[00:00:00] Leah: Hey friends. Welcome back to Hashtag Actually, I can. My name is Katy Ripp and I am your host for today. And we are back with the Women’s Playbook. So if you’ve been here a while, you know the drill. We take the old business rules that were never written for women, and we rewrite them from the inside out.

[00:00:20] Leah: We’ve already tackled the Grinder Die Rule, the play Small Rule. The don’t talk about money rule, the keep it impersonal rule, the competition rule and the follow the blueprint rule. Every one of these points to the same deeper message that the old book, that the old playbook told us to be tough and detached and endlessly available.

[00:00:44] Leah: And that brings us to today’s rule. Maybe the most ingrained one of all, especially for me, the never show weakness rule. The one that says, we’re gonna keep it all together. We’re not gonna cry at work. We’re not gonna let them see us tired or sick or scared, because if we do, we’ll lose respect and we’ll look unprofessional.

[00:01:07] Leah: I used to believe that too, until someone I trusted my therapist actually looked me right in the eye and said something that stopped me cold. So today we’re gonna talk about that moment, what it taught me about leadership, and why I now believe that vulnerability is actually the ultimate power move.

[00:01:24] Leah: I have always been someone who takes pride in being dependable and a hard worker, and my work ethic is totally wrapped up in my character. And if there is a problem, I will fix it. If somebody needs something, I will be there. If the ship is sinking, I’m already bailing water before anybody notices. This is just who I am.

[00:01:44] Leah: It’s how I’m built. And for most of my life, people have celebrated that I have. They called me strong and capable and unstoppable. But what most people didn’t see was the cost, the exhaustion, and the resentment I had, or the quiet belief that if I stopped even for a second, everything would fall apart without me.

[00:02:05] Leah: And a few years ago, while I was in therapy talking about how tired I was, I told her about the coffee house and my family and my never ending to-do list. And she asked me very calmly, do you ever take a day off? I laughed, like actually laughed out loud and said, well, not really. I have three businesses that are open seven days a week from 5:00 AM until 11:00 PM but I don’t think that makes me a bad person.

[00:02:32] Leah: And she paused, which made me pause, and she had this long, uncomfortable space and she said, very little in life makes us bad people, but it doesn’t make you a great leader. Oof if that didn’t land so hard because I’d really actually built my identity around being a good leader. I thought I was fair and kind and supportive and strong, and I was letting people have time and space that they needed, and I really didn’t know it at the time, but she was right by never resting.

[00:03:09] Leah: I was actually never letting any see one see me get sick. By never resting, by never letting anyone see me sick or sad, or even the littlest bit human. I was modeling something super dangerous, which was showing my team that rest wasn’t allowed, which my belief on that is actually quite the opposite. I was showing them though that being tired or overwhelmed was not an option because I wasn’t modeling that behavior, and that worthiness came from productivity, which.

[00:03:41] Leah: Certainly now, I don’t believe, but it took me a really long time to let that part go. I wasn’t just actually burning myself out, I was passing that burnout down, like it was part of the job description. And it took me a long time to unpack that because I honestly believed I was helping. I thought showing up no matter what made me reliable and responsible, and even noble.

[00:04:04] Leah: And I thought that’s what owners did. But what I was really showing was fear. Fear that if I stopped, I’d lose control. That therapy conversation changed me. It was one of those before and after moments, and now when I’m sick, I tell my team I’m staying home. When I need rest, mental, physical, spiritual, I take it when I am struggling, I say it out loud and when I need help, I ask for it.

[00:04:34] Leah: And do you know what happened? My team started doing the same and they told me when they needed time off and they took sick days when they were actually sick and without guilt, and they checked in on me and on each other when people are sick. The culture shifted from hustle to honesty, and that right there is leadership, not the illusion of invincibility.

[00:04:58] Leah: The example of actually being human.

[00:05:01] Leah: Here’s how we show up in the never show weakness rule, and it shows up in a thousand little ways, like these all do. It sounds like I’ll rest when things calm down. Or it might sound like I can’t take a day off. They need me, or I don’t wanna let anyone down. Or if I stop, everything will fall apart. Or I don’t have anybody but me to lean on.

[00:05:29] Leah: We wear exhaustion, like a badge because somewhere along the line we learned that being tired means we’re doing enough, and enough is in air quotes here. But let me tell you, exhaustion is not a virtual. It’s certainly not a value. It’s a big flashing warning sign. And when you keep showing up sick or sad or stretched too thin, your team doesn’t think you’re strong.

[00:05:53] Leah: They think. They’re supposed to be doing the same thing and nobody wants a sick, sad, stretch, too thin team member. That’s not leadership. That’s legacy burnout. That’s burnout that you’re teaching that goes beyond that person. It goes to the next person and the next woman, and the next girl.

[00:06:15] Leah: This old version of leadership told us to power through everything. We smile and we stay steady, and we don’t let them see you crack, but people don’t connect to perfection anymore. I really don’t think they actually ever did. Perfection is sort of an illusion, but people just don’t connect to it. They connect to the truth.

[00:06:35] Leah: When you tell the truth, when you say, Hey, I’m out today. I need to rest, or I’m feeling overwhelmed this week. It doesn’t make you weak. It builds trust. And it tells your team or your clients or your community, we’re humans here, please treat us as such. And a culture that values honesty over optics is a culture that lasts, that’s a community that cares about who they shop from, who they buy from, who they use as a service.

[00:07:06] Leah: And those are the clients that we want. Vulnerability doesn’t weaken authority. It grounds it. It turns leadership from performance into relationship. And relationships are the things that we want because those are the people that will buy from us endlessly. Not in a weird, sleazy, icky way, in the way that we want people to buy from us.

[00:07:28] Leah: Here’s the new rule. We lead with honesty. We let them see your humanity. You don’t have to be the strongest one in the room to lead, I promise you. You just have to be the realist. That means resting when you need rest. Owning mistakes when they happen, likely they happen because you didn’t have enough rest.

[00:07:49] Leah: By the way, admitting when you don’t know something. I was just talking to my 16-year-old son who’s starting a new job, and I said, what kind of questions do you think they’re gonna ask you in the interview? He had no idea, of course, and I said, listen, if they ask you the question, what do you do when somebody asks you a question, they don’t, that you don’t know the answer to.

[00:08:11] Leah: I said, listen, the answer is, I don’t know, but I will find out. And that is all you really need to do in life too. Admitting that you don’t know something, but that you will find out for them is the ultimate answer. And letting people see that behind the business owner is a whole human being.

[00:08:30] Leah: If you want people to treat you like a human, you have to act like a human. When you lead that way, this ripples outward. Your team feels safer, your customers feel connected to you and you. You finally get to breathe a little bit. You actually get to be human and rest. Leadership isn’t about holding everything together.

[00:08:49] Leah: It’s really about showing others how to hold themselves. So here’s your challenge for this week. Tell the truth somewhere, usually fake it. That might mean messaging your team. I’m out today. I’m catching up on rest or housework, or whatever it is. That’s not work. That’s what I’m doing today. And you’re not apologizing for it.

[00:09:09] Leah: You’re just saying, I’m at home today. I’m out today. Please don’t contact me until, unless it’s an emergency or whatever that looks like. But we’re not apologizing for it. We are out today. Maybe it’s telling your followers you’re in a slow season. Maybe you’re not going to be posting as much, or maybe it’s asking for help.

[00:09:30] Leah: Instead of saying, I’ve got it, start small. You don’t have to burn everything down to start over. You can just be honest in one little, small way, and then watch what happens. The respect and the relief, the permission, it gives everyone around you, I promise you. Strong leaders don’t hide their humanity.

[00:09:51] Leah: They model it so other people can follow it.

[00:09:54] Leah: This never show weakness rule told us that vulnerability would ruin our credibility. The new rule is lead with honesty and let them see your humanity. My therapist was right. Working sick doesn’t make you a bad person, but it doesn’t make you a great leader either. And if you want to lead something that lasts a team, a business, a movement, you have to show them that being human is not only allowed, it’s actually expected.

[00:10:20] Leah: If this rep. If this episode resonated at all, you can go over and read the full blog post. It’s linked in the show notes. I’d love to hear from you. If you are having any issues with this or this is super challenging for you, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. You can also see what we’re up to next week when we tackle the old rule.

[00:10:44] Leah: The keep it all together rule and why letting things fall apart might be the most powerful business move you ever make. Thank you for being here today. I’ll see you guys next week.