it written on my white board in my attic. Keeps me grounded.

Well, in any case, it’s always somewhat bewildering when someone out of the blue makes a comment about it. Of course, there are my fans…and by fans I mean the ones I force to read it, like my family and my husband, but then there is this whole other pocket of people that I would have never imagined read it, or care.

But, I received the sweetest heartfelt message from someone I admire. Someone who has inspired me. It’s hard to wrap my head around that.

I know I have said this before (although it could have been 40 days ago, I have no idea) but the things I am writing about, and admitting to, I considered my biggest failures in life.

I thought these struggles were exclusive to me. Why couldn’t I just have one? And why couldn’t I just eat healthy? And why couldn’t I just get out of bed? And why did I have to yell at my kids? And why did everyone else seem so put together? Why was I the only one?

Who knew my struggles, and by merely voicing them, would turn out to be the source of my greatest joy and accomplishment?

By nature I like helping people and I like to feel useful (I mean who doesn’t?) and even though writing has allowed me a way just to get this shit out of my head, the opportunity of helping just one person has made all the vulnerability worth it.

If you’ve been following along now for a while, you know that I have changed the format of this blog like 92 times. It’s evolved, as have I, from a destination to a never-ending journey.

There won’t be a pot of gold at the end of this 90 days. Or 180 days or 40 more years. I am still going to be the same person, maybe with different hobbies and habits, but just plain ‘ole me. I’ll still be wearing yoga pants with every outfit, struggling like hell not to bite my fingernails again, stripping my bra off the minute I walk in my door and eating Pirate’s Booty every chance I get.

And if I’m sick tomorrow, I’m gonna be pissed.