I’m convinced most self improvement advice skips the most important part.
Everyone loves talking about the beginning of change. The excitement, the fresh start, the big idea. Me included. But nobody really talks about the part in the middle where you’re wondering if you accidentally ruined your life by trying something new.
If you’ve ever felt stuck between where you were and where you want to be, you might be in what psychologists and personal development coaches often call the messy middle. I’ve been in the messy middle more times than I can count. Businesses, projects, personal reinventions… honestly at this point it feels like a seasonal hobby.
The messy middle is the stage of personal growth where motivation dips, doubt creeps in, and suddenly you’re wondering if everyone else secretly knows something you don’t. This stage of personal growth (or business evolution, relationship building, or any other major life change) is often overlooked and under-appreciated. It’s chaotic, uncomfortable, and sometimes feels never-ending.
But it’s also where the magic happens.
What is the Messy Middle?
The messy middle is that frustrating gap between starting something new and reaching your goal. It’s the part where motivation mysteriously disappears, self-doubt shows up like an uninvited houseguest, and suddenly you’re Googling things like “should I just quit everything and move to the forest.” That gap is where many people feel stuck, frustrated, or tempted to quit.
Just because it’s messy doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re challenging yourself, growing, and making real change. When I recently shared an Instagram post about this stage, the response was overwhelming. So many of you felt seen, and that’s because we don’t talk about the messy middle enough.
What Does “The Messy Middle” Feel Like?
The messy middle often shows up in ways people don’t expect. You might notice:
• motivation suddenly dropping after an exciting start
• questioning whether you made the right decision
• feeling like progress has completely stalled
• comparing yourself to people who seem further ahead
• wanting to quit even though the goal still matters
These feelings are incredibly common during periods of transformation. The messy middle is the stage where the initial excitement has faded but the results haven’t fully appeared yet.
That tension is uncomfortable, but it’s also a sign that real growth is happening.
Why It’s Worth It
The messy middle is uncomfortable because it requires resilience. It’s easy to start something with enthusiasm, but pushing through the doubts and challenges is where real growth occurs. In these moments, I lean into tools that keep me grounded: journaling, talking with my support network, and revisiting my core values. (Need help identifying your values? Check out my Values Assessment).
If you’re a multipassionate person juggling many interests, this stage can feel even more chaotic. I talk more about that in my Scanner Personality Guide.
Tools to Navigate the Mess
The messy middle can feel discouraging, but a few simple tools can help you stay grounded and keep moving forward.
- Mindset Shifts: Remember, discomfort means growth. Every time you feel like giving up, remind yourself why you started.
- Support Networks: Whether it’s your Heart Squad or your Hustle Network, don’t go it alone. Sharing your struggle is part of overcoming it.
- Actionable Steps: Break your goals into small, manageable tasks. Celebrate even the tiniest progress.
I’ve found that embracing small victories helps me stay motivated, especially when it feels like nothing is moving forward. That’s exactly why I created the Next Best Steps Worksheet. It helps you break overwhelming goals into small, doable actions so you can keep moving forward even when motivation dips.
Products to Support Your Journey
Sometimes, a little boost can make all the difference. These are a few tools that help me stay grounded when I’m deep in the messy middle:
- Commit30 Planner – Keeps my priorities in check.
- Guided Meditation by Taryn Watts – Helps process thoughts and emotions.
- To Do List Mouse Pad – Visual progress is motivating!
You’re Not Alone
If you’re in the messy middle right now, I hate to break it to you… but you’re probably doing it right. I’ve been there too—many times—and I’ll be there again. The good news is that the more you push through, the better you get at recognizing that the mess is just part of the process.
The messy middle is not a sign that you’re failing. It’s a sign that you’re in the part of the process where real growth happens. Every meaningful change includes this stage. The people who succeed aren’t the ones who avoid the messy middle. They’re the ones who learn how to move through it. Keep going—you’ve got this.
Stay strong, embrace the mess, and I’ll see you on the other side.
