Before I left for a walk today, I had to download a new audio book. I have been listening to the same 3-4 for the last few months, so I thought it was about time to shake things up.

Since I planned to walk about 6 miles, I needed something to hold my attention for almost two hours. I stumbled upon May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein, downloaded it and headed out the door.

I am super picky about the authors I listen to; it sort of makes or breaks the book for me. But, right off the bat, I liked her.

In just the first few chapters, she had me hooked on believing in miracles as just a switch in perception from fear to love. (The more self-help books I read the more I am accepting that the word love is just going to become part of my vocabulary and I am going to have to stop rolling my eyes at it.)

I started thinking about all the things I was afraid (and am no longer) of before I made the decision to quit drinking for 90 days.

• The judgement from my family, friends and people I don’t even care about.

• How my relationships might change

• How will I spend my time?

• How will I function in social situations?

• How will I cope with stress and my “feelings”?

This last one is a doozy. For a very long time I have used alcohol and/or food as a coping mechanism. It was so much easier to “check out” than to actually deal with the things I was struggling with. I couldn’t get myself to believe that things could actually be better than they were.

Little did I know then that the things I was struggling with were actually the things causing me the most stress and inner turmoil. And, all the things I was so afraid of were not real. How was I to know what could be on the other side of this massive change?

I had no faith, only fear.

Well, that, my friends is changing.

(Ironically, I wrote an article about exactly this about a year ago; Love or Fear. I had forgotten all about it.)

Body + Mind

209.4

So, I sort of knew this was coming today.

Like I said yesterday, we had card club last night. I slaved over stromboli for most of the afternoon only to have the freakin’ dogs swipe it off the counter and eat the whole f’n thing. Oh, man I was so pissed.

So, we had to order pizza. Plus, everyone brought a dish to pass, which judging by the spread, no one had started a diet at the turn of the new year. We had lots of laughs and played a ton of Euchre and I drank enough club soda with fresh lime from my Soda Stream to hydrate me for weeks.

I know my husband was moving just a little slower than normal this morning.

I was not and so grateful for that. Put one up in the W column for muah.

I want to mention here that I have had an unexplained dull headache on and off for the last three days. I’m not sure if I am getting sick or what. There really isn’t any explanation for it; possibly the caffeine withdrawal? But, still 12 days later? Since I haven’t had anything but plain water, herbal tea or club soda, pretty sure it’s not dehydration.

In any case, I think my body is still like, “what the fuck are you doing, man?”

House + Home

Another advantage to not drinking at card club was that I wasn’t so tired at the end of the night I actually cleaned up the whole kitchen (with the help of my bestie) and did all the dishes. This is very unlike the “old” me; I’d be the first one to shut the lights off and stumble up to bed.

It was like a present to myself to wake up to a clean kitchen. No stale beer smell or caked-on crusty dishes, no sticky cards or full garbage cans. Just a sparkly kitchen to drink my coffee in. Ahhh.

So much better.

Debt + Finances

Nothing to report here today.

Parenthood + Relationships

One of the things I was most nervous about was how people were going to react. I realize now there was really nothing to be nervous about.

Remember how I told you people don’t think about me as much as I think they do? It’s true. I’ve gotten a couple of questions, a couple of eye rolls, but all in all, nothing I couldn’t handle with a “yup”.

It also helps I have aired this out for all to read on the world wide web. Ha.

Yes, my social card isn’t as full these days, but interestingly enough, I’m totally okay with that. I have become much more content being with myself, which is new too.

Also, I realized that I was usuallly the one instigating a drinking sesh so it’s no surprise I don’t have people beating down my door. They never did before either.

Travel + Staycations

Good news! I read today that Southwest Airlines is going to start flying to Honolulu.

I think the Universe is telling me we should go to Hawaii.

I am so grateful for this life.

There’s no doubt some of these posts sound real whiny and like these are real problems; I know most of them are made up in my mind and that there are others dealing with much more than I ever will. But the truth is, I am thankful for everything I have, even the struggles.

This isn’t really about a number on the scale or how many days I can go with or without something. It’s about being thankful for where ever I’m at and believing that whatever I want will present itself with precision timing and perfect delivery.

It’s called faith. And I’m all in.