Ever feel like you’re back in middle school when navigating friendships? You’re not alone…

The truth is, friendships can be tricky, no matter what age you are.

In this very first Dear Katy episode, my close friend Janna and I dive into the initial batch of questions from listeners. We tackle some real-life dilemmas about self-worth, business partnerships, and how to navigate friendships in midlife. 

I even recount a relatable story about miscommunication, highlighting why it’s important to address concerns directly with friends. 

Today’s questions include:

  • How can I help my friend see her true worth and beauty when she has very low self-esteem?
  • I agreed to start a business venture with a friend, but now I’m not so sure about it. What should I do? And why do I keep putting myself in sticky business situations with friends?!
  • My closest friends seem to be pulling away. What should I do?

Managing friendships in midlife is all about giving one another grace and being willing to embrace change. Ready for a dose of inspiration and practical wisdom? Tune in to the full episode now! 

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Midlife on Purpose: Workbook

CONNECT WITH KATY RIPP: 

Submit a letter HERE for a Dear Katy episode

Website: www.katyripp.com

Instagram: @katyripp

Pinterest: @katyripp

Facebook: @katy.ripp

CONNECT WITH JANNA BOEHM:

Instagram: @just_jannabanana

What if life’s greatest challenges became the catalyst for your most authentic and joyful living?

In this episode, I sit down with my dear friend Lynn, a remarkable woman navigating the complexities of metastatic breast cancer. Lynn’s story is nothing short of inspiring—a testament to living unapologetically and embracing every moment with grace and humor. From the initial shock of her diagnosis to the profound lessons she’s learned about slowing down and finding joy, Lynn’s journey offers invaluable insights into legacy, body image, and the importance of preparing for the end of life. 

Her reflections on mortality, family, and living in the moment are a heartfelt reminder to embrace life fully and purposefully.

Our conversation covers:

  • Lynn’s raw and honest emotions when she first learned about her metastatic breast cancer.
  • Reflections on life, mortality, and the importance of living life on one’s own terms.
  • how the diagnosis reshaped Lynn’s perspective on what truly matters, including her thoughts on legacy and what she wants to leave behind.
  • The importance of slowing down and finding joy amidst adversity
  • How Lynn’s views on body image have transformed throughout her life.
  • The importance of preparing for the end of life with grace and humor.

Don’t miss out on Lynn’s incredible journey and the wisdom she shares. Tune into our conversation and be inspired to live your life more authentically and purposefully.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Gilda’s Club – Cancer Support Community

CONNECT WITH KATY RIPP: 

Submit a letter HERE for a Dear Katy episode

Website: www.katyripp.com

Instagram: @katyripp

Pinterest: @katyripp

Facebook: @katy.ripp

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Katy Ripp (00:00:00) –  What if life’s greatest challenges became the catalyst for your most authentic and joyful living? Hi, I am Katy Ripp, your host of #ActuallyICan, and today I’m thrilled to have my dear friend Lynn with us.  While Lynn is navigating life with metastatic breast cancer, her story is all about living unapologetically and finding the joy in every moment. 

We will talk about everything from the shock of her diagnosis, but also how it’s reshaped her values and views on life, legacy, and body image.  It is a heartfelt and hopefully inspiring conversation. Lynn is one of those people I hold very dear and just a great human all around. So let’s dive in.

Katy Ripp (00:00:21) – Hey there, fellow rebels, welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defying what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way. Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor, and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self. Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place. We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go. 

Katy Ripp (00:01:07) –  Okay. Well, welcome. Thank you. Lynn. I’m just going to ask you. Why are you here?

Lynn (00:01:27) –  Long story. I had breast cancer 12 years ago. I had a mastectomy. I had lymph nodes removed. Never thought about it again.

Katy Ripp (00:01:36) –  How old were you then?

Lynn (00:01:37) –  Well, I’m about to be 80. So 12 years ago. 68, though. Okay. 68. But I really thought I was done. It never occurred to me that this was ever going to happen again. I was cured in December. I went to the doctor because I thought I had a cracked rib. Knowing fully well they couldn’t do anything about it. But my husband nagged me to go. So I went and she said I did have a cracked rib, but it wasn’t for the reason I thought they had found that I had metastatic breast cancer on my bones, meaning there is no cure.

Lynn (00:02:11) –  I will live with this. I may die of cancer. I may die of something else with cancer. We have to find a way to keep this from spreading to organs. It’s on my bones. The cracked rib was because the little buggers eat your bones.

Katy Ripp (00:02:27) –  So not an incident?

Lynn (00:02:29) –  No. I have lesions from the top of my scalp to my pubic bone, front and back. There’s hundreds of them. That’s cancer. As long as they don’t go into an organ. I’m doing fine. Okay. When I first heard from this young woman was. It’s metastatic, meaning there’s no cure. So I was sitting there, and I was stunned. I am number one, one of the healthiest people I know. I am active, I may be almost 80, but I can put my palms flat on the floor and I play pickleball several times a week. I’m very active. My whole self-identity is wrapped up in I’m the healthiest grandma around me.

Katy Ripp (00:03:14) –  And you guys can’t see Lynn sitting here, but she is literally sitting crisscross applesauce in a chair.

Katy Ripp (00:03:21) –  Yes, like completely comfortable. I’m like, I’m telling my 12 year old daughter right now, please never stop sitting Indian style. Yes, because someday you won’t be able to like I cannot. It’s actually one of my goals in life and I can’t fake hips. I mean, you are almost 80. Let’s be real. In a few weeks.

Lynn (00:03:39) –  I don’t feel it.

Katy Ripp (00:03:40) –  I don’t act it.

Lynn (00:03:42) –  I don’t think about my age in those terms. I think about myself as being young and healthy. So when they tell you you have a chronic cancer, you think about dying. Yeah. I really never thought about dying my whole life. The one thing we live in, the most divided society known to mankind. People hate people for the dumbest reason. People fight for the dumbest reasons. Everybody’s different. Everybody’s entitled to be who they want to be. We’re not there as a society. But guess what? Everybody has something in common. You get born and you die. Nobody gets away with without dying.

Lynn (00:04:23) –  Yeah. So why did I wait till I got a diagnosis at age 79? To think about the fact that there are so many things. When I have lunch with you, Katie. And you said to me, what do you want your legacy to be? That was like when they told me I had cancer and it hit me in the head. It’s like, whoa. Why didn’t I think about that earlier? Why didn’t I think about that when I was raising kids or working or whatever? Because it was raising kids and.

Katy Ripp (00:04:51) –  Working and.

Lynn (00:04:52) –  Whatever. Doing whatever. But we need to take you take five minutes to meditate. You take five minutes to exercise. I don’t care what you do. We need to take some time to think about the fact that we’re going to leave this world at some point. No one knows when or how, but what do you want people to think about when they think about it? That you’re not there anymore? Yeah. There’s all these euphemisms to when I die, I’m going to die.

Lynn (00:05:18) –  I’m going to be dead, right? Nobody will have lost me. You lose your keys. I have a 21 year old granddaughter that I was in the car with last week or two weeks ago, and I insist on talking about my dying with my grandchildren that are their teenage and up and age appropriately. But you know, I’m going to die. So are they. But it is my privilege to die before them. That’s the order. I’m the grandma. As much as she doesn’t like talking about it. I am the grandma. So let’s talk about it. And she did find she was listening and she was crying and she was listening. And she’s trying to drive the car. And she was swearing because I made her teary while she’s trying to drive. But she came away with, your body is going to go away. I’m never getting rid of you. You’re in me? Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:06:12) –  I mean, figuratively and literally. Yes.

Lynn (00:06:16) –  You’ve talked to me. You’ve been with me. And your smell.

Lynn (00:06:22) –  When I open the closet and I smell your sweaters. All of that stuff goes with you. So, yes, your body dies. I’m going to turn into mulch. I’m having a natural burial. I’m coming back as a tree. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:06:36) –  I love that.

Lynn (00:06:36) –  But the rest of me hopefully is in the people that I love and adore and also the people that I meet. I have my support group on a pickleball court. I have my support group at Gilda’s. I had people from Harbor when I used to go there. There are people all over and I want them. So, okay. What is your job as a human being knowing that it’s going to end? Your first job is what do I want to do to make this world a better place. And I made mistakes like there’s no tomorrow. My earlier adult years were a mess I was a mess. Why did it take getting a horrible diagnosis to wake me up? Why couldn’t I wake up sooner and face once by obligation to people?

Katy Ripp (00:07:32) –  Do you have an answer for that? Do you have an answer for why you waited?

Lynn (00:07:36) –  I was busy being selfish, thinking about myself, having my own good time, raising my kids.

Lynn (00:07:42) –  But I was busy doing stuff. And I think we all live in this world where everything’s very fast. Yeah. And it’s getting faster now.

Katy Ripp (00:07:52) –  Well it gets faster as we get older too.

Lynn (00:07:54) –  It gets faster as we get older. But it’s also all this technology. Yeah I mean when I was growing up you didn’t order something and it didn’t show up at your door the next day. You actually had to go and get it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Everything’s very fast. We need to slow down as a society. We need to take pressure off of ourselves, our children, everybody to be better than somebody else. Just be the best you. And we all have different skills but we all have skills. I spend a lot of my life working with people with developmental disabilities who taught me an awful lot of stuff. Yeah. Everybody has something to teach. Everybody has a skill. We just need to learn how to slow down. I don’t know how to make people slow down. Maybe there’s one person out there that will click with me.

Lynn (00:08:44) –  It’s one more person. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:08:45) –  It doesn’t need.

Katy Ripp (00:08:46) –  To be 10,000.

Katy Ripp (00:08:47) –  No, it needs to be one. Yeah.

Lynn (00:08:49) –  And to slow down means it’s a gradual change. I think part of it for me too, was one of the hardest things in the world is to redefine your own who you are, your own identity. And when I first was diagnosed, I didn’t feel good. I slept a lot, which threw me for a loop because I am an A personality. You don’t nap. I was napping, I was having, I was sitting in a chair. The next thing I knew, two hours had passed. Yeah. And then I had to get up and say, oh my God. And I realized, okay, what didn’t I do in those two hours? Not much, but it’s not a big deal.

Katy Ripp (00:09:32) –  Yeah. Tell me about. I think there’s probably a lot of questions out here, and we’re just going to get down and dirty. I mean, I just I love that you are willing to answer these questions, because I think that we live in a society right now.

Katy Ripp (00:09:47) –  And I would imagine most of the people listening here are going to be middle aged women, right? I mean, I’m not expecting, like my son and his friends to listen unless I play the guitar.

Lynn (00:09:59) –  Or did something.

Katy Ripp (00:10:00) –  Yeah. Right. Right, right. Yeah. I think it also like we end up peeling back some layers as middle aged women, right? Like we’re looking at our kids who are teens and tweens and graduating high school, moving on to college, moving out of the house. And all of a sudden a couple of purposes go away. You know, you’ve been around for 80 years. That’s a lot of years. Did you find middle life that 40 ish, maybe 30 to 50 ish, learning anything that you take now as a life lesson for.

Lynn (00:10:34) –  Me, in those years I had been married very young. I had been divorced very young. I had 14 years, and then I remarried. I was in my middle 40s when I remarried. Okay. Up until that point, I probably wouldn’t have lasted five minutes with anybody because I was very busy racing around doing fun things.

Lynn (00:10:58) –  Having this really selfish, insecure child like in a grown up body.

Katy Ripp (00:11:07) –  Would you call that like a maturity level?

Lynn (00:11:09) –  My maturity level is in the tubes. Yeah. I mean, I was, you know.

Katy Ripp (00:11:14) –  Looking back on that now, do you think that that was like a coping mechanism, trauma response?

Lynn (00:11:19) –  I was totally trying to figure out how to be a full human being, but didn’t know how. And, you know, I mean, we could go back to, you know, my childhood, but really needing needing to be loved but not knowing how to get it. Yeah. And going about it in really hazardous ways. Right.

Katy Ripp (00:11:42) –  Filling a bunch of voids without knowing how to fill the.

Lynn (00:11:45) –  Void in very hazardous, immature ways. Yeah. Okay. Then I got to be my middle 40s and I reconnected with somebody I’d grown up with and who had been my best friend in high school, but a little insight into me. I didn’t like him romantically because he was a nice guy, wasn’t it?

Katy Ripp (00:12:06) –  Didn’t have to check the boxes.

Lynn (00:12:08) –  I would have preferred you been in prison. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:12:10) –  Right.

Lynn (00:12:11) –  Could we please be less nice?

Katy Ripp (00:12:14) –  Right.

Lynn (00:12:15) –  And.

Katy Ripp (00:12:15) –  Yes. More destructive. Yes. And then I will love you romantically. That’s right.

Lynn (00:12:20) –  Because then my crazy behavior wouldn’t be so terrible. Yeah, because yours would be worse.

Katy Ripp (00:12:24) –  Yeah, yeah. Keeping up with the Joneses in the office?

Lynn (00:12:28) –  Yes, exactly. I mean, I was never going to be tall and blonde. Never. I’m 411, and I have black and gray hair, but I was never going to be the tall blonde, so I was going to do something else. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:12:42) –  No, I’m going to feel that in a different way.

Lynn (00:12:44) –  Right, right. So and then I moved from Chicago, where I had spent my entire life, to Madison, Wisconsin, which is a very big change on so many levels. And it was so the best thing in my life immediately, because of the difference, there were two cities slowed down as much as I tried to make Madison faster, I finally got comfortable enough with the slowing down.

Lynn (00:13:15) –  I wasn’t aware of it because I was working, I had stepkids, I had a new husband, I wasn’t paying attention, and it really wasn’t. And I don’t know why. And I beg everybody not to wait till somebody says you have a disease that you know it’s going to kill you or your lifespan has been shortened. Don’t wait for that. But I don’t know how to get people to that point. I didn’t know how to get myself there. Yeah, I can’t tell anybody else how to do it. For Mother’s Day this year. My three children, my oldest child gave me five pints of ice cream. My middle child gave me a gift certificate to Portillo’s for sausage dogs and French fries. My youngest child gave me a subscription to a site where I can meditate. Those are my three children.

Katy Ripp (00:14:06) –  I mean, I love that.

Lynn (00:14:06) –  Okay, the first time I tried this meditation thing, I discovered you really shouldn’t do it while you’re drinking your coffee that you really need.

Katy Ripp (00:14:15) –  I mean, coffee is my meditation, but that’s just, you.

Lynn (00:14:17) –  Know, I’m sitting there drinking.

Katy Ripp (00:14:19) –  And. And then I was.

Lynn (00:14:20) –  Kind of doing leg lifts while I was relaxing.

Katy Ripp (00:14:23) –  Right. Because. We can’t sit still. Sit still.

Lynn (00:14:28) –  I’m up to two minutes now. I mean, that’s huge.

Katy Ripp (00:14:32) –  Two minutes. Huge.

Lynn (00:14:33) –  Two minutes.

Katy Ripp (00:14:34) –  It’s kind of all you need, though.

Lynn (00:14:35) –  Yeah, well, it’s probably not going to get past three, but nonetheless, learning to slow down is hard. It’s really hard.

Katy Ripp (00:14:46) –  But I’m just learning now.

Lynn (00:14:49) –  Partially because my body doesn’t have the energy it had more so I’m having to redefine okay and find ways to accept this is okay. Yeah. And that’s the big thing. Learning to accept this is okay. That’s a tough one.

Katy Ripp (00:15:09) –  I have a friend who has survived breast cancer in her 40s. And I asked her what she wanted me to ask you. Oh yes. And she said she gets a lot of questions about how long it took her to accept that she might die. And I asked her, I said, when you got the cancer diagnosis, like immediately did you think you were going to die? And she was like 150,000% immediately.

Katy Ripp (00:15:41) –  It didn’t matter what level it was. It didn’t matter what kind of cancer I heard cancer and that equaled death. And I was going to leave my kids, and I’m just going to leave my house, and I was going to leave this earth. I thought I was going to die. And then. And so she asked, I wonder if you could ask her how long it took for her to accept that she was going to die from this.

Lynn (00:16:04) –  I get asked that a lot in the support group by Gilda’s, because I’m a two time cancer person and it was like the first time. I was really naive and. I mean, I had, you know, bag hanging off of me, a drain bag after the mastectomy. And I went to the gym because I was, I was fine, I was fine. They they took it away, I was fine, and I stubbornly refused to accept the possibility. It could come back. So the first time around. I didn’t think I was going to die.

Lynn (00:16:42) –  I think I hid that for myself, is what I did. I covered it up really well, a.

Katy Ripp (00:16:46) –  Denial, oh.

Lynn (00:16:47) –  Such denial. And I’m good at that. I’m really good at that. And the I think to a certain.

Katy Ripp (00:16:53) –  Extent we’re all really good at it. Yeah. I mean, society has taught us to like, we’ll just put that underneath here. Yeah.

Lynn (00:17:00) –  Right. We’ll set it aside.

Katy Ripp (00:17:01) –  And then we might revisit it or we might never. We’re just going to put that under the bed.

Lynn (00:17:06) –  It went away I, I, I ignored it as best I could. I mean obviously, you know, there are things you can’t ignore. I mean, you and the boob. I did not opt for fillers or implants. I didn’t opt for a padded bra because I also had this thing about my grandchildren were teenagers. Well, one was teenage and the other were pre-teen, but. My personality didn’t change because my breasts changed, and that was important to me to get that message across.

Lynn (00:17:37) –  But yeah, my t shirts look a little for me, but so what? I’m still me. Yeah. Okay, the second time around, death was a big, important part of it. It still is. And I go to support group every week, and there are people in my group that are actively dying. I am not, but at some point I will be. Well, we are, but so will you. I mean, so will everybody.

Katy Ripp (00:18:01) –  Yeah.

Lynn (00:18:02) –  I just think about it probably more now because I have the C word on my brain. I was diagnosed in December. It probably took until six weeks ago, maybe for cancer, not to be the first thought in the front of my head. Oh, interesting. People would say to me, how are you? And I’d say, I’m fine, I have cancer. Care. Some of us, I mean.

Katy Ripp (00:18:26) –  So I mean, well, I mean.

Lynn (00:18:29) –  How are you? All they want is I’m fine and move on for sure, you know, and I like people.

Lynn (00:18:33) –  How are you? I don’t want the truth. Okay, good.

Katy Ripp (00:18:37) –  Great, great. Yes. It’s like I, I also I love that people are like using. I’m busy as a badge of honor. Yes. Right. Like busy, but good. Well. Yes.

Lynn (00:18:49) –  Right. Yeah. Wait. What?

Katy Ripp (00:18:51) –  Okay. Yeah. Right. Are we there? We’re like, oh, yeah. The more busy you are, the better. Yeah. And if you don’t say I’m busy, then you’re lazy. You’re you’re a failure and you’re lazy.

Lynn (00:19:03) –  But anyway, that’s what we. Because people are there. We don’t stop and think it’s okay not to be busy. Yeah. It’s okay to think about. Okay, I have children, I have grandchildren, I’m going to be dead at some point. I want to leave them or something. That’s going to make it easier for them. I want them to laugh. I don’t want to die in a hospital with machines. Yeah. You know, if I’m if I’m in a car accident, that could happen for sure.

Lynn (00:19:34) –  But if I had my choice, I’m having a party. And maybe I won’t know so much that there’s a party going. Yeah, but there’s going to be a party, and people are going to cry and they’re going to laugh. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:19:48) –  And they’re going to.

Lynn (00:19:48) –  Sing disco.

Katy Ripp (00:19:50) –  And.

Lynn (00:19:51) –  The Beaches and Say a Lot is one of my favorite songs. Well, even I rock there. I’m Somebody is. So enjoy. Well, we all.

Katy Ripp (00:20:00) –  Are staying alive, right. So we are not I mean.

Lynn (00:20:04) –  But that I meant something. You need to think about it before you’re laying in the bed and you’ve got, you know, ten minutes left.

Katy Ripp (00:20:11) –  Yeah. Tell me about your plans. Like, do you have plans? I know you sit. Yeah. So tell me all about your plans.

Lynn (00:20:18) –  I have been talking about. Dying for a long time, actually. My oldest granddaughter, she has the playlist for my funeral on her phone, which she’s had. She’s 25. She’s had it for at least ten years.

Lynn (00:20:32) –  So I guess I did think about it way back, but it was almost like a funny thing then.

Katy Ripp (00:20:39) –  Oh yeah, like a like a distant thing. My mom, my mom and I have this, like, ongoing joke whenever we take pictures. She was like, oh, that’s a good funeral picture. Yeah.

Lynn (00:20:48) –  There you go. Yeah, there you go.

Katy Ripp (00:20:50) –  Sort of a it is going to happen. However, we’re going to laugh about it. We’re going to like we’re just going to creep it out from the back. I mean, it’s like.

Lynn (00:20:57) –  Okay, you want those shoes when I’m dead, they’re yours.

Katy Ripp (00:21:00) –  Yeah, yeah. My mom started, like, giving her crystal away to us, right in that kind of thing. And of course, we have this, like, ongoing joke that we’re like, every time we go to our house, we put our name with a poster, poster and stuff, right? Like, I mean, in in the abstract, it is funny, it is funny.

Lynn (00:21:18) –  And you know what? It can be funny.

Katy Ripp (00:21:21) –  When it actually.

Lynn (00:21:22) –  Happens. Yeah. As well as sad. Yeah. And hopefully it is sad. I mean, wouldn’t it be really awful if nobody cried when you left when you died?

Katy Ripp (00:21:31) –  Yeah, I don’t want that either. No, you better damn well cry your eyes out.

Lynn (00:21:36) –  Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:21:37) –  Hello. For sure. I want you to ugly cry when I die miserable. But then I want you. But only for like, two minutes.

Lynn (00:21:44) –  Exactly. And then I want you to laugh and remember that I said lovingly. I want you to be miserable. And then you’ll laugh. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:21:52) –  For sure. And remember when she said she wanted us to be miserable? Let’s do it for two minutes and be done, right?

Lynn (00:21:57) –  Yeah, exactly. I mean, yeah. And and so. Okay, so back to when did I really. It took me. This time in my first round, trying to figure out meds that work for me.

Lynn (00:22:11) –  That’ll keep the cancer at bay that I can also tolerate. because it’s very important to me not to just take medicine, but to be able to live my life.

Katy Ripp (00:22:22) –  And when you say medicine, is that chemo? It’s chemo. Yeah. Okay.

Lynn (00:22:25) –  And chemo is rough stuff. There’s no question about it. But it doesn’t have to be debilitating. Yeah. And I deserve to live my life while taking these chemo pills. And happily, my oncologist walks on water and totally agrees with me. The quality of life is vitally important, thank God. But it took a while because of my size and my weight to get to the right level. So the beginning, probably two months, were really tough because physically I was a mess. Yes, sick, I was sick, I was sick. Right now I’m perfectly healthy.

Katy Ripp (00:23:04) –  I mean, you I mean, you look amazing and I’m perfectly. Yeah, yeah. You look great, I feel wonderful.

Lynn (00:23:09) –  I’m not having emergency. Horrible fatigue. Yeah.

Lynn (00:23:14) –  I mean, I’m the fluid on my lungs anymore. I don’t have a rash, and I’m not having diarrhea. Excuse me? I mean, all this stuff that happens, I’m on a level and I’m doing fine. The hardest part of this is that every few months I have to have a scan. So there’s a little bit about what are they going to find. So every couple of months I am keenly aware that my life could get cut short quickly. And I see this at Gilda’s too. There are people who are fine fine fine. And then spread cancer is a tricky beast. And one little cell that nobody knew was alive and well I mean I had 12 years in between. Yeah. That little bugger was hide down.

Katy Ripp (00:24:04) –  I mean in theory you could have another 12 years.

Lynn (00:24:07) –  In theory I mean I said to the doctor when I was first diagnosed. And she said to me, we’re going to reassess in five years. And I said, Bobby, 85, that sounds good to me.

Lynn (00:24:17) –  I said, I really want to be at least 90. And she said, you could, you could. But then every three months I have a scan. So every three months I’m reminded I’m going to die.

Katy Ripp (00:24:31) –  I.

Lynn (00:24:31) –  Don’t wish that on anybody, but I kind of do. Well, I kind of want you to have a timer in your kitchen or something that just every once in a while reminds you stop. Think about what kind of a human being you want to.

Katy Ripp (00:24:47) –  Be right here.

Lynn (00:24:48) –  What do you want to do for your family? For your friends? Maybe you don’t want to do anything. Then decide that you know I have to get really deep and happy, but you have to stop and you have to think about what’s important. And you go from there because nobody ever gets out of here without dying.

Katy Ripp (00:25:09) –  Yeah, nobody gets out of this alive. That’s what I like to know. Yeah, yeah. Death has been. You know, we lost my father in law quite a few years ago.

Katy Ripp (00:25:18) –  Now it’s going to be seven years next week, actually, which is hard to believe. Time goes so fast. Yes. And it changed our lives, right? He was 59 years old, and he died completely unexpectedly. We had no idea. Yeah. We think in some spiritual way he must have known because the things he did to. And he could have never known. Right. Like this is a I mean, as routine as open heart surgery can be. It was an old routine, open heart surgery, and the way he died was a complete fluke, right? Like he had a blood clot and died. But he must have had some kind of inkling because he prepared everything, everything right, like they got a grave spot. He had lined up all of the usernames, passwords, you know, phone codes, you know, everything. Life. And sure, everything was done. Everything was done. But he was 59, right? Like such a young age, at this time in our lives.

Katy Ripp (00:26:14) –  Right. Like 59. Used to be a crazy, well, you know, old, right.

Lynn (00:26:18) –  59 Medicare. Yeah, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:26:21) –  I mean, seriously, for real. Right. Like he he was kind of starting a new career too, which was interesting in and of itself. But, you know, it fucked up our lives for a while, right? Because everybody was just like, not prepared for it. And I think the cliche is we can never prepare for something like that. That’s actually not true. Right? Like I’m a perfectly healthy 46 year old. I could also die from a blood clot tomorrow. I can prepare for that. I can prepare my kids. I can put my quote unquote affairs in order. I can get usernames and passwords ready. I can get life insurance taking care. You know, you can do a lot of things. When he died, I realized what a gift he gave my mother in law. By having everything prepared? Yes, because she was not in a state as anybody is in that situation.

Katy Ripp (00:27:13) –  She was not in a state. Well, and they give you so much to do after that, right? Like the 42 death certificates you have to have and the like. Who do you need to call for this? Who do you need to call it? The funeral home who like it’s just a it’s so many decisions. Even though he was prepared, there were so many decisions in the first 72 hours she had to make that the fact that he took most of those decisions away and did it ahead of time was such a gift, and it made me really open up my eyes to like, wow, we could prepare. And so I reached out to my parents and said, listen, I need to know what you want us to do. And they’re like, oh, our trust is all set up. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I get those affairs. Oh, look, in my dad’s case, I said, what do you want us to do with your taxidermy? That sounds crazy.

Katy Ripp (00:28:07) –  But he has hunted in fish all his life. It’s his greatest joy over his children. Okay? Greatest. It’s his greatest joy. Okay. He used. We used to have a sign in our house that said we interrupt this marriage to bring you to hunting season. Okay. Yeah, right. If we only knew how true that was at the time, right? Because it did. But in any case, I said to him, what would you like us to do with your taxidermy? Right. Like it’s super important to you. What would you like us to do with it? Like, we can’t, like, put it on a pyre, right? Like I’m not really interested in burning like your lifelong hobby, Joy, right. And he was like, well, I don’t really care. Oh, you know, donate. I was like, but but you do, right? And like, we want to honor you in that way. My father in law had a very, very traditional Catholic burial, you know, five hour a week with people in line, open casket, all of the things.

Katy Ripp (00:29:04) –  Very beautiful Catholic ceremony. We walked the casket up to the burial, like the cemetery. We buried him, you know, and then the church lunch afterwards, like we did all of those things my parents don’t. I was like, do you want that? They’re both were raised Catholic. Do you want that? And they’re like, well, I don’t really know what we want. Well, in their divorce, my and my mother is remarried. So I’m like, hey.

Lynn (00:29:27) –  Listen that one out.

Katy Ripp (00:29:27) –  Listen lady. I had to.

Lynn (00:29:29) –  Figure that one out.

Katy Ripp (00:29:30) –  Yes. Please let us know what you want us to do. And when I approach the subject, it was ignored for months. Right. And my sister and brother, I don’t think, had an opinion at the time. They were like, yeah, that’s fine. If this makes you feel better, just do it right. And I didn’t really ask for permission. I did it anyway. Why does that not surprise me? I don’t know, I mean, we are who we are, but since then, I’ve realized again how much losing somebody changes you.

Katy Ripp (00:30:05) –  If you’re not prepared for the grief, if you don’t have some sort of practice in place for meditation. Yeah, for your mental health. If you’re not already seeing a counselor or a therapist, then to do that after grief is rough. And those are things that we can do to prepare. And we’re also in a situation. I mean, I am in a situation where my parents are in the 75 years old range. We’re either going to have to take care of them or say goodbye to them sooner rather than later, right? Like, if we’re lucky, we have 30 more years, right? 20, 20 more years. They’ll be 95. Yeah, that’s not that much time left. That’s right. And thinking about it and talking about it is just not the norm. Yeah. And so when you bring it up it gets oh okay. Yes.

Lynn (00:30:59) –  It gets people very uncomfortable.

Katy Ripp (00:31:02) –  Yeah. It’s just a, it’s a discomfort level that people are not willing to talk about. And just talking about it prepares you.

Katy Ripp (00:31:10) –  Yes. Right. Like just having the conversation like we are all going to die. To your point before about like this is the order. When you said that to me at lunch, I was like. God, what a gift you gave your granddaughter to tell her that this is the order and this is how things should go rather than her. Well, I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know how your granddaughter felt about that, but I find it to be such a gift that I wish. Right? It’s my wish that I get.

Lynn (00:31:41) –  I get, as I said, it’s my privilege to die first. Yeah. And when I went and selected, I selected a natural burial, which at first people. When you.

Katy Ripp (00:31:53) –  Tell me about that.

Lynn (00:31:55) –  What is it? I’m going I went to now. It’s terrible because I can’t remember where. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:32:00) –  It’s okay. You don’t need to know. We’ll take you there.

Lynn (00:32:03) –  Yeah. And and frankly, I also said, do not take me there in hearse.

Lynn (00:32:08) –  I do not want to stop traffic. I don’t want a lot of black cars. I don’t want flags. I don’t want to go through red lights. I’m going to be buried in a shroud, which is something that’s biodegradable. I’ll sheet of linen, something I don’t take up a lot of space. Throw me in the back of the car. Oh my God, drive me.

Katy Ripp (00:32:30) –  Get me there. Are you serious? No, I swear. When has your family agreed to this? Well, then.

Lynn (00:32:35) –  You have a little bit of a problem with it. And I need to swear. We. We’ve talked about this repeatedly. Repeatedly. We have discussed this. I think Jennifer, my oldest child who lives here in town, she understands. She also went with me. The second time I went, I took Jennifer, Tom, my husband, the dog and myself went. The dog picked the site. Oh, nice. Pearl picked the site. The sheep on it.

Katy Ripp (00:33:02) –  Or just sniffed it out.

Lynn (00:33:03) –  Sniffed it out? Oh, it was by a lovely tree. And I mean, I paid for it right then. Okay.

Katy Ripp (00:33:09) –  Where is this place?

Lynn (00:33:10) –  This is that sanctuary whose name I can’t remember. Oh, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:33:13) –  But here in Madison.

Lynn (00:33:15) –  In one of the suburbs.

Katy Ripp (00:33:16) –  Oh, yes.

Lynn (00:33:17) –  Okay. And I decided then and there I want this, and they’re going to dig a hole in the ground and they’re gonna put me in.

Katy Ripp (00:33:23) –  So we’re going to pull you out of the trunk.

Lynn (00:33:25) –  I’m not going to be in a box.

Katy Ripp (00:33:27) –  Okay? Be in my shroud. So and I’m curious about how you get there. Like, is Tom going to carry you?

Lynn (00:33:33) –  Oh, well, once the car gets there.

Katy Ripp (00:33:36) –  Get a dump. You put you, like, in a golf.

Lynn (00:33:38) –  Cart, I don’t know, and tank, I don’t know how they do like a Weekend.

Katy Ripp (00:33:41) –  Of Bernie’s.

Lynn (00:33:42) –  Like they figure it out over there. I mean, they got that all down path. They do that I do.

Katy Ripp (00:33:46) –  I like, love the details of this.

Lynn (00:33:49) –  After a year, they’re going to put a stone in the ground with my name on it. And I said, do not do the beloved wife and my wife, mother, grandmother, dog owner, just, you know, my name and my birthday and my death day is fine. That’s fine. Doesn’t need to be a whole long thing.

Katy Ripp (00:34:07) –  What made you decide to do that?

Lynn (00:34:10) –  My parents, generations of my family buried outside Chicago, in Skokie, Illinois. And when you pull up to our section, there’s this ginormous piece of, I don’t know, marble stone, something huge thing like the size of the table out there, perched there, says Rosenberg. And there’s generations of us. And for years, every time we’d go to somebody’s funeral, I would say to my children, don’t stand there, you’re standing on me. So maybe I did have the death humor a long time.

Katy Ripp (00:34:43) –  Yeah, yeah.

Lynn (00:34:44) –  But over the years, how many times have I gone there? Not enough, according to somebody.

Lynn (00:34:50) –  I don’t mean to go to a spot. I mean, my grandma was there. There are certain trees I walk by. It’s like, hi, grandma, because it smells like her. Yeah. My grandmother died when I was pregnant with Jennifer. Jennifer’s 57 years old. My grandma. I can tell you things she said to me. I remember bubble baths with her. She had a porcelain chicken. When we took the top off, there was candy and it was just for the grandchildren I have always had in my house. Not a porcelain chicken, a beautiful basket, but it has candy. It has garbage candy in it. I finally gave up the Swedish fish because the red dye was, you know, maybe not so good. So.

Katy Ripp (00:35:37) –  But the rest of it is fine.

Lynn (00:35:39) –  We have a few other things, you know. Now we have healthy gummy worms and Tootsie rolls, you know, whatever. Good stuff. Yeah. but, I mean, I don’t need to go to Skokie, Illinois and find.

Lynn (00:35:53) –  No, she’s with me. And that’s what you want for people.

Katy Ripp (00:35:57) –  Yeah.

Lynn (00:35:58) –  And my colleges said to me. A couple of weeks ago. I want your family to come in and meet with me. And you. You know, she said, because it has been proven that families that have the opportunity to meet the doctor. Have a better relationship with a terrible diagnosis, and I don’t care what it is. There’s a lot of horrible diseases out there. Yeah. Take your pick. Families have a better chance of success. So at my June appointment, my daughter will not be teaching anymore. And her two girls are going with me to meet the doctor. The 21 year old granddaughter came to Gilda’s last week. She just came for the dinner. You have dinner first? Yes. And then you go have your session. She didn’t go for a session. She said she doesn’t think she’s ready for that yet. But she came and had dinner with us, and she met real life people that have real life cancer.

Lynn (00:36:58) –  All different kinds, all different ages. I’m the oldest in the group.

Katy Ripp (00:37:02) –  Yeah. You’ve become the matriarch.

Lynn (00:37:04) –  I’m guessing I am kind of the matriarch, but they’re, you know, they’re men, women, all different kinds of cancer, all different stages of it. It’s all real people. Ages vary from probably late 30s to me. Yeah. And real relationships are formed. Yeah. We real relationships. Tom and I are going next week a couple. Tom met the woman in the support givers group. Oh, yeah. And they became really good friends. She’s a schoolteacher. I mean, he could be her father, you know? Yeah, yeah. And they have children, and the husband is one with cancer. He’s in my group next Sunday. Wait for Sunday. We’re going. They’re renewing their vows. I think I’m probably going to live a lot longer than him. Oh, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:37:57) –  It’s heartbreaking.

Lynn (00:37:58) –  That’s hard. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:37:59) –  It’s hard. I mean, death is real. Yeah, death is real.

Katy Ripp (00:38:02) –  Death is death, right? Like, it doesn’t matter what age you are because we are all going, but it’s always a little bit. It twists the knife a little bit harder when it’s young.

Lynn (00:38:11) –  But what they’re doing because their kids go. The thing about Gilda’s is I go for the active cancer people. My husband goes to the people who live with us and care for us. And the children, they have a room for little kids. They have a room for middle schoolers. They have a room for high schoolers. They all have their own therapists, lead them in groups. I’ve never been because I’m not a kid, so that’s theirs. But what these parents are giving their kids a gift because these kids are going to Gilda’s Club. They know what it’s about. Yeah. And it’s being addressed at whatever age they are and whatever level these kids are at. Yeah. And they know.

Katy Ripp (00:38:53) –  Our kids were I think about this five and eight, is that right? Yeah. They were five and eight when all died.

Katy Ripp (00:38:59) –  Yeah. And we came home, you know, al went to the hospital with the full intention that he was coming home. We had, you know, we had a rough three days. It was three days of my bed. Yeah. It was just he didn’t die right away. It was a, you know, it was a pretty long process. It was like three days. You know, my mom came down and helped with the kids, and they were young enough that we needed child care. And we had to leave in the middle of the night and, you know, that kind of thing. And we came home from the hospital after. And that’s that’s a very surreal situation to to have somebody die in a hospital and then like, nobody knows what to do afterwards. Right. Like there’s not really a playbook for this. I think there should be write like here, read this before you go to the hospital or and nobody really wants to talk about that either. There’s also something about like not mentioning it because you think it’s going to jinx it in some way, right? Like if you say, I’m worried you’re going to die, it means that they’re going to die.

Katy Ripp (00:39:56) –  I don’t know how I feel about that. Like I get it. And whenever anybody says it, it’s like, well, you know, we’re only talking about hope. We’re only talking about positive things. I find it to be a little bit of a disservice to everybody involved, because if and when it happens, I am an optimist to the core. I happen to be a little bit of a realist as well, but when we came home, we had to tell the kids that all died, and I was very intentional about it. I did not sugarcoat it. I didn’t say he took a nap and never woke up. I didn’t say, you know, he’s in heaven. I didn’t say anything except that Grandpa Al died and he is not coming back. That’s it. We didn’t have a real long conversation about it. They asked a couple of questions. They were so little. My son definitely knew. Right? He was eight. My daughter had a little bit of a like. He didn’t she didn’t really get it, but she saw that Myles was very upset.

Katy Ripp (00:40:58) –  So she was upset. Right. And then, you know, we went over to some friend’s house a couple days later. And I mean she just walked in the house and she was like, you know, somebody asked how she was or I mean, you know, we were still it was very fresh. So somebody asked, oh, hey, Madeline, how are you? And she was like, find my grandpa dead. And then walked in and everything I read about it was like, that’s exactly how a five year old should react. And of course, everybody was like, oh my God, right. Like it’s like. And I was like, that’s how we talk about it. Yeah. Like that’s age appropriate. That’s. It’s not that she didn’t care. It’s like that is just how their little brains work, right? But then the, you know, the whole grief thing is a whole nother story about, you know, how people grieve when they grieve, how long they should grieve, you know? Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:41:48) –  That whole thing. I’d love to ask you about any regrets in life. And I would also love to ask you about what you’re hoping to leave.

Lynn (00:41:59) –  Okay. Before we get there, I just want to say, for me, having the reality in my face that I’m going to be dead someday has been a gift. It has made me slow down. I really do smell flowers. I really do enjoy walking on these paths where I’m all by myself. I don’t know what I’m thinking about. I’m looking at twigs on the ground and I come and I feel good. And I never did those kinds of things before. Oh, I have a bazillion regrets. A bazillion. The thing about regrets, it’s like, should I coulda, woulda all that.

Katy Ripp (00:42:42) –  Yeah. You can’t do anything about it now.

Lynn (00:42:43) –  So, yeah, I mean, I can’t change the past. What I can do is be a better human being, a better wife, a better mom, a better grandma, a better friend, a better whatever today.

Lynn (00:43:00) –  And that’s the other thing today I never thought about today. My calendar was filled the whole week and the weeks after. And I’m looking down and I know what. I’m going Christmas shopping and it’s June. no, I don’t need to think about Christmas shopping right now. No, that’s how I used to live. And everything was planned and organized. But then when everything was also chaotic and many levels, I can only hope that today is meaningful for at least part of the day.

Katy Ripp (00:43:31) –  Every day. Yeah.

Lynn (00:43:32) –  And if it is, and if I take stock of who I am and where I am, my legacy, I mean, I hope that, you know, I’ve done good stuff. I hope that, you know, my jobs make people’s lives easier, better. That’s all in the past today. What can I do if it’s just one thing today to make one person, whether I know that person or not? I mean, maybe there’s somebody out there that’s getting something positive from this.

Katy Ripp (00:44:02) –  Wow.

Lynn (00:44:03) –  That’s a huge contribution. Because if you’re getting something from this, you needed to hear it. Yeah. And it’s so hard to live in the moment. It is so hard to tune out whatever. And you don’t have to do it completely either. I mean, you can be thinking about 14 things at once, but if you’re really honing in on how can I just be a better me, you can still have Riff Raff going, well, right?

Katy Ripp (00:44:29) –  We all have to. Yeah, yeah, but just give it some.

Lynn (00:44:33) –  Time and give it 30s. Yeah. The 30s if you do 30s today or 10s today by the end of the week, and they do 10s more, at some point you’re going to take a minute every day to stop and think, okay, if I drop dead right now, I don’t have a chance to go back and fix things. Yeah. What do I want to leave then? I don’t have to fix.

Katy Ripp (00:44:57) –  What’s not important anymore. Everything simple. Everything is important.

Lynn (00:45:02) –  But in a funny way, what’s not important is how I dress. I don’t really know. I spent a lot of years caring.

Katy Ripp (00:45:10) –  Did you care?

Lynn (00:45:11) –  Oh, did I ever.

Katy Ripp (00:45:12) –  Oh, this is. That’s so good. Because I think so many were in such an image conscious, heavy world. Right? That and people are very concerned about how they look and what they wear and what they weigh, and, you know, all of that.

Lynn (00:45:26) –  okay. Sorry, mom, but I was raised by a woman who told me my entire life I was fat. Oh. When I came home from college and had gained weight, I was taken from the airplane to the fat doctor who put me on amphetamines. Oh, my gosh. So that I would lose weight. I lost the weight, I never slept.

Katy Ripp (00:45:45) –  I mean, amphetamines do the trick.

Lynn (00:45:48) –  I was in bed at night with my eyes wide open, shaking, wondering what the hell’s going on because I didn’t know what.

Katy Ripp (00:45:54) –  But I’m thin, but.

Lynn (00:45:56) –  I got thin. And I remember when my college roommate came for my wedding. And my mother. The first words out of her mouth was, look how good she looks. She lost weight. So, I mean, I had all kinds of issues. And I lived in Chicago and I.

Katy Ripp (00:46:09) –  Worked jobs that required.

Lynn (00:46:10) –  That I dress, and, I mean, I wore pantyhose and heels. I wore makeup, which I haven’t had makeup on since I moved to Madison. When I first know when I first came, I still use makeup and I still worry about my hair. And slowly I made fun of people who wore Birkenstocks. Sure. I now own like six pair of Birkenstocks. And my other shoes are healthy shoes. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:46:36) –  You know. Yeah, I don’t care anymore about that stuff. But the fascinating part to that for me is that you did and you don’t anymore. Because I think that it’s easy to listen to this and say, well, she probably never cared. Oh no no no no.

Katy Ripp (00:46:51) –  Yeah. So I, I love that.

Lynn (00:46:53) –  How I looked, if I had had a mastectomy 40 years ago, I would have had a nervous breakdown.

Katy Ripp (00:47:00) –  Oh so interesting.

Lynn (00:47:03) –  I would have had to have the padded bra because my mother had breast cancer. Okay, okay. Now, my mother said the day she died reminded everybody she weighed £85. That was everybody’s goal. Didn’t matter how tall you were or anything. That was ankle. She was short. Yeah, nonetheless.

Katy Ripp (00:47:21) –  Yeah.

Lynn (00:47:22) –  She was 81 when she died and she still was worried about. How she looked. She told the nurse that she was dying. My mother had these long red nails all the time. I’ve never worn nail polish that I never did. And she told her she could take the nail polish off one finger to see if my nails are blue and if I’m dead, and then you put it right back on.

Katy Ripp (00:47:44) –  I mean, that sounds funny, but she.

Lynn (00:47:46) –  Died with her nails done, her hair done, and in some fancy nightgown.

Lynn (00:47:51) –  There probably was a mortgage payment. Yeah, because that was her. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:47:55) –  I mean, we are who we are to. Yeah, right.

Lynn (00:47:57) –  Like cool. Going in a shroud. She’s going nuts, let me tell you. But no, I cared about all those things I was raised to care about. And image was extremely important in my family. Extremely important. Who you were, who you married, how many volunteer jobs you had. Because women shouldn’t work. I was that I mean, it was. When I told my mother I was getting divorced, her response was, well, what will I tell my friends? And I said, frankly, I don’t give a damn. I have three children under the age eight. Image was very important, and when I first moved here, I was the best dressed social worker in Madison. Let me tell you. And that started to chip away. So I was in my 50s when I finally realized, it doesn’t matter if you know my purse is fancy schmancy or I have a backpack.

Lynn (00:48:54) –  Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:48:56) –  So that wasn’t so much a death thing as much as it was like a.

Lynn (00:49:00) –  Change of environment and growing.

Katy Ripp (00:49:02) –  Yeah, yeah.

Lynn (00:49:03) –  What’s important now, thinking about it’s going to end is that I don’t waste time. That I face the things that need to be faced, that I face, say I’m sorry I made mistakes to people that I don’t need to hold grudges. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:49:22) –  I mean, do you feel like there’s something missing that you didn’t do?

Lynn (00:49:26) –  I still haven’t finished apologizing. Oh, I was a mean girl. I was not a nice human being. And I was very selfish. And I probably heard a lot of people’s feelings and stepped on a lot of chose to get what I wanted. Boy that’s changed. And I, I mean I think, I think there’s so many gifts that come from having somebody say you have cancer. Yeah. In my group I have made everybody face up and talk about the perks of cancer. Because there are perks.

Katy Ripp (00:49:59) –  And what a gift to talk about it. What a gift to talk about that. It’s a gift. Right. Yes. The experiences we have that normally we would say no thank you to. Yeah are the ones that change our lives. Like if you allow them to they can be a diving board for a beautiful situation.

Lynn (00:50:20) –  The hardest things and you know this the hardest things to do are to make serious changes by yourself. Yeah, there’s a lot of work.

Katy Ripp (00:50:29) –  It is a lot of work. And I think for me it’s so good. It’s peeling back those layers and realizing that I have one life and I’m done answering to anyone else about it my husband, my kids, my staff. I’m just I’m not apologizing. I’m not doing anything to apologize for anymore. So that helps when you stop actually digging the hole. Correct? Correct. Right. Like stop digging the hole. Amend that, you know, but I also don’t do anything in my life that I have to apologize for. I’m done apologizing also for just being me.

Katy Ripp (00:51:10) –  Yeah, right. Like, I, I mostly do things in my life now that are aligned with my values, and if they’re not, they feel icky physically. Physically, I feel bad. And so I can tell and I’ve I’ve done a lot of work, but it is hard. It is hard when you make a change. But again, and my change started when something really shitty happened. But now I look back at it like such a gift and I think such a gift.

Lynn (00:51:40) –  I think that’s the thing. Something shitty happened to you. Something shitty happened to me. The giant cancer. Yeah. Hold on. What the hell are you talking about? And first I thought you were reading the wrong stuff. Somebody else is somebody in the next room. It’s not me and I think out of bad stuff. But why is it that we have to go down before we could go off? I don’t know, yeah, I don’t know. They talk about hitting rock bottom. Yeah. And rock bottom can be somebody saying you have all timers.

Lynn (00:52:11) –  Yeah, whatever.

Katy Ripp (00:52:13) –  Whatever. Whatever. I always like to say I never hit rock bottom. I just skipped along the bottom for a while. Okay okay, okay. Yeah. I mean, I do think that there’s something to be said about that, but, you know, if it never rained, we’d never appreciate the song. Yes. Right. We like we’d never get a rainbow. We’d never write. Like if the sun didn’t set every night, we’d never get a sunrise. There is something to be said about being able to compare and contrast. If you’re comparing and contrasting to the right things, right? Comparing ourselves to other people just does not make sense. It just doesn’t. Everybody’s just like running their own show, man.

Lynn (00:52:51) –  It just hurts you in the end.

Katy Ripp (00:52:53) –  In the end, it really just doesn’t matter. No, it doesn’t.

Lynn (00:52:57) –  Doesn’t matter. And so much of life for me was.

Katy Ripp (00:53:02) –  Spent worrying.

Lynn (00:53:03) –  About things that didn’t matter. I’m just grateful that I finally got out of there.

Lynn (00:53:07) –  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:53:09) –  Did you have a bucket list?

Lynn (00:53:11) –  Oh, I really don’t have a bucket list, because I think Tom asked me recently if I wanted to go somewhere. I want to take a trip. And my first reaction was watch my die and trip. No no, no. And I said to him, you know, we’ve traveled a lot and we had some wonderful times and we went to some really interesting. I mean, I rode a camel in Egypt by the pyramids, but we’ve done some good stuff. I don’t feel the urge or the need to do anything big. And I think about, okay, when I’m dead, what am I going to miss? Yeah. I want to see my grandchildren as adults. I don’t know that that’s going to happen just by virtue of the fact that I’m 80. Yeah, yeah. And some of them are, you know, like younger. I’m not going to be around to see that. Just the numbers game has nothing to do with my health.

Lynn (00:54:04) –  Yeah, but I want I just want to keep watching them grow. I want to see my kids as they get older, enjoy their lives. And they do. I mean, I think my kids are all in great places and they’re fabulous parents, and I think things are going well and I want them to continue. I just want to watch all of that good stuff happen. I don’t feel or need to do much. Yeah. I mean I have these silly games I feel like you know my push up game. Yes. For my 80th birthday, I do them for my niece now but I’m going to do 80 push ups.

Katy Ripp (00:54:40) –  I will never forget speaking the hot yoga class. And we had to do 75 push ups for Lynn’s 70. Or was it your 7070?

Lynn (00:54:48) –  I think it.

Katy Ripp (00:54:49) –  Was 70th, yes, 70th.

Lynn (00:54:51) –  I got a tattoo. Oh you.

Katy Ripp (00:54:52) –  Did?

Lynn (00:54:52) –  Yes. Good things come in small packages. So I guess small package. Oh I love it. And I’ve been talking to the girls again, Lulu and Ruby about because they went with me to get this, getting an 80th together.

Lynn (00:55:06) –  And we haven’t figured out yet what it’s going to be.

Katy Ripp (00:55:08) –  Oh, amazing.

Lynn (00:55:10) –  You ain’t going to be a coffin.

Katy Ripp (00:55:13) –  Just a d.

Lynn (00:55:14) –  Just for the fun of it.

Katy Ripp (00:55:17) –  maybe.

Lynn (00:55:18) –  It was a flower sticking.

Katy Ripp (00:55:20) –  Out of the ground. Yeah, that’s.

Lynn (00:55:22) –  Going to be me. But, yeah, we’ve talked about it because I’m not just going to get something they hurt.

Katy Ripp (00:55:27) –  Yeah. You’re right. Like, let’s be real. Yeah I mean yeah. Fun. Yeah. This hurts.

Lynn (00:55:32) –  Yeah. And I chose this particular spot because it’s on the same side as the mastectomy. So I was numb.

Katy Ripp (00:55:37) –  Well even numb it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. No. So okay I.

Lynn (00:55:42) –  Don’t know what it’s going to be, but it’s going to be something.

Katy Ripp (00:55:44) –  That’s amazing. Yeah. We talked just touched on legacy. What would you love for in your death? What would you love people to do for you. Because there’s always that question like, what can I do for your daughter? Right.

Katy Ripp (00:55:59) –  Like, what can I do for your granddaughter? What can I do for your kids? What can I do for time? What can I you know, what can I do? What could we do for you?

Lynn (00:56:07) –  The first thing that comes to my mind is talk to your friends, family, the people around you about what you want when you’re dead. Start the conversation and you can frame it around. Look, I just have a friend who just died. This was her wish. It makes it less threatening. Find a way that’s less threatening. Start the conversation with your people. And I want people to think. She made me laugh. She made a difference. She made me think about being a better person. I made sure I want everybody to recycle, and I want everybody to save the earth. And I, you know, I want all those things that I want world peace. Yeah. I can’t control any of that. I can hope that the people that take notice of my death will take it into themselves, that I need to live the best I can and be the best I can.

Lynn (00:57:10) –  And that’s going to be different for everybody. Yeah, because everybody’s best is different. Yeah. And I’m not going to be perfect every day of the week. That’s dope. No such thing. But I am going to make money just getting better and making it a little better place for people. Yeah. And sharing some love that to me. If that happened and you laugh, you have to know. I mean, I really believe you have to love.

Katy Ripp (00:57:37) –  Yeah. I mean, some of the best emotions I’ve ever had is laughter through tears. Yes. Right. Like, yes. And I would definitely be miserable when people. Well I’m glad. Good. I had.

Lynn (00:57:50) –  An impression. I made an impression on you that I.

Katy Ripp (00:57:52) –  Mean, you just said, oh.

Lynn (00:57:53) –  Shit. You know, somebody else just died. Now I gotta send flowers. I mean, crap, no.

Katy Ripp (00:57:58) –  Are you having a funeral?

Lynn (00:58:00) –  I don’t know, I mean, Tom, I won. I said to Tom, I said, you and the kids figure it out.

Katy Ripp (00:58:04) –  Yeah, whatever they want. Because it is really for them.

Lynn (00:58:06) –  Yeah, it’s.

Katy Ripp (00:58:07) –  It’s not for, you know, I’m not going.

Lynn (00:58:09) –  To know. So you do whatever you want to do. If you just want to have a big party, if you want to go bowling, God knows why. But whatever.

Katy Ripp (00:58:17) –  Yeah, yeah. Let them do whatever they want.

Lynn (00:58:20) –  That’s totally up to them. I have as much as I’d.

Katy Ripp (00:58:24) –  Like to be in.

Lynn (00:58:25) –  Control, I have no control over what they do when I’m dead. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:58:29) –  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lynn (00:58:30) –  My reign of terror is over. Well, hopefully.

Katy Ripp (00:58:35) –  It’s not over for quite some time.

Lynn (00:58:37) –  Well, yes, if hopefully it’s not. And I don’t think it will be.

Katy Ripp (00:58:40) –  But you never know.

Lynn (00:58:41) –  I mean I don’t know. Yeah I mean I did accuse my doctor. I said you tried to kill me with the first round of chemo. And I said, yeah, you really tried to make. Yourself look better.

Lynn (00:58:50) –  Like, look, she doesn’t have cancer anymore. Well, no she doesn’t. She’s dead.

Katy Ripp (00:58:55) –  She’s dead from the chemotherapy, right?

Lynn (00:58:57) –  Yeah. So. And my dad, she’s the best. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:59:01) –  She’s the best. Yeah. I think I know some other people that are, you know, oncology nurses or pediatric oncology nurses or, you know, that kind of really heavy, heavy job. But I think humor is like the only way to survive some of this stuff.

Lynn (00:59:16) –  I like to say attitude. And my doctors has repeatedly said to me that my attitude is part of my success with this. You gotta have a positive outlook and you gotta make fun of yourself. And make fun of a bad situation.

Katy Ripp (00:59:33) –  Yeah, right. We don’t need to take ourselves so seriously. Now that’s real easy for me to say because I’m not actively dying. But we all kind of are actively dying. Yeah, I guess, and.

Lynn (00:59:45) –  You know, I don’t want to make you sound all Pollyanna. When they first diagnosed me, there was about two weeks when I went down a dark black hole, okay? And I really didn’t want to get out of bed.

Lynn (00:59:57) –  And I was having a lot of pain and as well. Yeah, but I really was heading towards depression. And at one point in time, Sanjay, get up. And you said, okay. And I got up and kind of threw cold water on my face and said, all right, you did it. That’s fine. Now you know what being sad is all about. That’s nice. Yeah. Now you have a choice. And I think everybody has the choice. You get told something you don’t like, you can either bury yourself under it, or you can be sad for a few minutes or a few months, or however long it takes you, and then you get up and be the best life you can because you are still alive. And I want to read the best life until the last 30s. Yeah. And then, okay, I’ll get it.

Katy Ripp (01:00:47) –  Then we’re gonna take a nap. Yeah.

Lynn (01:00:50) –  Right now. But I mean, I want ice cream. Yeah. You know, that’s my last meal.

Lynn (01:00:55) –  I want an ice cream.

Katy Ripp (01:00:56) –  What’s your favorite ice cream?

Lynn (01:00:57) –  It doesn’t.

Katy Ripp (01:00:57) –  Matter. Oh, well, we’re gonna get ice cream. We are going straight over there for ice cream, for lunch.

Lynn (01:01:03) –  But just appreciate the fact that you are alive. And it is a good day. And I don’t care if it’s rainy and freezing and miserable outside. Your feet are on the ground.

Katy Ripp (01:01:17) –  Yeah. Thanks, Matt. You’re not wrapped in a shroud in the back of a Prius. Is that right?

Lynn (01:01:23) –  Yeah. I mean, I fit in the back seat just fine.

Katy Ripp (01:01:28) –  Yeah. I mean, the visual of that. Oh, yeah.

Lynn (01:01:31) –  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Katy Ripp (01:01:32) –  Yeah.

Katy Ripp (01:01:33) –  I’m one of.

Katy Ripp (01:01:34) –  Us. Poor Tom, poor Tom. That day you’re like, where is she? I what is she in the car? Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, in.

Lynn (01:01:44) –  The back seat, wrapped up in the sheet. All right. This is very formal, but it has to be so that it biodegrade.

Katy Ripp (01:01:53) –  Yeah, well, of course.

Lynn (01:01:54) –  I mean, I can’t go in a taffeta dress.

Katy Ripp (01:01:57) –  Can they plant anything on top of you?

Lynn (01:01:59) –  Eventually?

Katy Ripp (01:02:00) –  Yeah, sure. Like at your, like you’re going to be.

Lynn (01:02:03) –  I’m going to be like, right under this beautiful tree. Right by the tree.

Katy Ripp (01:02:06) –  So how do they do that? Do they sell plots? Yes. Okay. So it’s like a six foot water.

Lynn (01:02:13) –  I said to them, do I get a discount? Let me know their standard size. Okay. Have to be. And they dig a certain depth so that. Yeah, certain creatures don’t have a field day. Yes. I don’t want my dog digging me up.

Katy Ripp (01:02:30) –  I mean, she would.

Lynn (01:02:31) –  Pearl the other day was in the dog park, digging like crazy. I mean, and all you could see it. Pearls, £85 and mostly £85 of ass. She’s got the biggest behind ever.

Katy Ripp (01:02:43) –  So she’s a Bernie, right? She’s part Great.

Lynn (01:02:46) –  Pyrenees, oh. Part gold.

Lynn (01:02:48) –  So you see this big blonde rear end, that’s all you see in town is sand or pearl? No. No response three times. And I said to him, she can hear you just fine.

Katy Ripp (01:02:59) –  You don’t have to repeat it. I mean.

Lynn (01:03:00) –  She knows your calling.

Katy Ripp (01:03:02) –  She’s busy digging the whole.

Lynn (01:03:03) –  Yeah.

Katy Ripp (01:03:04) –  No, no, nothing. Nothing, nothing. Then she looks up like.

Lynn (01:03:08) –  So he wanted me.

Katy Ripp (01:03:10) –  On my time. Everything. Yeah. Oh, thank you for being here. We’ll have you back, I could talk. Amazing. We’re going to do it again, I mean. Yeah. This was good. Thank you. Yeah.

Lynn (01:03:23) –  And I hope somebody out there, you know.

Katy Ripp (01:03:26) –  Well, it hit me so good. Okay. Mission accomplished. There you go. There you go.

Katy Ripp (01:03:33) –  And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me. Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message at Katy Ripp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at Katy Ripp dot com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing.

Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life. And remember, #ActuallyICan. 

Ever had a plethora of great ideas, but felt too much like an imposter to actually take action on them?

Well, you’re in for a treat. In this episode, I dive into a raw and real coaching session with my amazing client, Catherine Collins. Catherine, a successful brand building & global growth expert, is on a mission to integrate spirituality into her business while battling the paralysis that comes with new ideas. 

Together, we tackle the fears of imposter syndrome and the challenge of balancing analytical business acumen with a more fluid, spiritual approach. Amidst laughter and deep breaths, we uncover the importance of authenticity, self-care, and unapologetically pursuing one’s true path. Oh, and there’s a surprise interruption that adds a touch of real-life chaos!

Listen in on my coaching session with Catherine to hear more about:

  • Catherine’s impressive background in consultancy and her bold vision to blend spirituality with her business expertise.
  • How to face and overcome the fear of being judged and ridiculed when stepping into new and uncharted territories.
  • Practical steps Catherine takes to move past imposter syndrome and take decisive action towards her goals.
  • Steps to take when battling the paralysis of new ideas.
  • The concept of leveling up without being attached to the outcome.

Don’t miss out on this heartfelt and humorous journey. Tune in to the full episode now and get inspired to conquer your fears!

CONNECT WITH KATY RIPP: 

Submit a letter HERE for a Dear Katy episode

Website: www.katyripp.com

Instagram: @katyripp

Pinterest: @katyripp

Facebook: @katy.ripp

CONNECT WITH CATHERINE COLLINS:

Website: www.catherinecollins.co

Catherine’s Instagram: @catherine.collins.co

Constellar Consultancy Instagram: @constellarconsultancy

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Katy Ripp (00:00:00) – Hey, there. It’s good to have you back. This is a live coaching call with one of my favorite clients, Catherine Collins. The love for accent. She’s from England, and she talks a little bit about what we would call imposter syndrome. Maybe having a little bit of fear around taking action in a new direction. The coaching call ended up being amazing for both me and her. I always learn a little bit of something from each coaching call, something that I can use for myself too. So this particular coaching call was extremely beneficial. I think for both of us, we did sort of get cut off at the end. There was a lovely HVAC guy in my office that didn’t really get the hint from the please do not disturb on my door and the locked door, and came in to do some work on the air conditioner. So it did sort of get caught off at the end, but it is still a lovely coaching call. And thank you Catherine for being such a gracious guest. Hey there, fellow rebels, welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defying what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way. Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor, and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self. Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place. We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go. Hi, Catherine.

Catherine Collins (00:02:10) – Hi, Katie.

Katy Ripp (00:02:11) – Thank you so much for doing this. I’m really excited to see you.

Catherine Collins (00:02:13) – Thank you. I’m so excited. Can’t wait.

Katy Ripp (00:02:16) – Oh, yes. Well thank you. Is there anything that feels good to clear before we get going? Anything we can do? A couple deep breaths if you want. You know, you could let something off your chest that is really bugging you. That’s just annoying. And you can leave outside the door.

Catherine Collins (00:02:32) – I don’t think anything’s bugging me much. Maybe just a couple of deep breaths would be good.

Katy Ripp (00:02:36) – That’d be great. So if you want to give your eyes a close and just roll your shoulders back. So we’ll do a nice big deep breath in four, four, three, two, one and then out for six. 54321. Do a couple of more. Just like that. And when you’re ready, open your eyes. Roll your shoulders back one more time. Maybe readjust yourself and your seat.

Catherine Collins (00:03:10) – It’s perfect.

Katy Ripp (00:03:11) – Okay, great. Yeah. So what brings you here today? What can we talk about?

Catherine Collins (00:03:15) – Basically have all these ideas of things I want to do for work and everything, but I seem to just get frozen or stuck like I don’t action them.

Catherine Collins (00:03:27) – And I don’t think it’s just because I don’t know how to do them. There’s something there. And I’m like, why do I keep stopping myself from going forward?

Katy Ripp (00:03:35) – All right. What would be beneficial like by the end of this call? Like, what are you looking for in this session in particular in that subject?

Catherine Collins (00:03:45) – I mean, in an ideal world, I’d be like, oh my goodness, I’m going to go do everything.

Katy Ripp (00:03:50) – Well, yes. And by the way, this is a perfect world. Yeah. Like you’re right.

Catherine Collins (00:03:55) – And but I’m also realistic. But like I can action every single idea, right? I think what I’m looking for is just an understanding of what’s stopping me or what’s getting in my way. It’s almost like I think like work or be next steps, you know, like you actually have to now you’re going to do the work. Catherine. It’s not just your idea. So, yeah. What’s stopping me from doing that.

Katy Ripp (00:04:17) – At this point in your life? Why is this important? Is this connected to something else?

Catherine Collins (00:04:22) – Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:04:23) – So I already have a career. I own a consultancy agency, we build beauty and wellness brands, and I’ve been in that industry for the last 19 years.

Katy Ripp (00:04:32) – You’re the boss, right?

Catherine Collins (00:04:33) – Yes, I.

Katy Ripp (00:04:34) – Guess the founder.

Catherine Collins (00:04:35) – I’m the founder. I see it more like that. Yeah. I’ve got a lovely little collective of other consultants. Is great. And I mentor a lot of. Yeah, founders, other founders. We build brands and expand brands globally and things.

Katy Ripp (00:04:47) – No big deal. Just globally.

Catherine Collins (00:04:49) – Well, we help them. But yeah. And I have a really spiritual side and I’ve always done, you know, I’ve done kinesiology, I’ve done Reiki, I’ve done hypnotherapy coaching and other somatics and stuff and other modalities. And I have like a whole way that I live my life and that I bring it into some of my practices with my clients. But it’s important because I want to move more into that side and phase of my life. I’m building a new website. It’s not that I’m building.

Catherine Collins (00:05:18) – I mean, you, it’s something that I’m just being more authentic in how I’m showing up. Not that I was inauthentic before, it’s just I didn’t really show all these facets of myself. Yeah, yeah. So these ideas are all related to that new business? Yeah, mostly. Yeah, they are. And there’s just like I mean, I have the website, I have the ideas, I’ve started building the website. This is like being years of this. I don’t I actually little bits but I know I can action so much more.

Katy Ripp (00:05:49) – Well it sounds like you’ve made some major progress.

Catherine Collins (00:05:52) – Yeah I think my family would be like wow she’s finally actually just taking her real long time. I don’t know if I’d agree.

Katy Ripp (00:05:57) – I’m sitting here like God you have done a lot already right in that direction.

Catherine Collins (00:06:03) – Yeah, yeah, I think in this last year has been like much more taking big strides. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:06:09) – So give yourself a little credit for that maybe.

Catherine Collins (00:06:12) – Yeah. Yeah you’re right.

Katy Ripp (00:06:13) – We’ll start there and then we’ll build.

Catherine Collins (00:06:15) – Yeah that’s really good rather than beating myself up.

Katy Ripp (00:06:18) – Yeah. Right. Because you have made some really major success. So feeling good like walking away from this, we’re going to maybe look at a few ideas and then understand, like what’s holding you back from moving that direction of those particular ideas. Yeah. Because clearly we’ve seen that you can make progress and take action in certain areas. So there must be something about some of the other ideas that’s holding you back.

Catherine Collins (00:06:44) – Yeah. Exactly. Okay.

Katy Ripp (00:06:46) – Yeah. Okay. Where would you like to begin. Tell me your tell me where we’re at.

Catherine Collins (00:06:51) – I think I’d like to begin in. Yeah. Maybe it would be helpful to dive into a couple of the ideas and then see why I feel I can’t do that.

Katy Ripp (00:07:01) – Yeah, I’d love to hear what ideas you feel like are holding you back, because again, you’ve, like, made some major progress in areas. So there’s clearly ideas that you have that like you’re feeling stuck in. Yeah I’d love to know what those ideas are.

Catherine Collins (00:07:17) – Yeah I feel like it’s just all very big. There’s a lot of overwhelm with everything I want to do rather than. So I’ve got I wanted to obviously do still keep doing one to ones, but I really want to do more group led things. So essentially integrating like coming with like sacred coaching circles. So where I integrate the spirituality with the idea of coaching and we bring forward this is the thing the ideas are like, do we bring forward topics to discuss? How do I make it? Look, I’m just going very there’s obviously so many more things within this, but it’s like, how do we make it look? How does it work? Online. I’ve done it in person and that works well. But it’s like, how do I bring that forward online? Then there’s also like all the email marketing I need to do around that. Then there’s the social media, and I go in this whole forward tunnel of like, I’ve got to do this, this, this and this and this. And then I kind of freeze and I don’t know what to do next.

Catherine Collins (00:08:13) – Whereas I have a in the business I do I help people plot all this out. We help teams do all of this. So I know I’m capable of doing of like mapping this out, but for some reason I just, I get scared. Oh.

Katy Ripp (00:08:31) – That’s something. What’s there? What do you think? You’re scared of being stupid. Oh, cool. That is my friend you’re talking about.

Catherine Collins (00:08:46) – it being like, it not being right or it just being like me not being good or not good enough to do it.

Katy Ripp (00:08:53) – Do you think that’s true?

Catherine Collins (00:08:55) – I mean, it gives me a bit of anxiety when I, like, lean into it.

Katy Ripp (00:08:58) – yeah, I can tell. Like, you’re kind of crunched up. Yeah. So open up.

Catherine Collins (00:09:04) – Yeah. Is it true? I don’t think, like, I know my heart of hearts isn’t true. Right? But something. There’s something there that’s like. It’s a fear.

Katy Ripp (00:09:15) – Yeah. Does it feel good to dive into that a little bit right now? I mean, feel good maybe feel good is a stretch, but yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:09:23) – Yeah I know I feel like I need to explore it because it keeps coming out.

Katy Ripp (00:09:26) – Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:09:27) – And it’s what’s stopping me from every word.

Katy Ripp (00:09:29) – So you went into a few of the like, nitty gritty details, right? Like the marketing, the strategy, the social media, the you know, those are sort of surface level stuff that overwhelm. That’s sort of where you get stuck, like paralyzed, like, oh my God, this is this is where I stop. What part of those like, nitty gritty details gives you the most fear?

Catherine Collins (00:09:53) – Actually, I don’t know if they give me the most fear. I think it’s actually just showing up and doing it.

Katy Ripp (00:09:59) – Uhhuh. Do you have instances in your life where you show up personally in other ways? I know you show up for your business for sure, but would this be the first time that you sort of become vulnerable in a I’m putting myself out there way very much.

Catherine Collins (00:10:16) – That’s what’s kind of scary, what it is. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:10:19) – Yeah. What part of that is scary?

Catherine Collins (00:10:21) – If I imagine that, I might get it wrong.

Catherine Collins (00:10:26) – I think there’s like this word like, like be ridiculed, which is I didn’t expect that.

Katy Ripp (00:10:31) – Oh, ridiculed. Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:10:33) – I haven’t even that. That’s a new one to me. Yeah I think it’s around like how I’m going to appear and that’s what I think about showing up. So okay I got to take a leap of faith and do this.

Katy Ripp (00:10:44) – Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:10:45) – There’s no going back. Like this is what I want to do. It’s just I don’t know all the steps. Is that.

Katy Ripp (00:10:50) – True. Do you know all the steps?

Catherine Collins (00:10:52) – I do know the technical, strategic steps that you should do. But I also really believe in like leading with a, you know, more heart centered approach and heart centered business. And not everything has to be sales funnels and.

Katy Ripp (00:11:06) – For sure, right. Like heart centered business is not sales funnels. No, I mean it could be. But yeah, you know, we both know that that’s not necessarily like doing it differently is scary.

Catherine Collins (00:11:18) – Yes. Yeah. And I’m doing it.

Catherine Collins (00:11:20) – I still don’t actually know everything that I’m going to do. I like that’s part of the work actually I have to do is I need to dive into like I think it through my head, but I haven’t actually put it on paper, like what it would all look like. That’s the bit where I almost like, I have these phenomenal ideas and I think them, but I don’t write them down and I don’t then put them into action because of that fear of being. I think it’s a vulnerability and this like ridicule thing that I think people are going to potentially judge me, maybe, or it’s just going to be stupid and silly. Yeah. Like a small self, you know, me, my small self like, oh yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:11:59) – Right. Would it help to write it down.

Catherine Collins (00:12:02) – Yeah. I think if I wrote it down it.

Catherine Collins (00:12:04) – Got me excited. Sorry. I didn’t mean to you on there. Just energy is coming out of me like.

Katy Ripp (00:12:10) – I don’t know, it’s all just coming out and whatever, it’s coming out and that’s okay.

Katy Ripp (00:12:15) – Is there something holding you back from writing it down and like, making it real?

Catherine Collins (00:12:19) – The only person holding me back to me. It’s almost like I’m stopping myself before I even get started. And why am I doing that. It’s a protection. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:12:30) – I mean when you said ridicule or judged right. Like you’re protecting your tender heart from getting stomped on. Yeah. Is that how I’m like understanding it, right. Like, yeah, there is a protection here of vulnerability. And I also want to give you credit for knowing like that’s what’s holding you back. Right. Like that’s the rub here. Right. Like. That’s where the rubber meets the road. Sort of. And that is not easy. It’s not easy. We live in a very judgmental society around the world. Tell me, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you put yourself out there and somebody says, this is stupid and silly.

Catherine Collins (00:13:12) – Part of me is like laughing now because it was extreme. I feel like, okay, like it might get a bit.

Catherine Collins (00:13:20) – Like, oh, that sucks that you’re like mean like that. But like, I’d be like, why do you feel you need to be mean and people in public, you’re that’s not a very nice thing. So I would probably just be like, okay, whatever. That person is just a bit me, but I don’t think it would. That’s the worst thing that could happen is that it just didn’t work or it didn’t feel right for me, and I just move on to something else.

Katy Ripp (00:13:41) – That is the worst thing.

Catherine Collins (00:13:43) – That, and, the worst thing is, like, if somebody didn’t like it, then that’s what I mean. It’s not that bad, actually.

Katy Ripp (00:13:50) – Right? Like, those two things don’t seem like the worst thing.

Catherine Collins (00:13:53) – Really. No, that’s what I mean. So there’s. Yeah, that’s actually. Really. Yeah. That makes me feel better. Yeah. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:14:01) – I’m so glad. Yeah. When we, like, get scared about ridicule or judgement, sometimes we have like a situation in our head.

Katy Ripp (00:14:10) – Right. Like this particular person is going to hate this, or they’re going to make fun of me, or they’re going to roll their eyes, or they’re going to do something that’s like, this is silly and stupid that Catherine is doing this. Yeah. Do you have that person in your head? Do you have someone or something? Yeah, I.

Catherine Collins (00:14:28) – Can create it like a persona or a person. Yeah. For sure.

Katy Ripp (00:14:31) – Like, you know, from your childhood or from your high school or, you know, your younger years, like people.

Catherine Collins (00:14:37) – I would hate to follow me. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:14:39) – Tell me about them. You don’t have to use names. Although we could, and it would be great. But you don’t have to use names.

Catherine Collins (00:14:46) – I think they’re just people who I feel are maybe just not very. And this is no, like, fault of their own or anything like that. Very connected with who they are as a person. And they’re going through the motions of life and like, I’ve got to make this money.

Catherine Collins (00:15:03) – I’ve, you know, got to succeed. I’ve got to thrive. I’ve always got to do better. We’ve got to keep pushing, got to keep going. There’s not much spirituality or time for like, who am I? And this discovery into themselves, and how can I be kinder and all these other things. So when I think of someone like that and. They’re quite judgmental anyway, quite competitive, very competitive for themselves. And he had driven that way, which is a good traits but just quite like mean girly. Yeah. So I think that’s uncompetitive that that’s the kind of person I see being like, oh, this is just absolute B.S. like, is that.

Katy Ripp (00:15:39) – Like your dream client or like your dream participant? Do you want the person in your circle?

Catherine Collins (00:15:44) – No. I mean, if they want to be on it, they want to figure out what they want from life and who they really are inside and what they want to build. It’s the truest expression of themselves and things. And yeah, but no, I don’t want that energy.

Catherine Collins (00:15:58) – You know.

Katy Ripp (00:15:59) – Very likely that is the person that needs you the most. However, unless they’re ready. Right. Like clearly that is the like the yeah, the really judgmental people, the really I mean, those are the people that need the spirituality the most. Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:16:14) – And yeah, I guess that whatever you define as like spirituality are the ones who are connecting with who they are and what really, you know, what kind of life do they want to build rather than just going through the motions.

Katy Ripp (00:16:25) – Right. But we know that not everybody that’s in that particular situation at that time is ready for what you’re offering. No. So not dream client. No. So we’re not really intending to attract that particular person? No. Who are we trying to attract?

Catherine Collins (00:16:44) – I would say people who are I mean kind of a C, but I would say women who are either like in a phase in their life over their being doing something for a really long time. And they’re like, this isn’t the life I want.

Catherine Collins (00:17:00) – And they want to create something new and they’ve kind of lost who they are inside or lost, like disconnected from it. And they want to reconnect with who they are. They want to build from that place. That’s the kind of people who also have a real maybe potentially also quite. They could be overwhelmed, need support, needed space, but also are very open to wanting to help themselves, would very much lean into spiritual practices, whatever those may be for them, and are really open to that and exploring that and like to use those modalities to help get back in touch with themselves, more like ground and earth. And, you know, we’re interested in those kind of things. That’s the kind of person I want to attract.

Katy Ripp (00:17:39) – Do you know anybody like that? Do you know people that could use that service? Yeah, yeah. Out of the 4 billion women on the planet. Yeah. Do you think that there’s 100 people that are looking for that.

Catherine Collins (00:17:54) – Yeah definitely.

Katy Ripp (00:17:56) – Yeah. Do you think if you don’t do it you’re doing a disservice to those 100 people.

Katy Ripp (00:18:02) – If they’re looking for exactly what you’re offering.

Catherine Collins (00:18:04) – In a way I think if I don’t do it I’m doing a disservice to myself more than anything else. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:18:09) – Tell me that.

Catherine Collins (00:18:10) – Because my soul is like been cool since I was like, even I think even since like 13 or 14, I’ve always been into this used to be called like alternative medicine, complementary, that path and a different way of living and exploring. I was kind of raised that way too, with different modalities, but I haven’t answered the call of my own soul and followed that. Not that I’ve completely done everything opposite, because I’ve kept it very separate and practiced it in my life and my work. But if I don’t do this, and I don’t show up as who I really am now, and I feel I’m going to really do disservice to myself and I would really regret it, that’s what it’s so frustrating because it’s like I feel such a strong pull. And then there’s this sort of, oh gosh, what do I do next? I think it’s just after talking with you, in a sense, I just need to start and not scared of, like, what people might say or what might happen, or that it’s not perfect because I’ve started doing things where it is kind of like you build companies and stuff and it has there has to be a lot of things.

Catherine Collins (00:19:16) – Nothing. Nothing’s ever really perfect. But, you know, you’re working towards that, right? Yeah. I’ve always been really hard on myself with getting things right.

Katy Ripp (00:19:24) – So is there something about that comment you said before, like you were 14 or 15 and you’ve always wanted to pursue this path? What’s held you back for the last 20 plus years?

Catherine Collins (00:19:36) – Expectations of what I thought I should do, what I thought society said I should do. Not loving myself enough to lean into it. Not honoring myself enough. Like honoring what I thought I should do and what I think other people should think I should do, what I should do, and not believing in myself enough that I could do it.

Katy Ripp (00:19:54) – So you’re so. I mean, Catherine, you’re so close to this, right? Like you’re so quartz. You’ve made so much progress. What changed in the last year or two years that, like, made you make action, right, like, pushed you into, like, I’m starting the website. I’m starting a coaching certification.

Katy Ripp (00:20:11) – I’m, you know, what made you finally do it?

Catherine Collins (00:20:14) – I think I had been I’ve had a lot of sickness in my life, right? Since I got really sick when I was born, a sickness, and then I was sick one of my teen years, very ill. And then I got just different things. I got Covid really badly and I had long Covid, and then I got Graves disease and my whole life kind of. And I was undiagnosed for a long time, and I was really, really sick. And it was some it happened again. Do you know what I mean? Like something about this big kind of health class again and. It was realizing that I just couldn’t keep going on doing what I was doing because it wasn’t good for me, and it was almost like another reminder. And I’ve had quite a few that I have to. And the thyroid and graves is all to do with your throat and how you and show up on your words and what you say. And I just wasn’t it was just like I had a lot of very, really rough time.

Catherine Collins (00:21:06) – I was really sick, a really rough times at that time. And I just had a lot of I had a lot of time with myself and I wasn’t able to, you know, go out and do things. And yeah, I had a lot of time to work through it. So I think that’s what came up with, like, I have to start prioritizing myself, and my health was part of that and who I am and what I want to do. And I just realized I was just very unhappy. And the way I had been showing up and it wasn’t like, you know, fulfilling and it’s just kind of going through the motions. So I think that’s kind of what happened. But it’s been something that’s been I’m trying to think of what made me realize that I want to just I don’t know if I actually realized I want to go make this my career. When I started doing things a couple of years ago, the more I prioritize myself and my voice and who I was, the more I was like, I’m.

Catherine Collins (00:21:59) – It’s like you start to level up. When you level up and you feel more comfortable and you feel less scared, and the more I did it, the more I do. The more there is no going back. So it’s like baby steps and maybe that’s what I need to. Maybe that’s just how I work. It’s like baby steps. Even with all these ideas. They’re big ideas, a lot of them. But it’s like maybe taking just keep going and keep doing and not remain unattached to the outcome. I just was attached to doing, helping and bettering myself and getting back in touch with me again and looking, caring and loving me necessarily. I have no idea what that outcome was going to be.

Katy Ripp (00:22:35) – Yeah. Two things you said. If you don’t mind if I repeat them back to you. One is leveling up. Do you think you are just about to level up?

Catherine Collins (00:22:46) – I think I kind of already have. And I just now need to go be like, hey, I’m here.

Katy Ripp (00:22:54) – Yeah, I think it’s business owners.

Katy Ripp (00:22:56) – We both know right before you’re about to level up, the shit hits the fan. Yeah, right. Like internally. Right? We don’t know if we’re worth it. We don’t know if we can make it. We don’t know if people are going to judge it. We don’t know if people are going to accept us. Right. Like business wise. Yeah. Just in a like female entrepreneur place, leveling up is really hard because right before you’re going to do it, you hit some.

Catherine Collins (00:23:19) – Shit and things come up that you would have thought were a dream thing before. But then you’re like, oh yeah, why are you coming into my life again to like, make me feel like I have to do this?

Katy Ripp (00:23:30) – Yeah. One of the things that has always resonated with me, and it was from a book a long time ago, but it was like, the universe just wants to know you’re serious. The universe just wants to know you’re fucking serious about getting to the next level. So we’re going to throw some shit at you just to make sure that this is what you really want, right? Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:23:49) – So this sort of like when you said level up, I was like, maybe there’s something there. The other thing is not being attached to the outcome. So when at the beginning of this conversation, we talked about all those like nitty gritty things, right? Like the strategy, the marketing, the, you know, like putting myself out there on social media, that kind of thing. Do you think you’re attaching that sort of detail to the outcome? Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:24:14) – That’s actually yeah. Those things are like, yeah, the details that give me this outcome that I think I should have.

Katy Ripp (00:24:21) – Tell me about the outcome you think you should have in this particular. Right. Like the business you want to start the practice you want to start.

Catherine Collins (00:24:29) – It’s like I have two I have the part of me that’s like, that’s rubbish, Catherine. Just let it unfold and unfurl and be what it is. And then the other part that’s really analytical is like, no, it should be. You have this website, you start your course, you have this many things in practice.

Catherine Collins (00:24:47) – You get, you know, you start getting this many people, you start doing these things in person. You do this thing online and then blah, blah, blah. There’s so many levels to it and so many. What’s the word like boxes almost. You should be taking as an entrepreneur to move, which kind of goes against the ethos that I actually truly believe in, which is go forth and really tune into what feels right and make steps in that direction and just show up as who you are and see what doors open for you. It doesn’t hurt that you have like business acumen and things to help you, but it really doesn’t have to be perfect like some of the people I love to follow most like it really isn’t. It isn’t perfect, but I love it because it’s real. And like, I’m so excited. I watched their staff and I, I would consider doing stuff with them because I just love that they’re so honest and real and figuring out as they go, but they’re also kind of masters in their craft.

Katy Ripp (00:25:45) – Is there something about the patterns, like, are you noticing anything about the patterns? You kind of use two examples, right? And we’ve both been through the Mind Rebel Academy. So we know, like we’ve got our rebel mind, we’ve got our guard and we’ve got our authentic self. Yeah. Is there anything about these patterns of turning on your entrepreneurial brain, which is I have to produce something that is protecting you? I don’t think it’s protecting me.

Catherine Collins (00:26:13) – I think it’s just what I’m used to doing.

Katy Ripp (00:26:15) – Is it something you’re just really good at? So it feels right to like?

Catherine Collins (00:26:19) – It’s annoying.

Katy Ripp (00:26:21) – It’s annoying to me.

Catherine Collins (00:26:22) – So good, I don’t know. I don’t want to. It’s not big habit like that. I mean, no, no, no, no. I know it’s just annoying that. Yeah, it’s kind of annoying that I know a lot of the pitfalls. So I’m like trying to protect myself from that stuff happening or also to make it really successful. Whereas yeah, there’s two sides.

Catherine Collins (00:26:43) – It’s that one that is sort of like it’s like an alert, you know, like a siren, like Nino, Nino, Nino. You’re like, yeah, warning, warning. Come on. And then the other one’s like, oh, let’s just be fluid and, you know, flow and like, that’s the one I like. And then it’s the bit in the middle. That’s where. That’s it actually. That’s it. That’s that’s where I get stuck because there’s two. And that’s what I’m like all over actually I have two different parts that are business orientated and the other one’s very like, oh, I’m just putting on some earth and I’m doing my grounding every day and I do this and I do, you know, like it’s, but it’s like very fluid and natural and I just tune in to what I want to feel and do.

Katy Ripp (00:27:22) – Is it just so much different than what you know?

Catherine Collins (00:27:25) – What do you.

Katy Ripp (00:27:25) – Mean? Is that flowing part of like, I just want to put my hands in the dirt and ground.

Katy Ripp (00:27:31) – And is it just so much different than what you. And what you’re comfortable with.

Catherine Collins (00:27:36) – Yeah. Like and no in the sense of the analytical stuff. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:27:39) – Like, no, in the sense of maybe you don’t have as many examples out there to follow of like, this is the way it could be done. Heart lead and I could let it flow. And I don’t have to be attached to the outcome and how much money I’m making at it. And that is.

Catherine Collins (00:27:55) – So different from what I know. Yeah. Now I got it. Yeah, that is very different from what I know. And I’m expected to show up and do. So yeah it is. But it’s also in all honesty the a lot of the way I laid my like other side like the rest of my life and how I actually my brain works and thinks is that a lot of the time. Except when that fear Nino Nino comes in, it’s like, well how are you going to make money at this? Like, you know, practical things and like that comes in a little bit, but not that’s not probably the the biggest part of it in that sense.

Catherine Collins (00:28:32) – But it is like, yeah, how can you yeah make this successful. So yeah it’s that. Yeah. But I’m getting really it’s a lot clearer that I really like the flow side.

Katy Ripp (00:28:45) – On the flow side. Right. We’re talking about kind of two things, right. Like your group coaching practice. What you said at the beginning. Right. Like I have all these ideas I want to do this like kind of a thing. And then you’ve got sort of real life right now, this B thing that’s very analytical side, this very like successful money making, you know, you’ve got kind of two sides here. When we’re talking about the flow side, we’ll just talk flow, which sounds like it’s very aligned with your authentic self that you’ve been discovering over the last few years. What does success look like? Like if you had the outcome that you are wanting, what does that look like?

Catherine Collins (00:29:26) – Oh well, I have been thinking about this. I think I have actually success to me looks like getting because I’m admitting this, but yeah, I’m getting paid to share wisdom and help others and that’s it.

Catherine Collins (00:29:44) – And I it’s not hard work. Work isn’t even in my vocabulary because I show up doing what I love to do. What’s success to me looks like almost feels like. It’s like I wake up every day like, oh my gosh, I’m so excited I got to do this, you know, like that feeling. And yeah, you wake up and tune with what you need that day and, you know, tending to your own needs, I guess, before you then contend and help so much others like, that’s so paramount to so and having the time and space to do that and being regulated. So there’s loads. Yeah. Success to me looks like not work. Actually I have such negative connotations with the word work I think. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:30:26) – So do you think you deserve a life like that?

Catherine Collins (00:30:28) – I want a life like that.

Katy Ripp (00:30:31) – That’s not what I am.

Catherine Collins (00:30:32) – You’re hiding. Life’s like that. I’m like, is that possible? But yes, of course it’s possible. I’ve seen other people do that.

Catherine Collins (00:30:41) – Of course it is. Yeah, yeah. But then a part of me is like, it’s that thing where people will be like, whoa! Do you think I have at all or something? The jealousy thing? Yeah. So what’s in there that I don’t want to upset other people by me being super happy or healthy or that I don’t want to. Yeah, but I’m putting other people’s needs before my own. Yikes. Thank you.

Katy Ripp (00:31:11) – I don’t mean to be laughing, but I would like to say that back to you. Gosh, I don’t want to upset other people by being too happy, too healthy and have it all. How does that land? I want it to land. Yeah, we could just kick that one to the curb. Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:31:36) – That. I had no idea that was there, like I. But that makes sense, actually, because there’s times even in relationships I haven’t. If I think back to relationships, I haven’t shown up and I haven’t fully been myself, it’s because I put their needs before mine.

Catherine Collins (00:31:54) – Or if there’s there was cultural religious things for I mine because there’s always more important. But I didn’t essentially just want to. I did penalties for them, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t value myself enough to be like, hey, I’m actually even though mine is different, like it’s it’s still equal to yours. Yours aren’t more important than mine. And your life and your path isn’t more important than mine. So this is like having big awareness. Yeah. Like I value myself enough to be like, yeah, my needs are just like my desires and stuff are really valid as much as anybody else’s. And why not like go have those if you want them and everyone has the right to go do that.

Katy Ripp (00:32:38) – So can I ask you again, do you think you’re worthy of a life like that? Yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:32:43) – Why not? Of course.

Katy Ripp (00:32:44) – Yeah, well, the answer is yes.

Catherine Collins (00:32:48) – I think you’re like, hell yes. But yeah, yeah, that is like. Whew. I feel like something’s just opened in my head.

Catherine Collins (00:32:55) – And I feel like my energy is lighter. Everything feels lighter. Yeah, yeah, your.

Katy Ripp (00:33:00) – Eyes are a little.

Catherine Collins (00:33:00) – Brighter.

Katy Ripp (00:33:01) – I love that if we were to. With this new awareness, if you were to go out and feel really inspired today to do something right, like, let’s get out of the way, right, like, let’s move this obstacle out of my path. What could you move? What could you do? Sort of. If you’re walking down this path, what could you do right away?

Catherine Collins (00:33:22) – Okay, so realistically after this I have do have a consultancy call.

Katy Ripp (00:33:27) – Maybe that today.

Catherine Collins (00:33:28) – But no. But what I could do is I actually can jot down like I have post-it notes. And I think it would really help me to actually be like, I fully deserve this life as much as anybody else, and to have the life I really want to have. And that’s also what I believe I want to help other people do. So I have to do that to help other people do that.

Catherine Collins (00:33:48) – And I’m like, just at that little cusp, like you said. And I feel like, yeah, with your thanks to this, I feel like I’m really crossing over into it. Yeah. So I think that’s kind of what I can do right this moment. And then I can also, I do feel like it would be cool to write down these, these few things I have. It’s not just the circles, there’s other stuff and just write down like kind of all my thoughts and wisdom and the exciting things and actually get excited about it.

Katy Ripp (00:34:17) – Let’s do it right now. Right? Like grab your post-it note quick. I’d also love for you to write down, like the definition of success for the flow state.

Catherine Collins (00:34:25) – Okay, so post-it notes. I deserve to live my life filling.

Katy Ripp (00:34:35) – You can always rewrite this, right? Like, I wanted to, like, get this stuff down, because one of the things that we didn’t you said you haven’t done is write this down, right? Like, let’s get it out.

Catherine Collins (00:34:45) – Stick up on my computer now and then this success flow state, like, yeah, yeah, success is the flow state.

Katy Ripp (00:34:53) – It’s the ultimate flow state. And being in an ultimate flow state also takes away that work word. I write like.

Catherine Collins (00:35:03) – This word work. And everyone talks about I work so hard I worked at work and it’s like yeah there’s extreme periods in life when I’ve really worked my ass off and like, yeah, it’s it’s tough on other people have really tough times to work. But I actually hate the word. I think the word work, it’s like work out. It’s always just like cool, exhausting.

Katy Ripp (00:35:25) – Yeah, well, like a grind. And it’s also become sort of a badge of honor for people. That’s right. Like, I work so hard, therefore I am, and it doesn’t make you a better person. It’s true.

Catherine Collins (00:35:36) – It’s just like, yeah, like I work so much and I do this and I do that and it makes you defines you. I just, I don’t like being defined by my work.

Katy Ripp (00:35:45) – The other thing I wrote down was and I don’t know exactly how you want to write this down for yourself, but not attaching to an outcome. Yes. That’s probably going to be a practice that’s pretty ingrained right. Like maybe I just.

Catherine Collins (00:36:00) – Do like yesterday for instance, we live, near a beach and I was just walking down by the beach and like, I had no much makeup on or anything like that. I didn’t really whatever. And I just took a video of just like thoughts that come to me, because that’s when it does when work, when I’m walking or on my like, things just comes me. And there’s also I’m really into, nature and flowers and herbs and stuff and there’s a really cool plant called Viper’s Gloss, which is in full bloom at the moment, and it’s beautiful. I want to see it, Thistle, but actually it cuts into my stunning blue flowers. But the whole spiritual meaning of this plant is falsehood, which is about not being true to yourself. But I did record these, like these videos on my phone.

Catherine Collins (00:36:45) – Like for I was thinking I could use them for Instagram. Maybe that’s what my not attaching to an outcome is. I just do this like every few times a week. I just upload, post, upload it and just be like, okay, cool, that’s what I’ve what’s come through today and I’ll just share it. And yeah, it’s not like I have in that other account. I have like no followers to really matter. So, you know, just get up there.

Katy Ripp (00:37:07) – I think the thing about that is Instagram, for instance, is the ultimate practice in not having attachment to an outcome because there’s an immediate outcome, right? Like nobody likes it, nobody shares it, nobody follows me from it. No. Right. Like, but it’s an ultimate practice in that, that I’m just putting this out into the universe and the right people will find me. Yeah, that’s true. And it is a practice. It is harder than you think it is. It gets easier as you go, right? But like if you’re not attached to the outcome, it’s a perfect way to practice it.

Katy Ripp (00:37:47) – Because I’m doing this for myself.

Catherine Collins (00:37:50) – Yeah. No. Yeah, actually that’s true.

Katy Ripp (00:37:52) – I’m doing it for myself first. And anybody else that’s looking for it. My dream people that are looking for me because I guarantee, Catherine, people are looking for you. I’m looking for you. So people are looking for, like, I don’t know anything about that plant. I would love to know that. Honestly. God, I would love to know that. That is my like. I think it’s why we’re connected. Right? Like, that is my jam. So I would love to know that. And not only are you serving a purpose for yourself, which we talked about, right? Like you’re doing a disservice to yourself by not sharing this. Those are your words. Yeah, but also you’re doing a disservice to me by not sharing it.

Catherine Collins (00:38:38) – Oh thank you. Yeah. No, you’re so you’re so right. And I feel like really good about this because I think just try things. Because I do realize the more things I’ve done that I didn’t know the outcome.

Catherine Collins (00:38:50) – It’s not only builds resilience, but it also builds proof. So and you just keep doing that and it builds also, what’s the word like? You know, when you’re very nervous and dysregulated and you’re so scared, but the more you do something sometimes if you, you’re able to deal with it enough. And I am now I’m feeling a lot better and stuff then. Yeah, it just kind of builds confidence in that, that it’s, it just sort of washes off your back. And it’s the same in business and building things like you’re just you just keep doing things and learning and. Yeah. So yeah, not attaching to the outcome just trying things. And it can be posting. It could be even just trying new stuff in general like pottery class or whatever I want to do.

Katy Ripp (00:39:26) – Yeah. Get yourself a microphone. Right. We talked about that. Get yourself a microphone and start recording meditations. Yeah. You don’t ever have to use them for anything. No. Like they don’t have to be perfect.

Katy Ripp (00:39:37) – They don’t have to do anything. They could just be for you.

Catherine Collins (00:39:41) – Yeah. I did one the other day, actually, on the beach. I just sat there and I was just like, I’ll just do it here. And people can just look at something pretty, because I would love that sometimes, you know?

Katy Ripp (00:39:48) – Yeah. Right. Hold on one second. What’s that?

HVAC Guy (00:39:53) – I gotta get up there, find out what’s going on. Sorry.

Katy Ripp (00:39:56) – Okay. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Really? Well.

Catherine Collins (00:40:01) – We’re not attached to the outcome.

Katy Ripp (00:40:05) – Right? Right. We’re not attached anyway, so sorry to interrupt. How do you feel right now? Like, tell me what’s coming up for you.

Catherine Collins (00:40:13) – I feel I have so much more understanding as to like these two sides of me that were kind of like, how do we integrate? And I don’t even know if it’s a full, like, maybe that’s another topic, but like full integration of them. But it’s like it’s more about leaning into one side a little bit more and these kind of things like not attached to an outcome, continuing to honor, like my rhythms of the day and things like that as much as possible and knowing that, like, the success I want is that flow state.

Catherine Collins (00:40:44) – Yeah, it gives me somewhere to get started. Like, that’s much more easy than just done all this immense other things. And I’m looking at it like building a company.

Katy Ripp (00:40:53) – So yeah.

Catherine Collins (00:40:54) – It’s more freeing. Yeah, I feel a lot more like, yeah, relief. Like I can just I can just do this. Give it a go. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:41:03) – What’s next. Best steps for.

Catherine Collins (00:41:04) – You. Next best steps are like I said. Yeah well not my thing with post-its are fabulous are great ahead and yeah just starting to to put stuff up on the easiest one I’ve not attached to the outcome is the Instagram one straightaway and getting my website up, but it doesn’t really matter if it’s not. All things change, you know? So it just get up and whatever, whatever feels right right now. Yeah. And being like, I’m ready, I’m here, let’s do this. Let’s see what I can do, how I can help. So yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:41:39) – I love it so much.

Catherine Collins (00:41:40) – Thank you.

Catherine Collins (00:41:41) – That’s where I am.

Katy Ripp (00:41:41) – Is there a way that feels good to end the session?

Catherine Collins (00:41:46) – Are anyway to be rounded.

Katy Ripp (00:41:47) – Into some of those nuggets.

Catherine Collins (00:41:49) – I feel like very excited.

Catherine Collins (00:41:51) – So I feel like I just need to like.

Katy Ripp (00:41:53) – Yeah, let’s go go go go go.

Catherine Collins (00:41:55) – Right, like and just feel like, yeah, let’s go. That’s how I feel. Good. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:42:00) – Amazing. Okay, I’m gonna let you go then. Thank you. And do all your stuff. We can touch base again. And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me. Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message at Katy Ripp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at Katy Ripp dot com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing.

Katy Ripp (00:42:40) – Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life. And remember, #ActuallyICan. 

Have you ever felt like you’re living someone else’s life, just going through the motions? Well, you’re not alone. 

Hi, I’m Katy Ripp, and in this inaugural episode of #ActuallyICan, I invite you to join me on a personal journey. Along with my dear friend Patty, we dive deep into what it means to live authentically and unapologetically, and explore the true meaning behind the title of the show, #ActuallyICan.

Patty and I’s friendship began at a flower farming workshop, and from that moment, we knew we were kindred spirits. During our chat, Patty draws out my reasons for starting this podcast, and I share my intentions for each episode.

I open up about my personal journey, including the profound impact of my father-in-law’s passing, and we don’t shy away from discussing taboo topics like money, death and fear. 

Tune in to hear about:

  • How a chance meeting at a flower farming workshop blossomed into a deep and meaningful friendship.
  • My transformative story of loss, grief, and the awakening that led me to reevaluate my life’s direction.
  • The importance of talking about the often unspoken and uncomfortable topics that many shy away from, shedding light on how these taboos affect our lives and how we can break free from their constraints.
  • Why embracing your true self is crucial for personal fulfillment and how to navigate the challenges that come with living an authentic life.

Ready to be inspired and empowered? Tune in to the full episode now and join us on this journey of authenticity and bold living!

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Floret Flowers Workshop

CONNECT WITH KATY RIPP: 

Submit a letter HERE for a Dear Katy episode

Website: www.katyripp.com

Instagram: @katyripp

Pinterest: @katyripp

Facebook: @katy.ripp

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Katy Ripp (00:00:00) – Actually, I can to me means actually, I can do it my way. Actually, I can do it differently. We can all do it differently. We get the choice. We get to do it. I want to empower people to be able to go out and say, actually, I can do it that way. And I did do it that way.

Katy Ripp (00:00:24) – Hey, their fellow rebels, welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defying what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way. Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor, and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self. Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place.

Katy Ripp (00:01:11) – We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go.

Katy Ripp (00:01:25) – Okay. So welcome, Patti. Thank you for joining me.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:01:28) – Good morning. I’m so happy.

Katy Ripp (00:01:31) – To see you. I mean, I’m always happy to see your face, but this is exponentially special for me. So for the listeners, Patty and I.

Katy Ripp (00:01:38) – Met.

Katy Ripp (00:01:39) – 2016. Is that right? That could be the date. Oh, it was 2016. Because al died in 2017. It was the year before he died, I think.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:01:49) – Okay, then 16.

Katy Ripp (00:01:50) – 2016, and Patty and I met only because the universe put us together. I don’t know that there’s any other way to really describe it. Patty and I met at a Floret Flowers workshop, and if you’re not familiar with Floret Flowers, first of all, go out and check her out, Erin Benzakein. We think that that’s how you pronounce your last name. That sounds right. So I was just venturing into the flower farming field, no pun intended.

Katy Ripp (00:02:19) – And I decided to go out to Washington and take a flower farming intensive. I don’t know that I ever really figured out, Patty, why you went there. Except that you’re a lifelong learner.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:02:37) – Yeah. You know, that’s a really, really great question that I often reflect back on. I mean, at that moment, I believed that I might have this opportunity to do something more serious with flowers. But truly, I think it was a retreat in my mind. I just wanted to be surrounded by something pretty and do something that was outside of the world that I worked in.

Katy Ripp (00:02:58) – And yeah, and we did do something pretty right. So in a Facebook group that she had set, Erin had set up, it was kind of a lodging thing, right? Like, you guys can room together. This is like best story ever. But like, you guys can room together. You can find roommates on this thing. I think this is pretty popular these days, right? Like when you go to retreats, you can find people to room with.

Katy Ripp (00:03:22) – So I get three other people, or we all connect to there’s four of us total and we find, I don’t know if was Airbnb’s like even a big, huge thing at that point, right. Like I think that’s what we ended up getting was an Airbnb. That’s probably a story for another day, but we’ll just talk about some bedbugs that happened at that. Oh, it’s such a good story. I also lacked the keys in my rental car at Walmart with my phone inside of it, with voicemails from Patty. Arianna. Like it was just it was a thing. But Patty and I connected on, well, for me, such a visceral level. I don’t even know how to explain how we’ve really connected, but we have kept obviously kept in touch. Patty lives in Oregon and I live in Wisconsin, so we have seen each other almost every year except for Covid, I think almost every year since we met originally. But Patty has, and I’m probably going to cry when I say this.

Katy Ripp (00:04:29) – Patty has single handedly saved my life, saved my marriage, made me a better mother, likely saved businesses. Money. I will never forget you as taking me back to the airport one time. And you probably don’t even remember this. Petty. But you said something about getting your house in order, and that has resonated with me so hard ever since, that whenever I feel really chaotic, I always feel like I just need to get my house in order. Among thousands of other things you’ve said to me and help me with. So Patty was like the perfect person to basically introduce me to the podcast world. I think this has been sort of on the podcast itself has been sort of on my mind for, oh, I don’t know, since podcasts became cool, I guess, you know, I finally bit the bullet and did it. And so here I am, and I really wanted to allow you guys to meet Patty, because she is just like an angel from up above, but also because I think she knows me the best outside of my like, immediate family.

Katy Ripp (00:05:44) – I think she knows me the best and can sort of maybe pull out some information that I think you guys might like. So welcome, Patty.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:05:53) – Thank you, I love it. You give me way too much credit.

Katy Ripp (00:05:56) – Oh, that is not true.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:05:57) – But you and I were instantly connected. And I’ll be clear, I never stay in a group setting, so I don’t know why I agreed to that, but it. I know it was destined. So our relationship unfolded very, very fast. And by the time I took you to the airport to fly back home at the end of that weekend, it was clear we were going to be well. Dale said it.

Katy Ripp (00:06:25) – Dale said.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:06:25) – It, Dale said it. We’re going to be friends. You’re going to be friends.

Katy Ripp (00:06:28) – And this was like minutes after you guys met. Yeah. You were the only one there. And he looked at me and he said, oh, you guys are going to be friends. Yeah, here we are.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:06:38) – Yeah, here we are.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:06:39) – And we had so much in common. I mean, so many things that were really, really, really, really, really funny. Just, you know, same dogs, same dads with the same names. You know, you named your daughter what I would have named a daughter if I would have had him. I have sons, you know, it just went on and on and on and on and on and on too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So let’s talk about podcast. Katy. I’m so I am super curious because you’re the person in my life that takes such big risks and steps out there and is so bold and willing to go and do the things that I think intimidate the rest of us. So I kind of probably internally know why you are doing this, but I’m curious to hear it in your own words. What made you decide you needed to start a podcast about people breaking societal norms? Where did that come from?

Katy Ripp (00:07:33) – Yeah, if anybody’s followed me for a while, it’s been a progression over the last three, four, maybe five years.

Katy Ripp (00:07:41) – Probably since I’ve met you. I’ve got decades of self-development books, self-help, all the retreats, all the seminars, all the motivational speakers. I’ve just always really been into that and like learning and continuing to grow, but never really had the balls to do anything until about the last five years. And if we had to pinpoint something, I think it would be the death of my father in law, right? Like it was super unexpected. He was 59 years old. My husband and I had never gone through anything like that together. He had been to very few funerals. I’ve been to a number of funerals and been around people that have lost, you know, very close people to them. But he really never had, you know, grandparents that lived to 90s. And, you know, not that death isn’t sad, but when it’s somebody that sort of has an entire life ahead of them, it really does do more than you think it’s going to do to your life.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:08:44) – Well, it was absolutely shocking, too.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:08:46) – Yes. It was so shocking the way all unfolded.

Katy Ripp (00:08:51) – That whole thing really just rocked our world. And we didn’t really know a whole lot about grief. And I think, I mean, I still think that there’s very little research on grief, but I really didn’t, you know, you think that you’re going to be whatever the thing is, that anger, the denial, the sadness, the depression that, you know, all of these steps. But I remember actually you said it to me and you’ve had your fair share of grief, too. So you had said to me when something happened. How much do you think this has to do with grief? And I just at the time didn’t know, I didn’t know. And I started digging into that a little bit and realized, shit, this is not being dealt with, right? Like the grief part of this.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:09:41) – We I’m so curious about that. So you’re kind of saying that other parts of your life, you’re having these experiences that are you’re analyzing or thinking about or questioning, and then you’re recognizing that they are interwoven with grief that’s not been dealt with.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:09:56) – Is that kind of 100%. Got it.

Katy Ripp (00:09:59) – And I mean, there were issues, you know, before he died. But I think that that was the thing that like a, for lack of a better cliche, opened up our eyes. Right. Open my eyes. I got you my eyes to my responsibility in some of the things that were going on in our life at the time. And let me be clear, everything was kind of fine, right? Like it was fine. There was nothing like major in our life that was wrong. It just it sort of opened up my eyes into I think I could be more I think I can do more, I think I can try more, I think I can learn more. And that didn’t happen right away. But I have always had in the back of my mind a problem with drinking. It’s always been how I’ve solved things, which is never really a solution or how I coped with something. But in my heart of hearts, in my soul, I just knew it wasn’t good for me.

Katy Ripp (00:10:57) – So in August of 21, I just hung it up. I just said, I’m done drinking, period. I made that decision. You know, the Latin word for decide is to cut off. I just decided I was not going to drink anymore and that part has changed my life. Like, I think it’s always been there, but it was the thing on the top that I knew that if I just cut that one thing out and people have lots of things right, like mine was drinking, some people’s is shopping, some people’s is smoking weed, some people, you know, whatever you used to call mine was drinking. And ironically, in that time frame, my husband and I, Dale, decided to open a wine bar. And I have always in my life been a worker. And so I really just turned every hobby into a job. And I really love to drink wine at the time. And so we just turned that into a job. But it got to a point where it was like affecting my life.

Katy Ripp (00:12:00) – When I started to dig deep, when I started to get into why am I doing the things that I’m doing, how am I coping? Why do I feel this way? Why do I have these behaviors? I started like getting down and dirty. It opened up the doors for me to do the things that I’ve always wanted to do. Yeah. Which one of those things is a podcast? And I’ve already had a podcast, right? Like I started boxing caps with a partner, life Gets Life and that kind of fell apart. But for me, I’ve always had this drive to share my story, to share other people’s stories, and to live really unapologetically. That didn’t come until I quit drinking, but now that I’m there, I just like. I cannot wait to watch other people take responsibility for their lives and do the shit that they really want to do.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:13:00) – Got it. Okay, so I think I’m tying this all together of this whole horrible loss. It causes you to get extremely introspective.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:13:09) – So you’re then in that space of introspection and you’re analyzing pieces and parts of your life. You then determine that you’re going to stop drinking. And as the grief is, you know, rolling through you and the clarity is coming with the fact that you’ve stopped drinking, you are now seeing all these opportunities to say yes to this inner voice that’s been suggesting, do this, do this, do this, yes. This is that, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:13:39) – This is that, this is a culmination of all of that put together. You are good at this.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:13:45) – Well, I mean, I can just see it and I watched it unfold. Right. So and we had, you know, hundreds of conversations over time about the things that you were experiencing and knowing and internalizing and then putting out in the world. So this makes a lot of sense, because what this allows you to do is express what’s inside and then also bear witness to others. Right? What they’re they’re going to share and, and, and uncover with you in these moments of authenticity.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:14:13) – I mean, it’s it’s really cool. So there it is. And then now you think of it in, in the biggest, broadest, most bold terms that you can put it out there. I mean, if there was. One thing that this podcast could do or, you know, if it could change something in the world, what would you want that to be?

Katy Ripp (00:14:36) – Oh, that’s such a good, good one. Well, first of all, I think we all take ourselves a little bit too seriously.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:14:43) – Okay.

Katy Ripp (00:14:44) – So I hope that this will be enough of a light hearted.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:14:49) – Well, here, here’s where I’m going to go with that. For me, I got to change a little bit of what you said and what I think this is. So for me, you want this expression of yourself and others to not be so darn serious. Yeah, but this is not you said, you know, sometimes there’s. I’m gonna use the word honor. There’s a need to honor what’s inside people and give that the respect it deserves.

Katy Ripp (00:15:18) – Yeah.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:15:19) – Get it out to the world. Right. Yours and others.

Katy Ripp (00:15:23) – I hope that by me doing this, it will inspire other people to do stuff that feels really true to them. And for a really long time, I thought that that made me a narcissist, that I wanted to inspire other people. I thought that that made me somehow holier than thou. I see very recently I heard something about narcissism that mostly narcissism has everything to do with shame, not anything else. Right? Like narcissism and shame like that is a symptom of shame. And I don’t have shame over pretty much anything anymore. I’ve basically taken all my shameful things out from underneath the bed, laid them out, befriended them, and sent them on their way. And that allows me to live in a very authentic place right now, which the honest to God truth is that I want to inspire people. Yeah, for.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:16:25) – Me, I don’t know if this is your word, but for me, permission, right? If you can be real and presenting yourself publicly in your, you know, your most real iteration, it gives me permission to do it too.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:16:45) – Yes. And it’s so freeing. You know, I mean, I think one of my examples would be I’ve started to say to people, yes, I’ve been in marriage counseling twice a month for five years. Yes. I hired a coach. Somebody said to me, but you’re so in quotes successful. You’re, you know, you’re why would you need a coach? I just about fell out of my cherry thought. Do you think I got here without a coach? there’s no way. You know, I this me is is a combination of all the things that I’m, you know, that are that are in my world. And so I just found that by telling others this is who I am and what I’m doing to get through this world, it seems to allow other people to then tell me what they’re doing to get through this world.

Katy Ripp (00:17:33) – To your point, on so many levels, the permission thing is just like we just have to give ourselves permission to be ourselves. And that is one thing I’ve learned is the more I talk about the things that typically have shame around them, for instance, I mean, drinking, you know, like if you have a drinking problem, there’s so much shame around that in particular, that the minute I took it out from under the bed and I just told people that I wasn’t going to do it anymore and it was affecting my life, it’s like the shame just melted away.

Katy Ripp (00:18:10) – I have zero shame about it anymore, right? Like, well, also I’m not doing it right, like, but I would wake up with these horrible, guilt ridden hangovers because in my mind and in my heart, I just knew it wasn’t right for me. It wasn’t good for me. It was not serving me in any way. And I was misaligned. Yeah. And so what I have discovered in lots of work through my coaching certification, through lots of conversations with you, through a lot of ways I’ve gotten help over the years. I mean, even asking for help has shame around it, right? Like that’s the that’s hard enough. But what I discovered about myself and mostly other people is you will behave in a negative way if you are misaligned with your values. Yeah, people don’t know their values. And so like getting down and dirty with what you actually value and the things that we valued in our 20s, we don’t necessarily value it in your mid 40s anymore. Maybe you do.

Katy Ripp (00:19:18) – Yeah. There’s a different set of values and they change in the ebb and they flow and you know, whatever. And so if. I in any way, sharing other people’s stories, sharing my stories, having a platform to do that on in a light hearted, funny way where I can fuck whenever I want. Yeah. And I don’t really have to follow anybody’s rules. Yeah, that’s for me. And that’s what made you decide to do it, right? Like also, I mean, very honestly, this was my 2024 resolution, right. Like this was one of my goals. I was going to do a podcast this year. It was going to be just me. I didn’t know what to call it. I didn’t know anything. But I found a podcast producer that I really loved online. I put a deposit down. It was not a small deposit. I put a deposit down, sort of forgot about it. And then she reached out in April and was like, hey, we’re just about to get going out your stuff.

Katy Ripp (00:20:14) – Here’s your second bill. And I was like, oh shit, I guess I’m doing a podcast. Yeah. And now that I’m into it, now that I’ve interviewed a few people, it’s like it fills my cup to the brim already. I have nothing on this thing yet.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:20:32) – Yeah, no, I absolutely love it. Okay. So I mean, and I don’t want to spend much time here because to me, this isn’t where this is. This is not how I see you or how I think about this conversation or experience or or who you are in any way. But we all walk around with a little bit of fear, a little bit of doubt, a little bit of nine, like, oh, so did you have any fear or doubt about starting this? But again, I don’t want to spend much time here and give this much energy. But did you? Well for sure. Right.

Katy Ripp (00:21:03) – Like everybody’s got fear around putting themselves out there, right? Like you can’t put yourself out there anymore than this.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:21:10) – Really? Got it. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:21:12) – You know, unless you’re doing reels and shit on Instagram or you’re like, if you’re on OnlyFans, I suppose that’s putting yourself out there. But only yes, did I have doubts. My fear is, I think, very common. It’s also very popular, which like this imposter syndrome, you know, what business do I have doing this? What do I have to share? Why am I important? Why me basically. I can usually get over that pretty fast. I kind of have that muscle that has been definitely strengthened over time. And my answer to almost all of that is what’s the worst that can happen. Yeah.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:21:50) – Right. Exactly. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:21:51) – Somebody’s going to say they don’t like it okay. Yeah. There’s 8 billion people in the world. 4 billion of them are women. Women are likely going to be my listeners. I don’t need 4 billion listeners. I need like one. I, I need to listen, right. Like I need you to listen.

Katy Ripp (00:22:13) – I think we get very caught up right now in numbers. Again, I’m trying to do this in alignment with my values, and one of my values is to inspire. And so if I continue to try and do that and share other people’s stories around them, living in authenticity and them living honestly, and them living unapologetically and coming back from the brink of shit, this thing almost ruined my life. Yeah, I think I’ll be fine.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:22:47) – Yeah, I love that. And you think about oral tradition in other cultures. This is the New Age oral tradition, right? There’s certain you think. I mean, my mom always tells me a story about one of her friends that’s Irish. And they all grew up in Chicago, and they would get together and they would sit around on a Sunday afternoon, and some people would sing, and some people would tell stories, and some people would play an instrument. And, you know, it’s just this way of communicating what’s inside you. And I think a podcast is, is a modern day oral tradition.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:23:18) – I mean, it probably has more far reaching implications for historical purposes. There’s a lot of things in there. You know, I find it super fascinating. Okay. Now I’m going to go in there. What, like a taboo subject you’re nervous about covertly?

Katy Ripp (00:23:34) – I don’t know if I’m nervous about covering anything. I think I really want to be sensitive to some of this. You know, the big ones. Money.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:23:42) – Okay.

Katy Ripp (00:23:43) – Money. I want to talk about money. I want to talk about people’s stories around money. I want to talk about all the shameful shit we have around money, because I have my own stories around money. And as much as this is for other people, this is also. Very therapeutic for me. Like I’m a verbal processor. So when I get to talk to other people about things that could bring shame but don’t like money, I want to bring that stuff out from underneath the bed, strip the shame off of it and let it go. Yeah, death. I don’t think we talk about death enough, and I don’t think we’d talk about death in a respectful enough way.

Katy Ripp (00:24:29) – To honor the people that are still here. And also honor the people that have gone before us. Yeah. Yeah. In addition, everybody fucking dies. Yeah, everybody. There’s not. Yes. Do some people die out of order? Out of order of what society thinks? Absolutely. I’ve been through, you know, funerals and and saying goodbye to people, too. I think we just don’t talk about death enough. What are we going to do when people die? What’s the first thing we’re going to do when we get a call that our mom has died? Like, literally, what’s the first thing we’re going to do? Because the fear around that is not knowing what to do. Yeah.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:25:10) – Death and money.

Katy Ripp (00:25:12) – Just stuck to that. I mean.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:25:14) – Yeah, I mean those are two and I mean, you know, going back to the money, there’s so much pushback on that so much. And for females it’s outrageous. And then the next word is greed, right. It just goes there so fast.

Katy Ripp (00:25:30) – Oh it’s so.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:25:31) – And then so I mean that you’re you’re going to take your podcast in amazing directions with I mean that topic could change the world. And I think that, you know, back to the death thing. We’ve had so many conversations about that. I mean, I spoke to you in the car as you were leaving the hospital after all died. You were driving home in utter disbelief and horror and and then trying to process your point. You get the call. What’s next? What’s next, what’s next? And I mean, yeah, we have some real challenges as a society around those conversations. So I mean, I’m so intrigued. I’m so intrigued to see who’s going to talk to you about this, who you’ll be able to bring on that’s willing to discuss it, and what doors it opens for people’s understanding and their preparation.

Katy Ripp (00:26:18) – Like I said, I’ve got my own money stories, right? Like, well, everybody’s got money stories. And to your point, women especially most recently, the thing that really has just jabbed me in the ribs is almost every coaching client that I’ve had, business coaching client that I’ve had recently.

Katy Ripp (00:26:38) – One of the first things they say about money is, well, I don’t need to make $1 million.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:26:43) – Yeah, I saw it. He said.

Katy Ripp (00:26:45) – Oh no.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:26:47) – I’ve said, we’ve all said it.

Katy Ripp (00:26:49) – We’ve also I’ve said it. I’m honorable for just telling the universe, don’t give me $1 million. But we have this, like, icky feeling around $1 million. I mean, even in my post that said poor million like poor million dollars, right? Like they have done nothing wrong. So I just like that’s the kind of conversations I want to have that it’s not icky. It doesn’t have to be. It’s just numbers, right? Like, but there’s so much energy and so much power around it. Again, let’s just take it out from underneath the bed and talk about it. Totally don’t have to leave it under there. Yeah, sobriety is another one, right? Like that’s another conversation. I keep crossing paths and landing among the stars of all these really amazing, sober people that have made the decision to take it out of their lives and then gone on to do amazing things in the world.

Katy Ripp (00:27:49) – Weight loss. Weight has always been an issue for me. When I was younger, I was too thin. Now I feel like I’m too big, right? Like the body image this body dealt in between. So those are like the big taboo subjects. Yeah. Also the fear, right? Like the fear around all of it. The fear around, like we just don’t know what’s going to happen and the experiences that people have from that. Right. Like people that lose children, people that have their house burned down in a fire and then just like normal people. Here’s the other thing. I didn’t answer this before. I am the most normal person you’ve ever met. I’m normal. I live in Wisconsin. We are entrepreneurs of heart, but I don’t live in California on the beach with millions of dollars. And now do I want to? Someday? Maybe. But right now I’m just like living on my farm at sort of living my dream life. But it’s my dream life, and we all have different dream lives or things that really resonate with us.

Katy Ripp (00:29:01) – And they don’t have to be the Malibu mansion.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:29:05) – So maybe the words average.

Katy Ripp (00:29:10) – Maybe the word is average.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:29:12) – I mean just an average person. I mean he could pick you out of a crowd and you’re just because I’m not sure what normal is and I’m sorry California.

Katy Ripp (00:29:21) – Yeah. Right. I mean I shouldn’t be picking on those people right now.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:29:27) – Okay, sorry, I get so. Okay. You’re going to cover some really serious topics, obviously. How are you going to maintain this balance of deep and lighthearted? Any secret tricks or how does that kind of look?

Katy Ripp (00:29:41) – Yeah, I guess I’m going to say a lot right now.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:29:44) – Okay. Yeah, I also swear.

Katy Ripp (00:29:46) – Right. Like this is explicit. You can’t come on this show and you also shouldn’t listen if you get offended by bath bomb. Right? Like there’s just no way around that. Yeah I can’t I’m like, sorry, mom. Sorry, dad. Nobody likes it. I just, I like to swear. But also I have a pretty extensive, like, intake form.

Katy Ripp (00:30:08) – And this is one of the questions on the intake form is how do you use humor. And I’ve had that conversation. I had a recent podcast this was this week, and my guest lost a child young to cancer. And I asked her straight up, I need to know how inappropriate I can be. Like that was my statement to her. And she said, if you don’t laugh, you’d cry. We use humor for everything. Yeah. And then that sort of gave me a green light. Oh yes is one of my biggest fears that I will say something and it will get taken in the wrong context and like thrown out there to the world. Sure, I guess, but at the same time, like, I pretty much say whatever aligns with me so I don’t really have to apologize for anything anymore. Yeah, you’re.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:31:02) – Good at that. I think you you’ve always been really clear about that.

Katy Ripp (00:31:06) – Which part?

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:31:07) – Not worrying what other people think about, you know, a statement you make.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:31:12) – I think if you believe it to be true and it aligns with who you are, you’re going to say it. And if somebody doesn’t really love it. Okay. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:31:20) – One of the things I’ve really been lucky in learning over the last few years is I’m just not going to be for everybody.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:31:26) – That’s a relief, isn’t it?

Katy Ripp (00:31:28) – It’s so lovely. And do anyone that, like, continues to get older and has the privilege of getting older in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s I’m guessing it’s lovely to get older. It’s a privilege, first of all. But second of all, it just gets a whole lot easier to realize that you’re just not going to be for everybody. It’s also saved my businesses. My businesses aren’t going to be for everybody. Somebody is going to get a cold cappuccino and never visit us again.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:31:57) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:31:58) – Somebody is going to give us a one star review. We have one star reviews. I am happy to not have you come back. Here’s your money back.

Katy Ripp (00:32:06) – Please never come here again. Did that make me like. I don’t know exactly what that makes me, except that I just. I know if I’m doing stuff in alignment, if my businesses and my staff are doing stuff in alignment, then everything will work out and my intentions are always good. Do I fuck that up? Sometimes, sure. But my intentions are good.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:32:29) – Yeah, and back to we don’t have to be for everybody. It would be ridiculous to think that anybody could be, or that any business could be or should be or, you know, just the whole thing. I mean, you know, well, okay, so are there topics or, you know, is there one story that you haven’t covered yet but you’re dying to explore?

Katy Ripp (00:32:48) – Oh, so many.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:32:50) – Tell me, tell me about that.

Katy Ripp (00:32:51) – I don’t know that I’m interested in having, like, big names on. Okay, here’s why. It’s not that I don’t care about big names and that there’s really amazing people with lots of followers and and big people out there.

Katy Ripp (00:33:05) – And by big, I mean, like really popular or, you know, gotcha has all the numbers behind them or whatever. I really love the relatable stuff. Right? Like the people that are teachers and realtors and like the everyday people. I know that sounds I mean, I’m not trying to say like, I only want the peasants out here, like, that’s that. I’m not trying to be that person either. I just I’m interested in the stories of people that have done it differently. Do they need to blow up their life differently? Know the people that have made a lot of money for this is just an example, made a lot of money, looks super successful and also admitted that they have stories around money. Yeah, right. Like the people that have done the work, the people that are interested in making a better life for themselves and for other people in that order. Right. Like I am a huge proponent of self-care. First, you know, put your oxygen mask on first before you put it on your kids, right? Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:34:18) – And doing it outside of societal norms sounds very like it has to be this, like major event that happened. I don’t think it does. I just I want the people that have like uncovered it gradually and all of a sudden they look around and they’re like, fuck, I have this amazing life. I’m content every day as I did the work.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:34:41) – Mom.

Katy Ripp (00:34:43) – Does. Sometimes that mean that shit hits the fan and you lose a child, or your house burns down, or your father in law dies, or your husband or wife cheats on you. You know, whatever that is, does that mean that never happens to open up your eyes? Absolutely not. But there also is something to be said about very relatable people that go through normal things. Those are the people that I am hoping to talk to.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:35:13) – Yeah, absolutely.

Katy Ripp (00:35:15) – So the way the podcast is intended to work, right, like shit changes in my life all the time. That’s the other thing is like, I mean, some days I put out something and then I, you know, three months later I’m like, no, no, no, this is going to be different.

Katy Ripp (00:35:30) – My intention for the podcast is they’ll come out on Mondays.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:35:34) – Okay?

Katy Ripp (00:35:35) – Because I love Monday. One episode a week, one a month will be an interview.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:35:41) – Got it.

Katy Ripp (00:35:42) – One a month will be a dear Katy. So you’re listening to this and you want some advice, but you don’t want to come on the podcast and whatever. A dear Katy. Kind of like a Dear Abby, right?

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:35:52) – Right. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:35:52) – You know, wondering in Wichita kind of thing.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:35:56) – Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:35:57) – The third one will be some sort of my story, right? Like some real honest to God truth about my money story, my death stories, my relationship stories, my things that I’ve done to sort of get me to this place. And then a live coaching call.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:36:17) – Oh, cool. Okay, I love that. Wait, how long is each podcast going to last?

Katy Ripp (00:36:23) – Again, the intention is 45 minutes to an hour. I really love the 45 minute mark because I listen to podcasts when I work out.

Katy Ripp (00:36:33) – Yeah, and 45 minutes is about all I got me. So I love 45 minute podcasts. Okay, I got a.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:36:39) – Question about that. What about for the people that are like that, don’t listen to listen to them in long format. And your burst people. Your people that I’ve got 15 minutes.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:36:49) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:36:50) – I don’t know why I’m okay.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:36:52) – Just curious.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:36:52) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:36:53) – I kind of love that idea too. And that has crossed my mind about doing like a snippet on Friday. Like maybe a 15 minute jam on Friday.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:37:02) – Well, maybe one a month. Could be 15 minutes.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:37:05) – Yes, yes.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:37:06) – Give yourself a little space. As you’re talking about 52 podcasts, this is what true.

Katy Ripp (00:37:14) – This is why I have to have a producer.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:37:16) – Yeah, well, I’m glad there’s a pro here guiding you. Yeah. Okay. Wait, wait. Thank you. Okay, so here’s my question. How do you hope your listeners feel after finishing an episode of your podcast inspired? Is that the filter through which you’re running, your decision making through? Is this going to inspire somebody? And then boom, you select what you’re going to talk about or cover?

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:37:44) – Yeah, I think so.

Katy Ripp (00:37:46) – I think that is the ultimate goal. And if these things align. If it’s aligned with inspiration, it will get posted.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:37:58) – Got it. Is there any other pillars or foundational pieces that you’re running your decision making through to decide who you’re going to talk to or what you’re going to post?

Katy Ripp (00:38:09) – I think the coaching calls are really important to me, and here’s why. I think life coaching, which is basically what I am now a life coach and a business mentor, people paying for this service. I think the poor industry got a bad reputation like the pit bulls of the 90s, right? Yeah, like a bunch of people did it poorly and nobody really knows what it is. And it seems like an elective and a and a luxury. And I want to do it differently. I want people to hear what a real coaching call sounds like. Yeah, because. In my coaching certification experience, I have never felt more seen and heard than when somebody held space for me to verbalize, but not let me get in the weeds of it.

Katy Ripp (00:39:08) – The whole premise behind coaching is that Patty, you have all the answers in you. And it’s my job to get them out and that we as human beings, as women, because women are mostly who I’m going to coach. We are capable and whole and resourceful and creative beings. We know all the answers. It’s just we need some help getting them out and that’s my intention. So the coaching calls are important to me because I think that there’s a lot of misconceptions about it, even to your point. People need coaches like, we’re doing this fucking life by ourselves. Like what? There’s no playbook. There’s no rules, there’s no guidelines. And the rules of the game keep changing. So unless you live by your own set of guidelines and values, it’s really hard to win at life.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:40:08) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:40:08) – And that’s also like one of the things that I’m really passionate about is helping people find their own values. Like, when’s the last time you did a values assessment? I hadn’t done one ever, except for like a personality test.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:40:23) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:40:23) – You know, not in my like, later adult life. I did it for the first time in my certification, and now it’s like the first thing I give people.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:40:31) – And then you can run every decision through it. I mean, it just makes it so clear. It makes it so clear. Yeah. What I kept hearing is you were talking about these coaching experiences. You know, it’s already in there and you’re pulling it out. You’re drawing it out. And the one sentence that sticks with me is, you know, tell me more about that. Tell me more about that. Right. When you hold space and say to somebody, tell me more about that. There is so much relief and goodness that starts to flow. I know, I love it well, I am super stoked to see where this goes. Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:41:11) – Me too.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:41:11) – Super super super stoked and unbelievably touched and honored and connected to you in a way that is wow. I mean, I can’t put the right words on it.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:41:23) – I just am absolutely thrilled to be in your world.

Katy Ripp (00:41:26) – So the feeling is beyond mutual.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:41:30) – So,

Katy Ripp (00:41:31) – Some logistics.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:41:33) – Yes.

Katy Ripp (00:41:34) – Podcast is called #ActuallyICan, okay. That came from a bunch of people telling me I couldn’t do shit. And then I’m like,

Katy Ripp (00:41:46) – Actually, I can. And that came from like a really unhealthy place for a really long time. Right? Like it was always a challenge for somebody to say, no, you can’t do that. And I was like, fuck you. Actually, I can.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:00) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:42:00) – These days, actually, I can to me means, actually I can do it my way. And not with disdain, not with venom, not with aggression, with actually, I can do it differently. We can all do it differently. We get the choice. We get to do it. Actually, we can do it differently. Actually, we can do it differently. It was too long.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:26) – Well, actually, I did.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:30) – You know, I did.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:33) – Yeah.

Katy Ripp (00:42:34) – And I want to empower people to be able to go out and say, actually, I can do it that way. And I did do it that way.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:44) – Yeah, I love it.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:45) – I mean, that’s everything.

Katy Ripp (00:42:46) – And as long as I’m aligned, I think this is going to be fine. And I know you’re going to listen.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:51) – So yeah.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:52) – Absolutely. You’re aligned. You’re aligned.

Katy Ripp (00:42:56) – Thank you I see you.

Patty Schmitz-Thursam (00:42:58) – Love you.

Katy Ripp (00:43:00) – And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me. Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message at Katy Ripp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at katyripp.com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing.

Katy Ripp (00:43:30) – Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life. And remember, #ActuallyICan.

Welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast for ambitious modern women who are ready to break free from societal norms and design life on their own terms. I’m your host, Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur.

This podcast is your guide to challenging expectations and embracing authenticity. Through candid conversations, humor, and deep exploration, you’ll leave each episode feeling empowered to prioritize your wellbeing and design your life creatively.

Whether you’re in need of a good laugh, looking for unconventional self-care and personal development tips, or simply seeking camaraderie, this podcast is your sanctuary. Tune in every Monday for your dose of self-care, spirituality, business acumen, and personal development, all while being inspired to live authentically.

Follow now and start designing your life on your own terms!

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i write therefore i am.

Hi, I'm Katy.
Your lifestyle designer and business mentor.

Writing is my way of unwinding and letting my thoughts roam free. Every so often, in the midst of this creative chaos, something clicks, and I'm like, "Hmm, maybe someone else will dig this too." So, I toss it out into the world, hoping it lands with someone who gets it.
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In a world that continually celebrates the achievements of women breaking through glass ceilings, climbing corporate ladders, and excelling in their chosen fields, it's easy to assume that these high-achieving women have it all together.  Read more.


The Struggle of High-Achieving Women

balancing success and everything else