I did it. I posted the S word on social media.
Sober.
I’ll be honest. I waffled on that post for days, completely riddled with anxiety. From Thanksgiving morning on I kept drafting, saving, drafting, saving, drafting and saving versions of what I wanted to say.
Finally on Sunday I thought, “Oh my God. Enough. This is ridiculous. Beth Dutton your ass.”
Share.
I posted a before and after photo and a string of sobriety hashtags that even made me cringe.
Even writing this made me cringe a little.
My anxiety about sharing it publicly was not totally unfounded.
Deciding to Quit Drinking Is Scary
It’s a big deal “coming out” to a world of drinkers; especially since for so long (so long) drinking has just been part of my identity. Ironically, the idea for our wine bar was dreamed up during my first ninety days of sobriety a few years earlier.
I waffled because I was scared.
But in the end it was more important to me to be authentic and honest than it was to keep this clean little secret. (Ha)
Here’s a list of some of the fears I had about first, getting sober and staying that way (and by that I mean not just doing a “time-sensitive” challenge, i.e. Sober October, NO-vember, 90 days, one year, etc) and secondly, sharing it publicly:
- What will people think?
- What if I fail?
- What will I do?
- What will I drink when I’m stressed, sad, depressed, frustrated, happy, celebrating?
- What about the glass of champagne I won’t be able to have at my kids’ weddings?
- What about my friends?
- What about Dale (my husband)?
- What about my job?
- What will people say to my face? Behind my back?
- Who will be supportive?
- Who will I lose?
- Who will be weird around me?
- Who will want to hang out with me?
- Who will be my friend?
In the end it was clear that the majority of my fears were rooted in other people and ultimately, their opinion of me. And it’s just none of my business what other people think of me.
This isn’t about anyone else. It isn’t about my family or my friends or customers or acquaintances. It’s about me and my health and the way I want to live my life.
Why I Finally Decided to Stop Drinking
I shared this publicly for a couple of reasons: I mean, let’s be honest here, I am an oversharer AND I wanted to help if someone was out there feeling alone.
‘Cause this shit can be lonely.
I so badly WANT to share all the amazing things sobriety has given me in the past 3 months however, while definitely never intended, these things can be perceived as righteous or somehow “judgey” to the drinker. So, please, keep in mind, if you’re a drinker (and by all means DRINK AWAY) I really, really, really, really don’t care about your drinking habits. I’m not counting how many you’ve had, what time you start or end, or whatever rule you’ve set for yourself.
There are some of you out there that have asked me how. And if there’s six that reached out, I’m guessing there’s a few more out there that didn’t but still want to know. If you’re just starting to question your own relationship with alcohol, you may want to read how my sobriety journey began with my first 90 days alcohol-free.
The short answer, that no one wants to hear, I definitely did NOT for years, is that I just decided. I stopped depending on willpower, counting the days, white-knuckling it through events and embraced that my life is just “better’ without it. Eventually I realized quitting drinking was the right decision, which I wrote about in Why I Quit Drinking Instead of Staying Miserable.
“How much were you drinking?”
The other question I have gotten is how much I was drinking. Again, short answer was too much…for me. And also, one was just never enough. Ever. I sort of don’t see the point in just one. (Maybe I’ll get further in to detail going forward with this blog but for now I’ll leave it at that. )There’s really no reason to compare.
And I was honest when I said in my post I just couldn’t “do” my life anymore hungover with an ulcer. My life is busy and packed with goals and tasks and people that depend on me. For years I have thought there’s something bigger for me just waiting out there and the only thing holding my back was my drinking.
I’m pretty sure I’m right.
Update: On March 28th, 2024, I am currently 941 days sober including these 90 days posted in November 2021. It’s so refreshing to look back on these posts. I had 1000 day 1s before it stuck.
Update: On September 28th, 2024 I am 3+ years sober and loving every single day.
Update: September 23, 2025; 4+ years sober and never better.
Update: March 4th, 2026; still sober and loving life to the nth degree.
