It was freezing again today.

Like take your breath away walking across the parking lot cold. So cold in fact that I went to two hot yoga classes just to warm up.

Sometimes I sit down to write these posts thinking I have nothing interesting to write about. And then other times I can’t wait to share some monumental, at the same time mundane, experience. Today was a little of both.

Discovering that I have all this space in my head now that used to be taken up by fear and shame and guilt and judgement and worry is quite enlightening. And a little bit uncomfortable.

I still have these pangs of anxiety thinking the other shoe is going to drop. That all the work I have done and all the new habits I am forming are going to somehow disappear in an instant. That some wrong decision will take me down a rabbit hole.

Part of it is my all-or-nothing, black and white thinking and some of it is warranted. I have proof of that exact thing happening. And to be honest, I am just as afraid of succeeding as I am of failing. Probably more.

Change is hard. Inevitable, but hard. Especially when doing something you’ve never done before. How do you know that things won’t be terrible? How do you know they’ll be great? The answer is you don’t. You just know they’ll be different.

As I was laying on my mat tonight, soaking up all the warmth I could, I remembered that I wrote something on one of the early days about Day 38. I went back and looked for it and sure enough I found it on Day 9.

Talk about perception. The things I cared so much about then have all but fallen off my radar now. It’s like a fog has lifted.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Try getting that song our of your head now.

You’re welcome.