If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol in midlife, you’re not alone. This post marks the beginning of my first alcohol-free experiment, but it wasn’t the last chapter of my story. Years later, I wrote about the moment I finally quit drinking for good.

I made it 90 days without alcohol. I started drinking again. And eventually, I quit for good. This is the story of the day I decided to stop drinking.

If you’re here because something feels off but you can’t quite explain it, you’re not alone.
I spent a long time thinking I just needed more discipline… until I realized it was something else entirely.

If You Want to See What This Actually Looks Like

I didn’t just write about this after the fact. I documented all 90 days in real time. Not perfectly. Not with hindsight. Just as it was happening.

If you’re curious what it actually feels like, you can follow the journey:

👉 Start at the beginning → The Decision
👉 Jump into the first two weeks → What It Actually Feels Like
👉 Explore the full experience → Alcohol-Free Hub

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The Decision to go Alcohol Free for 90 Days

“Let’s quit drinking for 90 days! Come on…it will be fun” – said no one ever.

Yet, here I am.

For as long as I can remember every New Year’s resolution I have made begins with much hope, merriment and bravado. I LOVE New Year’s Day, so much so that I usually don’t go out on New Year’s Eve because I hate feeling like shit the next day. Which, given my love of a good party, it’s beyond ironic.

Typically, by the first weekend in January, however, my efforts begin to fade. I quickly slip in to old habits, remembering in my younger years I had much more tenacity; making it to at least Valentine’s Day. But, even with all the proof of failure, I haven’t given up my love for a good New Year’s resolution. And I am a total cheerleader for those who believe, even when the world rolls their eyes.

• You want to eat healthier? Awesome.
• Maybe exercise more? Just do it.
• Save some money? Sweet.
• Perhaps pay off that debt? Yes, finally.
• Write a book. Cool. Me too.

Big or small, I don’t care what it is, I love them all.

But, this is where I have gone wrong all these years; the above list is about making external things “better”. I realize now everything stems from self-care. (I know. It sort of makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth too) But if we don’t take care of ourselves first, nothing else will get taken care of.

Note from 2025 Katy:
This post marks the beginning of my first 90-day sober challenge, started on Christmas Day, 2018. I made it the full 90 days, shared every journal entry here, and then… started drinking again.
On August 30, 2021, I quit for good. And I haven’t looked back.
I’ve decided to leave this series intact because it’s honest. It’s not a straight line—but it’s real, and if you’re at your own “ground zero,” I hope you find something here that helps you feel less alone.
💛 Start here for my full sobriety story if you’re ready to explore a life beyond alcohol.

Drinking and Identity

Something always gets in the way of my good intentions and for me, it’s wine. She is the perfect frenemy; sitting back, arms crossed, chuckling on January 1st only to turn around to pat me on the back January 8th with a cute little “nice try.” She wiggles her way back with a “what will one little glass hurt?” clouding my judgement until I’m halfway through a box of wine, sabotaging all my efforts.

• She’s the innocent invitation from a friend looking for company to commiserate over jobs, spouses, kids, money, friends, you name it.
• She’s Mommy’s little helper after tough day at work or with the kids or out of shear boredom or avoidance.
• She’s the spoonful of sugar that allows me to numb any feelings that I just don’t have the energy to tackle.
• She’s got some good qualities too; an excuse to see said-friends, the courage to let down a guard and tell the truth, etc.

Recently though, and if I’m being honest here, for quite some time (years in fact), the cons are out-weighing the pros. For the last six months I have thought long and hard about giving up alcohol for 90 days. This isn’t the first time I am questioning my relationship with alcohol. I had tried to stop drinking before, and that attempt taught me more than I realized at the time.

This is not an impulsive I-drank-too-much-on-New Year’s Eve kind of decision. As a matter of fact, I am sitting here on Christmas Day, in my kitchen preparing this “announcement”. I need to make some pretty big life decisions soon and I need a clear head. And I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

What Happens When You Stop Drinking for 90 Days

In my humble opinion, 90n days is a long enough commitment to make a noticeable difference and short enough to actually achieve. I know this will likely throw some people [I love] in to a tizzy, ironically, many of them having part ownership of my heart.

They’ll think they can’t invite me places because I “won’t be fun anymore”. They’ll feel bad for having a drink in front of me or any number of other things I don’t care to assume. Drinking has been part of my identity from adolescence through all of my adult life so I can understand it might be uncomfortable for them and me. And, I’m ok with that. Because, here’s the thing: I just really can’t care about outside opinions.

This has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Just me.

It’s really quite simple. I want something I’ve never had, so I have to do something I’ve never done. This is about putting MYSELF and MY goals at the top of MY list. It’s been entirely too long, if ever, that I have found myself here. I have some big dreams and I believe in my heart of hearts that if I can find a clear head for a few months, the sky is the limit.

I also don’t think I am alone in some of these goals, which is why I have also made a decision to share my experience. Truthfully, I need some accountability too and the best way to get that is to air out my dirty laundry for all to judge. Oh, and I decided to throw in no coffee and no soda just for fun.

The Rules for My 90-Day Alcohol-Free Challenge:

• Posts. I’ll journal every day here from Day 1 to Day 90, even if only a sentence or two but let’s be real, it’s probably going to be longer than that. Prepare yourselves. The last time I took 90 days off from drinking was pre-age 14, a stint in the Middle East for seven months and two over-due pregnancies. All of those experiences offered a major excuse not to drink; the lack of choice. What I am talking about here is facing every day temptations and making the choice to say no. I’m not sure what this will be like.
  
• The truth. I am going to get mighty real. I promise to respect everyone involved, but ultimately this is my story. If you choose to be a part of my life…you’re a part of my story. Good, bad, ugly. The decision has been made. There’s a difference between “I’m trying” and “I’ve decided”. I have already resigned to the fact I won’t have a beer (or 10) poolside in Florida this February and I won’t drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day.
  
• There’s never a good time. From the depths of my soul, believe me when I tell you there is no good time to do this. There will always be a holiday, birthday, vacation, wedding, snow storm, beautiful spring day or a boring Tuesday night that will provide the ideal opportunity to stall this decision. I’ve only spent about 20 years finding “just the right time”.
  
• Do I have a drinking problem? The fact that I want to take something out of my life that I think is not serving a purpose in my current situation thereby actively finding a solution to it? Well then, I guess that makes it a problem. Believe me when I tell you I have researched this very question. I know there are believers in many, many schools of thought about this very issue. For now, this is the path I am taking.  

With all of my love, hope, happiness and joy for the new year.

💛 If you’re rebuilding something in midlife — identity, habits, ambition — Love Monday is where I write about it every week.