Katy Ripp 00:00:00  Hey friends, and welcome back to the #ActuallyICan podcast. I am so excited to introduce you to Victoria Male, a screenwriter and storyteller who’s turned grief into a source of creativity and courage. After losing her father in 2017, Victoria left her Hollywood career to pursue writing full time. We’re sort of fangirling over here from Wisconsin. Since then, she’s been a finalist for the Academy Nicholl Fellowship, made the 2024 Love list, and had her stories published worldwide. We’re talking about how creativity helped her heal, the power of finding meaning and loss, and what it takes to turn life’s toughest moments into something beautiful. Hey there, fellow rebels! Welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defying what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way.

Katy Ripp 00:01:12  Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor, and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self. Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place. We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go. Victoria, welcome to the podcast. We are so happy to have you. I would love it if you just go right into it. Tell us all about you, how you got here. So I’m gonna just give you the floor.

Victoria Male 00:01:51  Please. Hi. First of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m so honored and thrilled to be here. I am a writer. As of last year. I can now call myself a professional writer, so that’s really exciting. But that came after ten years of hustling in Hollywood. I grew up outside of New York City, in new Jersey.

Victoria Male 00:02:10  I’m a very proud Jersey girl. And then I went to high school and college in North Carolina, which was really funny because I was in high school right when like, new Jersey was the subject of every reality TV show. And like the first couple years, I’m like, no, new Jersey is great. It’s so beautiful. Like, I grew up in a horse town. Bruce Springsteen was like a neighbor. Like it was amazing. Yeah, he had a horse to farm in my town and, like, it’s so cool. And then I just. There was like, a point where I just had to go, yeah, flip a table. Like, I just had to, like, embrace it instead of like, because, like, resistance is futile. I went to the University of North Carolina Hills, where I studied drama and filmmaking, and then two weeks after I graduated, I moved out to Los Angeles and started working in the film industry, which was insane. And I think one of my very first actually, at Cannes moments was, this is so I’m just starting out with the Nerdery, but I Spider-Man fan like the 2002 Tobey Maguire, Spider-Man is my favorite movie of all time.

Victoria Male 00:03:08  And like, I know film people are like Cassavetes. I’m like Spider-Man. Oh my God, there’s this joke. Like letterbox was just like this film review site. They’ll ask celebrities on the red carpet what their top four films are, and they’ll always name like four films no one’s ever heard of. And I’m like Spider-Man. But yeah. So anyway, that was like my first actually I can moment because my first internship in LA was for Tobey Maguire.

Katy Ripp 00:03:29  Oh my God.

Victoria Male 00:03:30  It was insane. It was like.

Katy Ripp 00:03:32  I mean, Spider-Man.

Victoria Male 00:03:33  Yeah, it was a big deal. But also it was this really beautiful experience as well because I learned what development was for film, which just I don’t think something you can really be taught in film school, or at least they didn’t teach it at Chapel Hill. And it’s the process of taking a script, doing revisions and then getting the movie made. And I just fell in love with that process in a way I didn’t think was possible because I grew up acting.

Victoria Male 00:03:55  I grew up writing, but never showing anyone. My writing and development was this amazing kind of in-between thing where you got to have a little bit of a hand in everything. And I was like, oh, this is really fun and really cool. From there, I bounced around for a couple of years. You know, beggars can’t be choosers. I was in my early 20s just trying to make it in LA. I was a researcher. I worked in casting. I was on set for a little bit. I was talent coordinator. I was a waitress in a hallmark movie. I mean, you’ve made.

Katy Ripp 00:04:22  It.

Victoria Male 00:04:23  No, no, so far from that. And but then I think one of a big pivotal moment in my life and career was when I started working for Ivan Reitman, who directed the original Ghostbusters movie movies, the ones in the 80s. He produced all the subsequent Ghostbusters movies. You know, he’s like to people my age because I’m a millennial. I’m like, he directed all of your dad’s favorite movies?

Katy Ripp 00:04:43  Oh yeah, 100% right.

Victoria Male 00:04:45  Cripes, meatballs. Like my dad. I think that was when my father finally was like, okay, maybe this Hollywood thing will work out. She’s working for Ivan Reitman.

Katy Ripp 00:04:54  Stripes. Looks like we just need to say stripes.

Victoria Male 00:04:57  Stripes? Yeah. Yeah, it was a big deal. And I remember. I mean, we’re talking about grief and, like, to just get into with my father. Like he’s no longer with us. I remember he I’m very happy he got to come visit because I used to work on the Sony studio lot, which was awesome. It was so much fun. I really miss it. It was like a little city. You never knew who you’re going to see in the coffee shop. And it was kind of magic that like, yeah, we were I was in an office doing like office stuff, kind of being like, this is my prison. But everyone’s like, oh my God, Ghostbusters.

Victoria Male 00:05:25  I’m like, get away from me. Like, I have to reschedule.

Victoria Male 00:05:28  A meeting, but like 30 yards away. Greta Gerwig’s doing her Vogue 73 questions.

Katy Ripp 00:05:32  Oh my God.

Victoria Male 00:05:33  There was like a magic. And it never totally left me. Every morning when I would drive through the gates, no matter how sleep deprived and, like, stressed out I was. But yeah. So I started working for Ivan and I was super involved and like, talk about like a legend. That was a big deal and then started really working in creative development with them. And I was walking around the Sony lot one day. And I mean, again, we can get into all the crazy Ghostbuster stories because everyone’s like, what was that like? I’m like, to quote Charles Dickens, it was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Katy Ripp 00:06:03  Yeah, I mean, I believe like, well, like I said, when we first hopped on here, I’m from Wisconsin and most of, like the listeners around here from the Midwest. So this is like it’s so removed from where we live and where like, the lifestyle and the culture is just not where we are.

Katy Ripp 00:06:20  I mean, some of the biggest names that we’ve had in the area, like down the street, Julia Roberts, when she filmed nothing but trouble. Is that right with Nick Nolte? Sure. They filmed, like, not far from here. And, like, part of animal House was done downtown Madison and back to school with Rodney Dangerfield. That’s about as far as we get.

Victoria Male 00:06:42  That’s still. That’s amazing. My mom is from the North Shore of Chicago, so I love them. Okay. I spent a lot of time in the Midwest.

Katy Ripp 00:06:49  It’s just so far removed. So when you reached out, I was like, oh my. And so then I had to, like deep dive into Ivan and I was like, wow, stripes meatball. Right? Like all my dad’s favorite movies. Right?

Victoria Male 00:07:00  Literally. Literally.

Katy Ripp 00:07:02  But really, like, I didn’t realize how sort of what a legend he was in that. Like, he was in the Ghostbusters. Like, that’s what I remember as a child.

Katy Ripp 00:07:11  But outside of that, it’s just it’s crazy to think of all the work people do sometimes I like I do live in a small town, but I sometimes forget how big this world is and how many job like that’s. The other question is like, did you know that development was a job I wouldn’t even know to like, think about that.

Victoria Male 00:07:31  No. And that’s why I think sometimes it’s like it felt. That’s why that first internship with Toby, it felt so magical. I wasn’t just like meeting my childhood hero I was. I found this place. And, like, this form of producing that, I’m like, oh, this feels really right. Like I love doing this. Yeah. And then, yeah, Ivan was like this whole thing. And also there was a big age difference. So it got weirdly, especially because my father died while I was working with him. And so there was the thing got weirdly like messed up, dysfunctional, paternal or not paternal. And then like, and yeah, we can get into that.

Victoria Male 00:08:03  But yeah, it was so insane. And then at the same time, like because his business partner was his man named Tom Pollock, who ran universal in the 90s, like, he’s the one who, like, greenlit Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List. And everyone’s like, what a legend. I’m like, I just remember having to, like, heat up his Starbucks croissants a certain way. And like, all the stereotypes, like those stereotypes about Hollywood are true. Like, I have it in a script where someone’s like, it sounds just like. And I go, someone says, this sounds like The Devil Wears Prada. I will lose, I will gather what’s left of my mind and lose it because it was. It was like you had to have the coffee a certain way and this a certain way, and this and also, you know, it was insane to be in the early stages of my career, in my 20s, when MeToo happened. And just.

Katy Ripp 00:08:45  Like so fascinating.

Victoria Male 00:08:47  Reckoning. And I mean, all of it’s true.

Victoria Male 00:08:49  I just read a stat that only 13% of, like the major movies that came out last year were directed by women. So it’s like, we still have a lot to do. And I think there’s a very interesting. Again, it’s like, oh, you’re working for a legend. But at the same time, there was a very interesting article in The Hollywood Reporter that came out at the end of last year saying that everyone kind of from 25 to 50 in Hollywood, feels stuck because the studios have been run by like the same three people for 30 years. So that’s been something to where you’re like, told you’re an ungrateful millennial, but like, there’s no way for you to advance and grow in your job because that was something that leads into my actually I can moment because I was working so hard, I really wanted to get promoted. I was taking my own meetings. I was going to comic book conventions and scouting IP and or intellectual property, like things we could adapt. I was finding cool.

Victoria Male 00:09:37  You know, it’s funny, I get very salty about this, but because when I didn’t get promoted at that company, the kind of consolation prize was I had carte blanche to meet with whoever I wanted, and people were like, why are you meeting with these people? Like, shouldn’t we be meeting with Chris Evans? And I’m like, Chris Evans is not going to take an informational meeting with me. Also, I beef with Chris Evans. But anyway, everyone I met with three years ago is now like huge like Nicola Coughlan from Bridgerton, divine Joy Randolph, Oscar winner like all these people. And it was funny because back then it was a very interesting environment because I always say I grew up there and I learned everything, almost everything I know now there, and I think that’s how I became such a good writer, was sitting in those meetings, those three hour notes, meetings and learning and reading, draft after draft after draft of a script and then having to get it’s one thing just to read the drafts, but then trying to, like, actually think about what needs to change here and make it better was really interesting and fascinating.

Victoria Male 00:10:28  But at the same time, I was told, you’re not ready, you’re not good enough. Like you just are meeting with this person because you think they’re hot. And it was very, very bizarre. But part of my actually I can moment is I was walking around the lot one day, I’d finished a script, and I’d had a friend who gave me brilliant feedback on a script, and he’s like the script you’re trying to do 30 years of someone’s life in a movie, and that’s really hard to do, and it’s really hard to do well. And he’s like, I think you take one thread and make that the movie. Or if you want to do every thread of this woman’s life, it’s a miniseries. And so I finally, like, gave up the ghost on that project. I was like, all right, this is a miniseries. And I was walking around one day and I was like, okay, well, what’s something I could do as a feature film? Like what’s something that could be like narrow and deep? I could do as a feature film.

Victoria Male 00:11:12  And I know Gene Kelly apparently never wanted a biopic written about him, but I’m sorry. I was at his old workplace because Sony used to be the MGM lot where they shot The Wizard of Oz and singing The Rain. Yeah, all these famous famous movies, sadly, like, not too much of it, is like the current Sony lot is one sixth of what it used to be. Wow. Because I think they sold off a lot of the land in the 70s, but I was walking around the MGM, the old MGM lot, the Sony lot, one day, and I just had this idea of singing in the rain and the Red scare, and I was like, oh, that’s interesting. And I ended up writing a script about Gene Kelly trying to make singing in the rain while his marriage was falling apart because his wife is cheating on him and is blacklisted as a communist. And I sent it to a manager contact being like, would you maybe think about wrapping me? And he’s like, yeah, and that was kind of a conflict of interest, by the way.

Victoria Male 00:12:05  So sometimes again, ask for forgiveness or permission. Yeah. And he was like, yeah. Because I sent him a pilot I’d written because now we’re in the pandemic. Sorry. Now we’re in 2020. And he goes, yeah, the pilot is good. And I want to go out with your feature film this weekend. And I was like, oh. And then all of a sudden I’m like my scripts being read by A-listers and I’m like, oh, this is bizarre. I guess I’m a writer now. But I worked at the I worked for Ivan and like, they didn’t know. One of my favorite memories is I was really close with Ivan’s agents assistant at creative artist agency CAA, which is like the Death Star of Hollywood. And they’re like something I didn’t learn till I moved to Hollywood is like, the big agencies are like the nuclei of this. Sure. And I’m like texting with my friend Daniel, and he’s like his boss. Ivan’s agent is on the phone with, like, one of the top agents at CAA talking about my script.

Victoria Male 00:12:55  I’m like, Brian’s not putting it together, right? Like he’s not putting it together, that it’s me. Yeah, it was very, like, weird, effed up, modern Cinderella. But then. Yeah. And like, that script is still, like, making the rounds, trying to find its home. But since then, Ivan passed away. I left the company, and then that script made it to the final round back in 2023 of the Academy’s screenwriting competition. So, like the Academy, like the Oscars.

Katy Ripp 00:13:18  Oh, my God.

Victoria Male 00:13:19  That was really insane. But all to say, I don’t think I would have had the courage to do any of this kind of go after what I wanted, unless I lost my dad tragically and suddenly on Christmas Eve 2017.

Katy Ripp 00:13:32  Oh, that was just last week, a few couple weeks ago. Yeah, well, I’m so sorry to hear that. We were talking a little bit before we started recording that. The taboo subject of death. People have a hard time talking about it anyway, which I understand, but also talking about the silver linings of it.

Katy Ripp 00:13:51  Right. Talking about the things that come out of that kind of tragedy. And you should have to be upset about this your entire life instead of taking some of the things that actually happened from it, which it sounds like you’ve got some I’ve certainly got some that have really shaped your life and made it better because of that. It doesn’t mean that we don’t want that person back in our lives, but we don’t get that choice. We don’t get to do that. That person is not coming back. So tell me a little bit about how that specific event changed everything for you.

Victoria Male 00:14:26  I mean, it was so.

Victoria Male 00:14:28  Again, because it was an accident. So it wasn’t like, you know, I and one of my least favorite things in the world is like, at least he didn’t suffer.

Katy Ripp 00:14:35  Like.

Victoria Male 00:14:37  Yeah, yeah, sorry. Messing up the audio, but yeah, it was, it was everything. It just it changed. And I was trying to think of what I wanted to say coming on today.

Victoria Male 00:14:46  And it just, I think it’s so important. And I think I came out okay ish. I think I was really lucky that I was already working with a therapist. And I think it’s so important because I think there’s a lot of if you do go through loss, maybe involving a neutral third party in your grieving and healing, because with your family everyone’s grieving at the same time and then everyone’s reaching for each other, but no one’s cup is full. And I think one of the biggest misnomers is that I think we have all these like, preconceived notions about grief, that it’s supposed to bring everyone together. No, like that was not my experience. That’s all I’m saying. Yeah. You know, it can unearth a lot of because, again, people are grieving and then people get angry about how someone reacted and.

Katy Ripp 00:15:28  And everybody’s had different stages, and some stages are longer for others than they are for certain people. Right? Like this whole well, you should wait a year before you do anything.

Katy Ripp 00:15:40  What’s a year? What is 365 days anymore? Really, in the big scheme of things, what does that really mean? Time is so fickle in grief. It does not matter if it’s three weeks, three months, three days, three decades. You don’t have control over that. And I think that’s one of the things that people really want is some sort of control. And those stages of grief do help, you know, sort of give you an idea. I remember when I got Covid, I was like on like the Harvard site of like, what’s the stage? What’s the next stage like? I want to know what to expect. Where’s like, okay, now I have this shitty cough. I’ve had the headache. Now, how long is it going to take me to get through this next stage? I remember feeling like if I can just know what that is. And grief does not give you that opportunity.

Victoria Male 00:16:32  No.

Victoria Male 00:16:32  I always tell people she’s a sneaky bitch.

Katy Ripp 00:16:35  She’s a real fickle bitch.

Katy Ripp 00:16:37  She is. And the biggest.

Victoria Male 00:16:38  Thing I always tell my friends. Because I feel like, you know, I lost my dad when I was 25, so it was a bit isolating in a way. And I’m very blessed that I. But I’m blessed that other people’s dads had died or parents had died. No, but I was fortunate in that I wasn’t completely alone in the experience, but it was kind of isolating because typically this is something that happens if you’re lucky when you’re older. Yeah. So that was incredibly difficult. And then I think what was really hard is I think my instinct was to like take space and grieve and not rush myself. But I worked in an industry where there, like, you get a week.

Katy Ripp 00:17:13  Yeah, urgency is the job description.

Victoria Male 00:17:17  And I was and it’s urgency over nothing. And don’t get me wrong. Like I think art is one of the most important things on the planet. Yeah, we were painting on cave walls before we were selling things. But at the beautiful thing about, I think making film and making art is that it’s incredibly important, but no one’s going to die.

Victoria Male 00:17:34  It’s not life or death. Yeah, right. No one’s told, the boomers.

Katy Ripp 00:17:39  Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:17:40  They don’t know.

Katy Ripp 00:17:41  That there’s actually no urgency. But yes, that’s for another day.

Victoria Male 00:17:45  Like, again, it’s like if everything’s a fire drill, then nothing’s a fire drill.

Katy Ripp 00:17:48  Yeah. That is great. So great.

Victoria Male 00:17:52  It was very difficult going back. And then also, you know, it was kind of like, I know J.K. Rowling has become a very controversial figure, and I don’t agree with her politics and opinions about certain groups of people. However, I think one of the most beautiful metaphors of grief is in Harry Potter. Again, the nursery’s popping back out again because there’s in the first couple of Harry Potter books, there’s like the way the kids get from the train station of the Hogwarts Express up to the castle. The school is through. It looks like carriages pulled by invisible horses, like carriages driving themselves. And Then after Harry has witnessed death, he sees that, oh, that’s actually these horses called the kestrels.

Victoria Male 00:18:29  And you can only see them if you’ve seen death and experienced death. And I feel like that’s like life after grief is like you’ve had a different filter either put over you or take it off of you, and you see things so differently. And it was so difficult going back to work. I remember January 2018, my body broke down. It was like sinus infection, yeast infection from the antibiotics, from the sinus infection, ear infection, then ear infection in the other ear and then muscle spasm. And I was still going to work every day. Yeah. Because I was like, God forbid the meeting isn’t set. Like God forbid another assistant has to make no one knows how Ivan likes his coffee.

Katy Ripp 00:19:08  Yeah, it does really put all of that shit into perspective. I remember when al died, we spent like three weeks literally just watching new kittens. We have lived on, like, a little farm, and we had new kittens and deals. Family. His mom and our two kids, who were little at the time, literally spent three weeks just like drinking coffee, drinking water, drinking wine on my deck, just watching kittens.

Katy Ripp 00:19:32  And we were like, this is the only thing that needs to be done right now. And I had never felt that before. I had never felt that nothing needed any attention except my family, and it was such an eye opener for me. I was just like, there’s just no. There’s just no urgency anymore. Nothing will I? The world is not going to stop. The world has stopped right now for us, and it did for a long time. But it just puts everything into perspective. And it’s sort of like seeing the horses.

Katy Ripp 00:20:03  Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:20:04  Until you get there, you just can’t. It’s like telling a new bride or a newly engaged bride that she shouldn’t have a big wedding. Yeah. Nope. Until you’re 20 years in and you’re like, shit, I should have taken the money my parents offered me.

Victoria Male 00:20:19  Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:20:20  So I think that caused a lot of friction that I feel like I’m still working through because I again, I was like, this isn’t that important, but my livelihood and I thought my whole future was hinging on me, like going nuts.

Victoria Male 00:20:32  Enough about setting the meeting with the like with X amount of team at a certain time, and making sure Ivan had nothing to be angry about in his schedule. And it was really, really difficult. And then I also know because my sister went right back to work and I was like, oh, well, I should be going right back to work. And there was all this pressure and it was it was really real. And then, you know, you’re getting calls about a private jet and you’re like, am I doing like I just like.

Victoria Male 00:20:57  I’m still sick and.

Victoria Male 00:20:59  My heart’s been ripped out. But then again, you’re in shock at the same time, too. And that’s something else. I when I have friends who’ve lost people I always try to give them counsel on is don’t feel any pressure to feel a certain way at a certain time because I think also, you know, in movies, someone learned someone died and then they just burst into tears. And a lot of the times, especially when you’re close to someone, like, your body’s like, I don’t know, you usually go into shock or I at least I went into shock.

Victoria Male 00:21:27  I was like, numb because you’re. Yeah, it’s such a trauma for your brain and your body to try to process. And then again, like, because my dad died on Christmas Eve, I think this was the first Christmas where I’m like, I’m just going to like, I can’t tell the Western world to not do this.

Katy Ripp 00:21:43  I would like you to be upset with me. The whole.

Victoria Male 00:21:46  World. Yeah. Like I can’t just make everyone stop doing Christmas. I would love to, but, like, I’m just gonna. I’m gonna let myself enjoy this. Yeah. And then again, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love and miss. I want to honor my father and acknowledge that this happened to him on this day. And I think there’s also like I was very excited, but I’m like, oh, wait, you’re Catholic too. Like, and that’s the other thing about grief that just blows my mind is like, your heart has been ripped out of your chest. You’re likely in shock.

Victoria Male 00:22:17  And then they’re like, planning a party.

Katy Ripp 00:22:19  Yeah. Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:22:20  You plan? Yes. You.

Victoria Male 00:22:21  And it’s like. That’s why I loved your episode with. Good Morning. One of the most beautiful conversations I’ve heard in a really long time. I wish they’d been in Charlotte in 2017, though. I have a sneaking suspicion my mother would have never allowed it. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:22:36  Yeah, we talked about that, too. Just we had a very, very traditional, you know, for our wake line the night before that, we were standing in. You know, there were 1800 people that came through. It was. And that is a lot. You don’t think about that when you’re sitting in a pew watching people in a wake line. But when you’re standing in a wake line, the most interesting thing to me was the people that made me cry. It wasn’t the people that were closest to me. It was like a person that I hadn’t seen in a while, or it wasn’t my best friend from kindergarten that made me break down.

Katy Ripp 00:23:12  Like, luckily she made me laugh, But like it was people from, you know, a job that I had six years ago that came around the corner and I just lost it. It was so interesting. I mean, looking back now, it’s so interesting to see how that unfolds, to how how something can trigger something that, like, really has nothing to do with the thing. It’s very hard to explain, but yeah, it’s a good morning. I just I feel like if we could all just embrace it and honor it, like they can help people do. Yeah. It’s just so far from tradition. And people feel comfort in tradition, and there’s nothing wrong with that until it’s not your tradition and you don’t feel like you have the choice to do it.

Victoria Male 00:23:59  So and I think in some ways it was really, I think one of the things I think we did a really good job at with my family is we kind of did what worked for us and didn’t within like the rigidity of Catholicism.

Victoria Male 00:24:10  And because I literally love going to church. I’m a very like. I don’t think I agree with a lot of the political views of Catholic Church, but I, I love the ritual and I think that was a big thing to like. My faith is something that totally helped me get through, especially that first year or so. But yeah, we had we did do a week. I can’t tell you what day the funeral was, but it was before. It must have been the 28th or the 29th of December. So we had it before New Year’s. Okay. And I think we were really lucky that we had our parish in Charlotte, because that’s where it happened, was massive. And I think they had like great infrastructure. So we were lucky that they kind of helped guide us through the process and was like, pick the hymns, do this. Yes.

Katy Ripp 00:24:51  Yes, here’s your book.

Victoria Male 00:24:53  Yeah, yeah. And you’re like, okay. And then we were members of a country club where again, super lucky that they knew we’d been members for like ten years.

Victoria Male 00:25:01  So they knew us and they were like, yes, we’ll organize the reception and gave us a discount. And so it felt like. And then my dad was cremated and we’re now just going to scatter the ashes next summer. And that’s.

Victoria Male 00:25:13  Okay.

Victoria Male 00:25:13  Not very perfect Catholic. But again, I think also it’s like we were like, so what? Like we’re like, okay, this is but this is what we want to do. Yeah. And this is what it’s for us necessarily like not necessarily like to get like Gold Star Catholic. I was really good at going to church last year and I was like Catholic of the year, Catholic of the year. But like, actually that is not an award someone gives out. So what’s the point? Yes. Not that you shouldn’t practice your faith and be a good Christian. But anyway, it was so interesting. I found it really interesting too, because then I was like excited to see certain people. It was like a wedding. Yes. And you’re like, oh my God, because I have a huge Irish Italian family.

Victoria Male 00:25:49  And it was amazing how many people came down. And I was like excited for to see certain people then being like, wait, oh, wait, contact your old neighbor.

Katy Ripp 00:25:56  Why are we here?

Victoria Male 00:25:58  Yeah, it was so bizarre. And then it’s like, it’s it’s just a very bizarre experience. And then trying to, like, reintegrate back into life is absolutely not so. And then it just got more nuts. So when your boss dies suddenly.

Katy Ripp 00:26:14  Yeah. How long after that? Well, can we just go back to the Catholic Church just for one second? Because I love funeral food. Like church funeral food. Like, I remember thinking at the funeral that day, I was like, there’s going to be so many people here. And we had a lunch in the basement, and I was like, this is going to be the best food. People are going to be like, oh my God, that is the rudest thing to say. No, I love funeral food. Like all the cheesy potatoes, all the ham, all the turkey, all the the poke cake, I mean, we all of it.

Katy Ripp 00:26:44  So there are silver linings to big funerals. I’m sorry. Not sorry.

Victoria Male 00:26:51  Yeah. So that was. Yeah. Ivan was about two years later.

Katy Ripp 00:26:55  And you worked for him the whole time after your dad.

Victoria Male 00:26:58  Yeah. Well, okay. So end of 2017. Yeah. Actually, no. Oh, my God, five years. What am I talking about? I’m going.

Katy Ripp 00:27:04  Nuts. Well, 2020 doesn’t count.

Victoria Male 00:27:08  I’m sorry. My brain is scrambled eggs. Yeah. And also grief brain. Such a real thing.

Victoria Male 00:27:13  Oh.

Victoria Male 00:27:14  Poor thing. Like, I have not had the privilege of having children yet, but, like, I think mom brain and grief brain are both very valid things.

Katy Ripp 00:27:21  Yeah, when you have both, it’s real interesting.

Victoria Male 00:27:24  Oh, I can’t, I can’t even imagine. I bow down, but no. So my dad died Christmas Eve 2017. Ivan died. Valentine’s day 2022. So five years.

Victoria Male 00:27:34  Oh, wow.

Victoria Male 00:27:35  Years. Five years. And that was insane, too, because all of a sudden, I’m helping.

Katy Ripp 00:27:42  Is it unexpected?

Victoria Male 00:27:43  Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:27:44  Like, just one day he was there, and one day he was not.

Victoria Male 00:27:47  Dude, I was on the phone with him Friday talking about next week schedule. And then I got a call on Sunday.

Katy Ripp 00:27:53  Wow.

Victoria Male 00:27:54  And I remember my phone was being blown up. And because that was something I so tried to do after my dad’s death was set boundaries. So yeah. So my phone was being blown up and I was like, if this is about a private jet charter. And then of course it was. It was not. And it was awful. And but I think like I have to give credit to Ivan’s children, they did a good job of everyone helped a little.

Victoria Male 00:29:14  So it kind of like was many hands lighten the load. But it was very, very it was just like, who has their boss die on them? It’s like very, very. And also, you know what I was saying, two years. I just remember Tom died on my birthday in 2020.

Katy Ripp 00:29:27  And that was his partner.

Victoria Male 00:29:29  That was his business partner. So that’s why I was like, it’s about two years later.

Katy Ripp 00:29:32  They both died.

Victoria Male 00:29:34  So yeah.

Victoria Male 00:29:34  It was very nuts. And yeah, so it’s like I’ve had a lot of grief early in my life and from different places like parent employers, pets, which I think is like just almost sometimes I also think it feels like safer to grieve pets.

Victoria Male 00:29:52  Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:29:53  It’s like not oh. Also because likely your relationship isn’t as complicated.

Katy Ripp 00:29:57  Well, and people seem a little bit more accepting of it, which is sort of strange, but yes. And our kids were really young. They were only six. No, five and five and eight when al died.

Katy Ripp 00:30:08  But we had lost a dog. And it’s certainly different, obviously, than humans. But I do think it prepares. And you just I mean, we were very honest with our kids. They said the only thing when both of them died, I was like, listen, we can do whatever we want with our kids. But we’re not going to lie. We’re not going to say that, you know, grandpa took a nap because it’ll never nap again, right? Like we’re not, you know, like we were just super honest about it. And I think, and, you know, if you want to see grief and the stages of it, watch a kid go through it. Right. So fascinating to watch a five year old walk into somebody’s house and say, my grandpa’s dead just like that, right? Like it was just. And that was like six hours after it happened and it was just like, wow, that, you know, like, talk about how much we load onto ourselves in years and years of that.

Katy Ripp 00:31:02  We’re at five years old. You’re just like. And it’s true. Grandpa was dead. Like there wasn’t any way around it. She just said, that’s it. And we were all like, yep, you’re right.

Victoria Male 00:31:13  I mean, that’ll.

Victoria Male 00:31:14  Knock the breath out of you. Yeah. And then again, like, I think the way I found myself processing this and I think also one of the most important things is that like, yes, there’s the five stages of grief, but they’re again, non-linear, like, like it’s a flat circle. Like you can be angry one day and then depressed and then deny and then like blah, and then this, but one thing and I actually discovered this during the pandemic. And I guess maybe that’s why I wrote this script about grief during the pandemic. Subliminally, I’m now making the connection is that.

Victoria Male 00:31:44  I.

Victoria Male 00:31:44  Can’t tell you exactly who, but I was reading an article about like, collective grieving during the pandemic and how we all had to grieve that, like our way of life was gone.

Victoria Male 00:31:56  And this was, you know, early in like April 2020 when we didn’t know necessarily how long it was going to be gone for and if it would come back and all that, you know, fun, yucky stuff. And and again, like, I weirdly had a great 2020. Every year since there has been. Like, how hard can you kick me? But 2020 was the year I got wrapped. I got in great shape, I was running, I wasn’t binge eating to self-soothe because I was working at a place that stressed me that out. Yeah. And I, you know, I got like, I finished showstopper, which was the Gene Kelly script. And like, that blew up and that was so exciting. And I that was my actually I can moment. I was like, wait. And I wish it was the fact that like I, I just like, did all this work and I was like, I believe in myself now. It was literally years of reading terrible scripts like, this is a major I, I can.

Katy Ripp 00:32:44  Do this better.

Victoria Male 00:32:45  I’m just like, well, I also like, I know I’m not the next great American screenwriter, but like, I think I can do, like, I think I can do this.

Katy Ripp 00:32:52  Yeah. Yeah, actually, I think I can. Yeah, actually I can.

Victoria Male 00:32:57  And then. Yeah. And so one thing that really helped me is and I think there’s another thing too, like there’s that and I think it’s a misnomer of like, right. What you know, and I think what, you know doesn’t need to be exactly what, you know, I, I recently read a quote that’s like, write what you’re obsessed with. I’m like, well, I like that way better. But it was during the pandemic I love I think also because I was just so desperate to get out of my apartment. I love mythology and folklore, and I started looking into the folklore of the British Isles and other, because we’ve all seen King Arthur and Robin Hood done 84,000 times to varying degrees of efficacy and entertainment.

Victoria Male 00:33:32  But I came across this mountain in northwest Wales called Kadir Idris. It means chair of Idris. Idris is believed to have been a Welsh king who was like, mythologized as a giant. And Kadir is like a bowl. There’s a lake at the bottom, and then there’s like the mountains on three sides, and that’s supposed to be like the the lake is like the seat of the chair. And then the sides are like the frame of the chair.

Katy Ripp 00:33:56  Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:33:56  Yes. And Idris was supposed to sit there and look out on his realme. So the other cool thing about the mountain is, or the big famous legend is that if you spend a night on the mountain alone, you wake up a poet, a madman, or not at all.

Katy Ripp 00:34:08  Oh so fascinating.

Victoria Male 00:34:10  I interpreted that as like enlightened, crazy or dead.

Katy Ripp 00:34:13  I mean.

Victoria Male 00:34:14  We’ve all been there. So I was just fascinated by this and thinking of, like, who would need. And I was like, that’s a premise for a movie, a horror movie.

Victoria Male 00:34:22  I, I could count on one hand how many horror movies I’d seen in my life. I had to do all my research for this, for writing this during the day, and then watch, like, The Real Housewives at night, so I wouldn’t have.

Katy Ripp 00:34:33  To freak yourself out all night.

Victoria Male 00:34:35  Yeah, but it was really funny. It was really beautiful that this process became like a way for me to kind of process and meditate on grief. And it was twofold. I think also, one thing I always want to say to people when you’re kind of taking or I think it’s a Carrie Fisher quote like, take your broken heart and turn it into art is it doesn’t have to be exactly your story. Because I when I was acting my first couple years in LA, I studied at Warner Laughlin Studios. Warner Laughlin is the woman behind Amy Adams and Ryan Reynolds. She’s a fantastic acting teacher, and I the thing I love the most about her technique is it’s all about creating memories for the character and not exploiting your own life.

Katy Ripp 00:35:16  Oh, I love that.

Victoria Male 00:35:18  And Warner said, like has like the best rationalization for that. Like one that’s unhealthy as fuck. And like, you know, you’re prostituting your own life. And then I think also actors and like artists, we get into this thing like I have to like, go live. So I have something to live. And then it’s like, it’s just I think that ends in.

Katy Ripp 00:35:37  It’s so fascinating. You say that because I think we live in this world of, you know, this content creation and like exploit, sort of exploiting your own life. And certainly I’m on social media a lot. I show my goats and my alpacas and you know shit that I do wrong. Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:35:53  Thank you. After the wrong stuff.

Victoria Male 00:35:56  That’s up to you. But the goats and alpacas are necessary.

Katy Ripp 00:35:58  Yes, necessary. But I love the way you say that. Because there is a fine line, I think, between exploitation. Prostitution of your own life and sharing something for the sake of sharing it, and or for the sake of helping someone else.

Katy Ripp 00:36:15  Right. And I think people can do that in an ugly way. There there are people that do it in ugly ways, but there are people like myself that I really do want to help. You know, you can say that all you want. You can go out and, you know, type that up. And we were talking about it’s so fascinating to meet people online now, which I think is one of I mean, talk about silver linings. I had never used a fucking zoom in my life before the pandemic, and I sort of live on it now because it’s connected me to people across the world. and I find that to be so cool. And we wouldn’t have gotten that. Had we not had the pandemic.

Victoria Male 00:36:52  No.

Katy Ripp 00:36:52  So, I mean, talk about silver linings out of shit. We said no, thank you to we get to say thank you for a lot of things after that. Sort of like death. I, I, I digress and I segue from that. I’m so sorry, but I do.

Katy Ripp 00:37:05  I’m so fascinated by your screenplay. Is it a screenplay? Is that what it’s called?

Victoria Male 00:37:11  Yeah, it’s a screenplay or a script. Okay. Yeah. So I wrote this script about grief, but and I think, I mean, if you read the logline or like the one sentence summary, it’s about a guy who you originally think has broken up with his girlfriend. And he’s like being really bullish about hiking this mountain. Like, and then he’s like, yeah, yeah, right. There’s monsters on this mountain. And then, oh no, there’s monsters on the mountain. And for me, it was how I process grief. And also, I think the thing we talked about before and then didn’t say is there’s been recently a sixth stage of grief added in this psychiatry or years that community called making meaning. And it is like, again, like taking the silver linings or thinking like trying to find the good that can be made out of the shit sandwich you were handed. And so, like, that’s why with my father, I have to think of like, if I was given a choice, I would choose him every day.

Victoria Male 00:38:01  But since we don’t have that choice, like you said, and like it gave me the courage to be like, dude, this could end at any minute. Like there’s no time to waste anymore. Like the fear isn’t protecting me anymore. I have to just go out and do it. And so as writing the script was part of that helped me process as well as like running from as terrible as it is confronting the grief, running from it is worse because in the script. And then I also adapted it into a short story, which you can read on my website, Victoria. But like the monsters get worse until the end when he’s facing down Idris himself.

Katy Ripp 00:38:40  Oh, I can’t wait. So is this, like out there?

Victoria Male 00:38:43  As a wish. No. We’re gonna put some energy into this. Thank you. But I’m very, very proud to say that it just won Best screenplay at the Wales International Film Festival. Which meant the world to me as an American, that the Welsh were like, okay, you didn’t totally bastardize our folklore.

Victoria Male 00:39:02  It was a huge, huge honour. But anyway. Yeah. And then also it was a big deal for me again, like processing grief in a way that I think allowed me to do so healthily and protected. Like also because I forgot to mention to you that I had broken up. Like I ended my first big relationship a month before my dad died.

Katy Ripp 00:39:18  Okay. Yeah, nothing like that.

Victoria Male 00:39:20  In the immortal words of Megan Thee Stallion. And then, And it was it was really helpful to, like, process those types of loss in a way where I can put some distance between them. And I also think it’s important. And the audience is nowadays like we’re so our raiders are so high, we’re so sensitive to if we’re being preached to. And I think putting some creative distance is a really good way for a you to protect yourself and be for other people to find themselves. And then I also think something I really enjoyed about CDR writing CDR, and I think that’s really important in the script is that Morgan and Katy, which are the couple, because you think he’s hiking because he’s broken up with the girlfriend, but it turns out she passed away and they weren’t on the best of terms.

Victoria Male 00:40:03  And I’m so blessed that I was actually in a really good place with my dad when he died. But it’s also like, how do you create that meaning and that closure for yourself when someone dies suddenly and your relationship is still in progress and there’s unresolved things, and you hadn’t had a chance to go to someone’s bedside and say all the things you wanted to say, something we don’t. And I don’t know what your experience was like without your father in law. But it’s like, again, it’s like, okay, you’re in shock. You have to plan a party, you have to go back to work. And then also you have to somehow reconcile. In a lot of cases, it’s very close, complex relationship for yourself in a way that you can go on living.

Katy Ripp 00:40:42  And everybody else’s relationship, which you have no access to. You have your access and your perspective of their relationship, but no real access to how they’re perceiving their relationship. If they’ve said something 15 years ago that they wished they wouldn’t have said or wished they would have apologized for, or, you know, my own relationship with him, which, you know, I was an in-law.

Katy Ripp 00:41:09  So that’s different than being married to the son. There’s just so much. And so when you realize grief just doesn’t hit the same for everybody, it just doesn’t. And we want it to be because we want it to be predictable, and we want it tangible and something we can control and something that we can hold on to and, and fix. Also the fixing, you know, if you’re a fixer, that can be very frustrating.

Victoria Male 00:41:37  Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:41:38  I don’t know what the right like. Oh.

Victoria Male 00:41:40  Yes. No. It’s uncomfortable. Right? Yeah. Working as an executive assistant. You are the fixer.

Katy Ripp 00:41:45  Yeah. That was your job. And so when you know and you’re good at something, that’s the job that you slide into in the family or in the nucleus. And.

Victoria Male 00:41:56  And I’m an eldest daughter. So like times that by a hundred.

Katy Ripp 00:42:00  Yes.

Victoria Male 00:42:01  But I think also like I’m like, can I just go with your podcast, Katy, and say like, creativity can be a great refuge.

Katy Ripp 00:42:07  Like, because that’s what I want you to tell me. I also want to get to the what was the fear that was holding you back before you went, before you said, fuck this, I can do it. I am doing it. I actually did it. What was the fear that actually held you back? Can you put your finger on it now?

Victoria Male 00:42:25  Yeah, I think it was definitely the fear of not being good enough and of being rejected. And I think it was like a weird protective thing. Like, if I never try, I never fail.

Katy Ripp 00:42:34  No. 100%. Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:42:36  And I was just so afraid. And I think there’s also, you know, being a type A Leo eldest daughter, star executive, a former executive assistant. You know, there’s also like, I don’t know, I can be perfect at something. I don’t want.

Katy Ripp 00:42:50  To be the best Catholic. So.

Victoria Male 00:42:52  Yeah. Yes. Catholic of the year 2023. 2024. I was not Catholic of the year.

Victoria Male 00:42:57  Yeah, I really because I got and then also too, like it was last year was my actually I can’t moment because I feel like everything of the past 6 to 7 years just like caught up with me too. And then again, another thing where I’m like, you have to let. And I thought I’d done a great job of letting myself process things. I’m like, just kidding.

Victoria Male 00:43:15  Just kidding. Just kidding.

Victoria Male 00:43:16  Just kidding. I can’t get.

Katy Ripp 00:43:17  Out of bed is like, no, no, no. Let’s just.

Victoria Male 00:43:20  Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:43:21  You cannot grow a posture with your grief. Take it from me. But no, I think it was that fear of, like, what if I’m not good enough? What if. What if I get rejected? And what if I’m a failure and I can’t tell you if I tried to count how many times. Show stopper has been passed on. I would throw myself off my balcony right now, and I’ve written other things. Like we’re just talking about two of them, and I think it’s like that thing of like, you don’t know, you can survive it until you survive the first big no.

Victoria Male 00:43:51  And for me, that was actually Chris Evans. And I like I think there have been two passes in my life where I felt like I was getting broken up with, and he was one of them. But yes. So I have lived through so much rejection. And then you, you cry, you talk to your friends and then you like, realize you’re a and then you realize like you actually haven’t perished and you get up and you do it again. And I think now I just wish I’d started earlier that I hadn’t waited for so long. And, and I also think too, you know, because I it was very interesting because acting, I never felt like I could advocate for myself like I do now as a writer. And I think the beautiful part too is like, again, now that I’m a little older, I don’t want to say my age, but I’m a millennial. I wish I was Gen Alpha, but that’s the LA for you, being like, obsessed with youth. And I am the substance.

Victoria Male 00:44:41  No, I’m kidding. But you realize that, like, nothing’s wasted. And I’m so glad I had those years and like. Because actually, Warner Loughlin’s acting technique has so helped to my writing and having all the years of acting so helps my writing of, like, what needs to be on the page and what doesn’t. And because I know intimately what an actor I specifically right now with like room for and then working for a director for five years. Like I know how to write in a way like to leave room for those artists to come in because the script is a blueprint. It’s not like what you watch on a screen is usually so far from the document, a studio.

Katy Ripp 00:45:19  But yeah.

Victoria Male 00:45:20  Because you’re making the movie literally until it’s released. Like I remember once, someone once told me, like the writer makes their movie, the director makes their movie, and then the editor makes their movie. So it’s and that’s what I love about it. It’s this.

Katy Ripp 00:45:31  Like.

Victoria Male 00:45:33  Collaborative thing which allows for discoveries to be made the whole time and surprises to be had in the best way, and then also not in the best way, but also in the.

Katy Ripp 00:45:40  Best way. The amount of flexibility that everybody has to have in such a rigid. It seems like a very rigid industry, yes, but where everybody has to have flexibility, no wonder people are fucking in rehab half the time, right? Like here, be rigid, but be flexible and also make sure it’s urgent and also like.

Victoria Male 00:46:02  Like just.

Katy Ripp 00:46:02  Be chill. Fucking coffee under pressure. Be cool.

Victoria Male 00:46:07  Yeah. Like, why do you think these people are.

Katy Ripp 00:46:09  Yeah. Yeah.

Victoria Male 00:46:10  Right. Well then also too, it’s like the thing that also drives me nuts because now you’ve just set me off is don’t take rejection personally. But like, when you’re auditioning or sending, like, I feel like I’m giving you a little piece of my heart when you’re reading something I’ve written.

Katy Ripp 00:46:23  Yeah. For your whole heart.

Victoria Male 00:46:25  Yeah. Exactly.

Katy Ripp 00:46:26  Like I’ve been business a lot to write as a female entrepreneur. It’s like, well, don’t take it personally and don’t get too close to your staff and don’t do this and do this and don’t do this.

Katy Ripp 00:46:37  And I just flipped it on its head and I was like, I actually am not fucking doing that. I am not gonna run my businesses like that because it makes me feel dirty. And so I love having a front seat to my staff. I like that they know that I have junk drawers everywhere and then I’m completely fucking disorganized. That’s something that makes me real. And I think the last thing we all need is somebody trying to fake their way through a profession or a life, or it just doesn’t last. I mean, I can tell you I’m 46 years old. If I didn’t have all those failures, all those rejections. You would not see me here. And it gets easier. I will tell you that rejection just gets easier because you’re like, fuck you, I don’t care. Tell me about your opinion. I don’t give a shit. Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one. I think some people say belly buttons, but I like asshole better.

Victoria Male 00:47:34  Yeah, because it’s dirty.

Katy Ripp 00:47:35  Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:47:36  It’s dirtier.

Victoria Male 00:47:37  No. Well, just also, you inspired, like, two beautiful points that I want to underline that you just said Katy where like one. I think it is so important. And I think there’s a big tension in Hollywood right now because the way businesses have been run, they create so much distance. So that’s where you get the Miranda Priestley’s, where it’s like, someone does feel okay with treating someone like absolute shit because there’s been like this, like distance created.

Katy Ripp 00:48:09  Yeah, yeah. And I wonder, like the Miranda Priestley’s or I, you know, whatever. I mean, she’s an easy target. Let’s just say that. Well, she’s.

Victoria Male 00:48:17  Also fictional, and I can’t she can’t sue me.

Katy Ripp 00:48:19  Right. But also that sort of, I mean, I guess I haven’t really run into people like that because we’re Midwest nice around here, but also, like, that kind of character has to be so lonely.

Katy Ripp 00:48:34  Like, I think that they did show that a little, not much, but kind of showed like, oh shit, she is human. And yeah, but the lesson there is she didn’t last either. She she wouldn’t have lasted forever. People just can’t live in authentically like that. No. And we all need a little bit of a reminder of like, hey, this person needs their coffee, too.

Victoria Male 00:48:59  Yeah. Oh, what’s the Rumi quote? We’re all just walking each other home.

Katy Ripp 00:49:02  Oh, I love it.

Victoria Male 00:49:04  And then I also love what you said about rejection, how it gets easier. And I think one thing that helped me get easier, and also in this discussion about grief, is like actually letting yourself be sad and mourn it a little. Like, I got a big rejection earlier this fall and I was so blessed that, like one of my friends and it was like because I had spent months and I was like, manifesting. And I’m like, this is gonna be it.

Victoria Male 00:49:27  This actor’s having a terrible summer. He’s low. He’s desperate. Like, I’m gonna get him. His ex-girlfriend is making a movie that’s gonna bury him like this and like, this is gonna. This is his Oscar role. And the rejection came in, and, like, it was like my heart was torn out of my chest. But I was so blessed that my friend was like, let’s make some good food. I’m gonna make you. I was like.

Victoria Male 00:49:50  I’m gonna start drinking. Even though I’m on antibiotics.

Victoria Male 00:49:52  She’s like, or.

Katy Ripp 00:49:54  Or.

Victoria Male 00:49:55  Or.

Katy Ripp 00:49:56  Good.

Victoria Male 00:49:56  Friends. I’ll make you, like, a fun little mocktail. And I’m like, and we’re just gonna, like, watch something funny and, like, again, I think that’s important to I think artists nowadays like, it’s like if yourself a day to be sad, if there’s a big rejection of a big no because some of them are like, you’re like, it’s funny, I’ve gotten more into hosting and moderating and I recently signed with an agency for that.

Victoria Male 00:50:16  And also since I have this acting background, my new agents like, let me just send you out for commercials. And now when I do a commercial audition, I don’t give it like I don’t. I don’t care at all. But when someone passes on a script, it’s still like, oh yeah, it’s good. There can be a hierarchy, some things we can let roll off our back, and it is what it is. And you build that muscle, you build that shield. But then at the same time, when there’s the stuff that really hurts, it’s like, how can I give myself some healthy space to let myself be sad and process this? And again, not to bring it back to my script, but kadara just like, keep it on monster one instead of running for it and having it become monster six.

Katy Ripp 00:50:51  Yeah, I think that there’s so much power in what you say of Let Yourself Feel right. The problem I think all of us have, and mostly women, is we’ve just never been given permission nor given ourselves permission to feel we don’t even know how to feel because we’ve been told, well, don’t feel.

Katy Ripp 00:51:14  Or if you feel, don’t make it public because then you’re a bratty, you know, entitled bitch. Or you can do this, or you can do this and.

Victoria Male 00:51:23  Don’t feel too much because then you’re crazy.

Katy Ripp 00:51:25  Yeah, I think from the the monologue from the Barbie movie I have like listened to 500,000 times. I’m like, God damn it. She just, like, captured everything.

Victoria Male 00:51:37  Oh, I love her. She’s just.

Katy Ripp 00:51:40  I mean, she did it so well, but also just the words themselves are just, God damn it. Why? Like, we’re still in this place and, you know, of course, like, we would like to say that we’ve moved forward, and I think we are making progress. It’s just a glacial pour. It just is taking longer than anybody would hope. But the little things, the talking about death, the really just telling people it’s okay to feel like shit one day and be like, hey, maybe we instead of pouring ourselves into a bottle of wine, maybe we should just let it feel for a minute, eat a fucking salad and go for a walk and see what it feels like tomorrow.

Katy Ripp 00:52:22  And if you still feel like shit, then pour yourself into a glass of wine or a, you know, whatever, whatever that looks like. But we have all of these things which, by the way, our society makes a ton of money on that masks the feelings that if we just felt them, we could get through a fuck of a lot faster.

Victoria Male 00:52:41  A hallelujah like Amen. Like not to be Catholic about it, but no, I think yeah. And I think that was almost one of the most traumatic things about going through loss. That first time with my dad is like, I think I had that instinct. Or I’d learned that because I’d been, again, fortunate enough to have worked with a therapist for a couple of years before the loss and then getting that external like, no, no, no, no, no. And then again, if you’re not pouring yourself into a bottle of wine, like my thing was, I worked. I just threw myself into work.

Katy Ripp 00:53:12  Yeah. It’s not all wine, right? Like it’s shopping or working or just being busy is a drug of.

Victoria Male 00:53:19  Choice over exercise to the point where I tore cartilage in my hip.

Katy Ripp 00:53:22  Yeah, we have lots of things that will mask.

Victoria Male 00:53:25  Metaphorical bottles of wine. Yes, yes.

Katy Ripp 00:53:28  We have lots of things like that. The other thing you have mentioned a couple of times is the creativity part. Like you identify as a writer, right? But there are so many creative outlets that you don’t even know. I we hear people all the time. Well, I’m not an artist. I’m not creative. I’m not this. I’m not that. Except nobody’s actually ever fucking given themselves a chance to do it. Like, how do you know you’re not a painter? Have you ever painted? How do you know you’re not a runner? Have you ever run? How do you know? There’s so much they’re so giving yourself. Like, when did you give yourself permission to write Kadir?

Victoria Male 00:54:05  And that was another thing, too. It’s like you also don’t have to be like. All right, loved ones in the ground.

Victoria Male 00:54:10  It’s time to write my screenplay like it was three years. It was three years after my dad’s death, and I started writing it. Like right before my script blew up. Like the Gene Kelly script blew up. And then I was like, oh. And I think that was a big part of me feeling like I could write it. It’s like, oh, wait. CAA thinks I’m a writer, so like, maybe I can do this. And again, like, I’m not proud of how I needed that external validation. But like, I think also. Yeah. And I think there’s also this pressure of like. And for me, since I’ve made my art, my profession, it’s like, where can you find the things that can just be hobbies and that you don’t? And I think also we have this pressure to monetize and be perfect at everything. And that’s why I got really into kickboxing. Like and that was just something because there’s so much technique in boxing, and it was so nice to learn something and then there’d be no.

Katy Ripp 00:54:55  Pressure.

Victoria Male 00:54:56  Like on having to perform or do it well or make money off of it. And like, my dad actually was an amazing golfer. And since he didn’t have any sons, my sister and I grew up golfing and like that was something I really I like. I golfed actually, for the first time since his death a death a couple of weeks ago, which was so special and wonderful and like, just like again, golf. It’s like, this is something I can get better at for me, but I’m not trying to go on like lady PGA. Yeah. Or like. And I think again, like with creativity and processing emotions, you can just journal and that’s great. Or write a stupid story. And actually this is going to get me like we’re going to take it to the next level here with Nerdery and embarrassing dude. Fucking fanfiction. Amazing lifeline. Yeah. Because again, it’s like so much of it’s anonymous. Yes. You can just like make an account, make your little username, right, or whatever you want to.

Victoria Male 00:55:46  You literally can’t make money off of it or else, or get sued because you’re playing with copyrighted characters. And like I see, especially for women and queer people, there’s like these really fun, creative communities that come from it and you get support. And also you like with the screenplay, like, I know showstopper is probably going to be a ten. It’s just Gene Kelly script and even Kadara, those will be like most scripts are like ten year Your journeys.

Katy Ripp 00:56:08  Wow.

Victoria Male 00:56:08  The fact we meet Ghostbusters Afterlife in like, three is insane. Three years.

Katy Ripp 00:56:13  It’s so fascinating. I didn’t know that.

Victoria Male 00:56:15  Yeah. Movies take a long, and TV shows they take a long time. And so I think that’s something too, that I. You know, when the writers and actors went on strike in 2023, I loved doing short stories because it was like really quick to get like, I could get published and be back and like, oh, the thing’s out there. I don’t have to wait like a decade.

Victoria Male 00:56:33  And then I’m like, and that’s like, the fun thing with fanfiction, too, is like, you post something, people respond to it and you get that little like dopamine hit, and then it encourages you to write more. And yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:56:43  The dopamine hit without the like arrow. Yeah. Like the poison arrow that are like yeah I don’t like your hair.

Victoria Male 00:56:51  Yeah. And then no. And then there’s like plenty of like toxic fandom and things going on out there, but it’s like kind of nice to, like there are ways I think we need to like, as a society, rediscover horror. Or maybe just me. I don’t want to know. Whatever.

Katy Ripp 00:57:03  I think you’re right. I think that there is. And I’m a you know, I sort of coined myself a serial entrepreneur because I’ve basically taken every single hobby, including drinking into a job. Right? Like, I’ve turned everything into a job, and my husband is the same way. Like, what if we can’t just have something, right? Like, when we got our alpacas, we were like, oh, well, of course we’re gonna like, you know, I got a domain name.

Katy Ripp 00:57:28  And right, like we were going to start a business and we were going to sell the wool and have a fucking petting zoo and whatever. And they have just turned into pure joy for me. That’s it. I don’t make money on them. They cost us a ton of money, actually. And I just it’s one of the only things I have in my life that doesn’t have some sort of pressure to it. Like, yeah, it’s a huge win if they eat out of my hand. That’s it. Like, there just isn’t anything that I’m doing. I just don’t have to do. And I think that there’s a lack of, like, things that we do in our life that lack productivity. We’re producers. Right? Like we’re meant to produce. But we don’t have to. We can have things that produce. I have lots of things that produce, but also have something that doesn’t.

Victoria Male 00:58:17  Yeah. And I guess like that was something as me as, like the weird, wacky, starving artist to come on, be like, this is something that can help with a lot of big things.

Victoria Male 00:58:24  And again, like, I’m the nut job who’s decided to like, hang their finances and life’s work on this. Yeah. Like, you don’t have to be. But I found it to be really helpful. So.

Katy Ripp 00:58:34  But you could. That’s also like. Actually, you can do it. You could. Somebody out here is doing it. Why can’t you.

Victoria Male 00:58:42  Exactly. And that’s been like also that was a big revelation for me last year because we’re recording this in early 2025. Is I again, as you can tell, I love Spider-Man and like huge comic book nerd. And then it like only really occurred to me in the past couple years, I actually worked for a comic book like start up company. But the takeaway from that was like the CEO was like, you know, do you want to pitch a comic book? And it had never even occurred to me that I could write a comic book. And then last summer, I won a free spot into also anyone for being creative.

Victoria Male 00:59:14  They have online classes. UCLA extension is great. I took a UCLA extension class and they have online so you can do it from anywhere. I took a UCLA extension class to write showstopper and that worked out pretty well for me. And and it was interesting to like in LA because I took it before the pandemic, like how many actual writers there were. It’s like this was kind of like a maybe secret thing or something, you know, there’s no shame. And there were people who were complete amateurs, but then there were writers whose like, I need the accountability and the feedback while I’m working on my next thing. Yeah. So this summer, I won a free spot into a UCLA extension course for comic book writing, which is so different from screenwriting.

Victoria Male 00:59:50  Well.

Katy Ripp 00:59:51  I mean, like in my my first thought is like, are people still writing fucking comic books? Yes. But yes. Like that’s the thing is, like, we just don’t know what’s out there. There’s so much out there.

Victoria Male 01:00:04  And then now I’m pitching, like, comic books.

Katy Ripp 01:00:06  Oh my God. I would totally read your comic book.

Victoria Male 01:00:10  Oh, you’re so sweet. I’m gonna send this to all the editors I’m pitching.

Katy Ripp 01:00:12  Yeah. She’s gonna listen, and she’s gonna watch and she’s gonna read. She doesn’t know anything about it, but she’s gonna.

Victoria Male 01:00:19  It’ll be so fun. no, I promise you, it’ll be so fun. but I think that’s the thing, too, of, like, when you say, actually, I came for the first time, then you’re like again, then like, you’re like, oh, wait, I can also do this. And then, like, the short stories, I was like, oh, shit. Now, like, I wrote one, Mike, because my manager said he had some success selling it, selling a short story for another client. The strike happened and I was like, okay, well, I know executives because I used to be one need, especially nowadays, need a cosign.

Victoria Male 01:00:46  So let me try to get this published. And then I got it. I got that one short story published in three different literary magazines. I wrote four more short stories. Now I’ve been published 15 times on three continents. And then it was like, this year I was like, wait, I could write a comic book? And like, yeah, okay, let’s let’s like, try to do pitches. And now I’m like, building relationships with editors, especially because it was a pivot since the film industry has been in the trash for two years.

Katy Ripp 01:01:11  Yeah.

Victoria Male 01:01:11  So it’s just like.

Katy Ripp 01:01:12  Well, just like no’s get easier, the yeses get easier, too. It’s like, oh shit, I can do that. Well, what makes me think I can’t do this then? And what’s the worst that can happen if I try and I fail? Like I always think to myself, there’s some sort of. And maybe that is the thing that you don’t know until you get into a situation where you can’t see the horses, that you don’t know, that it’s not going to end your life.

Katy Ripp 01:01:38  It just it’s there’s no urgency and no failure out there is going to end your life. Except bungee jumping and parachuting. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like, I mean, there are life and death things, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t do those two right? Like you might not die. Yeah. Don’t sue me. If you’re a family member. And somebody was like, hey, Katy Ripp told me I could bungee jump. And then she died. Don’t do that.

Victoria Male 01:02:08  Safety first. But, yeah. No, I think that was something too, that I use one of my, like, phrases when I was working in development after my dad died, I was like, this is not the Hunger Games. You know? But it’s like I had to be like, oh, right. Like it was almost like a grounding and almost like the ridiculousness of it was actually kind of important. Yeah. It’s like, yeah, wait, no, like, no one’s gonna get executed if like, we don’t do.

Victoria Male 01:02:31  And then also like, with The Hunger Games, like, there doesn’t just have to be one person who, like, does. Well, yeah. Who wins.

Katy Ripp 01:02:38  The multiples. I say to my staff all the time, and I’ve said this in here before, I own a coffee shop and I’m like, listen people, we are not fucking saving babies. We are serving coffee. If somebody has a fit about it, we are not a good fit. We’re not a good fit. It’s fine. Like. And if shit hits the fan. Shut the doors. I call the cops and shut the doors. It’s going to be fine. We actually do have somebody on our staff that does save babies for a living. But yeah, she does come in and distresses while serving coffee. So we’re not saving babies here?

Victoria Male 01:03:13  Yeah. At this locale specifically.

Katy Ripp 01:03:15  But she could if we had to.

Victoria Male 01:03:18  Which is great. And that’s what she’s a real asset. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 01:03:21  A real asset. Oh, this has been so amazing.

Victoria Male 01:03:27  Oh, my gosh, I’ve had the best time. And like, the most beautiful conversation with you I was very worried about. You have such amazing guests. I’m like, God, I hope I met her.

Katy Ripp 01:03:35  Oh, my God, that’s so sweet of you. Thank you. Tell me all about where people can find you. We definitely want to know where we can, like, read the stories, give me all the stuff. We’ll put it in the show notes, for sure. But, like, if somebody wants to reach out and say, I’m decided after this, I’m moving to LA. Don’t.

Victoria Male 01:03:53  Sorry. No, no, I’m just saying. Because the whole industry is moving to Europe. So do that.

Katy Ripp 01:03:59  Then go to Europe. Yeah. Tell me.

Victoria Male 01:04:02  Where everybody can.

Katy Ripp 01:04:03  Find you if they want to reach out.

Victoria Male 01:04:04  Yes. The easiest place to find me is my website. Victoria. Victoria is like the Spice Girl. Molly is my last name. It’s weird and truncated Italian.

Victoria Male 01:04:14  You can find me on Instagram at Victoria mole one. I’m also that on threads, which is, I think, where I the pleasure of meeting you. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 01:04:23  And maybe that was the first threads like post I put out there.

Victoria Male 01:04:28  Magic.

Katy Ripp 01:04:29  Yes. The coolest people from it.

Victoria Male 01:04:31  Right. Threads is kind of like low key where it’s at. And then I’m on blue Sky because I think we’re all trying to collectively leave the bad place. I’m on blue sky at Victoria.

Katy Ripp 01:04:40  Molly, I love it. This is so lovely. I want to hear. Well, I’m gonna follow along like crazy. Yes. And we will definitely put everything that you have mentioned, including the UCLA extension. That is amazing. It’s great. Yeah, that’s such a great option. And then we’re all going to be pulling for the big screen.

Victoria Male 01:05:01  Please. Thank you. I know hopefully you there’ll be like some fun announcements this year. Yes.

Katy Ripp 01:05:06  Oh my god. Please. Like let me be the one to know first.

Victoria Male 01:05:10  Oh, you’re so sweet. I’m a Leo, so I don’t think I’m going to.

Katy Ripp 01:05:12  Be quiet.

Victoria Male 01:05:12  About it.

Katy Ripp 01:05:14  You were talking about being the first board and a Leo, and I’m like, oh, my sister is a Leo. I am like the proverbial middle child, Libra. And then I have a younger brother.

Victoria Male 01:05:25  Sister’s a Libra. No wonder this is. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 01:05:28  Obviously. Obviously.

Victoria Male 01:05:30  Amazing. Amazing.

Katy Ripp 01:05:31  This is so amazing. Thank you Victoria, I appreciate it.

Victoria Male 01:05:34  Thanks for having me, Katy.

Katy Ripp 01:05:38  And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me. Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message at Katy Ripp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode, or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at katyripp.com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing.

Katy Ripp 01:06:07  Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out. Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life and remember #ActuallyICan.