Body + Soul

 202.2

I forced myself to rest today.

I am notorious for going balls to the wall and then totally burning out. Even though this is the longest I have stuck to any routine, I can feel myself getting dependent on it.

And, although yoga is probably the safest, most healthy addiction I could have, I recognize the possibility of replacing one dependency for another. So, I laid in bed a little longer today. I thought about going and I certainly had enough time, the energy and the motivation, but it just didn’t feel right. It felt like I “needed” it. But, I took a few deep breaths, reminded myself I went to two classes yesterday and gave myself permission to rest.

I look forward to the warm studio tomorrow for sure, but I was proud that I was able to take a step back, look at the intention clearly and make the appropriate decision.

Although, I did have ice cream for dinner so probably a good thing I’m planning to go tomorrow. Whoops.

House + Home

Because I stayed home, I had extra time to make breakfast, (sorry, that’s a lie. Dale made breakfast, I just ate it) start and finish two loads of laundry, run the Rooma, do the dishes and make lists.

On one of said lists was a reminder to pick up softener salt. While this may not seem like an item worth mentioning this simple, stupid product improves my life exponentially when we have it and makes it super annoying when we don’t.

The dishes never get clean, the shampoo doesn’t sud and my hair never feels rinsed out. However my husband, who is in charge of this chore, doesn’t believe it makes that much of a difference.

Until today.

He was helping me wash dishes when I realized I left the Dawn up in my shower. I called for Miles to run up and get it for me (because that’s why we had kids so I can send them to on all the shitty little errands I don’t want to do…which is exactly what my parents said and did to us). Dale was like, “why the hell is the dish soap in the shower?” I had to explain to him that I had to rinse the build up out of my hair because we don’t have salt in the softener.

Even though he looked at me like he was crazy, he mentioned later that he felt like he had build up in his armpit hair.

So, we got softener salt today. Yay.

Fortune + Abundance

Considering we look forward to this day every year, it’s a small miracle we saved money today. It helped I forgot my wallet.

Today was the Garden Expo held at the Alliant Energy Center in Madison. We drag our less-than-thrilled kids through rows and rows of over 200 vendor booths packed with seeds, plants, vases, lawn ornaments and garden tools. And of course, no expo would be complete without the women selling the dehydrated dips. Just mix with cream cheese and Voila! A perfect appetizer.

This year however, we managed to avoid buying anything other than a few dahlia bulbs and some dirt. That’s the beauty of owning a flower farm…flowers become a necessity AND a write-off.

We didn’t even buy the dip.

Nature + Nurture

Speaking of less-than-thrilled children, I think we have just been cooped up in this house entirely too long this winter. Winter break seemed to last forever, we’ve been off of school more than we’ve been in since New Year’s and since my social calendar is less than social, we’ve been spending lots of evenings and weekends together.

If I have to listen to one more episode of that that kid playing Minecraft on TV while my kid plays Minecraft on his tablet I am going to lose my shit.

Tell me I’m not the only one reconsidering taking my kids with us on our family vacation.

Body + Soul

 202.2

Holy shit, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.

I had plans to meet my BFF for breakfast today. Originally, we thought we’d go to yoga together and then out, but that changed to just out.

I received a text from her this morning that stated she was going to work out before we met and that “she wouldn’t look fancy.” We’ve known each other since kindergarten and I can count on both hands the times we have both looked fancy.

I really had no excuse not to work out either so I pulled up an old workout from my teaching days and bra-less, pants-less and shoe-less, I completed the following workout. (I do not recommend doing this particular workout without a bra. Ouch.)

I can already feel it.

House + Home

It’s amazing what you can get your kids to do when they have a play date hanging in the balance.

I basically took my to-do list for the day and handed it over to Miles. Shockingly, he completed all the chores with very little complaint. I even got him to make his bed, which, since my kids sleep in sleeping bags on top of their comforters, it’s not so difficult. But he did fold all of his cuddle blankets.

Am I the only mom out there that has kids that require 22 blankets to fall asleep?

Fortune + Abundance

I’m halfway to breakfast when I realize I forgot my wallet in my backpack. I even had my Dave Ramsey’s envelope for meals and entertainment all packed with cash to pay for breakfast. Luckily my breakfast date knows I’m good for it and she didn’t let me go hungry.

But, in the panicked search for any money in my car I found a check for $115 tucked away in my purse (that I never use) that I forgot about.

Score.

Nature + Nurture

I had the honor of seeing, and embracing, two of my oldest and dearest friends today. And it couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.

One I’ve known since we were in diapers. We were country bumpkin neighbors. As soon as we were old enough to walk or ride our bikes to each other’s houses we did. I don’t even remember what we played, we didn’t necessarily have similar tastes, but I remember how fun it was and how safe I felt with him and his family.

After many years of disconnect, our paths crossed again. It was like not a drop of rain had fallen since the last time we hugged. It filled my heart to see him again today.

The other said friend I have known since kindergarten. Man that girl has my heart. There’s something about having someone in your life that no matter what happens you can count on them. We have gone months without speaking, we sometimes forget to call on the other’s exact birthday, we’ve definitely missed highs and lows and don’t necessarily keep up with each other’s day to day routines. But she gets me and I get her. And she’s still the only one that can make me double over and laugh until we both cry.

The thing about old friends is that they can wade through all the bullshit to get to the good parts. The parts they remember and adore, even if you’ve forgotten and lost your way.

Without them knowing it, they both played a part in pointing me back in the right direction today.

Cherish these people in your life. Throw them a text right now just to say hey. Don’t think about how the last time you spoke ended, or that it’s been too long or whatever. Don’t think at all. Everyone needs to feel wanted and you really have no idea what a simple gesture like that can mean to them.

And for you.

Body + Soul

200.8

I’m not gonna lie…I’m pretty proud of that number.

I’m sore as shit and I can hardly lower myself on to the toilet seat, (my workout friends and I call this “towel barring it”…ya know when you’re quads and hamstrings are so sore you have to hold on to the towel bar so you don’t break the toilet by slamming down on it because you can’t control your lower body muscles?) but damn it I feel good today.

I was getting a little discouraged. You’d think after 42 days of this I’d be able to look back at the patterns and know that a loss is coming, but I’m not quite to that “faith” thing in this yet. It’s getting better, but a work in progress for sure.

And every time I get a little win I am reminded I just need to believe that all the things I am doing WILL pay off.

Remind me of that when I am whining in a few days.

House + Home

I have gotten in to an ugly habit of working from home in my bedroom. And by my bedroom I mean on my bed, maybe or maybe not under my covers with all four dogs on the bed. Whoops.

But in my defense, it keeps the rest of my house clean, I am no where near the refrigerator or pantry and because I’m so comfortable I just keep working because I don’t want to get out of my warm bed.

It’s kind of a win-win-win. Especially for the dogs.

Fortune + Abundance

We have another friggin’ snow storm looming so I had to get to the grocery store today…again.

I saved $22.19 because I made a list, stuck to it and about 60% of what I needed was on sale today. And, since I promised myself I would only use cash and I only had a limited amount, I didn’t buy any frivolous shit. Not even Valentine’s Sweet Tart hearts, which are my favorite.

Or wine. Which is/was also my favorite.

Nature + Nurture

I am currently sitting at the library typing this. For those of you that know me well, this probably surprises you.

I brought the kiddos to Lego Club tonight. As much as I hate getting emails and often just delete ones that have pertinent information in them, I was thankful for the one reminding me of Lego Club. It’s been hard trying to find enough for my kiddos to do in this weather. It’s cold, icy and all around shitty outside. Not much for them to do and I’m getting sick of hearing that kid playing Minecraft on TV.

Now, had I actually looked at this particular email a few months ago and decided that I was going to take them, I most certainly would have called one of my wine buddies to meet me at the coffee shop or the bar down the street for an hour, probably downed some beer and cheese curds then went home to feed my kids quesadillas and do nothing productive for the remainder of the evening.

But, alas, I am not doing that. I brought tea with me, finished another (at least) hour’s worth of work, surfed around on Pinterest for a while and watched my kids sit in between the stacks of books reading quietly and drinking hot chocolate.

“Before” I would have rolled my eyes at exactly this, thought this is for losers and wouldn’t have thought twice about missing out on anything.

I’ve changed my mind. (Although cheese curds do sound good.)

I know I am not going to do this post justice because I ran out of time today. I might have to add on to this tomorrow.

Body + Soul

202.2

It’s funny how your low number eventually becomes a high number you don’t want to see anymore. A month ago I couldn’t imagine seeing 202.2 on the scale and now I’m annoyed by it.

Talk about perspective.

The further away I get from January 1 the less and less this is about drinking and the more it’s about getting healthy. I truly can’t express in words how I feel or why it’s such a big deal.

I wanted to work out today. Not like, “oh man, I should really…” Like I actually wanted to and then, drum roll please, actually did.

I used to look at all those long graphics of “lazy girl workouts” or “10 minute morning routines” on Pinterest…you know the one’s I’m talking about…and think I could get myself to do them. It’s only 10 minutes or it’s only 4 exercises or whatever.

And I would do them. Twice. The first time on January 1st and then a week later when the soreness finally wore of from the first time. And then I’d just say fuck it and quit.

I didn’t have to talk myself in to it or negotiate about it today. I just did it.

And I think I’ll do it again tomorrow.

House + Home

I got nothin.

Fortune + Abundance

We had our tax appointment tonight.

While I don’t love that we have to pay in a butt load of money, I also accept this as reality. There’s nothing that annoys me more then people bitching about how much they have to pay in. That means you are making enough, or more than enough, money.

In any case, I am thankful we make that much money. I am proud to pay in for the people that teach my kids, save our lives and protect our way of life.

I am no accountant, I also happily pay for that service, and I don’t get very political, but I just find no reason to spend my energy on crying about taxes.

Nature + Nurture

I wish I could express the gratitude I feel for the lunch I shared with my brother today.

I’ll keep this short because I could go on and on. As a matter of fact, our lunch date that should have taken a half hour ended 2 hours later. No one should take that long to eat poke…unless you’re Cory eating edamame with chopsticks.

I digress.

I haven’t been able to physically talk to a lot of people about this process. Partly because I have been stuck in this house for one reason or another for a month. So when he express a little interest I was like a dog with a bone.

And the poor thing had to listen to all my preaching and righteousness. He probably felt like he was in some really terrible mandatory counseling session appointed by a judge. It was ugly. It even included a pink shark head that will haunt him every time he says “I can’t.”

At the time it all sounded so good coming out of my mouth, or so I thought, but I was real know-it-all. Who am I to give him unsolicited advice? In any case, he took it like a real champ like only a little brother can do.

I won’t hold my breath for another lunch invitation for a while though.

We are on snow day #6 this year. It’s 7:54p and we’re all still alive but I’m not sure how much more I can take.

I have 13% of battery life left and I’m too lazy to go down and get the charger so this is gonna be quick.

Body + Soul

199.3

I sure wasn’t expecting that today, but I’ll take it.

That bff I was talking about the other day texted and said she was going to do the workout I did on Sunday (which I’m still sore from). She motivated me to get my ass up and do it too since I missed yoga today.

Yikes. That was harder than I remembered.

House + Home

I really didn’t do anything but work from my bed, play Sorry, Skipbo and make chocolate chip cookies….again. A dish or two got done and the driveway got plowed but other than that…nada.

Fortune + Abundance

The good thing about a snow day is that I can’t spend any money.

Well, I guess I could have gone online but to be honest I have been on my computer way too much for work lately and I just couldn’t get myself to recreate on it today.

I did however receive a package from shopping last week on a snow day today. New shoes for Florida. Win.

Nature + Nurture

Like I said, we’re all still alive, but man, this has been a serious challenge to entertain them all day again.

I’m pretty sure my son’s eyes are going to fall out from all the screen time he’s had and poor Maddie has taken a bath and a shower just to pass the time.

I can’t be the only one this is wearing on. Makes me real nervous for summer.

As I make an attempt to write everyday, some things just come up without a whole lot of effort, while other days I feel like I have to find a way to make doing laundry sound interesting.

Today was one of those days that I have the subject, it just makes me a little more vulnerable.

Vulnerable is sort of my jam these days.

One of the things that has plagued me since starting “this” (I don’t even know what to call it anymore), and LOOOONG before, is the fear of judgement.

Maybe you can relate?

At first it was the fear that people were going to judge how I had gotten here. Then it was the judgement of my writing style and how people would receive it. After that came the opinions of how I was doing this; starting a blog and airing it out for all the world to read. And now it’s the fear that if I try something new someone will roll their eyes at that too.

Judgement is a subject I have become an expert on preaching about. If you were sitting across from me at my kitchen counter worried about what someone else would think about what you were doing, I am the first one to pound in to your head it’s none of anyone else’s business.

I would go on and on about how no one has to live your life but you. And, that you have to make the best decision for your family. No, it doesn’t matter what your parents are going to think, or how your co-worker is going to feel or if it makes someone else uncomfortable. You have one life, do everything you can, life is short, carpe diem and all that shit.

You do you. Period.

But, here I sit worrying about what someone might think about what I am doing or about to do; if I try something new is someone going to think I can’t stick to something for very long? Is someone else going to think that I couldn’t possibly have time to “do it all”? Is someone out there thinking I am selfish or that I’m not a good mom or wife or friend? Am I an imposter?

It’s exhausting.

And then, after I get all of that out, I can take an honest look at it and preach away.

Rather than be vague and beat around the bush about this, I’ll tell you what I’m thinking and I am going to honestly list all of the things that are currently holding me back. Judge away.

Goal: Yoga Teacher Training: three week intensive course in June.

Excuses:

• It’s too expensive

• I don’t know that much about yoga

• I have only just started practicing again

• I won’t be a good teacher

• What will I do with my kids?

• I’m don’t have a “yogi” body

• Who will let out the dogs?

• It’s irresponsible to take three weeks off of life to take the course

• Who do I think I am?

• I’m too old to start this

• What if I get bored of it in two years?

• Am I biting off more than I can chew?

I am not going to let these fears win though.

(In actuality, I rarely do. I sort of do whatever I want anyway so to sit here and worry about it really doesn’t do anything but waste time.)

I wanted to write this out today because it’s been in my head for too long. And, when I get it out, it’s easy for me to “look at myself across the table” and lecture that fearful person.

Here’s what I’d tell her:

• It’s too expensive – You can find the money. If you want it bad enough, you’ll find something in your budget to cut out to come up with it or the Universe will find it for you.

• I don’t know that much about yoga – Yeah, idiot, that’s why you’re going to TRAINING.

• I have only just started practicing again – Right…perfect timing.

• I won’t be a good teacher – How do you know you won’t be a good teacher? Have you taught yoga before? No. Dumb excuse.

• What will I do with my kids? You’ll ask for help and where you can’t get help, you’ll pay for it. It’s called day care…maybe you’ve heard of it?

• I’m don’t have a “yogi” body – Can you do yoga? Yes? Then you have a yogi body.

• Who will let out the dogs? See above re: kids.

• It’s irresponsible to take three weeks off of life to take the course – Really? Irresponsible? Is it? I bet you’re going to have everything done before you go, plus, for Christ’s sake, you’re right down the road. And, it’s not like you’re going on a three week trip to Vegas to snort cocaine and blow your savings on slot machines. You’re going to YO-GA training.

• Who do I think I am? You’re someone who wants to learn something new and better yourself in the process.

• I’m too old to start this – You’re 40, not dead. Dead is too old.

• What if I get bored of it in two years? What would happen? Nothing.  That’s what would happen.

• Am I biting off more than I can chew? – You’ve definitely bitten off more than you can chew before…and you’ll do it again. And if it’s too much, quit. And when you’re too scared to quit, we’ll sit here and do this fun exercise all over again.

And, I’d totally be that snarky and mean about it.

And, my friends, that’s the fun shit that goes on inside my head on any given day…sometimes for days at a time.

However, it is one of my favorite things to do, so if you have something you want to do and have a laundry list of excuses like I do, I’d be happy to throw them back in your fac any time..

And, now I guess I’m applying for Yoga Teacher Training.

It’s hard to explain what it feels like when you’re halfway to a goal. Especially when you rarely set, and then therefore never reach, one. But here I am killin’ it at halfway there.

The title of this is a little deceiving implying that I am at a low and there’s only one way…up. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth. I am on the highest of highs and it IS only up from here.

I’m not sure I have actually written the words but I’ve said them to a few people: I feel so good I’m not sure I will ever drink again.

I know. I know. This is shocking and there are probably people out there right now saying that the novelty hasn’t worn off yet, or that this is some kind of “honeymoon” phase or whatever. And that’s ok.

I don’t really give a shit. (Sorry, not sorry.)

It’s not that I don’t care what people think, but this is how I feel today and I refuse to look ahead and believe that things are going to be bad. All signs are pointing up.

And not just for me.

I just heard that dear friends of ours got amazing news. I talked to another friend that is following her dream and of course, killin’ it. And Maddie hopped along the balance beam like she owned that bitch today.

Will there be a bad day soon? I’m sure of it. But why should I sit around waiting for it? Why can’t it be all sunshine, rainbows and flowers?

I’ll be honest I was skeptical of this little soujourn at first but it has far exceeded my expectations. Remember Day 19 when I listed out all my whys? Well, only halfway through, I can ✅ almost all of them off my list.

Pretty cool.

And this was all possible because I DECIDED to put myself at the top of my own list every single day for the last 45 days.

As I lay here with my own little Galentine while my Valentinos “farm” on the Xbox together, I am pretty grateful for it all.

Cheers to the next 45 days.

My 6-year-old can belt this song my Carrie Underwood out like nobody’s biznass. It’s hilarious to hear her sing “that lipstick on your collar, well it ain’t my shade of pink…” Carrie would be proud.

This really has nothing to do with the rest of this post, but dirty laundry has many meanings.

Body + Soul

202.2

I didn’t want to go to yoga today. Which is pretty typical of me after my announcement yesterday. I did go and of course I felt better after, I just had one of those mornings.

It actually started last night when I went to sign up. It showed that there was a sub…I know, WTF? One little change in routine and I got all squirmy. It’s not that I didn’t like the sub; my feelings about that are here nor there. While it’s fine to have preferences about instructors, it’s certainly not a reason to stay in bed. I recognized it as a big fat excuse and got my ass out.

Especially since my husband, of all people, was like, “it’s not about the instructor right?”

Whatever.

House + Home

I had to have a little Coming to Jesus conversation with my kids today about picking their shit up.

I came down the stairs this morning to find my son’s shoes and a coat in the middle of the kitchen floor. Laying there like he just shed a skin. It’s actually been laying there since he got off the bus yesterday but it didn’t bug me until today.

So, of course, I lost my shit on them for a few minutes until they knew I was serious. Not proud of that. But we ended up having a somewhat civil conversation about chores and rewards. I basically took all the things I hate to do and put them on their list.

I’ll be making us a chore list. Wish me luck.

Fortune + Abundance

I saved myself some money today by avoiding Home Goods even though I was right next to it.

Nature + Nurture

All I can say here today is how very grateful I am for all of the support I have received.

I had the honor of having a three hour lunch with a friend. I feel as though I can call her that even though it’s been years since we have connected and I can guarantee we have never connected on this level. That’s what happens when you unpack 40 years worth of shit on to a deli table.

It can get a little lonely over here just talking to myself about my crazy. As a verbal processor, journaling doesn’t really cater to my extroverted personality but it’s definitely doing the job it was meant for.

Had I not aired some of my dirty laundry out here, I would have never had the chance to hear from some of you that had the courage to reach out.

This life is all about people.

And, you’re my people.

I laughed harder at card club last night than I ever remember doing at all the ones before. My cheeks hurt this morning.

I was up until midnight, way past my bedtime, but woke up this morning with no hangover and a ton of energy. I recall saying to Dale before we crawled in to bed how excited I was to know I wasn’t going to feel like shit.

So, still fun and no shame. I’ll take it.

Body + Soul

203.9

It’s always hard to see that number go up, however, I am learning to have faith.

I have proof of the last 6 weeks that I always go up before I come down. But, I’ll be honest here, I over-indulged in some Valentine’s Sweet Tart Hearts and Starbuck’s lattes last week. Oops.

Luckily we are heading to the land of fresh fruit, seafood and sunshine on Tuesday. It might be the only time in history that I will come back from vacation lighter than when I left.

House + Home

The kids did their chores today while I was at work. Pretty impressive. I, of course, worked on designing a pretty checklist today because it will DEFINITELY work with a pretty checklist. (Does anyone else feel this way?)

The cleaning ladies come tomorrow (yay!) so I am finishing up all the crap I haven’t done for the last two weeks. It’s getting better since I have been unloading clutter like crazy.

Fortune + Abundance

I have been working on manifesting as much money as I can.

I don’t have a great relationship with it so like anything else, I need to pay more attention to and nurture it. I can’t expect anything to be different if I don’t change the way I look at it.

This is not that easy. I have some old, pent up crap that I need to unpack around money. And while there are some people, ahem many men I know and love, that cannot understand why there must be “feelings” around simple arithmetic. Like it or not, everything in my life has some sort of energetic charge around it.

However, the more I work on it (read, meditate, write, forgive) the more moola that just happens to show up in the weirdest places. It’s pretty unbelievable but also awesome.

Similar to other goals I am working on, I am learning that small little changes add up to big wins. I have always wanted things immediately and when shit got hard I just gave up.

The time passed anyway and here I am. I’m grateful it didn’t take my entire life to learn this.

Nature + Nurture

We’re heading south to the land of sand and sunshine. After the past few months of Wisconsin weather, we are ready.

Interestingly enough, I have no anxiety about not drinking on vacation. When fretting over this decision a few months ago, this was one of my biggest hang ups. We have made a habit of cocktailing for seven days straight when we go; laying by the pool, laying on the lanai, partaking in the very early happy hours and all around being lazy.

It’s always been a reward for a previous year of hard work and well-deserved. It is vacation after all. But looking back with a clear head, I always came back from that vacation needing a vacation feeling tired, heavier and dehydrated.

This year will be different in many ways. I want to take the kids to the beach, walk my ass off, try a new yoga studio, pamper myself at the spa and eat really good, fresh food. And while I’ve wanted those things before, I have no doubt I can make them happen this year.

Or, I’ll just lay by the pool.

Body + Soul

202.6

We all have those days we just can’t seem to get it right.

I chose the wrong underwear AND yoga pants to wear to class so, for most of the hour, I was yanking clothing either down, up or out of something. It was distracting to say the least, but it still did the job and I laid in savasana like I was laying on the beach.

Speaking of laying, I fed myself with a 60 (turned 90) minute massage this afternoon. Of course it felt amazing for my body but the way I connect with my massage therapist is more like soul therapy. She just gets me and lets me jabber on for the entire time. And you know to hear myself talk.

Self-care is the bomb. I highly recommend it.

House + Home

I don’t really care about that place right now. I mean, I do, but I am staying present in the moment of hotel bliss; swimming, hot tubbing and snacking.

I leave the furry half of my family in the capable hands of Queen R, farm-sitting extraordinaire.

No, you may not have her number.

Fortune + Abundance

We were so desperate to get out of here we even called Southwest to see if they could change our ticket to tonight.

We weren’t $1000 desperate.

Nature + Nurture

A quick little ditty about booze and my relationships.

I have mentioned it here before but maybe not very clearly; it really isn’t bothering me that I am not drinking. Like at all. But it seems that some might think it is.

For instance, my husband and I love wheat beer. Like, love it. Every bar or micro brewery we visit we ask about the weiss. And tonight he ordered a beauty at dinner, rightfully so.

Me: How’s the beer?
Him: Pretty good.

One minute later.

Me: Are you just saying that and it’s actually the best wheat beer you’ve had in a while? Wink, wink.

Him (a little sheepishly): Yes. It’s actually REAL good. Best one in a while.

I totally get that this is weird for people, even, and especially, the ones closest to me. I am also not judging you if you’re drinking. It’s not like that.

Here’s why: I don’t have a great relationship with it. I never really have. I used it as a mini-vacation from my discomfort in whatever I was feeling. I know now that when I do get a hankerin’ for a cocktail (and I do), I know it’s because I am trying to avoid something albeit temporarily. I can, and will, go in to this more later, but I want to address it as it pertains to this vacation.

On the way down here I thought, and said aloud, how I am more excited for this trip than I have been in years (my dad has lived in Florida for 9 winters and we have only missed one). I am excited I am not going to feel blurry getting on the plane tomorrow (because I would have indulged in more than one wheat beer), I can’t wait to walk in the sunshine, read by the pool and wake up every morning clear and energetic.

I am not nervous about what I’ll say or do or what elephant will be sitting in the chaise lounge around the pool with me.

My anxiety about taking a vacation (and most everything else) is all but gone. Obviously, I care about all of the things at home, but life will go on without me for a few days. Everyone deserves a break.

And, if you don’t think you do, you’re the one that needs it most of all.