Will I lose my sparkle?

I'm Katy

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I’m giving all the credit to this very loaded question to my ride-or-die soul sister, Patty.

Our phone conversations literally need an appointment on our calendars. We’ve not been friends for that long, less than 5 years in fact, but we know each other well and neither one of us calls the other without a significant window of free time. A chat can easily turn in to a teleconference.

About a week ago, we were in a “meeting”, talking about drinking, sobriety and all the shit that goes along with that, and the question came up; “will I lose my sparkle?” [if I quit drinking].

At first, I didn’t realize the magnitude of this question. In so many ways, I’ve answered it for myself a number of times; in the first 90 days, then again and now again, again.

The answer is yes.

And absolutely not.

What is “sparkle”?

First, let’s figure out which sparkle we’re talking about here before we decide whether or not we’re going to lose it. I think we’re confused.

Because it wasn’t all that long ago, and I have more experience in this department than I care to admit, I could pinpoint with the exact moment the ‘sparkle’ we may be referring to sets in when I was drinking.

Picture it: I’ve walked in to a party, or a bar, or a friend’s house, or by myself in my own kitchen; location really doesn’t matter. A drink “appears” in front of me; likely a large glass of white wine, but could be a beer or cocktail. Within the first few gulps, probably within 30 minutes, I can feel the tingle, the buzz; the conversation comes easily, my smile widens, my eyes twinkle and I am acutely aware of my surroundings feeling supremely grateful for this life I live. #blessed I think they call it. I feel confident, happy, loved, easy-going and fun, i.e. the sparkle.

But that particular sparkle, for me, lasts about 15 minutes. As I continue to drink more throughout the night, desperate to hold on to the feelings of confidence and ease, it dulls and before I know it, the sparkle has vanished and I’m left with a morning of piecing my night together. The confidence, happiness, fun-loving, easy-going feelings of yesterday have been replaced by shame, guilt, anxiety and regret over what I might have said and done in the other three hours and forty-five minutes.

And because it was so fleeting, and so fun and easy and shiny and beautiful, I made it my part-time job to pursue it over and over again, day after day.

If you’re reading this, you are likley exploring your relationship with alcohol (or maybe you’re just curious and that’s ok too) so maybe you are keenly aware of this window of which I speak. And I get it man, who wouldn’t want all of that? The loss is a legitimate fear.

The real sparkle.

That up there is manufactured sparkle.

It’s like all the unicorns are standing on all the rainbows everywhere with their hooves to their horns, slapping their heads in frustration. 15 minutes of fleeting bliss? Not quite what they had in mind for us.

Unicorns are courageous, fierce, and wild while also being gentle, compassionate, harmonious, and full of grace. They’re passionate about their own talents and share in the happiness of everyone they meet; a symbol for standing out in all your uniqueness and being loved as your authentic self.

That’s sparkle. And it can never be lost, only found…again. And I know for sure, it has absolutely nothing to do with a colored liquid served in a fancy glass…even if it does have a cute umbrella in it.

Whatever your sparkle is, it lies in your authentic, true self.
In doing the things that make you most happy.
In sharing your talents with the world.
The things that bring you true joy.
In who you were meant to be.

Don’t know what that is? That’s ok…me neither . But I know that we can keep a clear head, unpack some of the shit that took our sparkle to begin with, we can find it again.

Need help finding your “Unicorn Sparkle”?

We could go real deep here, but since we’re talking about sparkly things, let’s keep it light! Here are a few things you can do today to help find your sparkle:

  1. Spend time with an animal. Or several.

  2. Engage in a creative activity. Something that feeds your soul; photography, painting, reading, writing.

  3. Take a nap. There’s so many reasons for this.

  4. Get outside. Take a hike. Or a walk. A bike ride.

  5. Phone a friend. Someone who let’s you talk or who is easy to listen to. Stay away from energy vampires. You absolutely know who they are.

  6. Watch the sunrise or sunset. Or both.

  7. Give away something you love to someone who would appreciate it.

  8. Lay on your back with your feet up the wall for 5 minutes. Heaven.

This is a short list…I could go on and on.

These are just the things you can DO. There’s a whole list of things to NOT do. But, that’s for another day.

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i write therefore i am.

Hi, I'm Katy.
Your lifestyle designer and business mentor.

Writing is my way of unwinding and letting my thoughts roam free. Every so often, in the midst of this creative chaos, something clicks, and I'm like, "Hmm, maybe someone else will dig this too." So, I toss it out into the world, hoping it lands with someone who gets it.
I hope that's you.

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