Katy Ripp 00:00:00  The fear of failure or the fear of especially if you’re like an ambitious woman, it’s like we cannot have a fucking bad day because immediately somebody’s going to be out there like cheerleading, waiting for you to fuck up. It’s a horrible place to be, and it’s very common. Almost every single ambitious woman I’m talking to right now is having the same fear.

Katy Ripp 00:00:26  Hey there, fellow rebels, welcome to #ActuallyICan, the podcast where we say a hearty hell yes to designing life on our own terms. I’m Katy Ripp, a lifestyle coach, business mentor, and serial entrepreneur here to guide you through the wild ride, defining what society expects of us and embracing our authenticity. On this show, we dive deep into taboo topics like death, money, spirituality, entrepreneurship, unapologetic self-care, and personal development, all while swearing and laughing along the way. Expect down and dirty conversations, plenty of humor, and a whole lot of exploration, leaving you feeling empowered to be your truest self. Whether you’re craving a good laugh, seeking unconventional self-care tips, or simply looking for some camaraderie, you’ve come to the right place.

Katy Ripp 00:01:13  We only get this one short life, so buckle up and let’s design yours on our own terms. Ready to dive in? Let’s go.

Katy Ripp 00:01:26  So, have you ever been coached before? I mean, I know you are a coach. Like a.

Emily 00:01:30  Physical. Yeah, I was I’m still in the space of figuring out, like, what a coach like you does, but I can make my best guesses. I’ve never been coached from, like, a, you know, lifestyle or a professional coach perspective. So no, I guess that’s the short answer.

Katy Ripp 00:01:45  Any other modalities acupuncture, therapy, you know, yoga, whatever philosophy you sign in for.

Emily 00:01:53  You know, definitely therapy. Love me a good therapy session just signed up for three, actually. Did my little schedule. Got a girl? Yeah, but not like I haven’t been going consistently to therapy recently because I felt pretty good. Although it’s funny because I’m like starting to feel like not as good right now. So I’m like, oh, this is well timed.

Emily 00:02:11  So anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

Katy Ripp 00:02:13  Mostly like some experience the best way I like to. And some coaches don’t love this theory. I think it’s like the most simplistic best theory. Well, first of all, I’m not a doctor, right. Like I have a year’s worth of international coaching training, but I don’t have years of psychology or psychiatry. So a I’m not a doctor, although I like to call myself one sometimes and be mostly therapy is like what has happened in your past and like to make you this way or, you know, whatever, like whatever talk therapy or modality you use, it’s usually looking backwards and seeing what’s contributing to the situation you’re in. Coaching is mostly looking forward, so mostly looking forward like what can we do with the information we have? How can we peel back some of the layers to see what’s like living underneath some of this? But we don’t necessarily need to talk about your parents and the relationship you have with them. Does that make sense?

Emily 00:03:13  Yep.

Emily 00:03:13  Yep. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:03:14  So any way that you like to arrive in, you know, any kind of session. So we could do some deep breaths if you feel like. Let’s just get into it. I’m not really sure what’s going on. Like just go. That’s totally fine too. But tell me, you know, if there’s anything you want to clear. If you want to tell me, you know how you’re feeling.

Emily 00:03:34  Yeah. It’s like my first day back from this trip. As you know, this, like, lovely vacation. So I’m feeling a little bit like, you know, that space, like you’re jumping back into it, and I don’t have, like, bad things to jump back into. It’s just like, yeah, now I have to think about things. Whereas before I didn’t have to think of last week, I didn’t have to think about a damn thing. So nice. So yeah, I’m kind of in a space of like maybe a little scattered at the moment, but doing my best to not be.

Emily 00:04:01  Yeah, that makes sense.

Katy Ripp 00:04:02  Perfect. So what would you like to explore today? You said, I know in a text you said you had a couple of things like that. Maybe has been knocking on your door.

Emily 00:04:11  Yeah. I think the biggest thing that’s on at the front of mind right now is I just went through a job transition and I’m working for the same organization, which is great, really awesome. Like mission aligned with my values nonprofit, as you know. But I’m like trying to figure out what my trajectory is right now. And I’m just like, not sure. And also I’m like, I was so used to the like, team that I was on before. I’m like navigating some like, team challenges that are causing me anxiety and like, how I show up in the workspace or workplace doesn’t feel quite as good right now as it has in the past, which is like, oh no, is it me? Is it the job? Is it the like, what’s happening here? Yeah.

Emily 00:04:56  So that’s where I’m at.

Katy Ripp 00:04:58  Obviously you came to the coaching call with that topic probably on the top of your mind. What are you looking for from like this coaching session at the end of this? Is there some way you’d like to feel?

Emily 00:05:11  I think I’d like to feel a little bit more clarity. And maybe some, like, getting out of my own head, you know, like having some external perspective. That’s usually what I found in the past with therapy and all that good stuff is just like, I’m so in my own shit that I can’t see what it actually is. And I want to have like a clear vision of that so that I can actually, like, make thoughtful and intentional decisions about how I show up at work based on some of those, like, external perspectives.

Katy Ripp 00:05:41  Awesome. So, like, if we got to the end of this call and you were like, okay, well, that makes sense. And now I can do a couple of things, like take a couple of next steps with that.

Katy Ripp 00:05:51  Feel good?

Emily 00:05:52  Yes, 100% okay.

Katy Ripp 00:05:55  Well, let’s dive on in this. Tell me about the first. Like what? Where does it feel like the right place to start. And by that I mean do you want to tell me about some situations you have going on that we can sort of work through?

Emily 00:06:11  Yeah, I think like maybe just starting with like a quick background of when I jumped into my role and where I was coming from, I was leaving teaching, as you know, because we’ve known each other for a few years, and that was such a stressful and anxiety ridden position. Like, I loved it because I loved the kids, which is what you hear almost every ex teacher say. But the job itself was just, you know, it was just too much. And I got into this new role at the organization I worked at where I was, you know, working with coaches like kids, youth sports coaches across the country. And I was like, dang, this is really awesome.

Emily 00:06:48  I get to feel like I’m like, I have some agency. Like, I’m helping, you know, the organization recognized my strengths and let me play into those, which was really important and really cool for me. The team I was on, it was like, what you see is what you get. Like, I felt very much like it felt like a little bit of a a bubble. I was like, how did I find these people? Like they’re very honest. They’re very open. If there’s like feedback, they tell you there’s like, you know, they went by like the meeting norms and the standards of norms for collaboration for healthy teams. I was just like, damn, this is great. And very much like our organization entirely is like that. However, I’m in an apartment now that has like a little bit of, like history of like some turmoil and people like not communicating as well as this other team. And so that’s kind of like the shift I’m experiencing right now. I’m missing that old like sense of showing up in a lighthearted way.

Emily 00:07:47  And now I’m, like, showing up with this kind of foggy interpersonal stuff. And then also, like, my job is more stressful. Okay. There’s that. Yeah, yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:08:00  Tell me about the new job itself. Like the old job with your old team versus the new job.

Emily 00:08:07  Yeah. So the new job. This is also actually interesting. It was originally the position was vacated last fall by a former colleague of mine was the grants management position at my organization. I am not a grants manager. I don’t actually have like, professional experience in development. I’ve worked with non-profits for quite a while, but I’m not like a development person, right? Do you have some experience doing communications work and marketing? And so they kind of retooled the position into this role called development communications manager. And that role was kind of created as like a pathway for me to join this team. So pretty cool. Pretty awesome. It was also, you know, it wasn’t just about me, obviously, it was about the needs of the organization.

Emily 00:08:55  But they were like, hey, if this is something you want to do, we want to support you in that. Also 100% okay. If you want to stay in my previous role. So the new role is like working with our partners and doing a bunch of communications and marketing campaigns to help leverage our national brand, help people become aware of our mission, vision or values. And ultimately, the end goal is obviously to raise a lot of money. So high pressure, I think I go back and forth. I’m like half the time I’m like, this is super high pressure and I like don’t like that about it. And half the time I’m like, the world keeps turning if you don’t keep on right, like, no matter what, it’s not like they’re going to like kick me out of my role if we don’t get one foundation grant or something like that. So yeah, I go back and forth on that.

Katy Ripp 00:09:43  What attracted you? I mean, obviously they saw your talents in that, that they created the position or revamped the position to sort of fit what you were looking for.

Katy Ripp 00:09:55  What attracted you to that position? Like, you know, you had kind of a good thing going, it sounded like, with your team and the job and that kind of thing, but there was clearly something that made you want to move. Do you? Yeah. What that is?

Emily 00:10:10  Yeah. It definitely like I went back and forth when making that decision. It was very interesting. Like, I didn’t know what to do because I was like, man, I really enjoy aspects of both of these things and I think I could see myself succeeding at either one. One thing that I think you’ll appreciate is there’s the person who leads this new role, who’s the VP of our current team is a really strong female leader with a ton of badass experience. And I was like, I want to work for her. And then the other part of it was, I guess, just like trajectory of growth for my job, right? Like the other role, I kind of felt like the way the organization is structured and who were in other seats on the bus, like I wasn’t really going anywhere.

Emily 00:10:53  This had a faster possible trajectory, and I’m ambitious, but I’m also like struggling with that right now because I’m just like a little overwhelmed.

Katy Ripp 00:11:01  You’ve said the word trajectory a couple of times. What’s the end goal on the trajectory?

Emily 00:11:08  That’s a good question. I think I’d like to be at a director level in our organization and have people that I manage at some point in time. I think that would be super fulfilling as a former coach. Right. Like teacher. You know, I’ve always kind of been in these roles where I’m the one who’s like constantly doing the dirty work and I don’t want to say dirty work. It’s like a very negative connotation. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:11:31  Your operations. Right?

Emily 00:11:33  Yes. Operational work. But I want to test out my leadership and also like, acknowledge that I think I have something to bring in that space. So yeah, I think that’s the trajectory is like getting into that. I think I’m struggling because I feel like I just put a negative connotation on the, the word, like I said, dirty work.

Emily 00:11:52  And now I’m like stuck there. I think it’s like this. Well, I think it’s like this, this idea of leadership too, and like being a good leader and not just a like telling people what to do kind of leader and thinking ahead to like how I would want to show up in that space. But I’m not even there yet, so I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

Katy Ripp 00:12:13  Well, I don’t think so, but tell me about how do you want to show up in that space?

Emily 00:12:18  Oh, man. Yeah, I want to be somebody who’s trusted but not feared. I feel like there’s like, a little bit of sense of fear within that. Some of that. Yeah. Yeah, it’s just like a weird thing. Like, we just got back from a conference with our organization, which we’re a fully remote organization, so we don’t see each other in person often at all. And I want to be somebody that’s like, I want to be like the party kid. That’s not the tone I want, but I also want someone to feel like they can approach me and talk to me about anything without there being like a fear of implication of like, oh, are they going to judge me for saying x, y or Z, you know? Yeah, I think in terms of leadership too, there’s like an aspect of like servant leadership and doing some of that, you know, operational, dirty work when it needs to be done.

Emily 00:13:04  But then I also tend to be the person who doesn’t delegate well. So I fear this idea of like, it’s it’s like an interesting place. Like, I’m not I’m used to just being like, oh, there’s something that needs to get done. I’ll just do it because I know I can do it and I can get it done quickly. But you’re eventually going to be in a position where I can’t do that, and I’m kind of finding that now. So, yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:13:30  I mean, you are speaking to my soul right now because this is me. Yeah, I.

Emily 00:13:37  This is why I wanted to talk to you.

Katy Ripp 00:13:38  I really just love the fact that you can articulate it because the trusted, not feared part is so against the grain of any leadership we have in a patriarchal society. Right? Like. And business is just that’s just the way it is. I decided to do it differently. Have I run into some issues because of it? Yep. But I also have a whole team of people that really want to help me.

Katy Ripp 00:14:04  What I wanted to do was create a culture where people wanted to help each other. Yes, that’s it, 100%, right? Like if somebody needs help, I want somebody to be like, I can help. That’s like my only mission in life. Yeah. As far as staff goes or leadership goes. And I also am a worker. Probably like you are. So, like, I can do it all. I can make a super mean latte. Is that where my strengths lie? I don’t know. Is that where your strengths lie is to do the dirty work?

Emily 00:14:35  I mean, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. Like, I think you should go back to that word. Trajectory is like, I have enjoyed that for a really long time. I’m starting to feel like I’m outgrowing that, and I’m ready to take the next step of like, hey, I’ve got this like vision of how things could be. Who are the right people to help make that vision happen? And I’m getting a little ahead of myself because I’m definitely not in that job role yet.

Emily 00:15:01  But that’s what I want to do eventually.

Katy Ripp 00:15:04  So are you in a role right now where you could practice some of that?

Emily 00:15:08  Yeah, I think so, I think so, it’s so new, but I definitely think that there is ability to do that.

Katy Ripp 00:15:14  So yeah. Is there something holding you back or that when you think about doing that you’ve mentioned some interpersonal skills or, you know, issues. Is there something inside that is going to end up keeping you from maybe trying some of this stuff out?

Emily 00:15:31  Yeah, I think so. There’s it’s a really interesting I feel like in a way, and this is my sense of it, slash some things that other folks have told me outside of my own perspective. Me coming into the team was because there were some weaknesses that existed, and they really were like, we need to get somebody else in here who can help with stuff. And I feel like those there’s a little bit of like a threatening vibe, if that makes sense. So I’m trying to navigate that without being weird, and I feel like I’m just like feeling weird all the time.

Katy Ripp 00:16:11  Right? Sometimes when we try not to be weird, we just become more weird.

Emily 00:16:15  So weird. Yeah. There have been times where I’m like, wow, why did.

Katy Ripp 00:16:17  I say that? Thing? Like, that was a really weird.

Emily 00:16:20  Thing to say. So I’m trying to kind of like, strip away a little bit of that, like perceived baggage or real baggage. I guess it could be both and not let it affect how I work with other people, like, but I’m finding that really hard.

Katy Ripp 00:16:32  Okay. Is there clarity around who does what?

Emily 00:16:35  That’s what I mean. I’m a month and a half into the job, so probably not as much as there could be. But that’s one of the things I’m highly and acutely aware of in terms of like trying to make sure that’s always brought up. So yeah, there’s definitely like I’ve asked a lot of questions about that as anything has come up. I’ve been like, hey, is this my role? Is this not who’s doing this, who’s doing that? So yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:16:58  How does that feel?

Emily 00:16:59  Fine at times. And then it like stresses me out at other times. Yeah. I think there’s aspects of it that are totally good and like things are outlined as clearly as possible and job descriptions and things like that. But there’s still definitely a lot of overlap. And yeah, I mean, to this person’s credit to my face, they’ve not been like, hey, you’re trying to take X, Y, or Z from me. But there’s always like, I always kind of get worried about that too, because there are parts of that person’s job that have now become my job.

Katy Ripp 00:17:30  But they haven’t said anything to you like that?

Emily 00:17:33  No.

Katy Ripp 00:17:34  Is the unspoken body language, that kind of thing. Does it feel like that’s there at times?

Emily 00:17:42  Maybe in a small way, yeah, I think at times there there are. And I think there’s also, you know, to this person’s credit, they’ve also had any time when it does kind of reach ahead. They’re like, we just need to figure out whose job this is.

Emily 00:17:56  And I’m like, great, I agree, we do. So that’s been good.

Katy Ripp 00:18:02  Yeah. Has there been like roles written down or you know, this is always difficult in any kind of team situation, right. Especially if someone came in because someone else wasn’t doing their job well enough. Yeah. And so they brought somebody else in to, like, pick up your weakness. I mean, nobody loves that, right? Like, there’s just going to be some, like, defensiveness about that, right? However, how much of that is your responsibility or your fault?

Emily 00:18:35  It’s none, to be honest. Like Lisa, I don’t feel like it should be if I’m being. Yeah. I mean.

Katy Ripp 00:18:40  The answer is no. The answer is none. Zero.

Emily 00:18:45  The Midwestern girl in me is like, maybe some of it because I chose to accept the job.

Katy Ripp 00:18:50  But we can leave the Midwest nice at the door. Especially since you just got back from the coast. They don’t care. Exactly.

Emily 00:18:57  Nope.

Katy Ripp 00:18:59  They don’t care.

Emily 00:19:00  To that end, though, this is actually it made me think of something that I. I guess my fear is I don’t want to be perceived as a person who, like, sets a sniper like eye on something and, like, knocks down anything in my way to get there. And I’m worried that, like my ambitions to be a leader in this organization by default now look like there will be like collateral damage or like, I don’t give a shit about other people and whatever because of my ambitious nature. And that’s not what I want. Like, that’s not the goal. And it’s not like the perception I want to have happen. But I worry that could show up in some ways. Or it could be that narrative could be out there.

Katy Ripp 00:19:50  Do you think you are a sniper?

Emily 00:19:52  I mean, I want a good job and I want to do a good like, I want this career move, right? That is a career goal of mine. So yeah, I’m aiming for that.

Emily 00:20:03  But I don’t want there to be. I’d love it if there wasn’t anybody who was like, in the crossfire right now.

Katy Ripp 00:20:09  Got it. Is the way you’re describing it the like I’m an ambitious woman and therefore from me to get to A to B, there’s going to be collateral damage. And the only way to get there is to do it that way. And I don’t want to do it that way. Have you seen anybody else do it a different way?

Emily 00:20:30  I mean, yeah, I think I’m speaking very specifically about this work environment and the people in it. I also know that like, that’s just how stuff works, right? Like it’s a job, you interview for it, you work your way up, you work hard, try to find the right fit and go for it.

Katy Ripp 00:20:51  But do you think that, like stepping on people’s heads to get to the top, is the only way to get to the top?

Emily 00:20:59  Oh God no. No. Right.

Katy Ripp 00:21:01  So I’m wondering where the perception of you in being that person comes from.

Katy Ripp 00:21:08  It’s interesting the way you described it was King Kong. I’m going to get to the end, and I don’t care who I hurt.

Emily 00:21:14  Yeah, and that’s.

Katy Ripp 00:21:15  Not what the fear is. That school, you’re like, that’s the perception of you in any way, in any behavior. Have you ever given anybody the reason to think that way of you?

Emily 00:21:30  I don’t think so, no.

Katy Ripp 00:21:31  I mean, the answer is very likely. No, not just like. I don’t think so, but like. Yeah. So if you’re staying aligned to your values and what I’m doing and I do this with good intention all the time, how much do the opinions or the perception of you matter?

Emily 00:21:50  It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in that regard, because if I’m aligned with my values, then the opinions that happen will be good. So it shouldn’t matter, right? Flash like it does matter, but it’s good stuff. Oh yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:22:06  Right. Like if the perception is true and it’s aligned with your values. So yes, we want that perception and we want to believe that perception.

Katy Ripp 00:22:15  The disconnect comes from your being perceived, or you think you’re being perceived as someone who you are not.

Emily 00:22:24  Yes.

Katy Ripp 00:22:25  How much of that is on you if you’re doing things exactly how you are meant to be, doing them with full good intention, with aligned leadership skills, you’re using your strengths for good And you’re doing that all the time or 80% of the time, right. Like you’re doing that and then somebody perceives you or you think somebody is perceiving you as something else. How much of that is your responsibility?

Emily 00:22:54  I mean, none, that’s the thing is, I think what you said there that got me is like the 80% of the time, right? Like, I feel really like to go back to kind of where I started the conversation. It’s like, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, and if I fuck up like it’s going to be bad in a way that like a fuck up hasn’t been bad before, do you know what I mean? Like, I feel like there’s me about that.

Emily 00:23:16  I’m more anxious about it now than I ever was before.

Katy Ripp 00:23:20  Describe to me what a fuckup would look like.

Emily 00:23:22  Oh, just, you know, like, what did I do the other day?

Katy Ripp 00:23:24  I like or whatever.

Emily 00:23:26  Yeah, I dropped the ball or, like, it can’t put something together by a certain deadline or, you know, put something out that’s not high quality product or that the perception is wrong. Right? Like there’s a lot of nuance in how we communicate about our organization and like, what if I’m just wrong.

Katy Ripp 00:23:42  And all that? Yep.

Emily 00:23:43  Exactly. And we’re dealing with, you know, an organization that has really strong values and it deals with youth. So that’s the big deal. Huge. And I think I’m yeah I’m worried about that because there have been like I think that’s the other thing too is I’m just trying to get used to the fact that I’m now in a position with marketing communications that like, there are going to be fuck ups, like, shit’s gonna happen, and I gotta just be comfortable with like managing mistakes and crises because.

Katy Ripp 00:24:14  And they might not all be yours.

Emily 00:24:16  Yeah, 100%. Right.

Katy Ripp 00:24:19  Like they might not all be yours. Like, hey, I said the wrong word or, you know, or the wrong word. There was a time in my notes here that I circled perfectionism.

Emily 00:24:31  Oh, yeah. I’m laughing just because, you know, like the first three years of therapy I did were about that. So, you know, recovering. Yeah, yeah, we’re.

Katy Ripp 00:24:42  All recovering perfectionists. It gets easier as you get older. Just.

Emily 00:24:45  That’s true.

Katy Ripp 00:24:46  Tell me about, like, if the shit hit the fan, right? Like, you have the, like, a colossal fuck up. What’s the consequence of that? What’s the worst that could happen?

Emily 00:24:55  They’re losing, like, my legitimacy and trusts people that people have trust in me. At my job, I feel like right now the trust is high that people respect what I do. So like essentially, I feel like people look to me right now is like someone who can get shit done, who does a good job and like, I don’t want to have that perception go away.

Emily 00:25:17  And I know that sounds ridiculous because I know, like one mistake is not going to cause that, but it still feels hard.

Katy Ripp 00:25:24  Yeah. Tell me about what comes after.

Emily 00:25:26  But yeah, I just have a fear of making mistakes and then losing legitimacy. And yet at the same time, I can hear myself. This isn’t just this moment that I’m having this conversation. It’s a that is a silly thing to think because everybody has mistakes. Everybody will screw up. Everybody will not do their job well at some point in time. And like, what’s the biggest consequence, right. Like I think the biggest consequence is your job.

Katy Ripp 00:25:55  But you’ve got another one of those.

Emily 00:25:58  Yeah. It’s true. It’s very true.

Katy Ripp 00:26:01  Is this something like that sort of fear of losing trust or legitimacy? Has it ever happened to you before that you’ve had to build yourself back up into a situation where you are right now?

Emily 00:26:13  No, I don’t think it has. And that’s the thing that’s like, funny is like, why am I afraid of something that hasn’t happened? And also, like, I hear all of these, you know, incredible stories of people who have had to go through that experience and how powerful it’s been.

Emily 00:26:27  And part of me is just like, why am I afraid? Yeah, it would be hard, but I don’t know that I should be afraid of it, I guess. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:26:33  And I mean, do you think if something bad happened that you have the skills to, like, bring yourself out of it? Do you trust yourself?

Emily 00:26:42  Yes I do, yes. And I trust also, like I have so many people in my corner that it’s kind of like silly sometimes to think about how many people support me. So yeah, feel a little bit. This is the moment where I’m like, why do I have these silly fears? You know, like this?

Katy Ripp 00:27:02  I can appreciate that because the fear of failure or the fear of especially if you’re like an ambitious woman, it’s like, we cannot have a fucking bad day. We cannot, because immediately somebody is going to, like, I found you out. I know you’re not perfect. I know you can make mistakes, too. And somebody’s going to be out there like cheerleading, waiting for you to fuck up.

Emily 00:27:31  It’s it’s a that’s what it feels like. Yes.

Katy Ripp 00:27:34  It’s a horrible place to be and it’s very common. I mean, I hate to say it right, like I haven’t been doing this that long, but almost every single person, every single ambitious woman I’m talking to right now, is having the same fear in different ways, different levels, different. I mean, I’m not saying you’re not special because you’re special. I mean, the most ambitious women also are fucking terrified of making a mistake that is going to completely wipe out their lives. And in reality, if you walk that fear backwards, I don’t know what you could do in your job to make it like a fireable offense, but you get fired, right? Yeah. What happens then? Like, you probably have enough savings. Maybe you don’t, but, like, you can probably go and find another job. I will hire you at the coffee shop. So, like, you know, like, not Dire Straits, right? Like.

Katy Ripp 00:28:29  And you just said, like, you’ve cultivated all these relationships over the years that nobody is letting you go destitute. Dot is never going to starve to death because somebody is going to help you, right? Because you’ve cultivated these relationships in the same breath, you’ve also cultivated a reputation of trustworthiness and legitimacy. Those are very hard things to break. You know, like in the movie world, it’s like, oh my God, you make one mistake and your trust is out the window. I don’t know what kind of mistake you could make, except maybe running over a child or something, right? Like on purpose. But even if it was an accident, people make mistakes. And if you are in alignment with your values, which are very high values and perfectly matched for your job, what could you possibly do that would give somebody the perception that you are a money hungry, greedy ladder climber. Like, I don’t know what you could do. Like, do you have an answer for that?

Emily 00:29:36  No, I don’t think I could.

Katy Ripp 00:29:38  Can’t imagine it because you can’t imagine it.

Emily 00:29:41  Yeah. No, it’s just like. Yeah. I mean, that’s the thing that gives me the most satisfaction in my job is just being able to do really good work and have it done well and see the result of that work and see how it impacts kids and communities. And so if that’s what I want to do, I don’t know how anybody could find fault with that.

Katy Ripp 00:30:02  So yeah, I mean, staying in that is that super easy all the time when somebody’s like, no smirking at you or rolling their eyes or you’re worried that they’re talking about you in the bathroom or whatever, like, is that super easy all the time? No. But when you get into these, like, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know if this person has this opinion about me getting into, am I doing the job that I was hired for in alignment with my values in the mission of the nonprofit? And if the answer is yes, then that person has no bearing on what you’re doing.

Katy Ripp 00:30:38  Yeah. Easier said than done. And it’s a practice, right? Like when you get triggered and I’m guessing you have good body awareness that you get triggered, right? Like whether it shows up in your throat or your stomach or your shoulders or your tense or, you know, whatever that anxiety feels like in your body when you get triggered, the question to yourself might be, and you’ll have to make a habit out of this, whatever that question is like, am I in alignment with my job? And if the answer is always yes, then you never have to worry about what that other person is perceiving about you.

Emily 00:31:15  I’m writing this down.

Katy Ripp 00:31:16  Do it.

Emily 00:31:17  Can I go on my whiteboard over here?

Katy Ripp 00:31:19  I love that. Are you working in person? Is this an in-person situation?

Emily 00:31:25  No, it’s all remote.

Katy Ripp 00:31:26  Wow. And you’re feeling it through the screen?

Emily 00:31:29  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s like our remote work is a lot of things, but. Yeah. Yeah, it’s an interesting.

Emily 00:31:37  It’s a whole.

Katy Ripp 00:31:37  Thing. Whenever I hear stuff like this, too, it’s always. Maybe the universe is working with you to, like, change the situation, right? Like, maybe they won’t be there forever. Maybe you get a different opportunity. Maybe they get a different opportunity. Maybe you get a different opportunity. And also he or she or they are very likely there to teach you a lesson.

Emily 00:32:01  Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:32:01  And what is the lesson here?

Emily 00:32:03  I think the lesson is to I think what you just said, am I working in alignment with my job, and I’m doing my job in accordance to my values. And if I am, and what else could I possibly strive for as a professional goal outside of that? And like add maybe like, am I a bad ass at my job? And then there you go.

Katy Ripp 00:32:26  Anything like becoming more clear right now. Like moving forward. What does this feel like or like?

Emily 00:32:32  I think it’s like when I’m starting to feel like I’m getting pulled into this.

Emily 00:32:36  Like, it’s not even like being triggered necessarily, but it’s almost of my own making. Like, I’m assuming these things are happening and like, whatever. Like take in a moment, take a breath, step out of it, go back to like that statement or that phrase. Am I performing in alignment with my job? Am I aligned with my values? The answer to both of those is yes. Full steam ahead. Don’t give a shit about any of this other stuff.

Katy Ripp 00:33:03  Yeah, because A it’s not your responsibility. And I think simply asking yourself, is this true? Right. Like, yeah. Is that perception of me true? Even if you’re worried that the perception is I’m being threatening, is it true? And their perception of you might be threatening but that’s their problem. If you’re in alignment with your values and you are leading from a good place and you’re leading from a place of. This is better for everyone, and this is better for the youth and sports and our non-profit. And I’m not being an asshole or I’m not being a total bitch about this, then not my problem.

Katy Ripp 00:33:48  If you have some insecurities about what you’re doing and your weaknesses, just not your problem. Easier said than done.

Emily 00:33:55  But mic drop also because that’s pretty much it.

Katy Ripp 00:33:59  Also, I would love to also hear like and maybe just this could be like an exercise that you write down.

Emily 00:34:05  Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:34:05  What qualities do you love about that badass leader you have. Because my guess is that they’re not threatening. They’re doing it in a different way that aligns with your values. So it might be really helpful to just be like, what do I love about this person and how can I emulate that behavior if it’s something that’s like, powerful for you? Yeah, that might be helpful.

Emily 00:34:33  Yeah, 100%. That would actually be a really good thing to do in terms of like just an intentional exercise. I think just thinking of leadership in general at this point in time in my career will help me more clearly define the path I want to take. Yeah, so.

Katy Ripp 00:34:49  And that it’s okay to step away from the dirty work.

Katy Ripp 00:34:53  I mean, that could be a whole nother session is like, yeah, operations versus the big dreamers versus leadership. Right. Like there there are ways to do. I just had this conversation with one of my staff today. You don’t have to be an expert in what you’re doing to be a good leader. Period.

Emily 00:35:12  Yeah, let’s have another conversation about that, because that is actually the other piece that I was potentially going to get into was like, I feel like a jack of all trades, master of none. And so like, worry that I am not legitimate in this new role because of, like my lack of experience or whatever. But I need to hear that. I need to hear that. Like, you don’t have to be an expert at everything to do. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:35:36  I mean, we were talking about, you know, like hiring a weekend manager, and they were like, well, we’d have to train them up and it would take us years to get them to like, management level.

Katy Ripp 00:35:46  And I was like, no, they don’t need to know shit about coffee. They don’t. Yeah, they need to know how to manage people. Those two things are not exclusive. You don’t have to know how many seconds an espresso machine should run in order to make sure somebody is doing their job, period. You could be a coach, and there are lots of coaches that have the expertise in sports and have never played the sport, or have never been a professional.

Emily 00:36:15  Sometimes that like beginner’s mindset or that like coming in from a space outside of the expertise is actually incredibly beneficial. But because we can get.

Katy Ripp 00:36:24  Really stuck in the weeds of this thing that I know everything about is the problem. That’s not the problem. The problem is up here, right? Or down here or whatever, but it’s not the actual machine that’s the problem or what? Or whatever it is. We could go real far into that too.

Emily 00:36:46  Because, I mean, all right.

Katy Ripp 00:36:47  Opened up all three of my places.

Katy Ripp 00:36:49  I mean, aside from drinking it out of a box, I didn’t know shit about wine. I could tell anything about coffee. And I knew very little about ice cream, except that I like to eat it. Right. Like you just. You don’t need to know that stuff. You need to know people, relationships and your own values to be a leader and the culture.

Emily 00:37:09  You want to have, right? Like.

Katy Ripp 00:37:11  And a culture that is aligned with your values. It sounds like you know your values pretty well, but there are so many people that have never taken a values assessment. Like, yeah, yeah, I have no idea what that is. I mean, when have you ever been taught about values if you’ve not been in like a personal development self-help situation? I didn’t take a values assessment until I was 43 years old, and it was like some quiz online. You know, so, so important to know those. It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on that. But yeah.

Emily 00:37:43  I love this. It doesn’t hurt to revisit them and think about them in the context of that leadership piece.

Katy Ripp 00:37:48  And I’ll send you a PDF. I have a PDF of a values assessment like.

Emily 00:37:52  Oh, that’d be great.

Katy Ripp 00:37:53  Or something. And sometimes it’s really what, like each of my businesses, this could be done for your job to. Each of the businesses have their own set of values. So when I make decisions up against, you know, like when crossroads has to make a decision, it’s not Katy Ripp’s decision. It’s crossroads decision. And it’s in alignment with their values because their values are different than mine. And your job values are different than your personal values. Lots of overlap, right? Lots of overlap. But your relationship values are different than your professional values, and you know, that kind of thing. And when we can pull those things apart a little bit, it helps to be able to say, well, I’m making this decision from a leadership role, and these are the values of my leadership.

Emily 00:38:43  Yeah, these are the.

Katy Ripp 00:38:44  Values of my team. And this is how. And so when you make decisions it’s not so personal. Right. Like it’s not so like, oh my God Emir is a horrible person, right. Like this is a horrible decision. This makes me a bad person. None of this decisions you’re making at work make you a bad person, period. But it always is nice to like, oh, I can measure that decision. Like it’s a measuring stick, basically. Yeah. I’ll send it to you that we’re done here.

Emily 00:39:12  I’ve done it for myself. Personally, I’ve never done it from a, like thinking about those different buckets. And that is a revolutionary mindset for me because I am working in a nonprofit where there is so much overlap with, like, I care so deeply about our mission and what we do, and I believe in it so much, and that those values do overlap. But like just having that permission to like, tease those things apart. Yeah.

Emily 00:39:36  And then tease apart, like how I show up in work as a person have those values as well. I’m like really excited to do that and to think about that and what it looks like. Yeah. And again.

Katy Ripp 00:39:48  You’re going to have a ton of overlap right. Like yeah, there’s going to be a ton of overlap. But there’s probably going to be one significant difference that when you can remove yourself a little bit from that and you can make that decision separately. Yeah, it’s a game changer. It has changed everything for the businesses, for me, because crossroads is its own person. She has his her own set of values. Yeah, it’s different than mine.

Emily 00:40:14  Yeah. It’s like you said, it’s just it removes it. It’s not personal anymore. And I think that’s sort of like where all this anxiety comes from for me is like, it’s a personal, like the way that this thing falls, like, you know, whatever happens here is a reflection on me personally. And it’s not so it’s not it’s a job.

Katy Ripp 00:40:32  It’s a job. You can be really passionate about it. And I say this a lot. Ambitious women don’t have a real great line between professional and personal lives, like it’s blurred at best, if it even exists at all. And that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when we make decisions, we have to make sure that we’re removing our like poor, tender hurts from it because we also have, like, pretty tender hearts that can be trampled on. And then all of a sudden it bleeds over into all of the other shit in your life. So keeping that stuff separate, I feel like just having its like own little values assessment is a good idea, so I’ll send that to you immediately.

Emily 00:41:16  Thank you. That’s so true. I’m looking forward to it.

Katy Ripp 00:41:19  Good. Anything that I can help you with. Like, is there any way you want to leave the session? Anything you want to tell me? Any golden nuggets?

Emily 00:41:29  No. I mean, I feel like we covered a lot of them.

Emily 00:41:31  I think the values piece, the showing up and and performing, you know, authentically in my job. With those things in mind. That’s huge. And removing myself personally from it as well. I’ve gotten so many little good nuggets of wisdom from you. Reframing things that I may have heard before that are now better in terms of like, I can relate to them more because you’re also a badass, ambitious woman. So yeah. Thank you. This has been super helpful. Good.

Katy Ripp 00:42:00  What you expected or different?

Emily 00:42:03  I mean, I didn’t have tons of expectations like.

Katy Ripp 00:42:06  Yeah, but this is great.

Emily 00:42:08  No, I’m so happy. Like, I’m so glad that I took the I was feeling a little bit vulnerable being like, oh, I’m going to do a podcast and do a coaching session. And I know, I’m so glad that I did.

Katy Ripp 00:42:18  Yeah. So thank.

Emily 00:42:19  You. Yeah.

Katy Ripp 00:42:20  Well, thank you so much for being my guest here. I love talking with you. And I could do that all day long, so if you want to do it again, I would love to hear, you know, like the next week if there’s anything like that came up that you could do differently, that you did do differently.

Katy Ripp 00:42:35  Yeah.

Emily 00:42:36  For sure. I think I’m actually looking forward to going into this week kind of after reset vacation wise, coming back into the job with some new space and perspectives, because I think that’s going to be super helpful. Thank you. Good.

Katy Ripp 00:42:49  Yes of course.

Emily 00:42:50  Thank you. Katy. All right. Bye.

Katy Ripp 00:42:55  And that’s a wrap on today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed diving deep into the world of living authentically with me. Before you go, don’t forget to connect with me on Instagram. Shoot me a message at Katy Ripp. I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s episode and connect with you further. And remember, if you want more details on today’s episode, or just want to explore more about designing your life unapologetically, head on over to my website at Katy Ripp dot com. There you’ll find all the juicy details and resources you need to keep the inspiration flowing. Lastly, if you’d like to join me on the show, whether it’s to tell about your experience of designing your own life, to share your expertise, or if you’d like to participate in lifestyle coaching live on air, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Katy Ripp 00:43:36  Your story could inspire countless others on their own path to living authentically. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep living boldly designing your life. And remember #ActuallyICan.