Hard to believe. Although, from this point on, they’ll all be hard to believe so I’ll stop saying it.

Body + Mind

209.0

I haven’t looked back on any of my posts since Day 1. I figure at Day 91 I might go back and read all of them, but for now, I just haven’t.

A couple of things I have realized without looking back: the time has gone much faster than I thought it would and every day gets easier than the last. I thought this feat would take all the patience I could muster, but really it’s done anything but.

Even though the scale may not show it and my clothes aren’t fitting all that different (it’s really hard to notice a change when all I wear are yoga pants and hoodies 95% of the time), I can feel a change.

I can do one more vinyasa in yoga than I did yesterday, my feet don’t hurt when I get out of bed, I am not huffing and puffing at the top of a flight of stairs, and the sleep…if there’s nothing else I am gaining from this (and there’s a lot) the sleep is orgasmic. For realz.

I have read a number (like in the thousands) of articles about what happens to your body after one hour/one day/one month/one year alcohol free and one of the first things everyone mentions is the sleep.

I didn’t ever pay any attention to it thinking, “Pft. How much better could it be?” Never in any of those articles did anyone describe it as orgasmic.

I’m here to tell you it is.

House + Home

This is going to come at you from a little different angle tonight.

And let me tell you, the fact that this came out of my mouth shocked me more than it will anyone else.

I have never really been a homebody. More so in the last couple of years (for all the wrong reasons), but mostly I liked to be “out”. Out to dinner, at someone else’s [clean] house, a weekend away, etc. I just never really felt like any of my houses were homes.

I always thought it was because after my parent’s divorced I moved a lot. My parents didn’t necessarily, but I bounced back and forth a lot between them and then as I got older, I moved apartments every year my lease was up. I just got restless and thought the next place would feel “homier”.

I would fill it with endless knick knacks and paddy whacks trying to make it warmer, cozier. It never helped and I ended up with more shit. (Hence, why I am selling a bunch of junk right now.)

But tonight, while talking to one of the dearest humans in my life about moving homes, I said, out loud, “You know it’s not about the house, it’s about being comfortable in here,” motioning to my heart.

It was like someone slapped me hard on the ass with an “Atta Girl! You get it!” It was bizarre.

I finally figured out that the reason I have been restless all these years wasn’t because of the walls around me, it was the walls within me.

Ta da!

Debt + Finances

Dale and I went on a lovely date tonight. On our drive home we talked a little about making a plan, which we’ve never done, to complete some projects we’ve been talking about for a while.

Our style is to mention something one night and start (and usually finish) it the next morning, no matter the size of the project. We’ve always thought that was kind of cute. I’m not so sure any more. Now it just seems irresponsible and impulsive.

February is going to become my month for a financial plan. I didn’t really want to tackle anything else in January but I’m feeling confident I won’t need to spend as much energy just making sure I don’t stumble.

Stay tuned.

Parenthood + Relationships

I have a best friend that I’ve had since kindergarten. That’s a long fuckin’ time.

We have the kind of friendship that can go months, even a year, without the attention it deserves but is no worse for wear. A conversation about the surface of our lives in two hours is more than sufficient to keep it intact.

We have missed milestones in each others’ lives and neither of us flip out. We share many mutual friends that one or the other has spent solo time with and the other wasn’t invited (not necessarily on purpose) and we keep our shit together. Neither of us cry or whine when a social media post isn’t commented on by the other.

Deep in our hearts, we know the other would walk through fire for us. Well, maybe not fire, but they’d at least hold our hair back while we puke. There’s very little judgement, mostly just empathy for the lives we have watched unfold over the past 35 years.

I got to spend a couple hours with her today. We picked up right where we left off months ago. I get her. She gets me. And I hope everyone on the whole planet has one like her.

Travel + Staycations

I really thought this category deserved it’s own space, but I realize it’s just going to end up making me feel bad about being in Wisconsin in January when it’s -13 degrees.

I may ditch this one and bring it back for guest appearances.

My dad turns 69 today. He’s half the reason I’m alive. (I’ll honor my mom in August since we definitely couldn’t have done it without her.)

It’s so hard to swallow some of these numbers, although probably not as hard as it was to swallow that his middle child turned 40 last year.

Since I am about the age he was when my parents divorced, I can see how hard things can be; kids, marriages, careers and all the baggage in our heads we carry around for decades.

This adulting thing is not for the faint of heart. My intention is to offer some grace to my elders, especially my parents, and to myself.

He’s got some great sayings, some that my siblings and I still laugh and roll our eyes at, but most I find myself saying on the daily. “Shake it off” One of his favorites when we played sports.

Thanks Dad. I needed that one today. Happy Birthday you Old Pucker!

Body + Mind

208.1

My day started out amazing; I worked early where I got a ton of shit done, practiced yoga in a warm, cozy studio, came back home to an immaculate house thanks to my cleaning ladies, and was able to land an appointment with my mentor/acupuncturist.

I’ve been seeing her for many years and today it was like the culmination of all her help over time slapped me right upside the head. I left there feeling high and energized.

However, for reasons that escape me, I ended up raiding the fridge, made myself ghetto nachos, prepared and devoured a half a bowl of Puppy Chow and then felt awful afterwards.

And, to top it off, I also wanted to pour a glass (read: box) of wine for the first time in 21 days. Even though I didn’t, it was deflating.

I’m not so naive to think that I was never going to have one of these days, but it sort of came out of nowhere and I wasn’t really prepared. And, there was really no reason to feel blah.

The difference today is that I recognize it, can deal with it and let it go, starting over easily tomorrow, or, better yet, right now.

Historically, I would have twisted that spigot on the box promising myself I wouldn’t feel bad about it tomorrow, which of course would have been a bold-faced lie.

I’m thankful that didn’t happen. I’ll be even more thankful tomorrow.

House + Home

The cleaning fairies were here today so of course my house smells, looks and feels amazing. I’ve been using my free time at night to clean out closets and all the nooks and crannies filled with crap we don’t use.

I’m taking some time to write down exactly what projects we want to tackle in the next three years. Of course, it’s a ton, but my head feels clear enough to make a plan.

Also, new.

Debt + Finances

I’ve been saving money to put towards our debt all month.

Today I was pay down $1,000. Goal from January 1st achieved, one week ahead of schedule. Of course, I want to pay it ALL off this month with little to no effort, but if I’ve learned anything so far, that’s just not possible.

It’s amazing how easily I can find $1K when I pay attention. Who knew?

Parenthood + Relationships

My 9 year old son just announced that he doesn’t know if he wants to go to college or not:

M: Mom, I’m not sure I want to go to college
me: Why do you NOT want to go?
M: Well, because it’s four more years of school and it costs $100,000.
me: (touche) Why do you think you DO want to go?
M: Because I want to play NFL football and I can’t do that unless I play in college.
me: (as not to crush his dream) Well, you better get practicing and saving your money.
M: Mom (with an eye roll), I PLAY flag football.

Got it.

This parenting thing is a fine line between reality and shooting for the stars. There’s no doubt if he wants to and takes decisive action, he can play in the NFL.

It’s the action part I’m not sure about. The jury is still out.

I have a long blog post written about the menstrual cycle but it’s not quite done yet so you’ll have to wait a little longer. Try to contain yourselves.

Body + Mind

208.1

A couple of things worth noting today.

I had a amazing slash creepy experience during my meditation this morning. Like an out of body experience I imagine the yogis and monks talk about. I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain it in writing without someone feeling like I need to be committed but I’m going to do it anyway.

Snow day today so the kids didn’t have to get up early. Since my husband went out to plow the driveway around 5:00 am I thought I’d do a little meditation early. I found a sweet free app, Omvana, that I have been using for about a month. Try it, although, maybe after you read this, you might not want to.

So, I’m listening to a guided meditation while laying in my warm, cozy flannel sheets. I probably get about 2/3 of the way through when I slip in to a deep, deep state of mind. Next to me I feel the bed jiggle a little and hear what I think is Miles crawling in to bed next to me. Typical for a snow day.

I try to turn my head to look and my eyes won’t open. My body will NOT move. I was totally conscience but I couldn’t get my physical body to pay attention my mind. It was the strangest feeling ever.

When I finally willed myself to open my eyes, no one is in bed next to me. Woo woo, woo woo. So easily, I slip back in to this altered state and what seems like a minute later, which might have been 20 for all I know, I swear I hear Maddie kneeling on the floor right next to my bed. Again, I struggle to look over at the other side of the bed and what I think is her is just the blanket bunched up to look like a little head.

I turned off my phone and got my ass out of bed. It was crazy with a capital What the Fuck?

But, I kinda liked it. I hope I get back there tomorrow.

House + Home

With a snow day comes a full day of keeping my children, but more importantly myself, busy. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop after all.

So, I did something I have been meaning to do for more than a year. I pulled every single piece of clothing I own out of the closets and drawers. Everything that didn’t fit me I bagged up for donation, took pictures to sell or trashed them.

Nothing makes me feel like shit more than looking in to a closet full of clothes that don’t fit. And the reason I have kept them all these years (yes, years)? Today I realized I have no idea.

Of course I’ve been telling myself I’ll wear them when I lose weight, but really, what are the chances of that? By then I feel like I’m going to hate them. And those pieces are just going to remind me of how much I loathed them when I couldn’t fit in to them.

And, let’s be honest, mama’s gonna’ want some new duds.

So, out they went. Everything in my closet and drawers fit me. Like, fit me well. I could close my eyes, pick something and feel good in it.

And, if I ever get in an accident and someone has to bring clothes to the hospital, I won’t have to worry about it being my “Size 8 Life” clothing.

Debt + Finances

Cleaning out closets and under beds offers an opportunity to a make a little dough. However, I found myself hesitating to put it all on Facebook. I was just waiting for someone to text me like, “Looks like someone is Marie Kondo’ing it? LOL,” which would have annoyed me to no end.

But, then I thought, do I really care what someone thinks about me cleaning out my closet and under my bed? Would I really rather give up $100 toward a trip to Hawaii because someone is going to poke fun at my out-of-the-ordinary behavior?

Hell to the no I’m not.

Parenthood + Relationships

Man I didn’t want to go to yoga tonight but ironically, my kids helped me get out the door. We had a long day together, not a bad one, just a long one. I’m not used to having both of them home for five days in a row…sober.

Thank God my job/gym has a bitchin’ day care Maddie loves going to and a Dodgeball cherry on top for Miles. They ran off some energy, I sweat out my crabbiness and all is right in the world again.

I should have been saying this all along, but if you ever have comments or questions or something you think I should try please don’t hesitate to share it below in the comments!

I have received some really thoughtful, sweet feedback and amazing advice from you guys. It might help others reading too, so please don’t be shy.

The further away I get from January 1st the more I realize the things I were so fearful of were just not real or if they have come to fruition, they weren’t that scary.

Body + Mind

206.9

One of the motivations to journal this experience was to be as open and honest about the squirrels running around in my head and all the weird things that I was sure was going to happen to my body.

Over the years I have googled every possible solution to “how to lose weight.” There are millions of websites devoted to answering just that question. And, let’s say you find something that perks your interest, there are millions of sites about that.

It’s exhausting.

However, in all my exploration I didn’t want to believe that the only true answer was a balanced diet of healthy food and drink with a side of exercise.

I wanted it to be easy and fast. I wished for the secret that would just take all the self-loathing away.

I passed over every site that even mentioned working from the inside out; meditation, yoga, homeopathic remedies and positive affirmations. I thought it was a bunch of bull shit and while it might have just worked, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Well, it turned out I had 20 years to spend. And spend I did.

I also wanted to find a success story; one that was real but also proved to work. While my search was probably not exhaustive, I decided I was going to write my own.

House + Home

We got back on a little schedule today since the kids FINALLY had school. I spent my 15 minutes this morning doing a little dishes, a little laundry and making beds.

While getting ready to go to work I decided I was going to put everything I actually use in to one basket this week. Whatever is left over in the other basket is getting tossed.

Debt + Finances

The only thing I am saying about this today is that I looked at our accounts today and the ONLY thing I have spent money on this month, besides our regular bills is groceries and a couple of nights out to dinner, which by the way, were about half of what they usually are because we didn’t have a bar bill.

Parenthood + Relationships

Since last summer, my husband and I have gotten in to a pleasant habit of pillow talk early in the mornings. I meant to text him to tell him how much I appreciate that time since we are like ships passing in the night sometimes.

I heard that a dear friend of a friend suffered from a brain aneurysm last weekend. He is alive but it looks like he’s got a long road ahead of him. He’s married with two little kids and just a little younger than me.

I know it sometimes goes without saying, but just for today, put your anger, resentment and petty grievances aside and hug your spouse and kiddos just a little longer and a little tighter tonight.

No one is going to be let off the hook for anything by you being nice and you can continue being mad tomorrow.

I should have been saying this all along, but if you ever have comments or questions or something you think I should try please don’t hesitate to share it below in the comments!

I have received some really thoughtful, sweet feedback and amazing advice from you guys. It might help others reading too, so please don’t be shy.

So this journaling thing is new to me and it’s becoming increasingly hard to come up with new, interesting content about my daily life.

Mainly because there’s really nothing interesting about my life. Which I think is just fine.

Also, it probably goes without saying but I write these usually right before I go to bed. And because I am writing from my heart (and my head) sometimes it comes out all wonky.

When I get back to writing normal articles, I promise it will be more organized.

Body + Mind

205.2

Everyone in Wisconsin is currently walking around like Frankenstein meets the Abominable Snowman; tightly wrapped in furry hoods with their shoulders shrugged up by their ears, scarves up to their frozen eyelashes and wearing big Sorel boots.

Which, by the way, Sorel boots were NOT cool when I was a kid. They had one style; brown rubber bottoms, brown leather sides, wool inserts, tied up with the ugliest (now trendy) yellow laces. It brings back fond memories of my childhood. Now I’d have to sell one of my children to afford a pair.

I did take a minute this morning and drive to one of my favorite spots, stepped out of the car to admire the view, took a big, cleansing deep breath, snapped the dreaded selfie and quickly got back in my car.

Normally I would have driven through the Starbucks drive thru, waiting longer than the whole process above took, for a Grande Whole Milk Latte spending 300 calories and dropping $5. I got a much bigger rush from that deep breath and I didn’t crash 3 hours later.

I really hate selfies, especially because someone named them selfies.
Maybe they’ll grow on me.

On a totally separate, and probably TMI note, my digestive system is not all that happy with me and I’m still trying to figure out why. I have never had a problem in that department so this is new and super annoying. I am only drinking water, club soda or herbal tea so I’m pretty sure I am well hydrated, I’ve been eating lots of veggies and very little sugar (a welcome by-product of sobriety I guess) and have attended yoga every single day this week so my organs are nice and massaged too. I sincerely hope this is just temporary. It consumes my life when I can’t take a good poop.

Who’s with me?

House + Home

As I type this my husband is putting plastic over our old farmhouse windows.

We have had to do this in every house we own and it bugs me to no end. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do love using the blow dryer to make the plastic shrink so it’s super tight; there’s something mesmerizing about it. But, one day very soon I am going to live a life where I don’t have to do this or be frightened that my house will freeze from the inside out during -65 degree wind chills that are predicted for next week.

Mark my words.

Debt + Finances

Tomorrow is the big day. I am going to tackle our accounts by combining a few, open the kids’ savings accounts and close all but one major credit card.

I feel the need to declutter everywhere.

Parenthood + Relationships

We all had a lovely dinner tonight at one of our favorite restaurants and ran in to friends we haven’t seen for a while. It was so nice to catch up with them and hear about new jobs, kids, etc.

It’s exciting to see people come in to their own after years of working hard. I don’t know why I have never thought about it before but listening to someone get excited about a new adventure is contagious.

I’m dreaming big dreams and I am genuinely excited for the ones that are dreaming big too.

Body + Mind

205.2

Today was the first day in eight days I didn’t practice yoga.

A few short months ago I wasn’t practicing, although it was always on my mind. Ya’ know…I should be doing this or I shouldn’t be doing that. I wanted to be able to say, “Hey hon, I’m going to yoga. You got the kids, right?” Instead I would either call up a friend to hang and drink wine or I’d find something unproductive to do … like drink wine.

I was thinking about it the other night as I was driving to a 6:45pm Hot Yin Yoga class (after I said, “Hey hon, I’m going to yoga. You got the kids?”); things have certainly changed. And, if anything, they’ve gotten easier, not harder like I thought they would. I don’t give another thought to going to yoga or for a walk or ordering a club soda or sleeping through the night.

It’s just easy.

Today, the hardest thing I faced physically was carrying 500 Costco groceries indoors. Mentally, it was that it felt too cold to go for a walk outside and there were no yoga classes at a convenient time (and that I am slipping far behind my sister in our Apple competition). Yes, those sound like excuses (because they are) but I’m not a masochist; it was -25 degrees when I woke up this morning…a new record for Madison, Wisconsin.

No thanks.

I’m down for an unplanned rest day.

House + Home

As we were loading the dishwasher tonight Dale and I vowed that we were going to live in a house someday (soon) that you don’t have to step over the dishwasher door because it hits the island.

I love my house with all it’s little idiosyncrasies, however today we found that mice had eaten a good portion of my seeds for our cut flower farm production.

Coupled with the dishwasher and the shitty windows, I’ll be manifesting some improvement money very soon.

And the cats and I are going to have a little comin’ to Jesus soon.

Debt + Finances

I didn’t get to my big financial declutter like I planned. If I can keep my eyes open after this I will, otherwise it looks like it will be at the top of my priority list tomorrow.

As mentioned above, I did a Costco run between basketball games. Maddie came with me which always costs me some toy or book or shirt plus a slice of cheese pizza. Today it was cute water bottles [I have a problem].

And while I bought enough food for the arctic blast to last through May, I did not buy the following:

• Caribou Coffee K-Cups | Savings: $37.99

• Horizon Half & Half | Savings: $4.19 (btw, this is the best 1/2 + 1/2 on earth)

• Butter Chardonnay | $9.99

• Mezzacorona Pinot Grigio | $12.99

A savings of $65.16+tax.

Instead I got myself some new underwear and bralets, because let’t be honest, who can handle the underwire anymore? Costco underwear and bralets, but new ones just the same.

Parenthood + Relationships

Everything started out just great today. We woke up early, snuck in a quick episode of The Office, and went to basketball where I got to chat with a true red-headed favorite and watched my other curly haired fave coach my kid.

I came from a hockey family so basketball was NEVER even an option, either to play or watch. Imagine my surprise when I was in technical college working for the athletic department where I got hired as the statistician for the men’s basketball team. That’s a whole ‘nother story.

Basketball has quickly become one of our favorite sports to watch our son play. Since Dale and I have zero skills, it’s been up to his peers and coaches to help him improve. And improve he has.

I have totally turned in to that mom that loves to watch their kids play sports. And I fully admit turning my nose up at those who said that exact thing when my kids were still in diapers. As a matter of fact, I was tooting the same horn during baseball season six months ago. I even posted the following on Facebook:

“I never thought I’d be a mom. Until I met Dale, it was never a goal of mine, but things change. Today was our inaugural baseball tournament for our eldest, Miles. I have pitied all the parents before me that are slave to sports; soccer, gymnastics, la crosse, baseball, basketball, football, dance….you name it. And, I openly admit to rolling my eyes and (dare I say) judging those that give up free time to cart kids miles across the state, and sometimes country, just to see the smile I saw on my kid’s face today. I get it now…and I apologize for my ignorance. To all the parents that are running crazy with sports this summer, kudos to you. For those of you that have decided to take a chill pill from activities, I see you, and appreciate you. Let’s just all root for each other.”

I still believe everything about the above statement. There is a place for everyone and rest days, or months, are absolutely required and permitted.

And, if you think or say you’re a bad mom for running like crazy or taking a break, we can’t be friends.

I spent some of my precious, quiet morning time writing part of an article about how the first 30 days of this process has been so easy.

And then spent the remainder of the day thinking about how it’s not.

Body + Mind

205.2

According to my count, which I only just started counting, I should be getting a visit from Aunt Flo here any day. Sorry, I’m not sorry about mentioning of my period. Without this marvel of a bodily function no one would be alive to even read it. Think about that one for hot minute.

I am guessing the ups and downs this month are no different than any other of the 240+ months, I was just paying attention this time. And it sure explains a lot.

Like this afternoon for instance. I didn’t want to go to yoga, which is really the first time all month I even questioned it. I just didn’t feel like it. But, I went because we are going to get slammed with some nasty weather this week and I knew on Tuesday I’d be pissed that I didn’t go on Sunday.

I went in early to lay on my mat in the 95 degree room and have a little warm, quiet time but also wanting to meditate on why I was not feeling very motivated. I ended up peacefully falling asleep until I jerked awake right before we started class. Had I been next to me I would have laughed out loud. It was pretty obnoxious.

Of course, I felt 100x better after class. After some hot soup, a long shower and taking the rest of it out on my keyboard, I’m sure I’ll sleep like a baby.

House + Home

All four of us feel asleep in our bed watching Kung Fu Panda 2 last night. At about 4 this morning, with a lanky arm draped across my chest and another little foot shoved in to my ribs, I decided to move in to Miles’ room for the remainder of the morning.

The morning started out like the last four Sundays; making breakfast (Eggs Benedict), prepping dinner (Slow Cooker Potato Soup) and cleaning up the kitchen and laundry room.

I then spent the better part of two hours rocking away in front of the wood burner in the shed with the dogs, watching Dale work (you can check out my personal IG for the full effect). I drank tea and pinned to my Dream Life board the whole time. It was magical.

Debt + Finances

I was totally one of those people rolling my eyes at Facebook Marketplace but a girl can change her mind right? I need to remind myself; don’t knock it til you try it. (I’m full of corny quotes today)

Sold today:

• Family saying canvas | Collected: $20

• Tree tubes | Collected: $40 (Perk of being down in the shed while pack-rat hubs was cleaning)

• Duvet Cover | $36

Not bad for rocking away on my chair doing business.

Parenthood + Relationships

Everyone is showered and clean. I consider this a huge win. Now, if I can only get them to sleep in their own beds tonight. Normally this would be no question, but they found out already they have no school tomorrow. Ugh.

I ran in to another mom I hadn’t seen in a while and we were talking about the weather (of course) and I mentioned I didn’t know if I could survive another few days this week home with my kids. Luckily she said she felt the same way. Phew. That comment could be judged heavily.

But, I’m not really built to entertain anyone for extended periods of time, least of all a 6 and 9 year old, even though they’re mine. I already told them we are doing chores for four hours straight tomorrow. They were less than thrilled.

Fortunately for them I’m just blowing smoke up their asses.

Do you have a go-to movie you watch if you just need background noise?

Well, mine happens to be Miracle; the movie about the 1980 Winter Olympics where the USA Men’s Hockey team beat Russia. Watch it if you haven’t seen it. Great kids movie too.

It’s a Disney movie so, of course, it’s a tear jerker. However, today I just bawled like a baby. I don’t usually (I know what’s coming) cry at this particular movie, other movies yes, because I have seen it so much, but I just couldn’t keep it in today.

It’s a movie about heart and work and perseverance. About a team of unlikely people coming together for one goal. I needed exactly that today.

USA. USA. USA.

Body + Mind

205.2

Poop.

There. I said it.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about it because I have a funny story. Well, I have more than one funny story about poop, but I’ll stick to the one that’s relevant.

I received the sweetest message from a reader this morning offering up her solution to my stubborn digestive system. I was so appreciative because a. it means someone is reading this and b. it was sound advice: prunes.

Many moons ago, I was working in an office with just two other women. Our office was conveniently, and dangerously, located between The Candy Shoppe (if you ever get to Bayfield, WI it’s a must visit) and a grocery store.

One day, on yet another crusade to get healthy, I found some dried fruit and nuts to go along with my salad for lunch. We had a back office that we ate lunch in where I left most of my lunch out when I went back to my desk.

A couple hours later cohort goes to get some water and say, “Who’s eating prunes?” Since there were only three of us in the office and one was out on an appointment, I guess she was referring to me.

“Do you mean the dried plums?”

“Yah. Prunes.”

“Wait, what?!” Immediately I feel my stomach rumble. “I didn’t know dried plums were prunes!”

“How many did you eat?”

“All of them.”

Let’s just say I went home early that afternoon and was a few pounds lighter the next day.

House + Home

A forced day indoors allows one to purge. Again.

I’m really starting to get the hang of this decluttering thing. I have spent a good chunk of my adult life collecting needless shit from Michael’s, Home Goods and Menards. And, super shotty, low-quality clothing from Old Navy. Apparently I have been in the quantity, not quality stage of adulthood for quite some time.

It’s quite enlightening. I’m purposely choosing that word because I could feel real bad about this real quick. I’m not quite going as far as touching and licking everything a farewell, but if I don’t like it, it’s out.

I have also found some good homes for some of our crap which makes me feel better than just donating to strangers or chucking it all together. Don’t worry, there’s plenty going to strangers.

My three year running to-do list is slowly, but surely, seeing some progress.

I mean, who needs 62 picture frames and 7 unused curtain rods? For realz.

Debt + Finances

I did it. I took the time, sat down with my bills, combined accounts and made a legit plan (little bits at a time, like this) to pay off the debt that has been looming over our heads for years.

I can’t say enough great things about Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. I personally had to take the bible thumping with a grain of salt, but if financial freedom is a goal of yours, check it out. Had I not attended I would have never had the courage to face all the things I have ignored for so long.

This is part of my entire plan here and I need to declutter this space of old shit too. Wish I could sell it on FB.

Parenthood + Relationships

We survived the snow.

Everyone is still alive and well. Maddie sat in the bathtub and played for about an hour, Miles got the mail, I got a ton of shit done; work, laundry, more decluttering, meal planning and prep for the week. I’d say it was a productive day.

Looks like we might be back here again on Wednesday. Wind chills predicted in the -50s. Brrr.

Do you remember the Beastie Boys song, Sabotage? Well I do. And sometimes I think it might be my life theme song.

I just looked up the lyrics to see if I could relate to any of them…ah, no. When they’re typed out all organized they make no sense at all. I prefer the screaming in to the mic version.

I’ll explain why below.

Body + Mind

203.9

That’s some major progress right there. If we take those pesky decimals out, I am down 10 lbs in 29 days.

It was cause for celebration at 4:15 this morning (Tuesdays are my early days). I made myself a fried egg over greens and packed a healthy snack of snap peas, carrots and hummus. I felt like I floated through the rest of my morning; I was totally in a zone at yoga, doing all of the vinyasas (flows) when just two days ago I didn’t think I would ever get to my up dog, came home to eat a super healthy, prepared lunch of more greens with sausage, showered and went to a meeting. All was right in the world.

Until it wasn’t.

It’s supposed to be freezing here…not like the kids can play outside for a few minutes to get out of my hair cold, like all of Wisconsin is shutting down. Some bars are even closing. In all my 40 years in Wisconsin, no bars have ever closed for weather. If anything there’s an uptick in business.

So, of course, along with everyone and their brother, I went to the grocery store. I called Dale on my way there and told him even though we had a ton of shit from Costco, I felt like I needed to pick up a few snacks. He thought the kids had plenty…I said I was more concerned about me.

Well, here’s where shit gets real. I bought a bunch of crap I would NEVER normally buy; waffle cones, ice cream, white cheddar popcorn and, wait for it…two Toblerone chocolate bars.

I usually stick pretty close to the perimeter of the grocery store but today I found myself right down the gullet. I sort of chalked it up to PMS but after I pounded the first chocolate bar in my car on the way home I knew it had to be something different.

I played games with myself the whole way. I put on my mittens thinking that if I had to take them off I’d think twice. I put the half-eaten bar in the bag of Lush bath bombs a dear friend gave me as an ‘Atta Girl gift (Thanks Barb!) thinking that I would finish the other half when I was soaking in the tub later and if they were in the bag I’d think twice. I lost this game.

The only thing I thunk twice about was eating that fucking bar. All of it. And I totally did.

Do I feel bad about this? Not really. I’m actually quite thankful. Months ago when this exact thing happened (more than many times) I would never think of it as self-sabotage. The box of wine I would have most DEFINITELY bought myself just would have been the sabotage vehicle of choice instead.

Consumed by the guilt and shame of “failing” I wouldn’t have seen this for what it really is: a pattern of success followed by sub-conscience actions to undo it. I have never been great at getting back on that horse. It feels different this time ’round.

I recognized it, made myself accountable for it, and have forgiven myself. And, now that I know better, I can do better.

And, let’s not get crazy here, I know it’s just a friggin’ candy bar, but in my case, it could have been so much more if I wasn’t careful.

I’m not even thinking about that other bar in the fridge.

Well, now I am.

House + Home

I have a sink full of dirty dishes right now as I sit on my bed surrounded by four dogs. School has been called off again for tomorrow so I’ll have plenty of time to finish those up.

Let’s see what we can unclutter and sell tomorrow.

Mwah, ha, ha, ha.

Debt + Finances

Part II of financial declutter scheduled for tomorrow.

Parenthood + Relationships

I think I’ll spend most of my night researching, “How not to kill your kids on a snow day.”