Shonna Dexter (00:00:00) –  I think that sobriety gave me clarity, but the biggest thing it gave me was confidence. And when you believe in yourself and when you believe in your ability to take control of your life and build your life with intention, nothing can stop you. You will figure it out.

Katy Ripp (00:00:20) –  Hey there, fellow rebels, welcome to #ActuallyICan the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defying what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way. Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self. Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place.

Katy Ripp (00:01:07) –  We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go. We are already recording because every time I do these podcasts, I feel like I do 15 minutes of the intro and here we go and all of this stuff. And that’s all where the all the important shit is.

Shonna Dexter (00:01:33) –  All the juicy shit happens. Shout out this is so.

Katy Ripp (00:01:36) –  Exciting.

Shonna Dexter (00:01:36) –  For me to meet you finally, like connect in real life.

Katy Ripp (00:01:41) –  How long is it? Well, for me, I think I’ve been following you for four years. How long have you been sober?

Shonna Dexter (00:01:47) –  Four and a half years.

Katy Ripp (00:01:48) –  I have been following you for four and a half years. Yeah. Is that crazy or what?

Shonna Dexter (00:01:52) –  That’s wild. And it’s so crazy that, like, I just, you know, when I first got sober, I started. Just, like doing the sober hashtags on Instagram and the number of people that that has connected me with It’s just been really insane blessing in my life.

Katy Ripp (00:02:08) –  Yeah, it’s fascinating right? I think I just had. Do you know Danielle de Grandi?

Shonna Dexter (00:02:14) –  No, I don’t use.

Katy Ripp (00:02:15) –  The sober rebel. Like that’s what she kind of goes by and she’s got a huge Facebook group. But I just had her on. And I’ve only met her through Instagram. And like, she’s in some of my, like, I’ve coached her. I’ve had like some other I just the connection is so fascinating to me.

Shonna Dexter (00:02:31) –  Yeah, I actually I got on a call last week with a girl who is like significantly younger than me. She’s like in our late 20s, I think. And but she’s a business coach and she found me years ago, started following my sobriety journey. She quit drinking. And so now as I’m like, just, you know, I’m a business coach too, but I’m trying to get out of my own way, right? Aren’t we? So I got on the call with her, and it was just all these little connections. It’s just wild.

Katy Ripp (00:03:03) –  Not everybody loves social media. I am, like, a stickler about going through my social media and really being very intentional about my social media, so I love it. I’ve got nice sunrises and sunsets and all these inspirational people and really cool quotes and whatever, but I am religious about going through and unfollowing people.

Shonna Dexter (00:03:23) –  Or reading that, right? Yeah, I tell people that all the time. It will be what you make it. So if you feed into and watch this drama filled negative stuff, yeah, that’s going to keep feeding you those things. Yeah. So you have to be intentional about it. Mine is full of dogs and dog grooming videos. That’s like my ASMR. Like I just zone out and watch these dogs in their transformations and then, like, empowered women and midlife women. And yeah, it’s totally what you make it.

Katy Ripp (00:04:00) –  I love that word you use that curated like I do have a curated feed. That’s exactly what I have. And so when I scroll on it, like I get super excited and really inspired.

Katy Ripp (00:04:10) –  And I mean, I don’t really have like a comparison issue because I just like, there’s nobody out there I really compare myself to. I just want to be better. And that’s what Instagram makes me.

Shonna Dexter (00:04:20) –  I don’t know, there you go.

Katy Ripp (00:04:22) –  Say it.

Shonna Dexter (00:04:22) –  And it’s a tool, right?

Katy Ripp (00:04:24) –  I get to meet people like you. This is so amazing to me. I am so honored you’re here. Really, I just I remember exactly where I was sitting when I found you, which is so fascinating to me. I was, you know, we owned a wine bar, and I was sitting upstairs in my wine bar at like a table that I was, I think I was working or getting ready for an event or something, and I’m pretty sure I had a bottle of wine in front of me. And I’ve had I think we’ve shared like, a lot of the same story. Right? I’ve had a thousand day ones. I started over 100 different ways, 100 different times, a thousand different days.

Katy Ripp (00:05:02) –  And like, I just related to you. And I was like, God, could I ever be that brave to be out here and be doing that? And yeah, so I’d love to. Well, first of all, it’s a pleasure and an honor to meet you. I just find you to be so inspirational and to watch your journey and be a business owner. Right? Like a legit real time business owner. And you were that before you got sober, right? And so I think we also parallel that life for sure. And we’ve talked a little bit about, you know, back and forth on Instagram, just so everybody knows, this is the first time that Shonna and I have actually ever talked.

Shonna Dexter (00:05:40) –  Ever talked. I’ve heard your voice, but, like, we’ve never talked.

Katy Ripp (00:05:44) –  This is so awesome. So, you know, we’ve gone back and forth or I’ve watched a lot of your progression, but also when you were so gracious to be on our podcast, you filled out a little questionnaire about how much your bottom line has changed and how your like, business life has changed.

Katy Ripp (00:06:03) –  And I relate to that so much. And it’s so hard to quantify that and quantify it to other people because it was such a gradual thing for me. I mean, if I go back to the day I got sober, I mean, like I have the tracking, like the reports from the day I got sober until now. And for me, it wasn’t necessarily just the sobriety part. It’s sobriety was on the top for me, and the rest of it was just a trickle down effect. I don’t know how else to explain it, but I think we relate to that in each other’s lives. And so I would love you to just spill it. Tell me your story. Tell me where you are.

Shonna Dexter (00:06:44) –  What you’re doing.

Katy Ripp (00:06:45) –  My intention for this podcast is to just share stories like this, sort of rip the shame off, rip the anxiety off of it. Talk about alcohol. Like, I don’t think that. Yeah, I think the world is changing anyway, and I love that so much.

Katy Ripp (00:07:01) –  But I would just love to hear your story and, and spill it about all the things that sobriety did for you. But also, as we get further away from sobriety, it becomes less and less about not drinking and more and more about self-care and really being honest with ourselves and really being authentic. So I’m just going to give you the green light to go.

Shonna Dexter (00:07:26) –  Okay, well, I could go in a million different directions. So I’m going to try to keep it on track and not have like squirrel brain all over the place. Okay.

Katy Ripp (00:07:33) –  We’re all I think all listeners are squirrel brain too, so it’s fine.

Shonna Dexter (00:07:36) –  Yeah, I think that’s part of why I’m a great entrepreneur, right? I never had a lack of ideas and things to say. But really, you know, I look at 2019 was my turning point. I had always been a big drinker. I, you know, started drinking when I was 15 years old. And I grew up in Topeka, Kansas, which is like the capital of Kansas and, you know, but 100,000 people.

Shonna Dexter (00:08:03) –  So not a small town, but not a big city by any means either. And that’s what you did in high school, was you went to football games and basketball games and you went to parties and you drank. And so I was introduced to alcohol at a very young age and realized like, oh, this makes me a totally different person. And when you’re 15, who doesn’t want to be a different person, right. Like, I was so shy had Had always been, you know, I didn’t know what an introvert was then, but very much an introvert and just really incredibly shy. And so when I took my first few drinks of alcohol and I realized that, like, it let me be who I wanted, all the girls that I admired, all the girls that I wanted to be, were super bubbly, outgoing, had tons of friends, and I’m over here cowering in the corner all the time, afraid to talk to people, right? So it let me be that person. And of course, I’m now 30 years removed from that moment, 32 years removed from that moment.

Shonna Dexter (00:09:08) –  And I can say, now that’s where it began. But back then, hey, this is just what you do. It’s a party, right? Are you.

Katy Ripp (00:09:17) –  47?

Shonna Dexter (00:09:18) –  I am 47. I turn 47in March. Oh, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:09:22) –  Donna, you look like you’re about 25.

Shonna Dexter (00:09:25) –  Oh, well. Thank you. Oh, I’m working on it.

Katy Ripp (00:09:29) –  Aging backwards?

Shonna Dexter (00:09:31) –  Yeah. I look at old pictures and I’m like, Holy mackerel, I cannot believe that. But oh.

Katy Ripp (00:09:36) –  My God, I did not think. I mean, I’m going to be 46 in October. And so it’s very it’s an eye opening age.

Shonna Dexter (00:09:44) –  Midlife is wild.

Katy Ripp (00:09:45) –  Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (00:09:46) –  It’s an old time for sure.

Katy Ripp (00:09:48) –  I actually love it. This season of life is lovely for me. I feel more in my own skin and own body and feel very good. So. But midlife is crazy, so I’m sorry to interrupt. I just.

Shonna Dexter (00:10:02) –  Like, totally fine looking.

Katy Ripp (00:10:03) –  At you right now. I’m like, Holy shit, I want to look like that at 47.

Shonna Dexter (00:10:07) –  Stop!

Katy Ripp (00:10:08) –  Which thank you for me.

Shonna Dexter (00:10:10) –  I so, you know, that was the beginning for me. And then fast forward, like my early 20s, I moved to Las Vegas. Party capital of the world. Right. So it was just a thing, like he went out at 10 p.m., you took your sunglasses with you because you knew you weren’t going home until after the sun came up. And that was just, you know, but in my early 20s, I could recover from those evenings much easier.

Katy Ripp (00:10:37) –  Much different story these.

Shonna Dexter (00:10:38) –  Days. Yeah, in my late 20s. So I had moved back to Kansas City, and I met my husband and he had three children. And as a girl who never wanted kids but fell in love with the man. It was an insane time for me. I’m also an only child, so like I don’t have a lot of exposure to kids. And so I was always the youngest like cousin, just never really been around kids. And so falling in love with a man who had three children and then getting married when I was 30, They came to live with us full time about a year and a half after we got married.

Katy Ripp (00:11:24) –  How old were they at the time?

Shonna Dexter (00:11:26) –  Eight, 11 and 13.

Katy Ripp (00:11:28) –  Oh, at 30 years old.

Shonna Dexter (00:11:30) –  Yeah. So it was really interesting. And today, again, very far removed from that. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Like, my stepkids are everything to me. But at the time, I didn’t have coping mechanisms. I went from single, fun loving gal to full time mom of three within three years. And so I didn’t know how to be those things. And I had a corporate job worked, you know, 45 hours a week. And that was just the expectation at that job. You worked 730 to 530 every day. And so learning how to deal with having kids and never having time for myself, it just didn’t happen. And so I turned to wine. Yeah. And it became a nightly ritual. And again, it just started slow. Right. It’s I think for so many people it’s just this very slow progression. And you may be like, I was where on the weekends, like I was a binge drinker.

Shonna Dexter (00:12:34) –  Let’s get it on. Let’s forget about all of this stuff going on in my life and let’s just do this right. There was no moderation. If I was going to moderate like, to me, it was like, what’s the point? Why would anyone want to do that? Actually?

Katy Ripp (00:12:53) –  Like, I didn’t want to just have one. I wanted to get drunk, right? Like, I, I also wanted to escape. So it was for me. It was a like a medication on a fun side. Can I ask, did your husband drink? Like, were you guys drinking buddies?

Shonna Dexter (00:13:08) –  Right?

Katy Ripp (00:13:09) –  Yeah, yeah. So that’s what my husband and I did too. We were like, drinking buddies. So it was like. I mean, in hindsight, I realized I was the instigator, right? Like, I didn’t realize how much I instigated until I was on the other side of this. And while he’s a big drinker, he can, like, take it or leave it, I never could.

Katy Ripp (00:13:26) –  So. Sure.

Shonna Dexter (00:13:27) –  Exactly. I mean, exact same scenario, right? Our lifestyle and our socialising revolved around driving, sporting events, you know, going out to bars and watching live music, things like that. Like everything we did in our friend group it revolved around drinking. Yeah. And so in 2019, fast forward 2019, I was 42. I, you know, just slow progression of the alcohol in my life. I had started my own business, started as a side gig, built it into my full time job and slowly started, you know, seeing that. Okay, what was one glass of wine is now 2 or 3 on the weekends. What was two glasses of wine is now a bottle like again, just this very slow progression and having stress and being an anxiety ridden person in the first place, and then just not knowing how to deal with it, not having coping mechanisms. And so I turned to wine. And 20 19th January I was hosting an event for spray tan or so.

Shonna Dexter (00:14:39) –  My business is spray tanning, sunless tanning. And I hosted the only conference in the world for spray tanners. I was just the only person who was dumb enough to do this. So I started that organization in 2000.

Katy Ripp (00:14:55) –  Say dumb enough, I say brave enough.

Shonna Dexter (00:14:57) –  Yeah, well, it ended up like destroying me, but it was my moment too, you know? But I started it in 2015. By 2019, I was hosting this event for, you know, hundreds of people across the country and the world would come to Las Vegas, where I hosted the event, and there was a night where I didn’t even. I think I had one glass of wine. This moment had nothing to do with alcohol, and it had everything to do with the fact that I did not sleep. I ate terrible, I just didn’t take care of myself for years leading up to that. And my nervous system said, we’re done, we’re done, and I will never forget I was laying on the bathroom floor of my hotel room and it was like an out-of-body experience.

Shonna Dexter (00:15:47) –  It was. I’ve had plenty of panic attacks in my life. It was a panic attack on steroids. It was insane and literally could not function for a full 24 hours. I couldn’t get out of bed to go host my own event. Thankfully, I had people there who stepped in and executed, but that was my moment of clarity. That was my moment of, okay, this is much bigger than you think it is, and you can’t just keep living like this. But I didn’t know then what the fix was. I just knew that something had to change. I knew that alcohol probably had something to do with it, but nobody was talking about sobriety then like it was. That was only five years ago. And the way the conversation has changed around alcohol in the last five years is 180.

Katy Ripp (00:16:35) –  Yeah, I mean, to the moon really, because it was just never talked about. Let me ask you, Sean, did you have well, two questions. One is did you feel bad about drinking? Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:16:48) –  You know, you shouldn’t at one point or another.

Shonna Dexter (00:16:51) –  I don’t know that I ever knew I shouldn’t. Yeah, I really believed that I could moderate, right, that I could be that take it or leave it person. And I didn’t really understand why I would go into situations and intend to have one glass of wine. And it always became a bottle, but I could not, in 2019, fathom my life without alcohol. No.

Katy Ripp (00:17:15) –  Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (00:17:16) –  I mean, because it was just such an ingrained it was a part of my identity.

Katy Ripp (00:17:20) –  Did anybody say anything to you? I think that’s one of the questions that people have, like, was this your decision or somebody else’s decision? Nobody ever said anything to me. I mean, ever. Yeah. Nobody ever said anything.

Shonna Dexter (00:17:34) –  No. Hang out with people who are drinking on the same level as you. They tend to not want you to change your version of you that they know and identify with. And so you changing, they think says something about them.

Katy Ripp (00:17:52) –  Yeah, 100%.

Shonna Dexter (00:17:52) –  So I mean, I actually just had this conversation with my husband on a walk yesterday, and we were talking about the fact that he has now significantly cut back on his drinking. And I said, you know, something that I’ve been thinking about recently is how he always used to say to me, like, I would be hung over on a Sunday laying on the couch, just feeling like poo. You know, and not get off the couch all day. And he would be like, I cannot believe you are 40 years old and you have not figured out how to feel better the day after you drink, because I was not the girl who would like, party and throw up in the toilet and then feel great the next day. But mean.

Katy Ripp (00:18:32) –  When you’re talking about hangovers.

Shonna Dexter (00:18:34) –  Yeah, I was literally just like dead to the world after a night of bingeing. And like you said, your husband is, Justin is very much a take it or leave it drinker likes to party, but he could just drink and maintain a certain level of buzz or whatever and never hit that point where he’s just gone.

Shonna Dexter (00:18:57) –  Yeah. And so I was like, but how ironic that, like, that was kind of, I think his way of letting me know that this wasn’t working for me. Yeah. Without him coming out and saying, hey, like, have you ever thought about this? You know. But I think he also was concerned, just like I was when I quit, when I made the decision for me and made it an empowered decision to say I’m going to be sober, I was scared to death what it would do to my marriage. And I think he also probably had those concerns of if my wife was drinking, then what does our life look like?

Katy Ripp (00:19:37) –  Uhhuh. There are significant fears that I had for decades. One was my relationship, right? Like, if I don’t drink, what does that make us anymore? Because that’s what we did, where all my friends are going to go, because that was my entire social life, was wrapped up in drinking. What am I going to do with my time now that I’m not drinking? Right? Like I’m going to be bored.

Katy Ripp (00:19:59) –  There’s going to be nothing to do. I mean, those are the big three for me. We’re like, any other one’s hit for you. I mean, those are big enough, right? To me.

Shonna Dexter (00:20:07) –  I think that’s your social life.

Katy Ripp (00:20:09) –  Also, I had no other way to cope with anything. Right? Like happy, sad, you know, excited, elated, grieving. I mean, I had no other way to cope with anything. So it was I’m also giving up my medication. So I didn’t realize it really at the time how significant that was. I’m curious, you know, because that is such a fear. Tell me how it’s changed your relationship if it has with your husband.

Shonna Dexter (00:20:35) –  So I quit. I decided my day one was January 1st, 2020. I had no idea what was coming two months later. Right. And I don’t know, I think initially for me it was very like, okay, I did Annie Grace’s live alcohol experiment and connected with a lot of people all over the world who were kind of going through this 30 day program the same time as me.

Shonna Dexter (00:21:00) –  And I would say maybe 2% of US states over from. Yeah, right from that whole New Year’s resolution. So, yeah, I mean, exactly. And I had done everybody does that. I had been doing dry January every year for like five years. Okay. So to me, Dry January was like proof to myself that I don’t have a problem. Yeah. Where do you go 30 days with if I can willpower my way through 30 days of this, then I don’t have a problem with alcohol.

Katy Ripp (00:21:30) –  Yeah, I know I had a problem because I didn’t drink while I was pregnant. So I’ve had two kids, right? So I didn’t go pregnant. So I was like, well, obviously I don’t have a problem then that you don’t drink when you’re pregnant, right? Like there’s something bigger anyway.

Shonna Dexter (00:21:43) –  Yeah. So then for me, on January 2nd, actually, I had my first Reiki session ever, and this woman came to my house and did Reiki on me. And I knew after that session that I would never drink again.

Shonna Dexter (00:22:01) –  On January 1st, it was still a no no. I didn’t do this 30 day program. I’m gonna figure out how to moderate. And the next day after my Reiki session I just knew like this has to be it for me. I am not a take it or leave a drinker. I am an all or nothing drinker.

Katy Ripp (00:22:22) –  And sign yourself to be an all or nothing person. Yes. Yeah, I can’t even remember when I heard this or where I heard it. It doesn’t really matter. But I remember somebody saying along my life path, I don’t moderate anything in my life. Why should I expect to moderate an addictive substance? Like, why should I expect to have this one thing in moderation in my life? Because I don’t moderate anything. I’m passionate and balls to the wall about everything in my life. It’s odd to think that I would be able to moderate this one thing.

Shonna Dexter (00:22:57) –  Exactly.

Katy Ripp (00:22:57) –  Which is not meant to be moderated, by the way. Right? Like I don’t love getting into the anti grace who I love.

Katy Ripp (00:23:04) –  And I’ll put her information in this session. Notes. I’ve read all of her books and I’ve done all of the I didn’t do the workshops and stuff like that, but I really loved what she has to say. I love her message. I love everything about it. She gets pretty down and dirty into the science of it, and some people love that, and I do love it. Society isn’t really ready to accept that alcohol is an addictive substance, right? Like we are expecting that people should control it when chemically it’s not meant to do that, right? Like I used to drink 7 or 8 glasses of wine. I can hardly drink 7 or 8 glasses of water.

Shonna Dexter (00:23:40) –  Right?

Katy Ripp (00:23:41) –  I mean, literally, I have a smart water bottle like that tells me how many I have to drink throughout the day. Very rarely do I drink eight. I could very easily drink eight glasses of wine because chemically it’s ready for you to have another one. In any case, I say I’m not going to get into that.

Katy Ripp (00:24:02) –  Sometimes I do, but yeah, that part is I just like I don’t moderate anything. I don’t moderate my businesses. I don’t moderate my love, my relationships, my personal development, my exercise, my food.

Shonna Dexter (00:24:16) –  Like just all or nothing.

Katy Ripp (00:24:18) –  Yeah, it’s just not who I am. And I think we find more people like that, right? Like more and more people that have quit drinking are very, very black and white people. I think we can I mean, I’m trying to teach myself consistency. And, you know, that’s one of the things I’m really working on. But it’s pretty true. I think of a lot of us. And then we expect ourselves to moderate because that’s what society does. Correct. And I would have loved to be that person. I wouldn’t be able to pick up and put down a red glass of wine at dinner. I would, I really would. I’m not well at that person and now I don’t care at all, right? Like, I mean, right now I have no interest and same with me.

Katy Ripp (00:24:57) –  My story is similar. I didn’t hit a rock bottom. I say a lot of the times I like skipped along the bottom for a while. I was at my husband’s 40th birthday party. I drank all day long. I wasn’t obnoxious, it was not like a rock bottom. It was. I got a ride home and I. I mean, I woke up the next day and I was like, I am done. I am never, ever doing this again, and I haven’t. But for me it has to be a hard no. I cannot do a maybe I can’t do just one. I just like once. I just accepted it like liberating. It’s so freeing. I have a sign in my office, it says 99% is torture and 100% is bliss. Like, true. And for me it was just a decision I just like, decided. I just like no more. I can’t do it. And I’ve done that about a lot of the things. So it sounds like you had the same epiphany, right? Like I’m just done, you know, simultaneously.

Shonna Dexter (00:25:56) –  I was also listening to James clear Atomic Habits, you know, and he talks a lot about choosing your identity. And I had always identified as a party girl, like, I am a party girl. And I decided on January 2nd I am going to identify as a sober person. And I think sober is a word that a lot of people don’t like. I know people who are alcohol free or whatever, but to me, sobriety meant I am freeing myself from any and every substance because a lot of people like California sober. Right? So especially with our country and the laws around marijuana relaxing, a lot of people are going, they’re turning from alcohol to marijuana. Yeah, it’s still an escape. It’s still a way to not deal with your problems. And with the things that are living inside you and growing that will ultimately take you out. Yeah. And as a highly sensitive person with a very sensitive nervous system, you know, again, all things that I’ve learned about myself over the last four years, but I feel everything big.

Shonna Dexter (00:27:09) –  And so for me, you know, the thought of smoking something or taking a gummy or something to still just numb down that experience and those big emotions and those big feelings. That’s no different than using alcohol or wine to do the same thing. So I decided that I was going to claim sobriety as a positive, not as, oh, look at her, the girl over there in the corner who has a problem. And it’s not like any of us and we can all moderate. No one in my life, let’s be honest, no one in my life was moderating. Very few.

Katy Ripp (00:27:47) –  Yeah, and I had people surround myself with people that did because it also gave me a green, you know, green light. Right? Got my inevitable permission slip to be drinking as much as I wanted to, as long as I was around people that were drinking as much as they wanted to. Right. Exactly. I’m not saying that that’s good or bad or whatever. I also change my mindset around sobriety, and I think that’s why it’s been such a positive experience for me.

Katy Ripp (00:28:15) –  I very much like you, claim sobriety. I do not identify as an alcoholic. I knew it was no longer serving me in any way. I knew that I was using it as an escape and a coping mechanism, and I basically just got sick of it. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I knew that there were some feelings underneath there that I didn’t deal with, that I had to, and the only way I was going to do that is to clear the shit. And for me, the shit was alcohol. For somebody else, it might be shopping for somebody else, it might be smoking for some food, or me. It was alcohol and I it was just the tippy top of whatever it was. And the rest of it has just like fallen into place. And I knew it in my soul that if I could just get this one thing, I could just quit that one thing, the rest of it would fall into place. I just knew it.

Shonna Dexter (00:29:14) –  And it’s funny you say that about the different ways we numb ourselves, because kind of my catalyst to being like, okay, alcohol is the thing I have to change.

Shonna Dexter (00:29:26) –  Even after laying on a frickin bathroom floor in Las Vegas six months earlier, I was still drinking and I had a moment backstage with my favorite band and the lead singer of that favorite band, and he’d been sober for 11 years, and And he was talking very vulnerably about his sobriety in this moment. And he said, I was a junkie and my drugs of choice were alcohol and pills. And it was something about that, actually, he said, I am a junkie. Like he claimed that as like, this is inside me. This is who I am, and I have to regulate that. right. And in that moment, that sentence just landed in me. There were a lot of other people in that room, and that sentence had no effect on anybody else in that room. But for me, it was this moment of clarity where I was like, well, I’m a freaking junkie too. But wine and food or my coping mechanism, those are what I’m a junkie for. And it’s two things that happen to be socially acceptable to consume, you know, too much of.

Katy Ripp (00:30:42) –  Yeah. Especially as a woman, for sure. Like it is three bodies. Like it’s fine. Just eat ice when you feel sad or drink wine.

Shonna Dexter (00:30:52) –  With your kids. Yeah. You know.

Katy Ripp (00:30:54) –  Right. Yeah. And again, I always like, want to put a disclaimer out there like you do you I’m gonna do me like whatever. I don’t really care. However, I also want to offer an option of this doesn’t have to be the way it’s done. And you could talk about it in a normal way. And you don’t have to be a junkie in order to change, right? Like when I say highly functioning, I mean, you know, you always. You’re, like, highly functioning alcoholic. Okay, fine. Like you were functioning everything. Yeah. You want to label me that way? That’s totally cool. If you want to call me an alcoholic because I don’t drink anymore. And that’s the only way you believe that that works. That’s totally fine. I don’t really care.

Katy Ripp (00:31:39) –  It’s not how I look at myself. So it doesn’t really matter to me anymore. But I was highly functioning hungover every day. Highly functioning?

Shonna Dexter (00:31:48) –  Yeah. I had a very successful business.

Katy Ripp (00:31:51) –  Yes. Also, I was using that as an escape. Right? Like, the busier I was, the less I had to. I mean, really, now I’m like, I’m still highly functioning, but at such a level that it’s like acceptable for me and appropriate amount of functioning. And like, I’m also not trying to please everybody. I mean, that part has changed so much. But to be functioning, it’s very hard for people to understand that you have a problem when you’re still getting up and running businesses and getting your kids to school and and doing all the things from the outside look fine. But for me it was not fine, right? Like, I was done. I was done being not fine. I wasn’t even fine anymore.

Shonna Dexter (00:32:36) –  And in that moment, you know, that was a conversation that happened in June of 2019.

Shonna Dexter (00:32:43) –  And from there out through the end of 2019, I would say really did moderate my drinking for the first time in my adult life. I would have a glass of wine out at dinner. I would buy a bottle of wine on the weekend and drink one bottle of wine over the weekend at home. But that forced the conversation within myself and with myself of why do I still think I need this at all? What is in me that say you cannot live your life without this?

Katy Ripp (00:33:21) –  Let me ask you when you started to moderate for that like six months, did you feel very white knuckled. Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (00:33:27) –  Yes. You know you’re controlling it. You’re just say okay I’m not going to do this anymore. And for me it was just an examination process that needed to happen in this journey for me. And I remember, funny enough, in November of 2019, it was the end of November and went to see the same bands, and I drank way more of that day and that night than I had drank in the previous five months, because I couldn’t imagine going and seeing men and not drinking, like not making this whole big production out of it.

Shonna Dexter (00:34:07) –  You know, taking the afternoon off work and going and pre gaming and going out to dinner with our friends. And then, you know, all of these things. And I was the funny thing is like I was so excited to tell that guy how what he said had affected me. But here I am like half slurring my words when I’m having a conversation with him. The next day I was just like, what the hell? I’m like, okay, so I knew that, like, I had white knuckled it. I had controlled my surroundings so much I hadn’t changed my thoughts. Yeah. Around alcohol, I still thought that alcohol was providing something for me in my life. It was providing a positive, and it was something that I couldn’t imagine my life without. So I just kept drinking and controlling it. And I think it was part of the alcohol experiment process, and it was very much about identity and simultaneously listening to Atomic Habits talk about identity. And I just decided in January of 2020, like I am sober, period.

Shonna Dexter (00:35:22) –  Period. This is who I am. This is who I want to be in this. So I’m going to be. And I waited 100 days to put it out there to the world. But I did that for the accountability, frankly. Yeah. In the beginning it was like, okay, I made it a hundred days. That felt astronomical to me at that time. Like, could not believe that I did that. And then I decided, but I could start to see the positives it was bringing. I had 100 days in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:35:58) –  Like early on. Early on, right where.

Shonna Dexter (00:36:02) –  My business had just been shut down. Like when I’m crossing 100 days, my business is shut down, I cannot work, I have no income. All of these things.

Katy Ripp (00:36:12) –  Are a reason to drink, right?

Shonna Dexter (00:36:14) –  Everything was falling apart, right? Like at that point, we didn’t know if we were going to get any sort of assistance. I knew nothing. I’m just over here floating around.

Shonna Dexter (00:36:23) –  And I remember my birthday is March 31st. So very close to 100 days at that point. I sat on the couch and watch CNN all die of New York City. You know, this is back when Cuomo was having his daily press conferences and all of that. And I just sobbed through the entire day, and I was so depressed. But I felt it.

Katy Ripp (00:36:52) –  Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (00:36:53) –  And that was a profound moment for me to sit there and actually feel like what is happening. This is scary. Nobody knows what’s going on. How many people are going to die? Like as an empath and a highly sensitive person? Like my brain goes a million different directions, but sitting there in that moment and saying, I’m going to feel this and I’m not going to numb this. That was a profound moment for me. And so it wasn’t, you know, it was maybe a week later that I had 100 days. And I put it out there on social media and I just said, you know, I have claimed this for myself.

Shonna Dexter (00:37:32) –  But again, I looked at it as accountability. Also, if I put this out there to my, you know, 1000 friends on Facebook and my approximately 1000 followers on Instagram, there’s going to be a lot of people watching. And when you’ve never seen a photo of Shawna that didn’t have her holding a drink. And so I knew if you put it out there now, everybody’s going to be waiting for you to mess up.

Katy Ripp (00:37:58) –  100%. Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (00:37:59) –  And so how are we going to handle that? And I just stepped into it. I stepped into the identity and said, this is who I am, and I’m not going to be ashamed of it because I look around and I know, I know, just from my circle of friends that there are a lot of people in this world who have issues with alcohol, and it’s just not talked about. Yeah. And, you know, I also have a lot of people in my life who had had problems, who had gone to rehab, who are in AA, who are in recovery, and that was a great thing for them.

Shonna Dexter (00:38:32) –  But I also know enough about myself to know I was never going to walk into a room with people and stand up in front of them and say, hi, my name is Shonna and I’m an alcoholic because I didn’t feel that way about myself. Yeah, so I had to find something that I did identify with and that felt empowering to me. Instead of being a victim to alcohol, I am choosing to live a life without alcohol and that is empowering.

Katy Ripp (00:38:59) –  I could not have said that any better, I just. There are so many ways to get sober or quit drinking or whatever language you want to put around it. Maybe it’s changed right now, right? Like there’s a difference. Even five years ago, you were either in recovery, which meant you were always an alcoholic. And and you are powerless. You’re in a 12 step program or you’re in full on rehab. Nobody made a choice to do it. That was the perception. I’m not saying nobody made a choice because lots of people have made this choice, but it’s I mean, one of my fears was, well, everybody’s going to know I have a problem.

Katy Ripp (00:39:40) –  Guess what? Everybody already knew I had a problem, right? So walk around the problem. So and I had I had also done like a 90 day stint. I had made it 90 days because I was accountable. I started on January 1st of 2018, did 90 days, blogged about it every day, had the accountability and the accountability saved me, honest to God, you know? And then, of course, I went very quickly back into my old habits. It got worse, actually.

Shonna Dexter (00:40:12) –  I fulfilled my obligation. Look at me. Look at all these great things I did. Now I’m gonna go ruin it all.

Katy Ripp (00:40:19) –  I have a problem. But, you know, if you like, need to take a 90 day stint. It’s sort of a red flag, right? Like. Or a yellow flag, at least. Like you feel like you need to take a 90 day stint from it altogether. There might be a reason you need to do that. For me, the accountability, like you said, like when I put it out there and the second time I did it, the time that I knew.

Katy Ripp (00:40:41) –  So I did it the first time for 90 days, went back to drinking and, you know, whatever. But I had fulfilled my obligation to my followers. And, you know, I was like, it’s fine. It’s fine to drink again. It got worse for me in the end. Like it got to a point where I was drinking at home. I only wanted to drink at home because nobody would judge me for how much I was drinking. You know, like that snowball goes down the hill pretty fast for me, but the accountability for me. So when I was in, I have decided I’m not drinking anymore ever again. I’ve made that decision in my head. I didn’t share it until 90 days, and I had already known that I was never going to go back. But I was like, If I’m going to tell people I’m never going back on social media where I find my accountability. I’ve got to be real certain for sure.

Shonna Dexter (00:41:27) –  That was exactly how I felt.

Katy Ripp (00:41:29) –  Yeah, and I needed it.

Katy Ripp (00:41:31) –  And 90 days was a big deal to me. 100 days was like magic for me. I don’t know why. I don’t like people ask all the time, like, how long does it take to get to like the euphoria, the pink cloud, the, you know, blah blah blah. I think it’s different for everyone. A hundred days has definitely floated out there as the big deal, right? I consider like 100 days was a big deal for me because I never freaking thought I’d make it one day, much less 100. I still celebrate days, right? Like I just surpassed my thousandth. I don’t count, I still have a counter on my phone, I don’t count and I have to look it up a lot. Right? But there is something to be said about those days and like, look how far I’ve come. Does it look like that every single day? No. Right. But I know and I know how I feel, and a thousand days is a big deal to me because so much has changed and subtle changes, right? Like nobody lives your life, so you don’t know what it’s like to be at home, be Be inside me and be like, oh my God.

Katy Ripp (00:42:38) –  My nervous system is completely chill.

Shonna Dexter (00:42:41) –  Like, yeah, like regulated.

Katy Ripp (00:42:43) –  Percent of the time.

Shonna Dexter (00:42:44) –  Is that what what what a system. What I can sleep.

Katy Ripp (00:42:49) –  I in.

Shonna Dexter (00:42:50) –  My sleep.

Katy Ripp (00:42:51) –  And I was like, you know, getting up once or twice a night to pee or I would wake up at 3:00 and never get back to sleep like.

Shonna Dexter (00:42:59) –  230 to me.

Katy Ripp (00:43:00) –  Yeah, I would, you know, and there’s some science behind this, right. Like, you know, now there’s like, your adrenaline wears off basically. And then everything just like, shoot straight through the roof and wakes you up and you’re like, oh my God, I can’t stop my it.

Shonna Dexter (00:43:14) –  What’s funny is for years I called that entrepreneur brain. I really thought I was waking up in the middle of the night because I would wake up and think about my business. Yeah, but I really thought, like, oh, this is all because I’m stressed out from trying to grow this business. Yeah, I never considered or even knew again.

Shonna Dexter (00:43:33) –  And that’s where I think that Annie’s program was good for me, because learning the science behind that, I was like, wait, yeah, this is what the last decade has really been about. Yeah. And I thought all this time I was just a stressed out business owner.

Katy Ripp (00:43:49) –  Yeah. I mean, now that I’m on the other side of this, my business ownership is lovely, right? Like, I don’t ever wake up. I don’t wake up with stress. My business. I don’t wake up ever, to be honest, like I was having sleeping problems. I knew it was because I was drinking, you know, after I had like, read enough about it. Then I figured it out and I was like, no, it’s going to be different tonight, right? It never, ever was never. But also after that, like first ten days of when you feel like the Mack truck hit you for ten days of like the first ten days are really rough. Just anybody who’s out there that’s never quit drinking.

Katy Ripp (00:44:27) –  I’m telling you, the first ten days is not what the rest of it feels like.

Shonna Dexter (00:44:32) –  Exactly. You gotta grind through that ten.

Katy Ripp (00:44:34) –  Days sucks so bad. But like, if you can get on the other side of ten days, my sleep is like orgasmic. I hit the pillow and I never wake up until the sun comes up. I rise and set with the sun. I just I don’t have any sleep problems. It is lovely. I love to go to bed.

Shonna Dexter (00:44:55) –  Recently. I love going to bed. Oh man.

Katy Ripp (00:44:57) –  This is.

Shonna Dexter (00:44:58) –  Gonna be so exciting. Such an old lady. I don’t care, like I embrace the old lady lifestyle. I see everything great about being an old lady and going to bed early. Yeah. Yeah. For instance, this weekend I’m going to Dallas to see the band I was referencing. Their show doesn’t start until 10:15 p.m. and I was like, you know how many iced coffees I’m going to have to have Friday afternoon?

Katy Ripp (00:45:24) –  That and to sleep late.

Katy Ripp (00:45:26) –  Maybe wake me up at 9 p.m. to go.

Shonna Dexter (00:45:29) –  That’s what I was thinking, actually. Like, could you just, like. I’ll go to bed around seven. You wake me up, we’ll head over to Billy Bob’s, and then we’ll go back. And, you know.

Katy Ripp (00:45:40) –  I’m taking my family to see Billy Joel and Stevie Nicks. And I was like, well, the good news is, is that they’re way older than me. So the show starts at seven. I’m probably going to be home and in bed by like 1030. It’s gonna be Amen.

Shonna Dexter (00:45:53) –  That’s the best. But that’s how my lifestyle has changed, right? Like, I just don’t go places that I’m going to need to be out. Generally speaking, I don’t go places that I’m going to need to be out late. Because to me, my daily life and my routine is so good and so beautiful, and it works so well for me. Every day is the same, frankly. Weekends don’t matter. Holidays don’t matter.

Shonna Dexter (00:46:22) –  You know, I’m lucky enough that my business has grown in a way that I was able to retire my husband from his corporate job in 2022. And so our days every day or the same, it’s wake with no alarm. You know, whenever your body says we’ve had enough sleep, you get up. We’ve become very conscious about our health. It’s how we spend our money now, frankly, is on our health. And so, you know, we go to the gym a few times a week. We walk 4 to 5 miles every single day. You know all of these things and it’s just a day in and day out thing, and I never want a break from my life. Yeah. Life is really beautiful. Yeah. I couldn’t have imagined saying that before I quit drinking.

Katy Ripp (00:47:16) –  No, the escape part was something for me to write like. I could also tell when I started to look for travel, right? Like when I started, I could tell I wanted to escape my life, and then I would go somewhere and I’d come back and I’d.

Katy Ripp (00:47:29) –  My life would.

Shonna Dexter (00:47:29) –  Still be, hey, nothing has changed. Nothing’s changed.

Katy Ripp (00:47:33) –  Except now I have more work and I’m also hungover and I’m, you know, £10 heavier. You know, all the things. And one thing.

Shonna Dexter (00:47:41) –  My husband said right before he left his corporate career. And it was our last trip before he left. And he said, you know, I spent the last three days dreading going back to work, so I didn’t even enjoy my the second half of my vacation, because all I was thinking about is, what’s gonna what’s my life going to look like when I get back home? Yeah, right. Am I going back to.

Katy Ripp (00:48:04) –  Well, yeah. Right. That’s what I feel about Mondays every Monday now. Right. Like, I talk about Monday a lot. And yes, it’s a week. It’s a day. It’s you know, but it is such a barometer for me about how content I am because I used to loathe Mondays, and I feel like it’s an indicator of like, if you hate Mondays, you’re trying to escape all weekend long.

Katy Ripp (00:48:30) –  And then of course you have like, Sunday scaries. I didn’t even know what that phrase was like. I definitely don’t have a Sunday. Scary, right? Like I literally wake up on Mondays and I’m like, super excited, right? I plan all my favorite things on Mondays now, right? Like, I love Mondays. I’d love to get into how much your business has changed, right? Right. We might have to have a part two of this I would love to hear about, like how much your business has changed, how much you equate that to sobriety. And also there’s something to be said about sobriety, don’t get me wrong. Like but for me it was just the catalyst for her. It was the catalyst into taking care of myself and like, real self-care. Not like Doritos and a bottle of red wine in a bubble bath. Like, that’s not self-care. Self-care, to me is like doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments. financial meetings, things like paying attention to your expenses, paying attention to your staffing.

Katy Ripp (00:49:32) –  Like, tell me how that’s all changed for you.

Shonna Dexter (00:49:36) –  I think for me, what it did was it gave me clarity and it gave me confidence. And I felt like once I was able to conquer alcohol, which I saw is the biggest stumbling block in my life. I had confidence that I could do anything. Anything I could dream of could be my reality. At the time, you know, I was working in my business. I was doing spray tans and now Covid forced me out. And so it shut us down. And I brought my staff back first because I was like, they don’t have, you know, we had some money in savings. My husband’s working the whole time, you know, from home. So at that point he’s still in his corporate job. So we had some stability. And frankly, then I wasn’t paying myself a ton. You know, I had created a job for myself. Not so much a business. I wasn’t really I was I was an operator, not an owner.

Shonna Dexter (00:50:35) –  Right. But bringing them back and then sort out of, like, reverse engineering myself out of the business. So. Okay, wait, we’re making a little bit of money here. I’m paying them. There’s still enough money for me to pay myself a little bit. Okay. Like, if I lean into this, what does this look like? And so I went back, you know, I went from doing spray tans 5 to 6 days a week to doing spray tans like one, maybe two days a week.

Katy Ripp (00:51:10) –  Did you have one studio at that point?

Shonna Dexter (00:51:13) –  At that point in 2020? I had one studio, three room studio. I had four employees, okay? And all were part time. I had literally transferred one of those girls to become full time the week we got shut down. So oh my. My first full time employee got shut down two days after we had just done a renovation on our studio. Unveiled it all that Monday, and on Thursday we were shut down. So it was great.

Katy Ripp (00:51:42) –  Yeah, the timing was impeccable. So many lessons.

Shonna Dexter (00:51:46) –  But you know, again, the clarity that was coming with not drinking and just clouding up my brain every day and overloading my nervous system at the same time, I’m going to therapy. I’m doing energy modalities like Reiki, I did hypnotherapy, I tried a million different modalities of therapy to find what works for me. And so just all of these things slowly started to build into a life and a lifestyle for me that I was like, wait a minute. Okay, so now we’re kind of coming into our slow season. This is a test and it was frickin 2020. Nobody’s going anywhere. And let’s be honest, spray tanning is a it’s a special occasion thing for them for the vast majority of people. So they’re getting one before they go on a vacation, a wedding, you know, a big event, whatever. Well, none of those things are happening. Yeah. But then I was like, you know what, winter 2020? I had a girlfriend.

Shonna Dexter (00:52:48) –  She was opening a new salon, and she’s like, hey, I have this space. You could kind of like, start a second location. Why not? Are just crazy enough to do that shit. And so the pool. I released a space for her and said okay. We opened that in March of 2021. I worked there to get it up and going. Hired someone who kind of took it over, and the next thing I know, like I just am not working in my business anymore. It wasn’t necessarily like a okay, this is how I’m going to do it. Now I can take a step back and say, this is how I did it, and these are the decisions. But along the way, I don’t think I really had sight of what was going to happen long term. I dreamed of having time as an asset.

Katy Ripp (00:53:42) –  Oh, I love that.

Shonna Dexter (00:53:43) –  And that was my big dream. Time? Not necessarily money. Yeah. And so I started engineering my life and intentionally building my life for that.

Shonna Dexter (00:53:57) –  And that is what I have today. I work maybe, maybe four hours a week on my business. I have a staff who run now. We have two brick and mortar locations. I have staff who run those locations. I took a three month sabbatical in 2022, did not work on my business. One day for three months and everything just kept going and I kept getting paid. But then that led to a whole other slew of problems of who am I without that notion of my identity, right?

Katy Ripp (00:54:30) –  Right. Then the identity crisis comes again. Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (00:54:33) –  But, you know, I think that sobriety gave me clarity. But the biggest thing it gave me was confidence. Yeah. And when you believe in yourself and when you believe in your ability to take control of your life and build your life with intention, nothing can stop you. You will figure it out. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:54:55) –  That’s real honest.

Shonna Dexter (00:54:57) –  Yeah. And when you deal with the shit. Yeah, because we all have stuff. And instead of just trying to suppress it, numb it, make it go away.

Shonna Dexter (00:55:09) –  If you’re doing the things you need to do to deal with it, for me now, it’s like walking outside every day. That is my mental health walk. Yeah, like it’s when I do my best thinking about my business. It’s when I do my best thinking about myself and just doing hard things, you know? And as you do hard things, you gain confidence. Yeah, right. As you are successful in those things. So now I feel pretty much unstoppable. It’s like whatever I decide to do, I know I’m going to be successful at because I’m going to freaking figure it out. My brain just go like, yeah, I know I used to be so afraid. Like my business is going to collapse. You know, I’m going to end up in a band by the river, you know, all of these things. That’s where my brain would go. And now today, it’s like, you know what? Even if everything got taken away from me tomorrow, I still have the same brain that built all of this.

Shonna Dexter (00:56:03) –  Yeah, it made this life. And I could do it again.

Katy Ripp (00:56:07) –  Oh, I’m gonna cry.

Shonna Dexter (00:56:09) –  And so I, It’s just the confidence that comes with that and those experiences. And that’s not to say every day is friggin peachy, because I had a frickin mental breakdown in March when I was in the middle of this second build out and this new brick and mortar, and it costs twice as much as we thought it was going to. And all my old money issues, all the 20 something Shaughna money issues came flying in and I had to do like some trauma therapy around this stuff. And mistakes I’ve made in the past that were just still living inside me and giving me a lot of shame and a lot of self-doubt. And so I had to clear those things out of me to be able to successfully move forward and say, what’s done is done. Yeah. And now you’ve got more debt. You’re going to be just fine. Right? And so it’s recognizing those things and understanding what is making you feel the way you’re feeling.

Shonna Dexter (00:57:06) –  If it’s a negative feeling or even a positive feeling so that you can reinforce those positive feelings like confidence or you can learn to eliminate you will never eliminate all negative feelings. Now you just have to figure out how to manage them.

Katy Ripp (00:57:22) –  Yeah, you just get stronger, right? Like you get more of what you need. If you’re not, like, shoving it under the bed all the time. Right.

Shonna Dexter (00:57:31) –  And that’s I think so much of you asked me earlier about white knuckling sobriety. And if you’re white knuckling it, your chances of being successful are slim to none. Yeah. If you’re just constantly fighting yourself, you may be able to do it for months or even years and watch people white knuckle it for years.

Katy Ripp (00:57:50) –  Oh, and then I’m so sad.

Shonna Dexter (00:57:53) –  It just takes one thing, right? But when you embrace this lifestyle and say, you know what, let’s see how good this can be. Instead of all that focusing on all the things it’s going to take away from your life. So focus it on all the things it’s going to bring to your life.

Shonna Dexter (00:58:10) –  You’re talking about orgasmic sleep, right? You have no idea how sleep affects you. Yeah, it affects your mood and your mental stability and everything until you are getting great sleep.

Katy Ripp (00:58:25) –  Yeah. And then you’re like, oh, this is what this is about.

Shonna Dexter (00:58:29) –  And that is what has.

Katy Ripp (00:58:31) –  Made my.

Shonna Dexter (00:58:31) –  Husband completely cut back on his drinking. Yeah, because he started tracking his sleep with an app on his watch, and he sees exactly what happens to his sleep on the evenings where he has even one glass of whiskey. Yeah, bourbon or a couple beers in the afternoon. He’s seen how tiny of alcohol consumption, amount of alcohol consumption, what brought does to his deep sleep versus his, you know, and his restful sleep. All of this. I think that honestly, I think people learning more about sleep, we’re learning way more about it, people learning more about that and the effects of alcohol on sleep. I think that’s going to be what Revolution is, is the sober, curious movement.

Shonna Dexter (00:59:17) –  And it’s already happening.

Katy Ripp (00:59:19) –  Now. The alcohol companies aren’t telling you that. That’s why you have shitty sleep. Like that’s not what they’re doing, right? Like big alcohol is still trying to sell alcohol, and they’re not going to give you all the scientific shit about, you know, the stuff.

Shonna Dexter (00:59:34) –  For you this point.

Katy Ripp (00:59:36) –  That it’s horrible for you. What’s next for Shonna? Big, hairy, audacious, breezy goal.

Shonna Dexter (00:59:42) –  Oh, you know that you’re.

Katy Ripp (00:59:43) –  Obviously going to.

Shonna Dexter (00:59:45) –  Achieve. I am launching a new coaching community for my industry in July. I’m still figuring out what shape that takes. But you know, being a perfectionist or like an all or nothing person, like I’ve always been like, okay, it has to be perfect before, no, I’m done with that. Like, we’re just going to put it out there and we’re going to figure it out as we go. We did this a little bit in the winter, and so I’m just going to kind of continue on with that.

Shonna Dexter (01:00:13) –  I figured out, you know, I love helping women in my industry, take control of their lives and their businesses and stop just throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. And let’s really be intentional about this. Yeah, I went and got my life coaching certification last year or two, because I know that your business should support your life, support the lifestyle that you want. And so many of us, we just never get there.

Katy Ripp (01:00:40) –  Yeah, I’ve said this a number of times, especially as small business owners, entrepreneurs, however you want to call it whatever you want to call yourself. There is such a blurred line between professional and personal lives.

Shonna Dexter (01:00:53) –  It’s the same thing.

Katy Ripp (01:00:54) –  Yeah, if it exists at all for women. And so there isn’t to me, like I also have decided to just like I’m just a life coach, right? Like if you have a small business, that’s cool.

Shonna Dexter (01:01:07) –  We can talk about that.

Katy Ripp (01:01:08) –  Yeah, definitely. And for that and I will definitely give you all the pointers.

Katy Ripp (01:01:12) –  But until you deal with what’s inside you, you are never, ever going to achieve what you think you’re going to achieve. Like it’s not enough to want it. You have to figure out, like peel back all the layers and figure out what’s at the deep depths of your worthiness. Soul, before you ever get this. And so many of us at this age, I think are like we struggle with worthiness and what is our value and what is our purpose? Until you start to value yourself, there just is no room for you to achieve anything. And I would go to the mat with somebody that has said. It doesn’t matter how you feel about yourself, you can achieve. I will go to the mat with you and you might be able to do it for a while, but longevity is not on your side, so sure. Anyway, bring it on.

Shonna Dexter (01:02:03) –  Like growing my business from one person to now 25 employees, from my basement to to brick and mortar locations, you know, part time to, Well, now back to very part time, you know, but I’ve had every iteration over the last 13 years of what a small business could be.

Shonna Dexter (01:02:23) –  And especially in my industry, it’s such a unique industry. And so I really want to help people in my industry just kind of take my blueprint and adjust it to fit their business and their desired lifestyle. and teach them the things. Because most of it, we don’t go to business. We didn’t go to business school. When you spray tans on people because it makes them feel good and makes us feel good when they feel good, but we don’t know anything about business. And so those are all the things I’ve had to learn myself over 13 years. And so then just bringing those people, those resources and then throwing in a lot of the lifestyle stuff because I just really, I believe the same as you like. Yeah. If you aren’t dealing with your daily life, if you’re not happy in your daily life or at minimum content in your daily life, your business is never going to fix it.

Katy Ripp (01:03:22) –  Shonna, where can people find you if they are interested in reaching out? I’m assuming that’s okay with you.

Shonna Dexter (01:03:27) –  Yeah, so I’m just on Instagram. Shonna, which is esho and na underscore Dexter. That’s my main personal account. I’m very vulnerable open on that account. I tell it like it is when I’m going through shit. Everybody in my world knows. And because I just also especially in midlife, I think you find confidence, but you also start to understand that, like everybody’s going through stuff and, you know, if I can be a light for someone, if I can, you know, the number of people who have said you have contributed to me making the decision to quit drinking, that is worth every vulnerable share times a million to me. Yeah. And so I am just a I’m a very vulnerable person. Like I’m willing to be vulnerable for the greater good. Yeah. And so that’s what I try to put out there is just really positive but real. Yeah. I mean.

Katy Ripp (01:04:32) –  Life gets lifea sometimes.

Shonna Dexter (01:04:34) –  It does. And it doesn’t matter how much work you’ve done on yourself. Yeah.

Shonna Dexter (01:04:37) –  Or how sober you are. Things things are going to be hard. Yeah. For your time. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (01:04:42) –  It’s really a mindset shift though. Like, how are we looking at these things?

Shonna Dexter (01:04:46) –  Yeah, just accepting it and radical acceptances agreeing to.

Katy Ripp (01:04:51) –  I love that you were here. I love that we got to meet. I sent Shawna a message, I don’t know what couple of months ago. And I was like, you’re in Kansas City, right? It’s like 50 bucks for me to fly there.

Shonna Dexter (01:05:02) –  Yeah. so I definitely come and do it sometime.

Katy Ripp (01:05:06) –  I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna do it. I think that that’s my travel goal. I did discover that I don’t really love to travel, except for to go and see people. Right? Because I use them for an escape forever. And now I’m like, I want to travel, but I like, just want to go and see people I know. So I’m coming to Kansas City.

Shonna Dexter (01:05:23) –  Connecting with people is it’s everything for me and the way my friend group and my connections have changed since I quit drinking.

Shonna Dexter (01:05:31) –  You know, again, whole nother podcast, but.

Katy Ripp (01:05:34) –  That’s a that’s a part two and we’re going to get there, I promise. I’m definitely going to have you back, because I really would love to hear more about the business itself. And I love to hear about how people’s relationships have changed, because I think that’s like everybody’s biggest fear, right? And like, yes, my relationships have changed. They just do what they’re meant to, right? Like we’re meant to grow and expand and do all those things. So but I also get to meet people like you, right. Like Amen. And this is like, I just think that we are meant to cross paths with people when it’s the right time. And this has been almost a five year journey for us, and here we are.

Shonna Dexter (01:06:12) –  So we.

Katy Ripp (01:06:12) –  Are. Thank you so much. I just I love everything about this. So I’m just going to stop the recording quick. And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me.

Katy Ripp (01:06:26) –  Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message @KatyRipp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at katyripp.com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing. Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life. And remember #ActuallyICan.