A few years ago I was on the precipice of a major burnout. Not only was I drinking myself in to a precarious physical state, but mentally I was in trouble. I was up to my eyeballs in anxiety and the overwhelming feeling that I was doing it wrong, on every front, was eating me alive. It wasn’t until I took a good, long, hard look at my behaviors that I realized that I needed to “flip my magnet” from grinding to surrendering.

In a world that glorifies hustle culture and the grind mentality, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that success only comes to those who relentlessly push themselves to the limit. However, what if I told you that you can still achieve your goals without burning yourself out? What if there’s a way to invite more ease and flow into your life while still pursuing your dreams with passion and dedication?

The concept of “less grind, more shine” embodies this idea perfectly. It’s about finding a balance between putting in the necessary effort and allowing things to unfold naturally. It’s about recognizing that while hard work is important, so is surrendering to the universe and trusting that it has your best interests at heart.

Loosen Your Grip.

You can still want it – whatever “it” may be for you – and be willing to put in the hours and the energy to make it happen. There’s nothing wrong with having goals and aspirations, but it’s equally important to loosen your grip and allow room for magic to happen. The universe responds to openness and faith, rewarding those who trust in its infinite wisdom.

So, how do we embrace this mindset of less grind and more receiving?

Shift Perspective.

First and foremost, it requires a shift in perspective. Instead of constantly striving and pushing against resistance, try approaching your goals with a sense of ease and flow. Trust that the universe is conspiring in your favor and that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.

This doesn’t mean sitting back and waiting for success to magically appear. It means taking inspired action – following your intuition and doing what feels right in the moment, rather than forcing things to happen according to your timeline.

Let Go.

It also involves letting go of the need to control every outcome. Understand that there may be detours and setbacks along the way, but each of these is an opportunity for growth and learning. By releasing attachment to specific outcomes, you open yourself up to a world of infinite possibilities.

Practice Gratitude + Mindfulness.

Moreover, practicing gratitude and mindfulness can help cultivate a sense of abundance and receptivity. Take time each day to acknowledge the blessings in your life and to tune into the present moment. When you approach life with a grateful heart, you attract more things to be grateful for.

Ultimately, embracing the concept of less grind and more receiving is about finding harmony between action and surrender. It’s about working smart rather than just working hard, and trusting that the universe has your back every step of the way.

So, the next time you find yourself caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, take a moment to pause and remind yourself that it’s okay to ease up and let things unfold naturally. Remember that the universe responds to openness and faith, and that by loosening your grip, you invite abundance and blessings into your life.

To make it not suck.

1. Set Intentions

Start the year by setting clear and achievable intentions for yourself. This is one of the ways that’s helped me achieve some goals rather than give up at the first failure. I “intend” to drink a gallon of water every day for the month of January. Yesterday I got to 90 oz. I still feel real good about that and I’m not throwing in the towel today. It’s a hell of a lot more water than I drank last year.

Reflect on what you want to accomplish in various aspects of your life, such as health, career, relationships, and personal development and set an intention for improvement every day.

data-animation-override>
The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step
— Chinese Proverb

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Above all else: self-care. And HONEST self-care. Eating Doritos chased by a bottle of wine in a bubble bath screams self-sabotage not self-care. January is an excellent time to establish or revisit self-care routines that contribute to your physical, mental, and emotional health. This could look like regular exercise, proper sleep, healthy eating, mindfulness practices, and spending time doing activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of yourself sets a positive tone for the rest of the year.

3. Organize and Declutter

I Marie Kondoed my house in December (I wonder if she knows her name is now used as a verb?) and it feels so good to have less clutter piling up. Use the cold, dark evenings of January as an opportunity to declutter and organize your living and working spaces. A tidy environment will have a positive impact on your mental well-being and productivity. Donate or discard items you no longer need, organize your belongings by finding a place for everything, and create systems that help you maintain order throughout the year. This process can provide a fresh start and a sense of control.

4. Invest in Yourself or Your Business

Stimulate your mind by learning a new skill or joining a group of like-minded people. Whether it’s a language, a musical instrument, a form of art, or a practical skill related to your profession, acquiring new knowledge can be fulfilling and empowering. Consider enrolling in a course, attending workshops, or finding online resources to expand your skill set. Learning something new can bring a sense of accomplishment and excitement to your life.

Remember that the key is to set realistic goals and incorporate activities that bring you joy and fulfillment; why else are we here? January is a great time to establish positive habits that can set the tone for the rest of the year.

I did it. I posted the S word to my social media accounts. SOBER.

I’ll be honest, I waffled with this one for days; riddled with anxiety. I spent days from Thanksgiving morning drafting, saving, drafting, saving, drafting and saving posts until finally on Sunday I was like, “OMG Fuck This Shit. This is ridiculous. Beth Dutton your ass.” SHARE.

And so I did. I posted a before and after photo of myself and a collection of sobriety hashtags that had even me cringing a little.

My anxiety was not totally unfounded. It’s a big deal “coming out” to a world of drinkers; especially since for so long (so long) drinking has just been part of my identity. And, shall we recognize the elephant here? We do own a wine bar, which ironically was dreamed up and put in to motion during my first 90 days of sobriety a few years ago.

I waffled because I was scared. There I said it.

But in the end it was more important to me to be authentic and honest than it was to keep this clean little secret. (Ha)

Here’s a list of some of the fears I had about first, getting sober and staying that way (and by that I mean not just doing a “time-sensitive” challenge, i.e. Sober October, NO-vember, 90 days, one year, etc) and secondly, sharing it publicly:

  1. What will people think?

  2. What if I fail?

  3. What will I do?

  4. What will I drink when I’m stressed, sad, depressed, frustrated, happy, celebrating?

  5. What about the glass of champagne I won’t be able to have at my kids’ weddings?

  6. What about my friends?

  7. What about Dale (my husband)?

  8. What about my job?

  9. What will people say to my face? Behind my back?

  10. Who will be supportive?

  11. Who will I lose?

  12. Who will be weird around me?

  13. Who will want to hang out with me?

  14. Who will be my friend?

In the end it was clear that the majority of my fears were rooted in other people and ultimately, their opinion of me. And it’s just none of my business what other people think of me.

This isn’t about anyone else. It isn’t about my family or my friends or customers or acquaintances. It’s about me and my health and the way I want to live my life.

And alcohol-free it is.

I shared this publicly for a couple of reasons: I mean, let’s be honest here, I am an oversharer AND I wanted to help if someone was out there feeling alone.

‘Cause this shit can be lonely.

I so badly WANT to share all the amazing things sobriety has given me in the past 3 months however, while definitely never intended, these things can be perceived as righteous or somehow “judgey” to the drinker. So, please, keep in mind, if you’re a drinker (and by all means DRINK AWAY) I really, really, really, really don’t care about your drinking habits. I’m not counting how many you’ve had, what time you start or end, or whatever rule you’ve set for yourself.

You do you. I’ll do me.

There are some of you out there that have asked me how. And if there’s the six that reached out, I’m guessing there’s a few more out there that didn’t but still want to know.

The short answer, that no one wants to hear, I definitely did NOT for years, is that I just decided. I stopped depending on willpower, counting the days, white-knuckling it through events and embraced that my life is just “better’ without it. Everything is better…and I mean everything.

The other question I have gotten is how much I was drinking. Again, short answer was too much…for me. And also, one was just never enough. Ever. I sort of don’t see the point in just one. (Maybe I’ll get further in to detail going forward with this blog but for now I’ll leave it at that. There’s really no reason to compare.)

And I was honest when I said in my post I just couldn’t “do” my life anymore hungover with an ulcer. My life is busy and packed with goals and tasks and people that depend on me. For years I have thought there’s something bigger for me just waiting out there and the only thing holding my back was my drinking.

I’m pretty sure I’m right.

Update: On March 28th, 2024, I am currently 941 days sober including these 90 days posted in November 2021. It’s so refreshing to look back on these posts. I had 1000 day 1s before it stuck.

I’ve been trying to get the courage up to share this blog with the world again. In the meantime, I’ve been reading through some “drafts”, past articles/journal entries that were written but never published; likely out of the same fear I’m feeling today.

This one in particular resonated with me today. I’ve been thinking a lot about why “this time” feels so different…again. I’ve stopped and started so many times. And it’s clear by the title of this one that I thought “this time was different” too.

But the truth I see now is that I had always set a date, either to start or to finish, and still always had that niggling feeling I would somehow change my relationship with alcohol so that I could come back to it as a more mature, better version of myself.

The difference today is I’m able to say forever. Soon, I will put it out to the world this way (by world, I mean my tiny Facebook circle); the people closest to me know, but I just haven’t needed the accountability like I have in the past.

My whole story is coming soon but for now, if you’re reading this, I am alcohol-free as of August 30TH, 2021. I’ve drank pretty much concurrently, with the expecption of pregnancies and the bouts of sobriety you’ll read on here, since I was 13. It was fun, then it was O.K. then it was just plain destructive. I had a physical health scare, on top of the decades of mental health scares, in late August and I decided enough was enough.

I’ve never felt better. Every day literally gets better than the last one. I’m still looking for some sober friends/connections but I’m leaving that, and whole lot of other things, up to the Universe.

I think you’ll find the following interesting…I sure did.

July 16, 2020

It’s hard to describe what a third (serious) attempt at quitting drinking actually feels like.

For so long, especially when I was still drinking, failure is the only thing I could use to define that feeling:

  • Why can’t I stop when I know what it’s doing to me?

  • I swear off alcohol every morning, then look, squirrel, 3:00pm hits; how, when and where I am going to get my first and last glass of wine? (It used to be 5:00pm, but as my habit worsened, it started getting earlier in the day)

  • I’m such a loser.

  • Why can’t I “moderate” like the rest of the free world?

  • What did I say or do last night…let’s spend the next 3 hours piecing together the night, shall we?

And, unfortunately, because these feelings got to be so bad the next day, I started to alienate myself so I didn’t have to worry about my actions with/to others. It was so much easier to drink alone without the judgement, numb out completely and pour myself in to bed.

But, it was also so. fucking. exhausting.

  • I’d wake up most everyday hungover, but determined to push thrugh the day because I’m nothing if not dependable.

  • I’d muscle through the first few hours of the morning doing the things expected of me, all while a big black cloud of shame hung overhead.

  • By noon, I’d eat something horrible and then crawl in to bed for a mid-afternoon nap to sleep off the exhaustion only to wake up a couple hours later more sick and tired.

  • Alas, all of this was nothing a glass or two of wine couldn’t handle and by early evening cycle from detox to retox would begin again.

As I type and re-read this, it’s painful to know that I allowed this kind of behavior to go on for YEARS. YEEEAAAARRS.

So I made a decision.

I sang my 90 day sobriety decision from the rooftops on January 1st of 2019 documenting all 90 days in an online journal. Six months later, after falling back in to some familiar habits and not liking the result, I committed to a whole year of sobriety on my 41st birthday, made it to the week before Thanksgiving and suffered through the next 8 months until I got to my very own Independence Day.

And here I am, 13 days in to what will likely be my last attempt at ditching the wine. I have a slough of reasons why, but for today I am just going to share with a few things that I’ve been able to accomplish over the past two weeks.

While they may seem trivial these are massive improvements:

  • I’ve walked or ran every single day. This is huge. I would love to be the person that could get their ass out of bed the day after a bender and have the energy to even go for a walk…and I did when I was younger, all the time, but I just couldn’t anymore.
    Also here, on top of just merely doing it, yesterday I had been on my computer all day, my eyes were wonky and I had a little headache. There was a break in the rain and as I stood in my kitchen contemplating my next move, I found myself moving to the closet to get my running shoes, simply walked out the door and did my C25K workout. I’ll make this very simple:
    14 Days ago = Feeling Crappy at 4:30pm? = Big Glass of Wine
    Now = Feeling Crappy at 4:30pm on a rainy, drizzly day? = Go out and complete C25K workout.
    These things are so polar opposite in my life I can’t help but document it.

  • The sleep is orgasmic. I say this a lot in my 90 Day posts, but it’s so, so true. No more getting up soaked in my own sweat at 3:00am. No cotton mouth. No chasing the squirrels around in my head. Just blissful, full, orgasmic sleep.
    Yes, it’s that good.

  • The junkiest food I’ve eaten is Chipotle. Minus one bowl of ice cream. On a regular hangover-induced day, I would likely start my day with leftover pizza (because ya’ know, I just couldn’t cook anything the night before) out of the fridge, maybe some Ghetto Nachos for lunch, 4 string cheeses (I am from Wisconsin after all), copius cups of coffee, a Coke and then top it off with a bottle of wine…all before dinner.
    These days it’s avocado and tomatoes with egg for breakfast, salad for lunch, one string cheese tucked in here or there and a Hello Fresh meal for dinner. Maybe a few handfuls of Pirate’s Booty…I am human after all.

  • Cleaned out my seed starting space to make room for my yoga/meditation sanctuary. I’ve been staring at this disaster of a mess for months. Since my goal is to begin a daily yoga and meditation practice, there’s no reason I shouldn’t clean up this beautiful space. And I had the energy to actually do it…not just stare at it. A little lipstick on this baby and I’ll be golden.

This attempt sadly did not work however, with every try I learned something new. And I kept learning and trying and rinsing and repeating until it finally clicked in August 2021.



“Hello?”

“Is this Katy Ripp? Yes, hello. This is your wake up call.”

This is the call where we tell you that you cannot continue this way or you will die. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but slowly and painfully, you will die…without ever actually living.

You’ll continue down this path, which inevitably leads to no where great, slogging along until one day you can no longer walk. Then, you’ll crawl on your hands and knees the final distance to your end.

So, we’re here, as your friends, the Universe, your physical body, spirit and mind, to wake you up. We’re sorry we’ve had to do that in dramatic form but the decades of weight gain, insomnia, headaches and hangovers didn’t seem to be working.

We’re glad you picked up.”

I wrote this back on September 6th, 2021. It’s hard to go back and read it now, I was only a week in to sobriety then, but the truth often stings a little.

As I sit here on Day 56, I have so many thoughts running through my head. The most intense one at the moment is about this blog.

I want to stand in my truth. I want to be proud of where I am and where I am going and I want other people to know it. I want the accountability. I want my mess to be my message and I truly believe that the obstacle is the way and in my case the obstacle is alcohol.

Period.

I’m SURE I’ve written this before (that’s what happens with the truth, it gets repeated because it’s the only story you actually know and remember) but drinking has been my only roadblock and it’s blocked everything; my physical appearance, productivity, spirituality, health, wealth, everything. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to go in to details about all of that soon.

If you’ve followed along here at all you’ll know I took a 90 day hiatus from drinking back in 2019 but the truth is I’ve had many, many more Day 1s, 2s, 5s, 10s, even 50s since then and well before. I’ve tried a THOUSAND times to quit drinking and I just can’t unknow what I know. I’ve googled and read and researched and listened and read some more. And after years of Day 1s and self-loathing and hangovers and fights and crying, I’m just done.

And it’s going to be fucking awesome.

I want to write again. It fuels me; helps me process my thoughts. I didn’t know I loved to write, or that I was any good at it, until I started this blog in 2018. (I mean, that’s one of the coolest things about sobriety…this list is endless of the things you learn you never knew you loved) Unfortunately, when I started drinking again two things happened:

1. I felt like a failure.
2. I didn’t feel like I had anything worth writing about.

After all the reading and research and listening and googling I’ve come to realize that “failure”, and the thousand before that, is exactly how I got here: sober.

I wouldn’t be here without the decades of Day 1s…yes, decades. I have felt like shit after EVERY drinking episode (not all of them horrific) since I was in my early 20s. Every. Single. One. Not just hungover, sure, the headaches and fatigue sucked and definitely got worse as I got older, I mean the self-flagellation.

The knowing.

I knew I shouldn’t be drinking. I knew it wasn’t good for me, the people around me, my life. It just didn’t make anything better. So, it just had to go.

Ba-bye.

Someone asked me the other day, “How do you do all of this? Aren’t you scared?” with a sweeping arm motion. I’ve been asked it before but the answer that came out that particular day almost knocked me on my ass: “I just trust myself. I know that I will do whatever it takes to make it work.”

I have never even had that thought before and there I was saying it out loud.

I spent the rest of the day struck by it. I think because it’s the first time in my adult life I have trusted myself and the reason I’m starting up the engine on here again.

I had fears that I would “fail” again. I would claim sobriety only to fall off again. And then where would I be? Stuck with a blog about sobriety where I would go radio-silent (see absent blog posts from April 2019 – now).

But I trust myself.
This time it’s different.

And I don’t really care if someone doesn’t believe me.
I believe me..for the first time ever.

December 24th, 2018

“Let’s quit drinking for 90 days! Come on…it will be fun” – said no one ever.

Yet, here I am.

For as long as I can remember every New Year’s resolution I have made begins with much hope, merriment and bravado. I LOVE New Year’s Day, so much so that I usually don’t go out on New Year’s Eve because I hate feeling like shit the next day. Which, given my love of a good party, it’s beyond ironic.

Typically, by the first weekend in January, however, my efforts begin to fade. I quickly slip in to old habits, remembering in my younger years I had much more tenacity; making it to at least Valentine’s Day. But, even with all the proof of failure, I haven’t given up my love for a good New Year’s resolution. And I am a total cheerleader for those who believe, even when the world rolls their eyes.

  • You want to eat healthier? Awesome.

  • Maybe exercise more? Just do it.

  • Save some money? Sweet.

  • Perhaps pay off that debt? Yes, finally.

  • Write a book. Cool. Me too.

Big or small, I don’t care what it is, I love them all.

But, this is where I have gone wrong all these years; the above list is about making external things “better”. I realize now everything stems from self-care. (I know. It sort of makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth too) But if we don’t take care of ourselves first, nothing else will get taken care of.

It’s pretty simple. And it’s not.

Something always gets in the way of my good intentions and for me, it’s wine. She is the perfect frenemy; sitting back, arms crossed, chuckling on January 1st only to turn around to pat me on the back January 8th with a cute little “nice try.” She wiggles her way back with a “what will one little glass hurt?” clouding my judgement until I’m halfway through a box of wine, sabotaging all my efforts.

She’s the innocent invitation from a friend looking for company to commiserate over jobs, spouses, kids, money, friends, you name it.

She’s Mommy’s little helper after tough day at work or with the kids or out of shear boredom or avoidance.

She’s the spoonful of sugar that allows me to numb any feelings that I just don’t have the energy to tackle.

She’s got some good qualities too; an excuse to see said-friends, the courage to let down a guard and tell the truth, etc.

Recently though, and if I’m being honest here, for quite some time (years in fact), the cons are out-weighing the pros. For the last six months I have thought long and hard about giving up alcohol for 90 days.

This is not an impulsive I-drank-too-much-on-New Year’s Eve kind of decision. As a matter of fact, I am sitting here on Christmas Day, in my kitchen preparing this “announcement”. I need to make some pretty big life decisions soon and I need a clear head. And I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Why 90 days?

In my humble opinion, it’s a long enough commitment to make a noticeable difference and short enough to actually achieve. I know this will likely throw some people [I love] in to a tizzy, ironically, many of them having part ownership of my heart.

They’ll think they can’t invite me places because I “won’t be fun anymore”. They’ll feel bad for having a drink in front of me or any number of other things I don’t care to assume. Drinking has been part of my identity from adolescence through all of my adult life so I can understand it might be uncomfortable for them and me. And, I’m ok with that. Because, here’s the thing: I just really can’t care about outside opinions.

This has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Just me.

It’s really quite simple. I want something I’ve never had, so I have to do something I’ve never done. This is about putting MYSELF and MY goals at the top of MY list. It’s been entirely too long, if ever, that I have found myself here. I have some big dreams and I believe in my heart of hearts that if I can find a clear head for a few months, the sky is the limit.

I also don’t think I am alone in some of these goals, which is why I have also made a decision to share my experience. Truthfully, I need some accountability too and the best way to get that is to air out my dirty laundry for all to judge. Oh, and I decided to throw in no coffee and no soda just for fun.

Here’s the plan:

  • Posts. I’ll journal every day here from Day 0 to Day 90, even if only a sentence or two but let’s be real, it’s probably going to be longer than that. Prepare yourselves. The last time I took 90 days off from drinking was pre-age 14, a stint in the Middle East for seven months and two over-due pregnancies. All of those experiences offered a major excuse not to drink; the lack of choice. What I am talking about here is facing every day temptations and making the choice to say no. I’m not sure what this will be like.

  • The truth. I am going to get mighty real. I promise to respect everyone involved, but ultimately this is my story. If you choose to be a part of my life…you’re a part of my story. Good, bad, ugly. The decision has been made. There’s a difference between “I’m trying” and “I’ve decided”. I have already resigned to the fact I won’t have a beer (or 10) poolside in Florida this February and I won’t drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day.

  • There’s never a good time. From the depths of my soul, believe me when I tell you there is no good time to do this. There will always be a holiday, birthday, vacation, wedding, snow storm, beautiful spring day or a boring Tuesday night that will provide the ideal opportunity to stall this decision. I’ve only spent about 20 years finding “just the right time”.

  • Do I have a problem? The fact that I want to take something out of my life that I think is not serving a purpose in my current situation thereby actively finding a solution to it? Well then, I guess that makes it a problem. Believe me when I tell you I have researched this very question. I know there are believers in many, many schools of thought about this very issue. For now, this is the path I am taking.

If you have specific questions or would like to offer a word of encouragement, please do so below.

With all of my love, hope, happiness and joy for the new year,

Untitled design (6).png

Happy New Year!

As I have said before, January 1st is one of my favorite days of the year and this year will not disappoint.

Today I spent it cleaning up my planner; filling in the important dates I have this month, this week and tomorrow, writing down my goals and then breaking them down in to bite-sized bits, writing out my monthly budget and playing in the freshly fallen snow with the dogs, cats and kiddos (< this is very unlike me).

Let’s not get crazy though, I also laid in my bed and watched two episodes of The Crown. It’s only 6:30p and I want to go to bed already, but I promised Maddie a game of Brain Quest.

So, all in all, a pretty boring Day 1, but also a successful one. We even went to our neighborhood bar for lunch and I had a club soda even though when my husband asked for it the bartender said, ‘like just club soda in a cup?’ I can’t imagine this will be the last time I get asked this.

I got a little irritated at the end of the day while I was doing dishes and trying to keep the puppies out of the dishwasher, but probably not totally out of the ordinary.

Happy New Year all! I hope the first day to your 2019 was a good one.

I decided today that I am going to break these posts down in to categories since, otherwise, I’ll be all over the place with my thoughts. I suppose some days will have blank categories and other will be filled to the brim, but you get the idea.

Mainly, I am trying to scrub out and clean up five main buckets [buckets sound cooler than categories]:

  • Health + Fitness

  • House + Home

  • Debt + Finances

  • Parenthood + Relationships

  • Travel + Staycations

Health + Wellness

I have decided to share my weight with all of you. I know…GASP! However, I do wear it around on my bones and muscles all day every day so I am not hiding anything anyway. I promised truth, you’re gonna get the truth: 213.1 That’s what it was this morning when I woke up…and yesterday morning.

It won’t be a secret that this 90 day journey has a weight loss goal attached to it. I can do math, I know how many calories are in a glass of peanut gringilo (read: Pinot Grigio, sorry, inside joke, but funny enough for your enjoyment) and I know how many glasses of said wine I was drinking. It’s simple math. I am tracking my weight loss on a couple of apps to see which, if any, I like. I’ll post those graphics along the way and give you my full report.

I spent 30 minutes in the So Sound Lounge at Spa-Tique, enjoyed a magnificent 60 minute massage and I’ll be heading to yoga in a little bit. I’d say my body feels pretty darn good today.

House + Home

Well, my house is sort of still torn up from the holidaze and my lack of motivation to clean it up. I spent my 15 minutes this morning doing dishes, cleaning out the fridge and making the beds, but other than that, I have been working from home most of the day. It will still be there tomorrow.

Debt + Finances

I HAD to go grocery shopping this morning. On top of my husband forgetting that the kids were going back to school today, we had no cereal, milk, bread or yogurt. The horror! I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to hear anyone bitching that we didn’t have any food MORE. But, alas, this was a totally successful trip! First of all, it took me like 25 minutes because I was smart enough to make a list and meal plan before I went (I know, genius).

Almost everything on that list was on sale. I don’t know if it’s because it’s the day after the New Year and no one’s buying food because they all went on diets or what (and honestly, I don’t really care why) but seriously, I saved $34 on a $110 bill. I was pretty darn proud of myself.

Oh, and I also saved the $21.99 that I DIDN’T spend on wine. I think I’ll just take that $20 out of my wallet and put it in a safe place.

Parenthood + Relationships

This morning was harried and I wasn’t all that nice to my husband or kids. We were late due to a necessary shower because I sweat like a hog last night. We didn’t have the breakfast anyone wanted and I couldn’t find any fucking gloves for Miles. I slowed down enough to at least give everyone a kiss and hug and tell them I love them, but not my proudest morning ever.

Travel + Staycations

Besides my massage and yoga which in my book qualify as a staycation, not much here today. It did snow about 5 inches in the last few days so it looks beautiful. I went outside and watched the dogs frolic in the snow for a while. I think that counts since it’s one of my favorite things.

Update: I did get my ass to yoga today. It was blissful. I can almost guarantee that had this 90 day decision not have been made, I would have bought the wine and stayed home. I know that because I did it last week. Also, just a little thought that struck me tonight. My husband asked how Day Two went, bless his heart. I said, “Geez. I have gone two days without drinking wine or coffee before you know.” (I know, not very studly in the old appreciation department.) It brings up a good point. Today was like any ordinary day; no event or social engagement to navigate. I’m guessing the first seven days are not going to be the tough ones…stay tuned.

Health + Wellness

The day started out like all the others this week; five minutes of guided meditation with my feet up the wall (on my handsome new DIY headboard by my husband), making my bed, spending five minutes with my planner, brushing my teeth and weighing myself.

208.3

Boom. And, yes, I know it’s probably water weight, but it’s still a win. However, this is about where I self-sabotage. I would consider this worthy of a reward, like a night in with a good-intentioned friend, and I would “deserve” a glass (or 3) of wine after all the work I put in this week. Plus it’s almost the weekend!

Unfortunately, I would wake up tomorrow feeling ashamed and guilty and like a failure. And, of course it would be the weekend, so “I’ll start Monday again.” Again.

Not this time you Wine Witch. I 5-4-3-2-1’d my ass out for a walk on a beautiful Wisconsin winter day. Win.

House + Home

I was right. It’s still here…and will be tomorrow.

I spent my fifteen minutes this morning, but that was about it.

Debt + Finances

Besides the $40 I HAD to put in my gas tank because I literally had 2 miles left when I pulled in to the station, I spent no money today.

Parenthood + Relationships

We had a rough day with Miles. I am not sure if he’s still nursing the Christmas break hangover or what. He was moody, snappy and all-around crabby. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right (he is my child after all), but something felt off. I immediately went in to “I’m the worst mom” mode and thought up all the times I had not played with him over break or the extensive screen time we let him have. But, instead I decided I would take some action and we played a game of chess after dinner. He seemed to perk up then. I also made a real passive-aggressive comment to my husband about said-parenting, which now I realize I was just reflecting my feelings of my own parenting inadequacy on to him. It wasn’t fair.

Filter, Katy. Filter.

Travel + Staycations

I played with the dogs, went for a walk, made a vision board with my favorite gal pal, Maddie and got beat at chess by Miles. Pretty great day at home.

One of my best friends is a farmer’s wife.

Her farmer husband gets together with other farmer husbands to do God knows what on the first Friday of every month. We used to drink on these nights and chuckle about how adorable it is.

And, by used to, I mean last month.

Well, tonight was my own kind of first Friday. No wine with lunch or beer with my fish fry. And, guess what? I’m fine.

Health + Wellness

208.3

Yes, again. And, I’m totally cool with that. Today was much more about mind than body and way cooler than any number on a scale. Never did I think that on Day 4 I would be described as brave or an inspiration. At this point, all I’ve done is describe my lame days. But, in the midst of what I think is my biggest failure may just be my most cherished accomplishment.

Over the course of the last few years, and with more intensity in recent months, I have been in pursuit of my purpose on this earth. In just these few short days, I realize standing in my own truth may allow others to feel comfortable enough to admit a few things to themselves. Or maybe, they’ll just feel a whole lot better about their own lives ;).

Either way, it’s cool.

On a separate, more trivial note, my sister and I entered in to our next Apple Activity competition today. I have lost the last two weeks, but I am bound and determined to beat her this week. Stay tuned.

House + Home

Ha. It will still be there tomorrow. Maybe I should just ditch this category all together? I spent my fifteen minutes this morning, but that was about it.

Debt + Finances

This is sort of a bummer, or not, you choose. One of my goals after going through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University this fall, is to sell some of the crap we have littered all over our house, garage and shed to make a little moola.

Today, I did just that.

I met a nice guy who was more than thrilled to take an Ikea medicine cabinet that I have moved to and from three houses only to never use. I was more than happy to take his 50 bucks and slipped it in to my coat pocket.

Now, this next part is weird.

I took the kids to the gym to shoot some hoops and run some laps. Weird because on any other given Friday night I would have only been thinking of where my Brandy Old-Fashioned Sweet would be coming from or what wine I would drink with the dinner I was going to make. (And, let’s be real, it would have been boxed Pinot Grigio)

I digress.

I set mine and the kids’ coats, hats and mittens on the bench and played P-I-G, line tag and jogged laps. I work at this gym, so I didn’t think twice about our coats. I left them a few times to get a new basketball from the front desk, watch the kids play kickball and soccer. After an hour or so, we left.

I felt in my pocket, no 50 bucks. Shit.

My first and only thought was that it was stolen. I voiced my frustration in the car and the following conversation ensued:

  • Me: Damn it. Someone stole the 50 bucks out of my pocket.

  • Miles: How do you know it was stolen? Maybe you dropped it.

  • Me: [Fuck.] Yes, Miles, I guess you’re right I could have dropped it. (Funny how we go to the darkest places first, ain’t it? So I flipped my switch.)

  • Me: Yes, you’re right I totally could have dropped it. Or, if someone did take it, maybe they needed it more than we did. Maybe to feed their kids. I felt a whole lot better after that, although, I still wish I had my 50 bucks. I tried Mr. Ramsey.

Parenthood + Relationships

So, this is where shit got real today. If I didn’t think I had a reason to drink all day, the urge came when my 9-year-old walked in the front door after school. And, yes, this is the same child that just gave me a dose of positivity from above.

Holy hell that kid is gonna knock me off my wagon.

It’s the complaining about where we’re eating, why we’re eating, when we’re eating, why we’re getting our hair cut, why he can’t play kickball, why the basketball is flat, why our food is taking so long, why his Kiddie Cocktail (which, by the way, until very recently I thought it was Kitty Cocktail) doesn’t taste like the others he’s had.

Finally I had to pull out the “you’re-going-to-make-me-cry-with-your-attitude” card. And given a few more minutes of it, I might just have broken down right there and cried in to my fried cod. I’m just not sure it would’ve been because I was really upset or because I wanted an Old-Fashioned that bad.

Travel + Staycations

Part of my self-care goals are to check out from reality every day for at least a little bit; my own little “staycation”. Whether it be an episode of whatever I am watching on Netflix or walking with an audio book or taking a bath or going out to lunch, I have made it a priority.

Low and behold, I had time for ALL of those things today AND I busted my ass to get a laundry list of work tasks done. Yay me!


>
Epiphany: a visceral understanding of something you already know.
— Jen Sincero

I’m adding an everyday epiphany here because I feel like I am going to have at least one a day. I want to go to yoga at seven in the morning tomorrow (Saturday). On any other given Friday night, I would say this very thing, but know that I would probably feel too shitty and hungover to get up. Today, I said it and for the first time in a. very. long. time. I have no doubt I’ll get up and go. And be so thankful I did. I already am.

+ show Comments

- Hide Comments

add a comment

Reply...

starting on your own
hero's journey

mini-course enrollment

Learning how to develop your own hero's journey can be a profound experience for a high-achieving woman like yourself. It offers a unique opportunity to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth tailored to your life's narrative. By delving into the hero's journey framework, you can uncover valuable insights about your own journey—recognizing the challenges you've faced, celebrating your triumphs, and pinpointing moments of transformation. This mini-course serves as a powerful tool for taking stock of your experiences, goals, and dreams, empowering you to navigate your path with clarity and purpose. Through introspection inspired by the hero's journey, you can tap into your strengths, confront obstacles head-on, and embark on a transformative quest toward greater fulfillment and success.

i write therefore i am.

Hi, I'm Katy.
Your lifestyle designer and business mentor.

Writing is my way of unwinding and letting my thoughts roam free. Every so often, in the midst of this creative chaos, something clicks, and I'm like, "Hmm, maybe someone else will dig this too." So, I toss it out into the world, hoping it lands with someone who gets it.
I hope that's you.

Learn more

In a world that continually celebrates the achievements of women breaking through glass ceilings, climbing corporate ladders, and excelling in their chosen fields, it's easy to assume that these high-achieving women have it all together.  Read more.


The Struggle of High-Achieving Women

balancing success and everything else