[00:00:00] Katy Ripp: Hey folks. Welcome back to Hashtag, Actually, I can. This is the podcast where we talk about changing the rules. Right now we are in the middle, almost in the middle of a 12-week series, and this is all about changing the rules. This is called the Women’s Playbook, so if you’re new here, this is a series where we are taking old patriarchal.

[00:00:28] Katy Ripp: My God. If you’re new here, this is a series where we take the old patriarchal rules of business, the ones that were never really designed for us in the first place, and we rip them up. Then we’re gonna write new rules that actually fit the kind of lives and businesses women are building right now. So far in this series, we’ve tackled the grind or die rule, the play small rule, and the don’t talk about money rule.

[00:00:51] Katy Ripp: Each one of these has had something in common. They ask us to disconnect from ourselves altogether and to overwork, to shrink. To overwork, to shrink back and stay silent.

[00:01:02] Katy Ripp: And today’s rule is no different. It’s to keep it impersonal rule. And actually, this is my favorite one to rewrite. So I know you’ve heard this one before. Keep it professional. Don’t get too close. Don’t let emotions cloud your judgment. Don’t share too much. Basically, the message is, leave your humanity at the door, and that’s the only way to do business.

[00:01:24] Katy Ripp: And for a long time, I thought that’s what professionalism meant. I thought that being a good business owner meant putting on a mask, staying polished, and never letting people see any of the cracks. But when I really started building my own businesses, I realized something that the opposite was true for me.

[00:01:42] Katy Ripp: The more human I was, the stronger my businesses. Becoming human wasn’t something to hide. It was actually my superpower. It’s all of our superpowers. So today I’m gonna tell you how I learned to do this a little bit differently, why this old rule doesn’t actually work for women, and what it looks like to rewrite it so that your humanity becomes the foundation of your leadership, not something to be sanded down or watered down.

[00:02:09] Katy Ripp: So again, if you’re new here. I have opened three brick and mortar businesses over the last five years, and when we opened the wine bar, I had a gut feeling that I didn’t wanna run it like a traditional boss. This was my first experience with staff. I didn’t wanna be the kind of leader or the kind of boss who kept everyone at arm’s length.

[00:02:29] Katy Ripp: I wanted to actually know my staff and create a culture that if somebody called you to help move on a Saturday, they would be there. Coworkers are really what build. Small businesses. So I started really small, which is odd for me, but I asked. I started by asking them just simple questions, what made them feel appreciated?

[00:02:53] Katy Ripp: Which, yes, simple question, but when’s the last time you were asked that at a new job interview? How did they like to be recognized? Because spoiler alert, not everyone feels rewarded by money. Giving somebody a quarter, 50 cents, a dollar, $2 raise is not necessarily everybody’s love language and that kind of appreciation.

[00:03:15] Katy Ripp: Yes, it’s the most simple way to show somebody that they’re appreciated, but it doesn’t necessarily translate for everybody. Some people light up when you give them flexibility, or maybe you give them an extra PTO day, or maybe you give them something tangible. Some thrive when they’re recognized publicly.

[00:03:34] Katy Ripp: So sometimes I used to give shout-outs to the people that really felt, sometimes I used to give shout-outs on social media for those who felt like shout-outs were the way to be recognized and rewarded. Some just wanted to be seen and heard, so that meant open-door policies, which were actually like, please come and talk to me and have a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, and let’s chat about what’s going on in your life and how we can help in this job.

[00:04:05] Katy Ripp: And these were part-time jobs. These were women who were coming in, maybe to get out of bedtime, putting their kids to bed, maybe to just have a little bit of social interaction with some adults. For those of them who were at home during the day, I also had them take a StrengthsFinder. I also had them take the StrengthsFinder test so I could put them in the right roles.

[00:04:28] Katy Ripp: And if something didn’t seem to be working, I didn’t just write them off and say, well, you’re not a good fit. This is the job description. I moved them around until we found a better fit, or something that really rewarded them, or something that they really love to do. And shocker, there is a job for everyone that someone likes, every job that you have out there, for instance, maybe.

[00:04:52] Katy Ripp: You have someone who works for you who loves to plan events? Well, we have an event coordinator position. We have somebody who loves to do that, and I put her in that spot, but she doesn’t love ordering wine, or she didn’t like ordering every single week. So I just found somebody else on staff who loved to be super detailed in a spreadsheet and ordered every week.

[00:05:16] Katy Ripp: And we celebrated everything. Baby showers, wedding showers, you name it. I gave them shout-outs on social media, not because it was good pr, but because I wanted them to feel proud of the way they work and what they were doing. And when we bought the coffee shop a couple of years later, I carried that same philosophy over.

[00:05:34] Katy Ripp: I wanted it to feel more like I wanted it to feel. More than a job, I wanted to feel like a community. And in this particular situation, I was hiring high schoolers, and everybody remembers their first job. So I really took this to heart. One day, two of my high school baristas spilled. This is one of my favorite stories.

[00:05:55] Katy Ripp: So one day. On a Saturday afternoon, two of my high school baristas. This was shortly after we opened, so I didn’t know these people super well, but I did know high school girls. So two of the high school baristas spilled cold brew coffee grounds all over their white sneakers. Now, if you’ve ever worked with cold brew or you’ve worked in a coffee shop, you know that the grounds are basically like tar.

[00:06:19] Katy Ripp: It stains everything, and it’s hard to get out of anything. They were totally mortified. I could have told them to just deal with it. I could have probably reprimanded them for losing an entire picture of a day-brewed cold brew or a day, two-day steeped cold brew. But instead, I bought them new Nikes, not because I had to, of course I didn’t have to, but because I wanted them to know that they mattered, that one small act said more about a bonus or.

[00:06:52] Katy Ripp: That one small act said more than a bonus or any kind of small raise ever could, and it didn’t cost me that much money. And years later, I bet they still remember that. Here’s another thing: I don’t pretend to be perfect with my staff. I tell them when I mess up because I do a lot. I tell them when I’m sick because I don’t want them to think I’m superhuman and pushing through.

[00:07:16] Katy Ripp: Because remember, we don’t work sick. Period, especially around food. And when they see me honoring that, it gives them permission to do the same. I tell them when I’m having a rough day or a rough week, I don’t sugarcoat it because pretending to be perfect just builds walls, and being real builds connection.

[00:07:38] Katy Ripp: Now, will this openness backfire someday? Maybe someone will take advantage of it? Probably. But when I weigh the risks against what I’ve gained, the choice is completely obvious to me because the front row seat I’ve had to the lives of the people who make my business what they are, that is priceless. I have been.

[00:08:00] Katy Ripp: At weddings, at funerals, at baby showers and wedding showers and birthday parties and kids’ graduations and my own staff’s graduations. I have been invited to places that most bosses don’t get invited to, and I feel really proud of that, and their time and energy are inside my dream. Then it’s my responsibility to make sure that they feel valued while they’re there.

[00:08:28] Katy Ripp: Do I always get it right? Absolutely not. Do I sometimes let my ego take the wheel and make decisions because I’m the boss? Yes, absolutely, I do. But overall, I’m proud of how I’ve taken this old rule, kept it impersonal, and done it a different way. And I can tell you my businesses are better for it. My relationships are richer for it, and I’m better for it too.

[00:08:49] Katy Ripp: Okay, so how this rule shows up, the Keep It Impersonal rule sneaks into our businesses in so many subtle ways that you might not even realize it. So sometimes it might look like writing stiff or corporate-sounding copy because you think it makes it sound professional by using jargon instead of your real voice.

[00:09:12] Katy Ripp: Hiding the personal stories. So in my case, sobriety, motherhood, burnout, or health struggles, those are my stories that I’ve been willing to share because I think it creates a connection. Now, every, not everybody is that vulnerable and I get that, but you can do it on very, very, you can do it on so many different levels.

[00:09:34] Katy Ripp: Just a little bit of a peek into somebody else’s life makes your story. Just a little peek into your life makes you just a little peek. Makes it so much more personal.

[00:09:49] Katy Ripp: Hiding the personal stories. So, for instance, in my life, sobriety or motherhood or burnout or health struggles, or any kind of business struggle I have, because you think they’ll make you look weak when really the opposite is true. Saying everything’s fine when you’re actually drowning. That’s. Holding back your humor or quirks because you think you won’t be taken seriously, when really the people that really want to support you and find you and help your business are the people that are actually gonna re, that are actually gonna relate to all those quirks.

[00:10:24] Katy Ripp: So from the outside, it looks polished, but underneath it’s totally exhausting living that life. It creates distance, and it makes your business feel like a performance instead of a relationship. And businesses are built on people. It doesn’t matter what you’re selling. People make businesses, people buy things and services.

[00:10:45] Katy Ripp: So, how do we dismantle this rule? So here’s the truth: Keeping it impersonal does not build trust. It actually builds walls. People don’t connect with perfection. They connect with humanity. They don’t hire Rob. They don’t hire robots. They don’t buy from flawless corporate machines. They buy from people, especially small businesses.

[00:11:08] Katy Ripp: And you know what? Perfection doesn’t inspire trust. In fact, it often does the opposite. When somebody looks too perfect or too polished or too put together, we assume they can’t possibly understand our struggles. Think of any Instagram influencer that you follow who is set up perfectly every single time.

[00:11:28] Katy Ripp: Do you really trust that they’re that perfect all the time?

[00:11:32] Katy Ripp: But when somebody shares the messy middle, we totally lean in. We feel seen, we feel safe, and we trust them. So the keep it impersonal rule isn’t just unnecessary. It’s actually quite counterproductive. Humanity is what makes your business magnetic. It what? It’s what makes people stay. So here’s the new rule.

[00:11:55] Katy Ripp: Your humanity is your superpower. So again, for the people in the back, your humanity is your superpower, your authenticity isn’t a liability. It’s the very thing that makes you stand out. Here’s what it looks like in practice. Number one, sharing your story, even the messy parts, in a way that invites connection.

[00:12:17] Katy Ripp: There are a few ways you can do this. Maybe you send an email newsletter. There could be a snippet of behind the scenes, and you could do some sort of little kitschy.

[00:12:27] Katy Ripp: You could do some sort of little kitschy phrase.

[00:12:30] Katy Ripp: Or writing and speaking in your real voice, not some corporate version of it, or now we use AI for a lot, and I’m a total AI junkie. I love it, but I have trained my chat, GPT, her name is Eden by the way. I have trained her basically to talk only in my voice and repeat to me, basically, what I’m saying, just cleaned up.

[00:12:56] Katy Ripp: Number three, admitting when you don’t know something and being open to learning. I have baristas at my coffee shop. I have general managers. I have people around me who know more than I do, and I like it that way. I don’t know everything. I’m very, very open about not knowing everything about business.

[00:13:17] Katy Ripp: I do have a lot of resources, though. I do make connections, and I do allow people to actually tell me when I’m doing something wrong and maybe fix it. Does my ego get in the way? Sometimes, yes, it does, but I usually come around and like, Hmm, that is actually a good idea. Let’s try it and see if we can figure out a way to make this work for everybody.

[00:13:41] Katy Ripp: Number four, bringing your quirks, your humor, and your personality into your work. I swear. I’m a swear. I like to say, fuck, it’s my favorite word. I say it all the time. I say it in front of my kids, my parents. If I still had grandparents, I would probably say it in front of them. Listen, that’s just who I am.

[00:13:58] Katy Ripp: If you don’t like it, I totally get it. That’s totally fine with me. I, that’s just how I talk. It’s who I am. It doesn’t mean anything about me. Certainly, there are judgments out there, but I like to swear. So if you can’t handle that, you’re not my people, and that’s totally fine. I’m not changing, and you don’t have to change to be around me, but it is what makes me me, and I am not willing to give that up.

[00:14:28] Katy Ripp: And number five, letting people see the human behind the business. This happens to me quite a bit, and again, when we’re talking about people seeing it, maybe it’s an email newsletter, but maybe it’s your stories in your Instagram, you keep your grid real pretty, but in the stories in your Instagram could be something like me where I dropped an entire, a few years ago, I tr I dropped an entire box of nerds, not the little box, like a commercial box of nerds all over the ice cream shop floor. Everywhere. It looked like nerds threw up. It was all over the place. I posted that, and people were like, Oh my God, I have done that before. Or I’ve, you know, who hasn’t dropped an entire bag of flour or something in their business.

[00:15:14] Katy Ripp: It makes us relatable. It makes us really,

[00:15:18] Katy Ripp: It makes us relatable. Because again, people don’t stay loyal because you’re perfect. They stay loyal because you’re real and you’re you, and they connect to you. So my challenge for you this week is pretty simple. Let your humanity show. That could mean posting something personal on social media instead of just polished content.

[00:15:39] Katy Ripp: Again, put this in your stories. That’s a really great place to show some of the behind-the-scenes, and you can keep your grid really polished or put it in a newsletter, tell a story. Doesn’t have to be something that you’ve made a mistake about. It could be something. White Dove Design just shared a story about making a doormat with her grandma, her mom, and her sister.

[00:16:01] Katy Ripp: So, like, there are options like white Dove design. Last week in her newsletter, she just put something in there about making floor, making holiday floor mats with her grandma. It was the cutest story, and it was something like just to get a little sneak peek into her life. It could also mean telling your staff when you’re having a really tough week.

[00:16:27] Katy Ripp: Sometimes we just get burned out. We get stressed out. Maybe there’s something in the, maybe your tax bill just went up, and they have no idea why we’re pulling. Why we’re nervous about the sales or we’re nervous about money, I, that might be too personal for you, but I will tell you, I have told my staff, like, listen, hey, we TV time out on a couple of things because we.

[00:16:54] Katy Ripp: Had to pay for new floors this week. So for a couple of months, I need you guys to really buckle down on the Amazon orders, or can we see if we can cut back on milk for a little bit? Or can we cut this, or can we try to sell more of this? But having them get a little bit of a piece of. Giving them a little bit of context or a little bit of information around that does make it a little bit easier to digest, rather than, oh, they just wanna make more money.

[00:17:29] Katy Ripp: So now I have to find all these ways to save money. That’s not exactly what we’re talking about here, but it could be assumed that way.

[00:17:37] Katy Ripp: Whatever it looks like for you. Pick one small way to make it personal this week. Then notice what happens. Chances are, people will lean in closer, not pull away.

[00:17:46] Katy Ripp: That is the keep it impersonal rule, and again. Your humanity is your superpower. This impersonal rule has kept women hidden behind masks for way too long. It’s drained our energy and disconnected us from the very people we’re trying to serve. So the new rule is that your humanity is your superpower. If this resonated, I would love for you to go and read the full blog post.

[00:18:09] Katy Ripp: It’s linked in the show notes. And if you know someone who’s sanding down their edges to look more quote-unquote professional, share this episode with them. They might need the reminder that real beats. Perfect every single time. And don’t forget, you can join my email list to get each new rule delivered straight to your inbox, along with behind-the-scenes updates as I turn this series into a book.

[00:18:32] Katy Ripp: Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next week when we tackle the old rule, the competition rule, and Why Building a better sisterhood beats rivalry every single time.