The holidays are weird when you don’t drink.
Actually, let me rephrase that.
The first holidays without drinking are weird.
Because apparently at some point we collectively decided that November and December require alcohol for nearly every activity.
Decorating the tree? Wine.
Thanksgiving? Wine.
Christmas shopping? Let’s get drinks first.
Work party? Open bar.
Family gathering that already requires every coping mechanism you’ve developed as an adult? Here, have a cocktail.
Even wrapping presents somehow became an activity that needed a glass of wine sitting next to the Scotch tape.
So when you decide you’re not drinking, the holidays can suddenly feel like one enormous obstacle course of situations you haven’t learned how to do without alcohol yet.
I know because I’ve done it.
I’ve been alcohol-free since August 30, 2021, which means I’ve now made it through five holiday seasons without drinking. Christmas without wine feels completely normal to me now.
But I remember when it absolutely did not.
And if this is your first alcohol-free holiday season, or you’re simply sober curious and wondering what Christmas might look like without drinking, here’s what I wish someone had told me.
The Anticipation Is Often Worse Than the Actual Event
This was true about so many things when I first quit drinking.
The party wasn’t necessarily the hard part.
Thinking about the party was the hard part.
What will I drink?
What will people say?
Will they ask why I’m not drinking?
Will I be boring?
Will they be boring?
Will I want to leave at 7:14 p.m.?
Possibly.
One of the biggest things I learned during my first year alcohol-free was that I could spend three days worrying about an event that turned out to be completely fine.
You don’t have to figure out how you’re going to get through the entire holiday season without drinking.
You just have to get through the thing directly in front of you.
One dinner. One party. One Christmas morning.
That’s it.
Have an Answer Ready
You do not owe anyone your entire life story because you’re not drinking.
You can say:
“I’m not drinking tonight.”
“I quit drinking.”
“I feel better without it.”
“I’m good with this.”
Or my personal favorite:
“No thanks.”
That’s a complete sentence.
I spent way too much time early on worrying about what other people would think about me not drinking.
Most people care considerably less about what’s in your glass than you think they do.
And anyone who cares a lot about why you’re not drinking may be working through something that has very little to do with you.
Keep the Ritual. Lose the Consequence.
This one has become increasingly clear to me the longer I’ve been alcohol-free.
I liked beer. I loved wine. And while hard liquor was never really my thing, I was certainly capable of drinking copious amounts of margaritas.
But alcohol wasn’t only about alcohol.
It was also about ritual.
The cold drink.
The pretty glass.
Opening a bottle.
Sitting down at the end of the day.
Holding something festive at a party.
That little signal to my brain that said, Okay. We’re done now.
When I stopped drinking, I didn’t actually need to give all of that up.
I just needed to take the alcohol out of it.
That’s why I don’t think you should show up to a Christmas party planning to drink lukewarm Diet Coke out of a plastic cup while everyone else is walking around with beautiful cocktails and champagne.
Bring something you actually like.
Find an NA beer you enjoy. Get the sparkling water you love. Make a ridiculous mocktail. Pour it into the good glass. Add the lime.
Keep the ritual. Lose the consequence.
Give Yourself Permission to Leave
This one is huge.
You can leave.
You can drive yourself.
You can stay for an hour.
You can skip the after-party.
You can go home, put on pajamas and watch television while everyone else continues making memories they’ll need photographic evidence of tomorrow morning.
Early alcohol-free life taught me that I’d spent an enormous amount of time staying places long after I wanted to leave.
Drinking made staying easier.
Without it, I started realizing when I was actually done.
That’s useful information.
You don’t get a medal for being the last person at the Christmas party.
Go home.
You May Have to Redefine What “Fun” Means
For a long time, I thought alcohol and fun were basically a package deal.
Girls’ nights. Weddings. Concerts. Vacations. Christmas parties.
There was drinking because that’s what we did when we were having fun.
And at first, doing those things without alcohol can feel awkward.
That doesn’t mean they’re not fun anymore.
It means you’re learning a different way to experience them.
Sometimes you’ll discover you actually love something sober.
Sometimes you’ll discover that the thing you thought was fun was mostly just drinking in a different location.
Also useful information.
You don’t need to force yourself to love every activity you used to do while drinking.
You’re allowed to find new ones.
Be Careful With the “Just One” Holiday Story
The holidays are very good at making everything feel exceptional.
It’s Thanksgiving.
It’s Christmas Eve.
It’s New Year’s Eve.
We’re on vacation.
Everyone’s here.
It’s a special bottle.
And suddenly “just one” sounds incredibly reasonable.
I can’t tell you whether one drink is okay for you.
I can tell you that for me, one drink was rarely about one drink.
Eventually I realized I didn’t actually want the drink nearly as much as I wanted permission to stop thinking about whether I should have the drink.
Not drinking at all gave me that.
The decision was already made.
And there is an enormous amount of freedom in that.
Have an Escape Plan for the Sticky Moments
There may still be moments when you really want a drink.
That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
Change something.
Step outside.
Refill your glass.
Find someone you actually like talking to.
Go help in the kitchen.
Take the dog outside.
Go to the bathroom and scroll Instagram for five minutes. I don’t care.
And yes, once again:
You can leave.
Sometimes the most profound alcohol-free coping strategy is simply getting in your car and going home.
You Might Discover You Like the Holidays More Without Alcohol
This surprised me.
There are parts of the holidays that are significantly better when you aren’t managing alcohol.
I remember conversations.
I go to bed when I want to.
I don’t wake up at 3 a.m. with my heart pounding.
I don’t spend Christmas morning trying to determine whether I’m tired, hungover, anxious or all three.
I don’t have to reconstruct anything I said the night before.
And I don’t lose an entire day recovering from a four-hour party.
The holidays didn’t become less fun when I stopped drinking.
In a lot of ways, they became mine again.
Your First Alcohol-Free Holiday Doesn’t Have to Be Magical
Maybe you love it.
Maybe you hate it.
Maybe you feel incredibly proud.
Maybe you sit in your car outside a Christmas party thinking:
What the actual fuck am I doing?
All of it counts.
You’re learning how to experience something you’ve probably done the same way for years without the thing that used to accompany it.
Of course it feels strange.
Strange doesn’t mean wrong.
Sometimes strange just means new.
And eventually new becomes normal.
I know because Christmas without alcohol doesn’t feel like an alcohol-free Christmas to me anymore.
It’s just Christmas.
My Favorite Alcohol-Free Drinks for the Holidays
Five years into this, I don’t need a complicated mocktail every time someone else opens a bottle of wine. These are the things I actually like having around during the holidays.
If You’re Wondering Whether You Should Quit Drinking
You don’t need to decide what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.
That was way too big a question for me, too.
Start smaller.
What would happen if you didn’t drink today?
And then tomorrow, you can decide about tomorrow.
I documented a lot of my earliest alcohol-free days while I was actually living them, including the awkward parties, cravings, realizations, little victories and all the things I didn’t expect.
If that’s where you are right now, start there.
Keep Reading
→ The First 30 Days Without Alcohol: What to Expect
→ 5 Years Alcohol-Free: What Actually Changed When I Quit Drinking
