I honestly didn’t know that I would get here.

I have now been through two full sober weekends with another one looming. I had this creepy feeling this whole week that whatever I did that was positive would be sabotaged by the weekend.

As I have mentioned before, many times, I have quit by now. And, most recently, I wouldn’t have made it to the first thirty Thursday. I am in unchartered territory so I have to find a new course. It’s scary. Which made me super irritable tonight. I’m super nervous I am going to have a momentary lapse of concentration and everything will go to hell in a hand basket in a matter of seconds. It’s a regular old three ring circus up in this head of mine.

Fun times.

Body + Mind

205.7

I was explaining to a co-worker today how bizarre I feel at this point.

Everything I say I am going to do, I just do…without much thought, which is probably why I’m so nervous. I signed up for today’s noon yoga class last Wednesday night. I woke up this morning, put on my yoga clothes under my work clothes (read: yoga pants + tank top + hoodie = work clothes) and made sure I had a water bottle. I didn’t even think twice about not going even though I left work to run an errand and then came back.

A month ago I would have definitely put my yoga pants on but not with the intention to use them for yoga and I definitely would have texted my Friday lunch buddy to meet me somewhere that serves wine without judgement. In which case, I would have not gone to yoga nor taken a walk with the dog this afternoon.

It would have turned in to an all afternoon affair ending at the fish fry with beer and overeating. How do I know for sure? I have 20 years of proof.

I have had ample opportunity to ditch walks and classes this week; it’s been cold, freezing rainy, snowy and brown and I had to juggle my family schedule more than once to attend yoga classes.

It’s so out of the ordinary for me I just can’t get a handle on it. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The day where I shrug my shoulders, open the spigot and check out with a box of wine.

I think this is where people say the rubber meets the road.

House + Home

I’m really getting in to this decluttering thing. Yesterday I was walking by a piece of decor I have hanging on the wall that has never been used. I took it off the wall, matched it will a couple of other galvanized items in the cabinet, threw it up on FB and sold them in a few minutes.

$25. Boom. Continued…

Debt + Finances

…continued. So I meet this girl in the parking lot to bring her the metal shit. She’s sweet as pie, throws me $40 and says she doesn’t have anything smaller. At first I was like, “Omg, no way, that’s too much.” And, then, just for a split second I think, dammit, she did this on purpose so she’d only have to pay $20. (My cynical side doesn’t come out very often, but sometimes in fleeting moments.)

So, I throw the $20 bill in her trunk and say $20 is totally fine (and I meant it.) She picks it up, hands it back to me and says, “no, you drove all the way from Cross Plains, please keep it.”

I finally agreed telling her I’d pay it forward, which I will. She said she liked to hear that and we parted both a little lighter I think.

The Universe just keeps throwing these crazy, positive things in my face.

And I got to write down another $40 in my “money coming in” journal.

Parenthood + Relationships

How many of you love your hair stylist? I do too.

Our story goes back to my days as a hair whore where I just bounced around from stylist to stylist. My mom was a hairdresser for years so I took full advantage of the free bleach jobs, trims and hair product from the beauty supply house that my siblings and I conveniently never paid her for.

My hair cutter lady (ha) is a new mom navigating all the ups, downs and all arounds that go with having a career, shuffling babies, diaper bags and breast pumps and all-in-all keeping everyone alive and their shit together. And, of course doing it with style and killer hair.

And while I admire and love her for the above qualities, what I love most about her is the level of comfort I feel when I am in her chair. We have shared some pretty heavy shit with each other over the years and I genuinely look forward to chatting with her and spilling all my beans and also hearing about where her beans are at.

We can fill a couple hours catching up on the three previous months, plus all the deep gunk from our younger years. It might be an expensive hair cut and color, but it’s super cheap therapy. She’s my cheerleader, confidant and gives a bomb head massage.

It’s probably why I make her chop off all my hair just to grow it back out again so I have an excuse to see her. Love you M.

Travel + Staycations

It’s snowing here tonight. We had plans with friends but we all decided to hunker down rather than take a chance on the roads. It should be beautiful tomorrow morning.

OMG!!! I almost forgot! I beat my sister in our Apple Activity challenge this week! Finally! I was 0-3. Our wager was the first person to win four in a row receives a gift certificate for an hour long massage from the loser. Phew.

1-3. I need to win the next three in a row. Mama needs a free massage.