Must. Have. Faith.

This week has proven to be one of the most interesting in my 2 1/4 months. It has tested my patience, willpower, faith, trust and confidence. Not necessarily in that order.

It sounds dramatic…it’s not really. But “it” has allowed me to look at the big picture and make a conscience decision about what I want my life to look like, and how I want my kids to see me.

I can’t quite explain how this Universe works, but it just does. I have been able to look through clear lenses at how everything fits together…all the good, bad and ugly. I have asked for things over the past few months that while I didn’t know how they would come to fruition, I just knew they would. I had faith.

It’s so hard to feel stuck. And, fuck, was I stuck. Looking back I was completely content being miserable AND putting on a happy face everyday. In all honesty, I thought I was (mostly) happy. I was grateful for the health of my family, our successes and even a few lessons we learned the hard way. On the surface things looked real good and I could just not wrap my head around the fact that there was a better way.

It’s still the same life. I am still grateful, more now, for everything I have and accomplished. I still have the same dumb frustrations about laundry and dishes and chores and puking dogs and ice ripping off our gutters, I just don’t numb out. Because really, who needs to self-medicate over that shit? It doesn’t need medication, it needs a deep breath and a shoulder shrug.

There were times over the past week or so that absolutely called for a cocktail; a celebration, a stressful situation, a deserving moment after a long day, dinner with friends, a lonely evening. I could go on.

But to be very honest, in those times, it didn’t even cross my mind. I didn’t need it. I know that whatever I would have been trying to “enhance” would have been clouded with anxiety and shame the next day.

I also had an interesting run in with some old, deep seeded beliefs…mine and someone else’s. It was so enlightening to watch us work through it. It was like I was standing outside this situation watching it unfold like it never had before. Of all the revelations through the last 70 days, I think that was my favorite.

I found the following online this morning. It came at exactly the right time in exactly the right situation. Maybe it will resonate with you too.