Old Rule:
Stay humble. Don’t brag. Play small so you don’t intimidate anyone.
I can’t count how many times I heard some version of this growing up—directly and indirectly.
“Don’t be too loud.”
“Don’t make waves.”
“Don’t outshine your boss, your husband, or anyone else in the room.”
For a long time, I bought into it too. My instinct was to shrink back, soften my voice, let someone else take credit, or apologize before I’d even done anything wrong. I thought playing small made me likable. Safe. Easy to have around.
And honestly? Sometimes it worked. People did like me. I was praised for being agreeable, reliable, supportive. But here’s the problem—none of those things actually moved me closer to the life or business I wanted. They just kept me stuck in a box that was way too small for me.
How We Show Up Small
Playing small doesn’t always look obvious. It’s sneaky. It sounds like, “I don’t need to make that much money.” Or, “I just want to make six figures this year”—as if there aren’t a whole lot of numbers between $100k and $999k. It’s saying, “I don’t want to worry about money,” while never setting up the systems that would actually give you peace.
And it’s not just about money. It’s downplaying your expertise in a meeting so you don’t come across as a know-it-all. It’s hiding your personal story because you’re afraid it makes you look messy. It’s saying “yes” to projects that drain you instead of pitching the ones that light you up—because you don’t want to seem too picky.
Playing small can even sound like humility when really it’s fear: don’t get too big, don’t be too loud, don’t want too much.
Why This Rule Doesn’t Work for Us
Playing small isn’t about humility—it’s about survival. Women have learned to shrink themselves because standing out has historically been dangerous. Too bold? You get labeled difficult. Too confident? Arrogant. Too successful? Selfish.
So we tone ourselves down. We dampen our brilliance. We hide our accomplishments behind “luck” or “just working hard.” We keep ourselves contained because we’ve been taught that visibility comes with a price tag.
But here’s the thing: the world doesn’t benefit from women playing small. Our families, our communities, our clients, our staff—they all lose when we silence our ideas, mute our talent, or pretend we don’t want what we want.
When I finally got some clarity, it hit me like a lightning bolt: I am not for everyone. And I hate to break it to you, neither are you. And that’s {more than} okay. There are 8 billion people in the world—we are just never going to please them all.
I decided that I have opinions, theories, and knowledge earned from a lifetime of experience, and I wasn’t going to dull it anymore. That doesn’t mean I shout every single thing I’m thinking from the rooftops (thank GOD for my family). But it does mean I’ve stopped giving weight to opinions or advice from people I don’t admire. Period.
That shift was everything. It felt like finally exhaling after years of holding my breath. Instead of contorting myself to fit into other people’s comfort zones, I started focusing on being fully myself—the version who’s honest, sharp, and unafraid to take up space. And guess what? The right people leaned in closer. The wrong people quietly drifted away. And life got a whole lot lighter.
The Rewritten Rule: Stop Shrinking
Stop shrinking. Step fully into the space you were meant to occupy.
This doesn’t mean you need to shout from every rooftop or turn yourself into a walking billboard. It means giving yourself permission and setting boundaries to be visible, to tell the truth about what you want, and to take up the space your gifts require.
In an hour, that might look like speaking up in a meeting instead of letting the moment pass.
In a day, it could mean sharing your wins with your team instead of brushing them off.
In a week, it might be pitching yourself for an opportunity instead of waiting to be noticed.
In a year, it’s about building a business that isn’t an afterthought to everyone else’s needs—but one that reflects the actual size of your vision.
When women stop apologizing for being visible, everything changes. We show our kids what’s possible. We inspire our clients. We raise the standard for everyone around us.
Take It and Run
This week, notice where you catch yourself shrinking—whether it’s in your words, your pricing, your posture, or your willingness to say “I want this.” Then do the opposite. Claim the space. Say the thing. Send the pitch.
Your Turn
Have you ever found yourself downplaying your wins so you wouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable? Tell me in the comments.
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