I think I’ve had this title before, but I’ve written almost 78 articles, I’m bound to have some repeats.

The past two days came with a few healthy doses of perspective and a spoonful of my own medicine.

I love to preach. I tell a mean story about how I have had all of these revelations and I have learned so much about myself and blah blah blah. While that is true and I am fascinated by the fruits of my labor (not just not drinking, all the woo woo shit I do on the daily), it’s not quite that dramatic.

I am still the same girl I was 78 days or 7.8 months ago. It doesn’t matter that I’ve lost almost 20 lbs or that I have quit biting my fingernails. I really did think those two things were going to make my life better, but it’s still me. And my life is better, but not because some-thing is different.

It’s because my perspective is different.

I have mostly been a glass half-full kind of gal. I like to think of this world as all sunshine and rainbows and puppies tiptoeing through the tulips. And, mostly my world is. But, that’s because I have discovered the holy grail of happiness…wait for it…

Choice.

It’s a choice everyday to find the good in things, even the things that we would normally say “no thank you” to. I have faith that the Universe, or God or whatever you like to call it, is on my side and has a plan. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If it’s not, something better, cooler and more amazing will come along. I have proof of this on so many levels over the past eight months you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Some people are not going to like to hear this explanation. And I get it. I was totally there. And it’s okay to stay there for a while, but I just chose not to live there. I choose certain things throughout my day now that gives me the results I want;

• I don’t watch the news anymore because it fills my head with negative images that (mostly) I can do nothing about

• I go to yoga even when I don’t want to because I know I will feel better after and self-care is my number one priority

• When I’m tired, I rest and I don’t feel guilty about it. All those little, unimportant, low-priority things will be waiting for me when I decide, if ever, to tackle them

• I gave up on hating myself. Cold turkey. I put myself in my loved ones’ shoes and looked the fuck around. The reasons for which I was so hard on myself didn’t hold a candle to all the reasons they love me.

• I made a new mantra: Receive & Release. I receive all the good things this world has to offer me and I release all the overwhelm and fear out in to the world. (I can’t help but picture the scene from The Green Mile when all those gray bugs come out of John Coffey’s mouth in to Wild Bill. Gross but it’s sort of therapeutic.)

These articles/posts/entries never turn out the way I think they are going to. I sit down most nights (I know I’ve been slacking) thinking I know what I’ll write about and then it turns in to scenes from The Green Mile.

I’ve been asked over the past few days what I’ll do when this is over. Will I continue to write publicly? Will I drink? Will anything change? Of course, the answer is I don’t know…because I don’t. It’s not here yet.

I’ll know when I know.